On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Can't believe the last thread has already filled up!

Thank you to all of you for the incredible support shown in the last thread especially @amdone123.

Everyone is welcome! This is a safe, non judgmental space.

Sorry about my inability to tag everyone but if others can that would be great!

Thanks for welcoming me back @Amdone123 & @Coppergate7.

I hate how my body feels and how uncomfortable I feel in it, yet I can't stop doing it to myself.

I am determined to turn this week around by going AF until Sunday, go to the gym, complete my steps etc. I have even cancelled on a friend who I was going to see Friday as it will lead to drinks.

@Amdone123 you are right, you are better off pushing through work and being productive then moping around feeling sorry for yourself. Well done for sorting your thing out too. Good nights sleep ahead for us both hopefully :)

@Needtokickthehabit that's good that you get more enjoyment out of 1 large glass, than the whole bottle. Someone on here suggested buying miniature bottles once. I thought that would never work for me, but I've tried it since, especially when I'm out. I always ordered a large 750ml bottle but a miniature is much better. Could you try that? Especially when you're cooking ?

I really enjoyed my half bottle this evening. I have been sipping it since 6pm and on a bad night I can down a bottle in under an hour. My local shops all close at 10 so I am sitting here in my pjs and showered and moisturised and about to put the kettle on and take a cup a soup to bed with me. Just finishing the last sips of wine first but I have nowhere to get anymore so tonight is a good night.

Tonight was tough with the cravings - felt like sinking a few but didn’t. Even though I’m not drinking I still feel like I’m fighting with it.

I seem to be stuck in a one day off one day on routine at the moment. I had wine last night. Managed to get a fair amount done round the house yesterday, including starting a DIY job I've been putting off for ages...house felt all autumnally homely...so the wine came out. Thankfully, no hangover today - so hopefully I can practice having a productive day AND stay AF in the evening later...

So, my big challenge now is to get to 3 days AF - as I haven't managed this at all in October.

@Coppergate7 that's a good a place to start as anywhere - aim for 3 days.
@Touty yes, 9 the fight.
I'm not going to the funeral tomorrow as ds is ill and no one to look after the dog. I'm thinking I won't drink because I just want to come home after work, put the heating on, clean the house. I don't want to drink and yet I think I'll struggle to not buy any. I'm fighting it all the time.
@Needtokickthehabit that's great that 1) you didn't have any in and 2) the half bottle was enough.
I was excited yesterday to watch 2 tennis matches and knew that I didn't want to make the same mistake I did Monday, so I'm pleased with that. Seems I can learn.
I won't drink today ; too cold ❄
Have a good day, folks !

Wow it felt good to feel good today! I naturally woke up at 4.30am and went to the gym (I live in Australia for those who don’t know - it’s a bit easier to get up earlier here!). My DH was trying to encourage us to go to a friends house tonight but I put my foot down. I also cancelled on a friend tomorrow as it would’ve been a big afternoon. It’s time to get a bit selfish for my sake! I’m pushing through to Sunday… Hopefully.

@Swannyb yes, I remembered you were in Australia. Good for you feeling good - it is a great feeling - much better than being headachy, thirsty and hating oneself !
I think you have to be a bit selfish sometimes. I'm a Yes person, at least I was. I'd go to the opening of an envelope to please people. Now I say No. And if they ask why, I say, Because I don't want to 🤣

I had a drink tonight, sheer boredom. I found some vodka in the house so had a small vodka and tonic, within half an hour I had a headache. It wasn’t my favorite Smirnoff but some old cheap stuff I had in the back of the cupboard.

well today is a new day.

Morning all, last day of holiday for me, back home tomorrow, so making the most of beautiful weather, sitting outside for breakfast and my DGD's company (who's enjoying a lay in). We've got on really well and it's lovely to discover a young teenager who's beginning to blossom into a lovely young woman.
That aside, I've had lots of quiet time to think about my drinking. I've realised that when not with my stressful sibling, I can either go without completely or just enjoy one glass.
Had a catch-up dinner the other evening with my friends who live here and we shared a half bottle between the 3 of us. It was perfect and I have noticed that I didn't feel an urge to have more than that. Plenty of possibilities here if you want to.
So, I have decided that I'm going to be an abstainer most of the time and enjoy one glass of wine eventually with friends and not beat myself over the head with the half full or half empty bottle.
My main achievement with this thread has been to have a real in-depth think about my drinking and be able to curb and stop the lonely evening drinking sessions. Which were my main and first preoccupation.
Now that I know that I don't NEED a daily drink, I'm feeling more confident and enjoy my fizzy water when out and about. I think that perhaps I've made myself a new habit, like my rituel tea in the morning. Also I'm really noticing the difference in my sleep patterns when completely dry. Even 1 glass makes a difference.
I'm not stupid enough to imagine it's all going to be so easy, but I'm willing to give it a try. If my "one glass once in a while" becomes a bit too often, I'm quite prepared to try and go completely dry for as long as it takes. I did say try.
So I've has 1 glass of wine since here, in 1 week. Off again soon to a non alcohol available country for nearly 20 days, so will be completely abstaining until I get back near the end of November.
Will keep thinking about all this and analysing my ups and down thoughts and feelings.
Hope everyone is doing well. Sending lots of positive vibes to you all. Stay strong and sorry for the long ramble.

@Nowstrong wow, you've done really well. And that's great that you're reflecting so much. I honestly think it's the only way forward. Sometimes it's draining, but it's necessary - noticing patterns and how they tally with your feelings.
Boredom is a Big One, I think. It shouldn't be, as it sounds like it ( Boredom) should have a solution ( eg do something), but it covers a vast array I think.
My slippery slope started when I was bored at work.
@Touty keep trying. You got to 10 days before having the small one, so you still did well.

@Amdone123 im the same, feeling bored is a problem for me too. I think I’ll just have to start going to bed earlier.

Hi, a weekend check in for me, did my Mon to Thurs AF, then had 2 large glasses of red last night, stinking headache today. I feel so much better when I'm AF. I am out tonight but have to drive so will be AF. Then I'm out Tuesday night and will probably have at least 1 glass. So planning AF Wed-thurs...... Maybe Monday too.

Morning, folks !
Well, I drank Friday evening. 1.5 bottles, again I poured the remainder away yesterday.
We're going out for lunch today and this evening I'm doing some cooking for this week.
2 Danger Zones but I'm holding myself accountable here. Plan is beer with lunch and water when cooking. I can't have a hangover tomorrow - back to work.
Wish me luck.
I'll check in later.
Hope everyone is doing OK ❤️

Good plan @Amdone123 . What are you cooking? Well this is a new experience for me, Sunday morning, clear headed after a late night!

The last 3 days did not go to plan… Friday night I drank at home basically alone, yesterday I caught up with a GF and we said we’d only have one bottle (one hour later we’re walking to the bottle shop), and today I’ve been for lunch with my DH, but we only shared one bottle and I’ve fought the temptation to open another now I’m home so I guess that’s a plus.

I’m glad it’s Monday tomorrow. I’ve got nothing planned until Saturday. Dare I try to stay AF until then…

@Amdone123 and @Touty you really made me realise that a lot of my drinking is coming from a place of boredom. What else are we meant to do ?!

Hi, first time posting here. I decided yesterday that I'm going to try to live mainly alcohol free (I have tried, and failed, a few times).
I've spent too many years drinking almost every day. Sometimes just one or two, often a lot more. I'm starting to notice some issues with my health and really don't want these to worsen, as well as tiredness and loss of concentration.
I'm really hoping that I'll be able to give up drinking at home but still be able to enjoy a few glasses of wine socially and whilst I'm on holiday. I don't go out too often so this would only be about once a month. This was how I used to drink when I was younger and it wasn't a problem. Have other people managed this successfully?
As well as enjoying the alcoholic drinks I think I also drink due to anxiety (which I know is made worse by alcohol), as it helps me to relax when I'm on my own in the evenings. My husband also drinks at home when he's not working, and the amount has gradually increased. He keeps saying he wants to cut down as well but, like me, also struggles to. He still wants to drink at home at the weekend though, but I know this would be too much for me on a regular basis.
I didn't drink yesterday (after binging on Friday). I feel good this morning but I'm already feeling anxious about this evening. I already know that I want a drink tonight. I just keep telling myself that I'm not giving something up, I'm gaining my health and life back.
Very grateful for any advice.
Thanks for reading, sorry it was so long.

Hi @Monstercarp , welcome! You’ve come to the right place. I don’t know how much advice I can offer but I was part of this thread earlier in the year and only recently rejoined after struggling again (so, I know I can kick it if I really want to!). My DH is a drinker, much more of a drinker than me and has no desire to change, so I can sympathise that it can be trickier if you’re not ‘in it’ together.

Do you know what caused you to increase your drinking?

@Swannyb Thank you for the welcome.
It was just a very gradual increase over a couple of years. No particular event . I just kept finding more excuses to have a drink and probably had a bit more money than when we had a very young family. Another reason to give up now, getting too expensive!

@Monstercarp hi and welcome. Yes, you're in the right place and well done for taking that first step. It's not easy!
Drinking at home for me is a huge problem. I rarely go out and unfortunately when I do, I tend to show myself up, or end up in a n e ! I'm 56 !!!

I understand the issue with your dh, but for now concentrate on yourself. My dh doesn't drink - well, he has the odd brandy - he's now hidden the bottle from me, as I was drinking it when I'd ran out of wine.
I was fuming at first, but I now realise he has a point 😩
Also understand how this evening is plaguing your thoughts. Anything you can do this evening to distract yourself ?
I'm in a similar position. I don't want to drink wine today, so I'm just reminding myself that tomorrow I'll feel great and proud, rather than shit and embarrassed. Playing it forward helps me, and if I don't buy it - that's a big one as I wouldn't go out for it, and if it's not available, I can't drink it.

Maybe make a plan for this week too. Think about how you want it to look by, say , Saturday. Then on Saturday you can see how well you've done or what obstacles got in your way.

@Hohofortherobbers ehhh I'm inspired. Good for you waking up fresh - that'll be tomorrow. This pm, I'm just batch cooking for the week as I need to lose half a stone by Xmas.
I'm hoping to be a Christmas cracker not a Christmas pudding 🤣❤️

Hello and welcome @Monstercarp

Really good to read that your holiday has been such a success @Nowstrong

I've read everyone's updates 🤗. I'm so tired I'm struggling to think straight, so forgive me for not mentioning everyone.

I gave up trying to be AF on Fri/Sat and now it is back to work tomorrow which rather forces the issue. I am so tired. Partly due to the dog getting me up early this morning (a blessing really as I won't have the shock of it tomorrow now). The other part is the knock-on effect of a month where I drank 17/28 days, and then made worse food choices too. I feel really sluggish and really unfit, and I've almost certainly put on weight this month after two months of losing weight. I am pretty confident that I will do two days AF now (celebration meal out on the 31st but work the next day so will moderate).

I really need a no alcohol November.

@Coppergate7 I think you can do an af November. You've just gone off track a bit, but you can get back on it.
I'm aiming for 25 af days ( that's just drinking at the weekend, Friday night), which I think I can do.
Had 1 glass of wine with my meal, then a dessert and a coffee and that's it !

I was thinking before that although it's 'quiet' when I don't carry on, it's much better all round and I prefer it.
I'll be especially grateful tomorrow.

Thank you @Amdone123 and well done on your very moderated drinking today!

25 AF days in November sounds very do-able. I like it.

I haven't drunk tonight - I will definitely be pleased tomorrow, which I'm dreading for no real reason at all.

Thank you @Amdone123 and @Coppergate7,
I'm back home for a few days and I'm feeling very relaxed and rested. Few days away doing not a lot really makes a difference. Like taking a step back from everything.

Haven't really thought about having a drink so mentally I am in a good place.
Busy week ahead before going off again. Not really a holiday this time, but will still be nice weather and hopefully will manage a few good walks. Pretty determined to stay AF for most, if not all of November. Bit of a challenge. Might bet myself something.
I think the main issue for me is to maintain a healthy diet and stay mentally positive. I've noticed that worrying doesn't really change anything except give me anxiety, so will try not to.
Of course easier said than done. Even if I am fortunate and don't have children (all grown up) to run after, they run after me now, mainly when they need something or help. Also no partner at home to get on my nerves. Only see each other for good times (aka : sex) and to appreciate each other's company. No dirty socks (other than mine) to wash.
So I am very fortunate. Now. Problems are very often caused by past trauma, bad memories that creat anxiety, guilt even shame. But I can't change the past. So should learn to put it behind me where it belongs and continue onwards and upwards.
Anyway, won't bore you as I know that we all have to deal with that, plus all the rest.

Can only hope that you can find a little bit of strength by believing in yourselves. I have, mainly by reading this thread. Everyone's comments have helped. Bit by bit. Day by day. We are all worthy. Stay strong.

Hello everyone I’ve just been catching up after a week away. I drank everyday but in moderation - no hangovers! No stupid drunken texts and mornings of regret. It was just really nice and what I had planned so no guilt! I’ve been AF last two days since I got back. @Amdone123 you are my holiday inspiration!

Good luck on day one @Needtokickthehabit !

Best wishes to everyone for a good week.