It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Well done for another day all and some super helpful posts here.

I spend weekday evenings alone as DH works away and I think it's my 'reward' and way to switch off after working all day and dealing with house/DC's/pets etc.

I went to my parents this evening and would usually be tempted to even have just a small glass of wine as I'd drive home later that evening, then would end up buying more on the way home.

Not tonight, I got home and had my vitamins and a glass of water, finished my house chores and some work and now I'm in bed.

Still feeling very positive I'll stay away from it this weekend for what will be my first sober birthday (without being pregnant) in about 18 years...

@Thepeppapigfanclub I don’t want to worry you but it was the footware that sent me over the edge. I purposely leave it to the last minute because my kids don’t seem to be able to stop growing but that also means low stock. Once we’d had the annual argument about how heels are not appropriate for school, DD decided the ONLY pair she wanted were the ones out of stock at that branch. So we ended up going 5 stops on the train to a different branch that had them.

When we got home I realised I’d forgotten to get the PE shoes 🤣 muppet 🤦‍♀️ so looks like we’ll be heading off this afternoon to look for some.

#makingmemories and all that.

How was your sleep? Took me ages to nod off, probably because my body was digesting a kilo of chocolate but once I was asleep I slept soundly. I did smile at the thought of us all sitting there in the evenings in our brand new PJ’s and non alcoholic drinks!

@notimeforwinenow Happy Birthday for the weekend! I love that you are feeling confident about abstaining. I’m chanting the benefits of stopping to myself every time I feel weak.

Morning all!

Oh @MamaGhina you are so right re footwear! - Yes - the logic was his feet grow so much so best leave it to the last minute. I didn't have to leave it right to the last minute though did I? Every bloody year I do this and never learn. 😂It's making #memories alright and #memories of the stress are flooding right back. Hopefully the PE footwear will be easier for you today, but you know how it goes - every size apart from the one you want?

It was another shit night of sleep tbh but I've come to the conclusion it's going to take time. And wasn't it a full moon? 😂I'm back at work next week so that should knacker me out. I'm also a bit miffed I haven't lost loads of weight with all this virtue. 10 000 calories saved from the wine...but then forgot to factor in the chocolates and donuts. Now my body has got over the initial shock of the absence of wine - I'm going to have to sort this mum bod out. I have never been this big. So depressing! I honestly thought I'd be a size 0 by now.

@notimeforwinenow Getting through a birthday is a biggie. What day is it on?

One more day of August then we can start a 'clean month' and have a 'Sober September'.

Good luck with the uniforms everyone. 😂

Checking in...
Quick question...is everyone here planning on a teetotal life or some kind of moderation? I'll skew my thoughts accordingly.

I'm happy to keep the chat teetotal related also. I don't want folks who are working hard for that having to deal with moderation chat 😘

@BrassicaBabe its tricky isn’t it? I’ve listened to some moderation podcasts and on the whole I think they are kidding themselves. I think you mentioned up thread about moderation and for many that’s the dream (or always was for me).

My initial thoughts were to try and not drink between now and the end of the year because despite doing a dry Jan my drinking has crept back up and I often find I have no off switch.

It’s taken years but I think I’ve finally started to realise that I’m happier all round when not drinking and taking it off the table stops all the energy wasted on thinking about it.

Plus I guess we all have our own personal reasons for being here. I lost a friend to liver cirrhosis and I’ll never forget her response when told she couldn’t drink again. I honestly think she thought she’d rather not be here. Unfortunately that decision was taken away because she didn’t recover but I often feel scared that the strength of her addiction was so strong she rather be dead then sober 😢

Oh @MamaGhina - I am ever so sorry to hear about your friend. For you and for her. She must have been very afraid...and very sad. Addiction is so cruel.

Alcoholism runs in my family. My grandmother died of liver cirrhosis many years ago when I was a child. Wow did I judge her when I was a kid for her 'choices' so it's not without irony I find myself heading towards a similar fate if I don't stop.

I'm only on day 11 - so it's still very early days - but when I started this thread I was getting terrible pains in my sides, the amount of wine was creeping up and up and up. The fear of where this is/was heading is very real to me. It wasn't always but it is now. I've danced with moderation, like a lot of other people, and I do believe it can work for some people. But it hasn't, can't and won't work for me. I didn't start off drinking at the levels I was but it's been progressive. I think I've finally accepted that because this attempt does feel different.

For that reason alone I really do want to stop for good but thought of forever is too overwhelming though so one step at a time for me. That being said, addiction is a sliding scale rather than black and white, so the talk of anybody moderating would not personally derail me because I've been there 100000 times before. I'd love to be the person that could just drink socially, or just have a glass of wine with dinner. Some people can and do do that. And I'm really jealous.

For now though I'm concentrating on what I'm gaining - not losing. There have been lots of benefits so far - the main one being having a shred of self-respect and not having my son look around to see where my wine glass is. We don't talk about it (yet) but I need to regain his trust.

I wouldn't want anyone here to feel any judgement. Progress isn't linear and there is a lot to learn from each other. For me it's going to be like learning how to live, properly. Scary really.

... also aside from the sleep deprivation, there have been other unpleasant side effects that mean I've been having to eat prunes (sorry TMI). There is no way I am going through this trauma again. 😂

@MamaGhina and @Thepeppapigfanclub sorry for your losses. Reckon I'll keep chat to teetotal.

Another grotty work day. A complaint which isn't founded and no one has a problem with has left me feeling uptight and anxious. I can't shake it. I know how I would have handled it 10 days ago. And it would have "helped". But I will steer clear. I'm too determined to see what's around the corner in terms of continued growth and progress. I might have to opt to comfort eat instead though 🙄🤣

Quoting @Steppered "• See HALTT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Thirsty. Are you any of these? Address these before considering booze. ".

Feck. I might be ALL of those! 🙄🤣

It is a struggle today admittedly. I am going to gym past it but it’s definitely difficult. Am focusing on not feeling like shit tomorrow morning!

HALLT, gym and new pyjamas? Sorry you've had a rubbish day @BrassicaBabe . I f you can't comfort eat a time like this, when can you?

Today has really felt like a Friday - that means I've battled the 'Friday feeling' today and will get to do it again tomorrow - with phase two of uniform shopping. Joy! 😂

It is hard but the mornings are great though. And what could be better than being in bed at 8pm with loads of face creams. 😂Does anyone know if retinol works in reversing 20+ years of alcoholism?

I wished 2 people "happy Friday" today too @Thepeppapigfanclub You are not alone in feeling like it should be Friday.

Well, HALTT worked!! Dinner was supposed to be beef, potatoes etc. but the kids had eaten and DH can sort himself. So I stuck mine in some bread with hummus and carrot sticks on the side. A couple of Lindor to finish off. Washed down with some Diet Coke as a final kick. Before this I was starting to bargain with myself...

@BrassicaBabe i was quite close to it but through! I think HAALT needs a B for boredom in a way. The prospect of a whole evening free would usually be an invitation to crack on but now having to opt to fill the gap with something else (which is infinitely better for me I suppose). I guess it is recognising that just drinking would be boring and that everything - anything - else actually wouldn’t be.

@Thepeppapigfanclub retinal all the way! I recently procured some tret from Spain so am expecting to look 25 by next week.

Well done for not giving in @BrassicaBabe, despite it being fake Friday. If it's any consolation re the boredom, I've ordered a yoga mat. 😂I'm so bored that next week is going to be dedicated (apart from work/parenting) to some hard core, obscenely indulgent 'self-care'. Online meditation - here I come.

Glad to hear about the retinol @TimesaChangeling. I heard the stuff from Spain is really good. I wouldn't mind taking a couple of decades off the face.

Happy (real) Friday everyone.

I FINALLY GOT A DECENT NIGHTS SLEEP! For all it's struggles, waking up knowing there was no wine last night does not getting boring.

Hope you all have a great day.

WORSE NIGHT SLEEP EVER!! I'm sure I must have slept for a bit but it feels like I was awake and tossing and turning ALL NIGHT!

🤣🤣@Thepeppapigfanclub excellent news! I hope it continues. I don't think for a second that you've passed the baton ok to me 🤣

Thank you so much for starting this thread and your wide words. I’ve been drinking too much to avoid making some personal devious about my job and home (recently divorced - happily).

Im on my official day one as I did cut down loads the last two days. Slept for about ten minutes last night! But it’s the start of the journey.

All your stories have been really inspiring. My aim is to stop forever. Not sure how I started really looking back. I’m not from a family of drinkers.

Can I ask some advice? I’m having no appetite. Is this normal or will it return? I’m drinking tea with sugar and those awful electrolyte drinks though.

I feel like I’ve read the internet on quitting but still don’t have a bloody clue what to expect over the coming days.

oh and I smell weird. I’m thinking this is the detox process?

Morning All,

Firstly I want to say a massive WELL DONE to you all - you've stuck with it and you should be so, SO proud of yourselves!!!!

You can probably guess by the radio silence things haven't gone to plan for me as I wanted them to, having had obsession issues in the past with food, currently having health anxiety I have struggled - a lot!!!

However, there is a light at the end of a tunnel for me and I am thinking of myself as a 'work in progress' - going AF didn't work I will be honest, I tried to research a lot but some of things doctor google brought up about seizures etc sent me spiralling and I got more anxious and panicky and well it ended up in the bottom of a bottle
In the past I've spoken to a lovely alcohol nurse over the phone and I still had her number so I reached back out, she was brilliant I didn't feel judged or anything - so we went back to basics and put a plan together that I feel works better for me - reducing down slowly and swapping drinks, wine is my trigger, when I start I just cant stop and before I know it i'm 2 bottles down!
I have reduced my drinking the past couple of nights - will admit have started to feel slight withdrawal symptoms but they are manageable in my own head to deal with and have even started exercising on a morning - just for half an hour but its a start - as lets be honest no body wants to do cardio with a hangover!

I've ordered some lovely posh hot chocolate that's getting delivered on Monday so that will be my final drink on a night going into autumn and here's hoping by the end of this new month I will have many more AF days than non AF ones

I guess we all know that one size doesn't fit all, and if there was a magic pill we wouldn't be here all supporting each other through this journey, however I just wanted to come back and say there is a path for everyone and sometimes you have to take wrong turns to find your own path - however, we will all get to the same destination in the end 😉

@Thepeppapigfanclub so pleased for you finally having that golden night of sleep! It really makes such a difference to everything. I also had a good night and DH left me to sleep (must have sensed I needed it) so I slept in until 8.

Welcome @Newstartdayone! This thread is full of hints and tips, although we are only 12 days in ourselves so far from the experts but loads of people have been popping on to share their experiences which has been so useful.

Re appetite, I can’t offer much advice as mine has not changed over time. I know @Mummykins54 had spoken about a lack of eating whilst drinking. I’m not sure if that situation has changed? She might see this and respond.

@BackToBasics1808 thank you for coming back to the thread with your update and I’m really sorry to hear about your struggles with anxiety. Well done for reaching out the alcohol nurse and taking their advice about tapering. It’s definitely a slow ’one step at a time’ process and everyone’s journey is different. There’s certainly no judgement here. Wishing you all the best for the next couple of weeks….and let us know how that hot chocolate is ❤️

The thing is so many things I’ve read on the internet gives me a worry about these DTs too but many are from (paid for) inpatient clinics so maybe not the best source of info.

I just wish that there was a totally anonymous treatment rather than support. Much more people would access it if it didn’t go on your dr record.

ive tried to cut back in the past but doesn’t work for me. I’m just powering through the next few days as best I can. I hate myself for getting to this point I really do.,

Morning campers,

And sorry to hear of those struggling with cravings, anxiety, and bad sleep.
I went to bed early with a headache last night (PAWS) which continued through the night (PAWS), along with night sweats (PAWS) and when I did finally fall asleep at sunrise, a cringe drunken dream (PAWS). In the past I would have just shaken this off but today I feel horrified that my body is having such reactions to alcohol being withdrawn from it. I know it will pass, I have done this dance before, I have blamed nearly everything apart from alcohol but today the booze is getting the blame 100%.

Pleased some of you enjoyed my long post the other day. I can talk the talk, I just hope I can walk the walk.

A few of you asked my plan, and have outlined your own plans. I have promised myself a 100 day reset as apparently that seems to be the "magic" number. But I don;t want to be laboriously counting the days, working out whether I can drink again at X or how many days I have left, if you know what I mean. I am focusing on 1 day at a time. I would actually love to quit full stop, even though it terrifies me at the same time, I can't think too far ahead. I've dried drinking as much as I want: doesn't work. I've tried moderating doesn't work. Time to try something different, like not drinking!

My first alcoholic drink was age 13 (the younger you start, the more chance it can be an issue for you). It felt like a magic tonic. And that's the trouble isn't it. It was very effective at helping me escape my problems. It isn't serving me now though, I need to view it in a totally different way, change my thought patterns, but most of all I have to REALLY want this and work at it.

Welcome @Newstartdayone ! Please don't hate yourself. Look how many of us have the same/similar problem. It's great that you're addressing it! We're not far in front of you. Yes -it is totally normal to have no appetite. As you will have read - my sleep has been awful. BUT even on a few hours sleep I've felt better than I 'normally' do when drinking. I'm not in a position to be dishing out the advice but I'd advise drinking lots of water and lots of veg. Without going into the graphics, I have had some 'bathroom' issues. Well done for starting. Wishing you luck - you can definitely do it. Also - treat yourself to some new pyjamas because if you're anything like us - 'the early night' is the new 'wone o'clock'. 😂

@BackToBasics1808 Yes - thank you for coming back. This is definitely a work in progress for everyone. You will get there. Hopefully we'll all 'get there'. If I had a penny for every time this had gone wrong... Progress is progress! be proud of that. We will be here to cheer each other on.

@BrassicaBabe Sorry you've had a crap night's sleep. I feel a bit guilty now. Hope you have a better night tonight.

@Steppered I can relate to every single word you wrote there. Thinking too far ahead is too overwhelming. Let's just not look too far ahead - keep it in the short term until we've got a bit more confidence and experience under our belt? Cross the bridges as we get to them.

I seem to be talking in a lot of cliches at the moment. 😂

Girls sorry haven't been on here - had some personal stuff to deal with and guess what I came out of AA and went to Tesco for wine. So ashamed of myself

@Mummykins54 nothing but sympathy here. Really sorry to hear this because you have done really well reaching out and trying to find that support. Not sure there is anything we can do other than lend an ear if you want to talk. So many people on this thread have mentioned it’s their day one again.

That crushing sense of shame is awful and most of us can probably relate. Please take care of yourself.