It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

Start of day 8 for me.

1.5lb down. DESPITE 3 x MASSIVE take aways in the week.
Skin is worse I think. Under eye bags are max puffy!
Still waking up between 1-3am. So maybe that's a peri menopause thing 🤨
Not sure what the sexy dream about super dull school dad was about 🤣🤣
2 runs in the week the best runs for MONTHS!

My plan has never been to end up teetotal. Just to make a serious change in frequency. But I think I'm already seeing the benefits it's making me question this choice. I don't know though how I'd handle an event when everyone around me is drinking. Drunk people are SO BORING!! I'm seeing the benefits I don't want to poison myself again with a "one off" drink. But if I avoid social events with drinking (and I'm already a huge introvert who prefers staying home!) I'll never go out again. Poor DH is so very sociable.

Anyone know what happens to someone's body who has a drink (eg maybe a whole bottle of wine) but who isn't a regular drinker? How long to recover etc? What are the impacts on heath when someone is an occasional or rare drinker? 🧐

@BrassicaBabe I should imagine they have one hell of a hangover!

I’ve tried so many times to cut down to a sensible amount. And I always manage it for a while. But then it creeps back up and those feelings of shame and regret are there in the morning (as well as the banging head).

I was originally looking at no alcohol for the rest of this year. I don’t know if I’ll manage that in all honesty but my ultimate goal is to be alcohol free.

I’m also a bit of a natural introvert and one of the many things I drink for is to relax in social situations (maybe relax isn’t the right word… feel less awkward). I don’t know how I’ll cope returning to those situations alcohol free and right now, I’m just going to avoid them because I feel really good this morning. Rested. Normal. DD is going on a play date later. If I’d drank a bottle of wine with DH last night, apart from the hangover I’d be feeling so anxious. Can the other parent smell the wine on me? Do I look hungover? Is she wondering why I’m hungover on a Tuesday morning….. etc etc. the list of shit feelings goes on.

@BrassicaBabe I'll swap you your sexy dreams about super dull school dad for my work dreams? 😂Great news on the weight loss despite the take aways. Sleep can take ages to sort itself out - maybe give it a bit more time?

I can't moderate so no evening social life for me for the foreseeable future. I'm going to plan morning/early afternoon meetings so coffee/walk rather than evening/wine. If and when I go out ever again, I'm going to do alcohol free drinks in alcohol glasses to avoid the Spanish inquisition. 😂It depends what you want to do long term?

Not sure about the health implication of rare binges though...

What a lovely, supportive and kind thread, I've just read it in full. Day 2 for me and I'll join please, if I may.

I think someone said upthread that this was their millionth Day 1 and I can 100% relate to that. This isn't the first time I've posted on these type of threads (and then scuttled away because I've started drinking again. If this is you too, then come back!)

I can pack away a bottle of wine away a night quite easily. The units are sliding up over the years. I'm not physically addicted but I just love the numbing feeling of shutting down my brain. I love having a drink in nearly every situation and emotion. I know I drink too much, I have had some horrible blackouts and I've been start/stopping for about 4 years now. I clearly can't moderate. I used to desperately wish I could be a "normal" drinker but I think I'm maybe beginning to wish I could be sober.

Welcome @Steppered! Everyone welcome here - though we are pretty new to it (AGAIN!) too. The other threads are great too and full of people with more experience than us - and they are honest spaces with no judgement. Join them too?

I think very many of us could have written what you've just written word for word. The sliding scale was what was really bothering me too. Once it started to getting to a bottle and a half and was STILL creeping up still that I got the fear again - worse than ever because I was getting aches and pains in my sides.

I really am sick of starting to feel better and going back to it with promises of being a 'normal drinker'. 'Forever' seems a long time so I'm just going to concentrate on getting to 30 days first, but really do have to give up.

Not everyone on here is planning on forever though. Have you got a game plan ready? How long are you aiming for initially?

It will be day 10 tomorrow and that will be £100 I've 'saved' already. 😳Shameful really.

Welcome @Steppered!
I’m also enjoying the lack of judgement on this thread. I’ve joined some of the longer running threads before and didn’t get on with them. There was either too many people breaking and thus talking about drinking a lot or it was a stern attitude where it was dry forever or nothing.
I like the happy in between here. I will also be day 10 tomorrow and ordinarily given the BH weekend I would have drank for perhaps 7 of those, all the while convincing myself I only drink on Friday and Saturday nights.
I’ve been distracting myself with lots of late walks and plenty of tea.

Arrrghhhh! The first real test of my resolve on day 8.

I've had a stressful day. Something at work irritated me and meant that I spent then next 5 hours falling down into an Excel analysis rabbit hole. I should have put it down until tomorrow but once I got started I couldn't. So I've not actually eaten yet either...

I have ADHD. Situations like this feel like someone is using me as a spinning top, going faster and faster and faster. When it gets like this I can't stop the spinning top. 😞 This is when I use alcohol to shut down/off.

Not going to give in. But I feel 10/10 uncomfortable not being able to calm or switch off.

Day 10 nearly done here! And I managed to get through work drinks in one piece (with the only annoyed glance coming from someone who wanted a Diet Coke and found themselves clutching an unwanted beer 🤣).

@BrassicaBabe I think there is said to be a quite high correlation between adult ADHD and alcohol. Are there any other techniques that might work for you? I know what it’s like after a mad work day though, it feels insatiable…

Ok. So the moment hasn't completely passed, but I've excused myself and gone to bed. My happy place. I've got a can of mango juice, fairy lights, no DC or DH, and Netflix 🥰 Not saying a glass of wine wouldn't be the icing on the cake....except we know that it isn't!! So I'm keeping the newly found positives at the front of my mind.

Welcome @Steppered. You're in great company here!

@MamaGhina touching on your comments re other threads. I see a counsellor online. Seen several over the years. But finally seem to be able to "work" with this one. Although not #1 reason at the time he also specialises in addiction stuff. When it comes to alcohol he's professionally very open to solutions that aren't solely abstinence. (As are others in the field.) He says it's something that should be on the table though if folks find that mindful moderation (with support to start with) isn't a something someone can stick to. Anyway, thought I'd share to let you know that even in the professional field there are options other than total abstinence for some.

@BrassicaBabe I know it’s a bit late now but I usually find going for a walk helps give me a break and time to think. If nothing else it kills the evening so I get through that period of temptation.

Funny what people say about the ADHD connection because I watched that Matt Willis documentary and so much of what he said about his condition and addiction resonated with me. The impulsive decisions, lack of care about the risks and most of all, always being the one who took it too far.

@TimesaChangeling well done for getting through that work do. Not easy!

Thanks you guys.

There is def a link between adhd and addiction. Can't remember the %ages for ADHD'ers being more likely to have an addiction problem than neurotypical. My brain just doesn't shut off or slow down sometimes. It really feels unfair. The fact that alcohol "fixes" some symptoms, it certainly isn't a fix overall and it makes other symptoms worse on the way back down again.

Morning all. As you can see from the hour - another terrible night of sleep here. On the bright side last night's dream involved meeting a very wealthy man who let me and the people I was with (trespassing) stay in his stately home for the evening (breakfast provided) - there was definitely a spark between us. A premonition perhaps? 😂

Well done for riding out a very difficult day @BrassicaBabe. It's really not easy when we've used alcohol to sooth and calm/ switch off from a challenging day. My challenge with this will come next week when I'm back at work. I need to think about tat transition form work/home and how to switch off. Tricky! Have you tried any online meditations? Would they help? At least if you've faced this challenging day, you know it can be done?

Well done to you @TimesaChangeling for getting through that challenge. Here's to day 11!

Hope you all have a great day!

Hi all. This thread is super inspiring. Just checking in for now but hope to be back in the next few days feeling strong and ready.

Come back when you are ready @BoilingHotand50something . We will be waiting for you! 😂

Hi, stumbled across this thread in active and I just wanted to add my support and congrats to everyone. I’ve not had a drink for nearly 5 years and I can confidently say it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t hit rock bottom or drink every day - but I was at the point that alcohol was pretty continually on my mind, and I could not even contemplate relaxing/celebrating/decompressing etc without wine. I tried moderating for, well, years. In the end I realised that I broke every rule I set for myself, and I was just so BORED of the constant chatter and negotiation in my own head. I was starting to look much older, often felt physically rough, and very often woke up with hangxiety and self hatred. Quit lit was a game changer for me. I think if I’d discovered podcasts then I would have devoured those too. If I had to go out with drinking friends, I did things like book myself an early facial for the next morning as a treat to look forward to. Playing the tape forward is invaluable - waking up hangover-free just never gets old, and remembering that and holding onto that feeling was super helpful. There are many, many upsides of the AF life - but for me one of the biggest is freedom from being controlled by it, freedom from the constant rule-making and rule-breaking. Good luck - you have got this and it is so worth it.

@StandUpStraight Thank you ever so much for your well-wishes and for spending time out of your day to write this. It is very much appreciated. Congratulations on your freedom and I very much hope to, in time, be joining you.

Thank you for the tip about planning something nice for the next day if you are going out too. Every bit of advice like this is going to be really helpful in changing this from 'one more attempt to making it last long term.

I'm only on day 10 but for the first time - ever - if I'm honest, beginning to acknowledge just what an impact this has been having on all areas of my life. Maybe I'm being honest with myself for a change.

Thank you again for the support. Your kindness means a lot.

Morning all. Sorry to hear another shit night of sleep for you @Thepeppapigfanclub. I managed a second good night, so feeling thankful for that.

Day 10 and close to £100 saved, which is shocking really. As a little acknowledgment of my efforts I went out this morning and purchased some new, super soft pyjamas 😍 as I seem to spend so much time thinking about bed, I may as well be comfortable in it!

Thank you @StandUpStraight, it’s great to hear the positive stories and tips! I’ve never heard anyone say they regret giving up.

I too, have never heard anyone say they regret quitting either. Thanks so much for sharing your experience @StandUpStraight .

I've been on a fair few of these threads in the past as I've said, plus I did a Dry January this year, so happy to share some thoughts or things to expect over these early few weeks:

• PAWS (post alcohol withdrawal syndrome) is a thing. For me I can get headachey, for others it's nausea, poor sleep etc. So if you are feeling rubbish early days, stick at it and let your body clear and adjust.
• A lot of us will crave sugar. Many of us will be watching our weight too but in these early days sugar is the less of 2 evils sometimes.
• Around week 2 or 3 I started getting Drunk Dreams. They were horrible! I would wake up after dreaming I'd done something terrible whilst shitfaced. Apparently VERY common - possibly your REM sleep cycles readjusting?!
• Know your witching hour, mine kicks in around 5pm and I have a pint of vitamin drink then. Funnily enough, being hydrated really helps with cravings.
• See HALTT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Thirsty. Are you any of these? Address these before considering booze.
• Connect with people. Here is fine, real life is good if you can. I made an anon sober instagram and follow lots of accounts on there. I also listen to a lot of sobriety podcasts (I like sassysobermum, Sober Dave, Simon Chapple, there are loads to try).
• Don't beat yourself up. Ever. This is a marathon not a sprint. Realising and admitting to yourself that you are not happy with your drinking - whatever that is - is a massive step. Most people have multiple day 1s, periods of attempting and failing to moderate AN ADDICTIVE AND HEAVILY MARKETED SUBSTANCE. It isn't your fault, just keep persevering, keep learning, keep trying.
• Alcohol takes a lot of the credit. A birthday meal out is fun because of the food and the company, not the drink. A gig is fun because of the music, not the drink. A sunset is beautiful because it is beautiful, not because of the wine in my hand. And I never blamed it for anything. Oh I just feel crap because I didn't sleep (not the bottle of wine). Oh I can't make that (because I'd have to drive and I want to drink). Oh did we talk about that already? Sorry must have forgotten (coz I was pissed).
• Journalling and meditating are massively helpful for me. That is because many of us have trauma which has led us to addictive behaviours (food, booze, phone, shopping, pick your favourite). Quit Lit addresses a lot of this alongside Gabor Mate and The Body Keeps The Score. Stopping drinking isn't just not buying wine in the shops/putting it to your lips, it is dealing with the emotional sobriety underneath.

I realised probably 4 years ago that I wasn't happy with my drinking and I am still battling through and trying. I have had periods of abstinence but then the "wine witch" taps me on the shoulder and convinces me sure I've had a break and can go back to it now, like a "normal" person. And I end up back exactly where I was before. I have a love hate relationship with it. I tell myself, "well we all have our vices, I eat well and exercise so that counts for something" ... your "addictive voice" will tell you anything. I have learned a lot over this time, I am making positive changes, I will get there one day I hope.

Maybe you will read this and identify. Maybe you will read this and think, what a failure, but I'm just being honest that this isn't an easy journey and there can be a lot to unpack. We are HERE. I say, well done to us for trying.

Steppers that's such a helpful post.
I'm not there yet. I hate my job which is my current accuse for downing too much wine.

Thank you for all the tips.

I'm glad you got yourself some new PJs @MamaGhina - you deserve a reward. They'll last longer than the wine too. I might take a leaf out of your book and buy myself some because I feel like I've entered a very deeply committed and loving relationship with my bed too. 😂

The nights are starting to draw in so this is a great time of year for getting the candles on and having an early night with a book or whatever. It's so relaxing ... not enough for me to sleep properly yet 😂, but soon

I hope everyone has had a great day.

A much calmer day today than yesterday. Well, still Excel hell and nearly murdered children while shopping for school stuff. Hey ho! BUT then at 6pm I managed to get out for a run which gives me the dopamine hit I need to push me through the evening.

@BoilingHotand50something I get it. For whatever reason I think you can't force it. Only when you feel ready does it seem more possible. For me no amount of knowing I should/must etc was enough. Take care of yourself.

Fab post @StandUpStraight

Ooh. New PJs! A great idea @MamaGhina I might borrow that idea now that I'm "rich" 🤣 I agree @Thepeppapigfanclub my bed always has and always will be my favourite place!

Wow @Steppered great thoughts and insight. Love many of the points you raise.

Although it's possible that I love my bed TOO MUCH. Kids are up. DH is watching a film. Find myself when it might not be considered rude to sneak off to bed 🤣

Also went back to school shopping today. There’s never a good time but my DC were particularly badly behaved 😭 waited for them to get to bed and stuffed my face with chocolate 😭😭 feel shit now. This is the first time I’ve used food to cope in the past 10 days and it wasn’t pretty. Probably wake up with a face full of spots tomorrow 😭😭😭

Hoping you have better sleep tonight @Thepeppapigfanclub 🤞

The supportive posts from long timers (thank you @StandUpStraight and @Steppered ) are just amazing and I think it says so much that people are inspired to come on and throw their encouragement at us!

a silly work day here but it was at home so I finished up and went straight into a home yoga class to get through. Cereal for dinner - which is basically reversing myself to bed!

So I think we can all conclude we are having a love affair with bed.

At least the bed gives more back than the wine. New PJs all round with our new found wealth. 😂

Oh God - I'd forgotten about back to school hell. That's Friday for me. Dreading it - particularly the footwear side of it! 😨

Glad you've had a calmer day @BrassicaBabe and don't worry about the chocolate @MamaGhina -so many wins in a short time. Think how many calories saved from the wine?

If I don't get some proper sleep tonight I'm getting something to knock me out tomorrow. 😂