The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

So my Big Day Out with DD went really well. Neither of us drank.

She did ask me at the start of the day not to drink (and "get stupid"), so I guess she still doesn't trust that I won't, even after six months of sobriety. I am sure I enjoyed it far more booze free. Actually, I couldn't have stayed to the end if I had been drinking as I would have been too tired.

We did see a group of four women being asked to leave by security, and I was simultaneously shocked and ashamed, because I have been much drunker than them in public before.

@Pleasemrstweedie can you not have an urgent reason to be away for the Royal visit?

Hello, first time posted on this thread - though have been reading and cheering those on who are on their AF journey.

I have a long and complex history with alcohol which became problematic after crippling postnatal anxiety after both of my children and then becoming a single parent to 2 under 2. I managed 5 years sober where I went to uni, got a degree, started a new profession. Then one day I drank a bottle of red wine - and three years later I am still drinking!

I am day 3 sober today - first weekend alcohol free for as long as I can remember- and it feels good! I have booked a session of hypnotherapy with a stop drinking therapist. I am not naive enough to expect miracles, but every little helps eh and I will commit myself to it working. I read 40 pages of the unexpected joy of being sober yesterday and will do the same at 6pm today when I would traditionally reach for the booze! I am trying, and taking it minute by minute!

I will do my best to write here daily/regularly for accountability and also to provide support for others! Good luck all!

@Minutebyminute hi, seems like we're both at around the same place. Today is my day 4. It sounds like you are putting loads of things in place. They all sound great. I'm about to get stuck into my gardening chores. It's starting to bite a bit now, as traditionally I'd be pouring myself a large glass of something right about now. So far, just an Elderflower Presse though, which is all I have in the house and all I'll be drinking. My resolve is still really strong, which I'm thankful for. Getting some strong pangs of anxiety, which is normal for me, and probably why I'd be having a glass of wine right about now. But I shall throw myself in to 'heavy work'

Sending hugs @Overitx . You need to do what you think is best for you, but please don’t make yourself sad for someone else’s benefit.

welcome @Minutebyminute

@carlottacandle ah I have just found a new love for gardening - I am no Alan Titchmarsh but I find some comfort in weeding and watering. Enjoy your heavy work, brilliant for grounding when you feel anxious. I’ve cold elderflower presse and sparkling water is one of my favs - enjoy

@Onewildandpreciouslife - thank you for the welcome 😊

@rothbury I am actually busy on one day of the weekend visit and DH is busy on the other, but we don't get a choice of when she visits. We are told the dates, take it or leave it.

@WendyWagon she has no memory of her DPs living together, which may be just as well. They separated 32 years ago and still struggle to be in the same room. For clarity, I am not the OW.

Either way, once she has gone, I will have to deal with DH, who is always very upset after these encounters, but too scared of losing what relationship he has by standing his ground. It's enough to drive anyone to drink, so I found some peach and raspberry tea in TK Maxx and we won the cricket! Things are looking brighter already.

Welcome @Minutebyminute . Day 10 for me today.

@Pleasemrstweedie - I’m new here but sounds a very difficult situation - enjoy your peach and raspberry tea! I just had a nice cup of Teapigs liquorice and peppermint - really tasty, and actually tastes of something and not just water!

@Thestartofsomethinggood thank you for the welcome

Funny old evening so far - as planned - went for a walk, read my book and just have a really weird anxious feeling in my stomach. It is partly dread of work I know, back tomorrow after a week off! I am not blaming my job for my drinking but it certainly doesn’t help. I am half heartedly job hunting but I need to get serious!

What I do know is necking a glass of wine or cider now would not help me at this point in time - so I won’t do it! On to Day 4 tomorrow!

Morning all.
Up early after the mammoth tidy and steak dinner for DS's girlfriend.
More storage coming out today. Hopefully it will all fit in somewhere 😁

@Minutebyminute I can relate to that 'knot of fear' thing - I had it quite a number of mornings myself and thought it was connected to work but couldn't really put my finger on it. However, I don't seem to experience it these days, so maybe it is another manifestation of the body learning to cope without the drink it believes it "needs". Hope it gets better for you.

Hearty wave and greetings to all - sorry I haven't been posting much. Work is manic but am still AF - five weeks since my last 'blip' now and still appreciating the clear head and lucid mornings. I still read all the posts every day though, you're all fantastic. This is such a great thread.

Strength and love to all. xx

Thanks @REP22 - yes, just a nagging sense of unease - good to know it will hopefully lift in time!

Day 4 for me - it is raining and I am sat in my pj’s watching Wimbledon so no chance of me trotting to the local shop for alcohol. My pattern of trying to stop is that I can ‘cruise’ on through until about now and then gradually I think I will just treat myself, no harm etc.

I was reading a bit of the unexpected joy of being sober earlier and the author mentions that the mind struggles with uncertainty and wavering decisions. If you can say a straight, no I am not drinking this evening the mind settles down and makes peace with the decision. Sounds sensible to me - so tonight, I am not drinking!

Hope everyone else is having a good day and hanging on in there!

Day 3 done

Well done all who have fought their demons tonight. @Minutebyminute i absolutely find just firmly removing the option worked for me. I don’t drink, there is no maybe one, at this occasion, I just don’t drink. Ever. Plus the more days under your belt the more I felt I had to lose.

Hello all. It’s been a bit busy here, getting dd ready for a school trip abroad, and in the realm of problems that are nice to have, sorting out my birthday present as dh flat out with work. Swimming tonight too, and am now utterly knackered. In days gone back I’d be pouring a nightcap right now, but it wouldn’t make me any less tired.

Hello and welcome to all the new posters. You’re in a good place here. Tomorrow morning I shall make a pot of tea and catch up with all the posts. In the meantime, congratulations to @Rachael2023 who I think is 1 month AF tomorrow 🥳
@Overitx I hope you’re ok. Like wendy said, we are here if you need us. Look after yourself.

Sorry for the quick post, hope everyone’s Monday has been ok.

Day 11. Yeah

Morning lads.
I am emensly proud of myself this morning.
I received shocking news last night that I had been lied to for 18 months.
I had a very strong urge to run to the corner shop and buy pain numbing booze. It was a pivitol moment for me. I put my pyjamas on, rang a close friend and she was fabulous. In days gone by I would have been raving, slurring and writing aggressive letters. I didn't and I am glad. I feel OK about it this morning. I knew all along really. It doesn't make up for the money I was conned out of but it shows what deceitful people both parties are.
I wish I could name names and you would never buy their beauty products again but I can't!
My alarm wake up time was 5 am when I was a London commuter for 25 years. For some reason my brain has decided that's a good time to get up!
Time for another tea and a shortbread biscuit.
Have a good day my friends.

So good to read your post @WendyWagon - you should be really proud of how far you’ve come

well done @Hedjwitch and @Thestartofsomethinggood

Interesting point about uncertainty @Minutebyminute . Holly Whitaker in Quit Like a Woman has the mantra “Never Question the Decision”, along similar lines

That’s really shit @WendyWagon . I hope their eyelashes all fall out and they break out with acne!

Well done not using alcohol as a crutch. I haven’t had anything big happen yet, but I hope I can be as strong as you when the time comes.

Thanks lads. I do feel empowered this morning. There is a scene in Bridget Jones' baby were she walks out to a Pink song (f you). It makes me laugh every time. This is what I feel like today and it's great.
I had chosen to run my new company as a little indie brand but I might go for world domination! 😄

@Onewildandpreciouslife . Thank you. And love your name! A big fan here.

Hi all, could I please join this thread? I posted a thread yesterday about a situation that happened on the weekend so have decided to give up alcohol completely from now on

@roldog welcome

Welcome @roldog hope you’re ok. Hello @Hedjwitch congratulations on day 3 done and dusted. And well done @Thestartofsomethinggood on cruising into double digits!
@Pleasemrstweedie how are you? It sounds like there’s a lot on your plate at the moment
@rothbury and @Rachael2023 both of your posts made me think about how our kids are so supportive of our decisions not to drink, it always seems to be partners and some friends that either question the decision or feel threatened by it. I think it says something when teenagers are your best allies in choosing to live alcohol-free 🤔
@WendyWagon you are an example to us all! You might not be able to name names but you could certainly choose never to recommend their products again, ever… definitely a soundtrack moment. And good work choosing to respond differently in the moment. I hope your tea and shortbread tasted excellent!
@Fortheloveofgodwhy , you are so right. For years I thought I couldn’t ever quit completely because what would I do at my daughter’s wedding? For context, she is 15 now and she was 12 when I quit. Talk about borrowing trouble from the future. She’s now got her first serious boyfriend and I realised that honestly, if and when she chooses to get married, the happiness of her wedding and marriage will have absolutely nothing to do with whether I toast her with nosecco or champagne.

@Blackberryblossom i have had exactly the same quandary, my daughter was 10 and is now 12! Worst of all i don't and never have liked champagne.. the whole idea that a drink would or could ever make any situation better, be it a good one or a bad one is ludicrous when you boil it down to facts.
@WendyWagon excellent choice making. Don't punish yourself and your nearest and dearest because someone else has been a c**t.

Welcome more newbies.

Thank you for the welcome😊 just a bit of background on myself, I'm 25 and a binge drinker on the weekends really. I don't drink throughout the week (and not even every weekend) but probably every other.

I don't know when to stop so get in to some right states. This past weekend a male friend kissed me infront of everyone, i was so drunk that I didn't realise what was going on. I didn't kiss him back but it probably went on for longer than it should. I have a boyfriend who I absolutely adore so can't believe that I've even put myself in this position, it's time to give up as nothing like this would ever happen sober.

It's really nice to read some of your stories and really fills me with hope that a life without alcohol isn't all bad x