The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

Morning all,
Up early with a lovely clear head. Just had Yorkshire tea and a Marks cheese scone. Bliss, the food of the Gods.
Saturday use to be for lying upstairs until 11 ish. Now I get up and have a nice peaceful house. Lots to do today as the DS is bringing home his girlfriend tomorrow. I need to look reasonably tidy re the house. I shall be thinking of rockingbird whilst I weald my hammer putting pictures up. I hope she doesn't ask me about the drink, I might get a bit emotional.

Morning!
And yay to @justdrink and @Thestartofsomethinggood !!

Off to a music festival tonight with some friends- it’s one of those “up itself” black tie affairs. I’ve got a new frock which I’m looking forward to wearing, and the music should be good, but I will be surrounded by a lot of drunk people. Yawn.

Reflecting this morning that the “it’s sunny so I need wine” voice is getting quieter these days

Congratulations to @justdrink @Thestartofsomethinggood ! Also to @Overitx who I think reaches 3 weeks AF this weekend?

Enjoy your festival tonight @Onewildandpreciouslife and your new frock, and especially your clear headed morning tomorrow! It’s funny how that voice fades. I was in the hammock yesterday afternoon with an AF IPA , then moved onto a really nice decaff coffee, and thought how happy I am that I no longer sabotage my weekends before they start. The school strike day went ok in the end, dd did have some work set but she went out with a friend in the afternoon.

congrats on the bargain not-gin @WendyWagon and I hope you have a lovely weekend with your son and his girlfriend.

It’s going to be a quiet weekend here as last week was busy and next week will be busy too. I am going to do some knitting and try to wait patiently to see if kindle paperwhites will be reduced for prime day.

Hello to all. Hoping I can join. Hard to find a place for myself in the community as I haven't had a rock bottom and didn't go out or get black out drunk ever. My problem was probably more the frequency of my drinking at home, rather than the amount, although I could probably have put away 2/3 bottle every night if I allowed myself! I can't moderate to only weekends, there would always be an excuse to open that bottle (or those bottles sometimes) during the week. I've decided to just say goodbye. I'm excited. I don't have many friends anyway, so not worried about losing my social life. Today is my day 3. I've given up for lent many times, so I know the first few weeks are the hardest. I'm hoping to be through the hard part before my 2 week holiday mid August. X

@carlottacandle welcome

@WendyWagon thank you. X

@carlottacandle welcome! It sounds like we are similar. My consumption was just creeping up and up, and it was affecting my ability to function. So I called time, and feel much better for it.

I actually did it last year too, but caved in to social pressure after 5 months, because it was my birthday therefore I had to drink.

But I feel much stronger and able to stand my ground this time around. Each little event (like last nights food festival with friends who love drinking) feels like a little win that should be celebrated, and I am able to recognize that, in the end, everything was actually really fine.

@justdrink that sounds very similar to me 😊 how far are you in now? I'm just hoping to leave it all behind. I was a heavy smoker for years but after many failed attempts, managed to give up completely 5 years ago. I never think about it at all now, and hope I get to the same place with alcohol. This felt like a good time. I do have a weekend away in a couple of weeks, and my 2 week holiday in august but hoping having this time under my belt will ensure my success. But oh boy I'm sure it'll be hard. Mummy wine culture is everywhere (and so is just general drink culture). I'm late 30s so feel like my whole life has been about binging and then mummy wine. I want something else! Luckily my DH is a light drinker so it isn't our norm to go out and get bladdered. I think this is for real this time x

Welcome @carlottacandle!

Same here, I mainly used to drink at home (could drink quite moderately when out and then carry on when home). I didn't vomit or get blackout drunk. But my tolerance was quite high which made me play it forward. For 10 years I would drink 2/3rds of a bottle or a full bottle every evening and be suitably sloshed. But for the last year or so I could quite easily drink a bottle in the evening and (as long as I hadn't gone the day without food) my family would really be none the wiser. So I would need that extra drink or 2 from a 2nd bottle to get the drunk feeling. Made me think how much more I'd need to drink in the next 2,3,5 years to get to the same level - scary really!

Hoping my liver is thanking me for the rest! Got my 1 month coming up in a couple of days and it feels quite effortless this time which is so strange considering I couldn't do one evening without booze before. As sad as it sounds, loving my tea and biscuits in the evenings now and don't ever want to go back to how it was.

I am not really sure, I started to seriously lose interest around April time. I didn't consciously make the decision until mid May, as I had to have major surgery, so I am counting it from there.

The surgery helps as it lowers people's expectations of my consumption (they assume I am still on meds, but I haven't since I left the hospital!). It's a bit of a get out clause for me, but I am utilizing it and not correcting anyone!

This is a very supportive place, just to check in daily. Good luck!

@Rachael2023 that's so inspiring. It sounds like so many of us had just come to rely on that bottle multiple times a week. If I went with out a few nights I then felt entitled. I could never moderate with smoking either. Cutting something down just isn't in my mindset. Hoping I can find it effortless too, now I've made my decision x

@justdrink that makes sense. Like you, I'm not too eager to make a big statement. I was just thinking of saying that I'm not drinking 'for now' if asked.

I find seeing time or goals in smaller chunks makes it more obtainable. But that's my personal approach

Eventually the desired lifestyle takes over becomes the norm, and less importance is placed on the 'goal'.

(For me, anyway)

Day 9 just about done

Congratulations @Thestartofsomethinggood , that’s you second weekend nearly done!
Welcome @carlottacandle and congratulations on getting started on a weekend! Your post felt similar to my experience, except that I never managed to quit for Lent or even a weekend. There are so many benefits to quitting that I never imagined.
Congratulations @Rachael2023 when is your first month anniversary?

Thank you @Blackberryblossom
I had many experiences of quitting for defined periods of time like lent, during the week etc but it always crept back to regular drinking. Around 4 nights a week some weeks. This just left me worried constantly about how much I was drinking, waking up in the night feeling anxious and flares of my SVT. Something for me feels different this time. I clearly can't stick to moderating so just going to end the noise and constant worrying & just quit. I think tomorrow will be my hardest day. There was nothing I loved more than a slow Sunday with a roast dinner and bottle of wine.

Morning all.
Two teas down and a Marks cheese scone. How I love thee.
Son coming today with his girlfriend. I am trying to get tidy! Son is a neat freak, ditto DD. DH and I are hoarder slobs.
In days gone by I would have been out buying loads of booze (for our guest!). I've bought nowt but AF gin Nozeco it is when I can find it!
Have a good one lads.

@carlottacandle . can you do something completely different today
? Just to break the habiit

@Thestartofsomethinggood I've got plenty to (hopefully) distract me today. Still going to do a roast dinner, but also out visiting family & need to do a lot of work on my garden, weather allowing. I think it'll be ok today actually, it's all still new and resolve still strong. Next Sunday might be more of a problem so good idea, something totally different next week! No roast dinner!!

@carlottacandle ”ending the noise” is a brilliant description

Music festival was ok - the music wasn’t very good but brilliant fireworks. Had a brief internal panic when we sat down for our picnic but had taken af wine so that passed quickly. Revelation: I don’t need to have something to drink every time everyone else does. The af options were rubbish so I just didn’t have anything apart from a bottle of water halfway through. I dread to think how much was spent on over priced booze last night. And oh dear, so many people were in a bad way by the end of the night.

Quiet day today. DH away on business tonight so can have a very early night

Morning :))

@Blackberryblossom - it's my 1 month on the 11th according to the "I am Sober" app 🥳. Although I've hardly been looking at my day count this time. I haven't re-read any of (many!) quit lit books. I haven't even listened to my sober podcasts like I did constantly when I've tried to quit before. This time I've just taken alcohol out of the equation and tried to carry on.

Enjoying seeing a slightly smaller version of me in the mirror as each week goes by, which is definitely spurring me on!

I do have a couple of Facebook groups I like to check in on daily though (and of course this board). Saw quite an interesting quote/statement yesterday online if it attaches:

Just to add. Had a fleeting moment yesterday when I'd been at work all day, and came home to my primary age child wanting to make cakes and cookies (I hate baking 😆. Especially with the kids). I was tired and stressed, the weather was super hot and muggy. Probably a bit hungry too as it was 5pm. I have no wine in the house but there are always a couple of beers knocking around in the fridge (husband rarely drinks). As I looked at the flour and sugar everywhere I had a fleeting thought of opening a cold beer to make the mess more tolerable, but instantly thought - how weird?! She doesn't deserve that. I don't want that. It was only a passing thought, from the hard-wired habits of the last few years. Alcohol definitely doesn't relieve stress, it causes it. Like fighting fire with fire.

Instead I had a handful of sweets for a sugar hit, a nice milky coffee and I felt fine ☺️

I went out yesterday to a lunch with parents and partner and kids. I left the door open to maybe I’ll just have a couple and I can’t explain it but I instantly felt happy, excited.

turns out at lunch I just drank diet cokes whilst they all had 5-6 drinks each.

when we got home I could tell me and OH were on better terms that what we’ve been for a while.

i decided to have a glass of wine and felt fine, had another and decided I was done. I swapped to water.

I mostly done it as I’ve spoke about before it’s a major factor in whether my relationship is good or not.

anyway despite this OH went in a mood as I’d stopped at two drinks. Said it’s unfair as if my sister or mum was here I would have been drinking a bottle plus more.

I explained that it’s not because it’s him it’s because I’m changing my whole relationship with alcohol.

anyway went to bed feeling sad. Slept ok woke up okay without feeling any effects but I’m feeling down & depressed today.

not because I drank but just because still even when I did have two glasses it wasn’t good enough for OH and we still aren’t good.

anyway I wanted to update as I don’t know where my heads at. I think it’s only right I leave this thread and join the moderation one and the same alcohol support group.

thanks for all your love and support over the last month or so.

I appreciate it.

Good morning. So, out of nowhere, I am hit by horrendous anxiety, the sort that I would usually squash by drinking whisky out of the bottle in the early hours so I could at least sleep. I think it's caused by a combination of a friend who is being massively draining, an issue at work and the impending 'royal visit' of my SD.

I lack the courage to end the friendship after thirty years, I hope the work issue will resolve without further intervention. The visit is more tricky. Disney DH is now reaping what he sowed in her childhood and it's very difficult. She also now has a DC with obvious additional needs, about which she is total denial and she has hated me since the days she used to come for contact as a 12 year old with her DM's wedding ring on a chain round her neck.

Having a drink would be so easy. I'm telling myself it will solve nothing.

Just shows you. You think you're in the clear, but it's still there, lurking.

@Overitx we're here if you need us. I lost two friends as I didn't drink anymore. One lied to me (I caught her, i wouldn't have if I was still drinking). She had lied to me so much I believed her. I feel a total fool as she was making money off the back of a charity we both worked for. I was fierce in my support of her but money was king. Everyone and everything had a price. I never checked a bill but I now know I was subbing her.
The other was a 'good time' friend. Heavy drinker and again I usually paid. Our daughters were friends. They haven't been for sometime and our relationship had no depth.
I found therapy didn't work for me at first. Like you I was a busy professional and I can be a bit 'what do they know, hum'. We change a lot when we take away the drink and sometimes relationships are built on sand. Alcohol is fun until it isn't.

@Pleasemrstweedie now Mrs T, I know a lot of Princesses. They are the stuff of legends. Her beef wasn't you it was anyone who dared to love her dad instead of her mum. It's a case of shouda, woulda, coulda. You couldn't win my friend.
And to the friend. I have been thinking about saying goodbye to am old friend from twenty years back. We met at the school gate, our boys were friends and we holidayed together. All good and then I went back to work. My friend got ever closer to a mural friend who plays divide and conquer. She set her cap at my friend, lunches, etc. We were suddenly not invited anymore and this woman was. I have no idea how she jumped my friendship but she did. I had distanced myself after the 'player friend' had made a transphobic comment. Perhaps that was used against me, who knows.
Latterly friend A sadly was part of the lunch where my stalker was defended. The friend had failed to defend me and let this group of woman call me a liar. I have the restraining order, I offered to show her! I am not sure where I go from here. I am so hurt I haven't had her around to the new house. She's changed but so have I.

We are designed to learn and grow and I for one have made new friends within the last year. FortheLove and I are breakfast buddies. Perhaps it is time to meet new people.