The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

[Blackberryblossom]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

@helenahandcart78 you'll need some sugar.
Don't worry about the weight. Each bottle is 700 calories. At AA they have sweets on the table. A twix is 300?
I have lost nearly three stone in twenty months. I gave up the cheese and crisps with the wine. Weird because I love cheese. I really don't eat as much.
I write on here most days, I write lists too. Shame can eat you up. Best out. If if helps I flashed my knickers at an industry event and still feel mortified. They were spankz too!

@WendyWagon, that has made me laugh! I have a whole card index of shameful moments but I'm saving a rummage in that for when I am feeling a bit more robust. One that springs to mind is at a BBQ in the summer when I fell into a fire pit 🫣. Next day I blamed my heels. No one was even remotely convinced...

@Crunchymum The quote is from The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, from Catherine Gray’s answer when people ask “how bad did it get?”

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife that's the one

and even though I couldn't recall the exact quote it's actually incredibly important to me as when I read it I acknowledged for the first time that I never knew if I was a week, a year or a drink away from the shakes / morning drinking / hiding bottles etc.

I was already AF then but in my very early days and reading that really hit home.

Morning everyone. Day 4 here.

I woke at 4.30am this morning. A gradual awakening, not the usual jolt. I lay still and realised that my body felt so....quiet. My hands and feet were still and relaxed, no jittery feeling. My jaw was not clenched. My mouth wasn't dry. My head wasn't pounding. My stomach was still, not churning. It was the most blissful feeling. It felt as though my body had been doing productive maintenance while I had slept, and that everything was now running smoothly.

I fell asleep again and was woken by the radio at 7am. Instead of the usual feeling of dread and self-loathing, I just lay for a few minutes and listened to the news before getting up and making coffee. I can't remember the last time I have felt so calm and serene.

If only I could bottle this experience and take deep inhalations of it throughout the day (and particularly at the trigger times)!

I have put it here so I have a record of it. Hopefully it will help someone else as well.

Hope you all have a good day.

Lovely post @helenahandcart78 . Yes! People have no idea what alcohol is stealing from them until they step away from it - sleep, energy, time, peace, joy, collagen (sober hair is a revelation). I would not give those up again for a 5 minute dopamine hit or an evening of oblivion.

Thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife!

I have attempted this many times before but a few things feel different this time (yes, another list 😁):

1. I am focussing on the positives right from the start.
2. I am seeing this not as a period of deprivation with an end point, but the start of a new life. Although, I hasten to add, not thinking too much beyond each day at the moment. But I feel excited at the prospect of change.
3. I am really having a hard time pinpointing what enjoyment I actually get out of drinking. Some nights I am sitting there with a glass and am literally miserable because of it! I could laugh at the ridiculousness of it, if it wasn't so serious.
4. I am actually listening to my body and taking note of it, rather than trying to ignore it or punishing it. Without going too hippy woo about it, I want to be kind to my body now. I want to live long and prosper!

Looking forward to sober hair now too!

Afternoon lads.
I have been on calls since 5am due to our HQ time difference.
Just had a sandwich and tea. The joy of my life.
@helenahandcart78 when I was a boozer I could never get back to sleep. Now I start counting black trousers (I had 37 pairs until a recent wardrobe cull). I then find it is 3-4 hours later. Who knew. I also do a empty mind thing were I imagine sleep.
And lads I have lost 39 1/2 pounds now!
If I do that again I'll be gorgeous.

@helenahandcart78 congratulations on day 4, that's brilliant. Your post about the newfound feelings is lovely and one I can wholeheartedly echo. I am glad you have found your way here. This thread has been an absolute godsend for me and has really helped keep me going.

I thought I'd never be able to sleep properly without a nightcap (actually more of a concrete 'n' steel bonnet than a cap, to be fair). It is a sweet, sweet feeling to wake up refreshed and clear-headed in the morning. You are so right re. the jitters as well. The know of fear/tension is another old comrade whose constant presence is not missed. I never get tired of appreciating the sober morning feeling.

I can look at the dog when he's sleeping the sleep of the righteous and not feel a pang of envy.

@Onewildandpreciouslife and @Crunchymum I have found that quote very relevant to me too. Catherine Gray's book is so helpful - I recommend her and Clare Pooley's 'Sober Diaries' whenever I can.

@WendyWagon hope you're doing OK and that Toxic Tommy is not pratting about too much. Beware for him to be kicking out as he realises that his powers and nonsense are waning. I find that a typical bully/toxic mediocre wastepod often doubles down on the nonsense and behaviour before they are finally rooted out - they know the gig is up and someone's seen through them, so they ramp up their petty game because they've got nowhere else to lash out. Bit like a blind old incontinent head stag, when a new young buck enters the herd and challenges the status quo. They can waggle their antlers all they like, but no-one 's impressed anymore.
(Brilliant news on the weight loss; congratulations! And I don't doubt that you are ALREADY gorgeous.)

The dog and I are off for another week away in Devon on Saturday. He has been warned that any repeat of the capers of last time (disappearing into the North moor with my phone and car key) and my Christmas gifting this year will consist of bespoke home-made purses (wallets for the gentlemen) stitched from freshly-flayed organic dog-hide. The gift that keeps on giving.

Strength and love to all. xx

@REP22 thats very kind but I look like a bloke at the moment with lawnmower hair. I am on the bleach pot Wednesday with a bit of sciving to get it done.
I shall by going on hols myself in November. Lots to pay out this term with the DD so it won't be quite the level of last year. I fancy Yorkshire. Great fish.

@WendyWagon fret not. I've got a face that would make a pork-scratching blush.
Yorkshire is nice. Lovely puddings. x

We had a staff conference yesterday. Lots of people I haven’t seen since last year, or longer.

I was heavily complimented on how well I look by so many people. Quite the confidence boost. I have lost nearly two stone and my hair and skin are so much better.

Saw DS and he was in a good mood so that was a relief. I’m getting ready to hunker down for my winter hibernation now. I have to be outside quite a lot for my job, so aside from that I like to be on the sofa, watching tv and drinking tea for the duration. I don’t cope too well with the cold (arthritis) and hate driving in the dark (shit old lady eyesight) so doing the bare minimum is my aim until spring.

The weight loss is my next move. I am in exactly the same place when I decided to quit booze in April so this is my first booze free holiday proper. If I can do this I must be able to tackle my weight - a good 5 stone too much.

A disability I've had for a long time became suddenly worse last year (I can barely walk and need a stick) plus the menopause and I've not been able to get a handle on it. I cook a lot but I think there's just too many calories for how little I can move.

Major major celebration though as I have just got up a massive sandbank. I've been having to walk along quite away to the ramp to get off the beach. The sandbank is really steep. You see people struggle all the time and I haven't done it for 3 years but I just thought I would give it a go. I did it (and actually wasn't out of breath).

Day 13 here. Felt it was getting easier, noticed this morning that my skin was feeling really soft and I actually looked quite fresh. Was quite cheered by that, bit of progress and another reason to keep at it.

Fast forward to this afternoon, work is going badly and I tore the place apart trying to find my V5 logbook as intending to sell my car. Finally found it in the shredding pile. Overwhelming feelings of panic then "screw it, I'm putting wine in the fridge". I haven't, but frustrating it's still such a constant fight in my head.

well hello y'all, extra hello to @helenahandcart78 welcome to the gang. Looks as though you have a good lot of advice up there. Your lists reminded me to check my list I made back at the beginning 'reasons I like not drinking' and 'reasons I don't want to drink anymore'. 598 days according to Nomo. I loved that quote as well, for me because i could reflect all the times I had tried to moderate, and all the lies I had already told myself
I didn't drink at home until I did,
I didn't drink during the week until i did,
I didn't have an extra glass or two when I got home from a night out until I did
I didn't have a problem with alcohol until I did.

I also liked the pitcher plant the one which traps flys and draws them down with its sticky hairs... the idea that alcohol is a trap and once we start we are only ever on a downward slide into 'alcoholism' as we see it on TV. For some the slide is fast, for others slow, some will fight and drag themselves up the slide (moderation) only to fall faster back past the point they were before (me), as long as alcohol was part of my life, it was pulling me down into the bowels of the pitcher plant. I can be a defiant little arse so when that clocked in my brain I got feisty and said F**K YOU to the booze. It hasn't been without struggles,m but the struggles are way less intrusive than the head space taken up by thoughts of drinking pre AF.

Congratulations on day 13 @Kate489, that's brilliant. I have had a similar recent V5 logbook-based nightmare involving much turning up of paper piles and canine bewilderment/"helping". Awful feeling. There was a strong allure of a lovely vodka cocktail to celebrate finding it but I resisted. It is very, very trying. But it's never worth it and sobriety prevails.

Hope you get a good deal for your car. x

@stilldumdedumming you'll get there weight wise. I needed to lose six stone minimum. I have done three. I too have to use a stick but you know only 27% of disabled people work full time and it's a waste of talent. I had no disability until 37. I have decided to accept seats on trains, ask for help if needed and make society more accommodating. Most people are fab. Italy was excellent, Paris not so.
Well donel@Kate489
We have been doing v5 hunting too. Our beloved cabriolet is off to a new home. Has started everytime even at 24. A grand lad.

Evening everyone. Thank you for the welcomes and the supportive messages. Our experiences all seem so similar, and that is heartening.

I was, unusually, in the office today for meetings. No paranoia about how I looked or smelt. Only a slight tremor now which was easy to conceal (I hope!). I was able to make eye contact without worrying about my puffy eyes. It is very early days but I felt good.

On the way home, I was really hungry and thought about the buzz I would get from wine on an empty stomach. How awful does that sound?? That was one of my "treats" - throwing 2 glasses of wine into me fast and then sinking into the fog. And then losing my appetite completely, eating nothing, and ending up completely trashed. Awful.

So I stopped off and got myself a massive fish supper with mushy peas! Have just scoffed the lot with a big cup of tea and feel sated and content. Trigger time has passed for me so I'm counting this day as a win.

I'm staying strong and I have to say a large part of that is feeling like I have a huge tribe of people (you!) who have shown me it is possible and want me to succeed too.

Hope you all have a peaceful evening and that tomorrow we all get that blissful serenity I had this morning!

@Kate489 congratulations on day 13! I will be very pleased to get to double figures!

I hear you on the constant fighting with yourself, but from the (tons of) quit lit I've read, it seems we should try to see it as each wobble not succumbed to is another little piece of resilience being built up against the next wobble. Like every time you do a 'first' (first weekend, first night out, first Christmas) without booze, it may be hard, but it makes it easier the next time.

Of course I'm not in a position to give advice to anyone - I'm girding my loins for my 'first' Friday night tomorrow!

Thank you all, nice to know losing important documents is a common trend! @helenahandcart78 I didn't fully realise my drinking was unhealthy until I read experiences on this thread. Yours about drinking quickly on an empty stomach is something I was doing, but I didn't quite realise I was doing it IYSWIM. I liked a drink with some chocolate and TV before dinner. Largely as I was alone at that part of the evening. I'd watch a "treat show" like new episodes of Greys Anatomy or And Just Like That and be 2 glasses in before the first adverts. It was a big thing for me watching Greys with a yogurt last month when I was aiming for 3 sober days. Start of habit breaking.

I am going out for dinner with a friend tonight. Thankfully she is driving so will be easy to stick to soft drinks with her. I wouldn't have trusted myself to go out with her otherwise.

Morning all.
Wfh day today. Although I have been here since Tuesday due to a weird flu like bug.
Fridays is always difficult for me. Being a commuter it was TGIF.
I have been rebelling all week, Toxic Tom has kept out of the office but he has sulked on joint teams meetings. My wise and very clever HR director has likened it all to a Aesop fable. I am happy to be the tortoise. I must improve the neck tho!
To those going out on the razz try a faux gin, they are fab. I hate normal gin but these taste fresh and herby. Most restaurants have them. It might be the ice and lemon they add but I find two hit the spot. I don't miss the wine then.
I reckon I am a stone away from my favourite trousers and all the Sav blanc in the world wouldn't get me there any quicker. (I once had a mad friend tell me all alcoholics are skinny, yeah right if you don't eat 5 packets of crisps with your two bottles of grog).
Turns out we have a no alcohol policy for expenses. That helps a lot. Who knew.
Well done to all the newbies.

Morning all.
Interesting about the expenses @WendyWagon . We have a mental health support group at work, but they have no signposting for alcohol support, and I’m in the legal profession which is one of the worst for drinking (along with doctors and mummies!). I keep meaning to nudge them about this.

Good luck with Friday @Kate489 and @helenahandcart78 ! Sober Saturday mornings are the best, so go get yourself one!

Morning everyone.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I am also in the legal profession and agree it is rife in this sector. I often wonder whether that is because of the nature of the job, or the nature of the people who go into the job?

I'm going to apologise in advance as I suspect I will be bombarding this thread with rambling posts today and over the weekend. I shall be navel gazing so hard I'll be cross eyed 🫣 But this thread is allowing me somewhere to examine my triggers and justifications (self-deceptions) for drinking and so may well make the difference this time 🙏

I'm taking a two pronged attack this weekend. First, I tend to squeeze all the errands and chores into the mornings so I can get the bottle cracked even earlier (I cringe when I write that), so I am going to take it sloooowwww. Spread out my activities across the days. I'm going to think in 30-60 minute chunks.

Secondly, when I have been in dry periods before, I am liable to go into productivity hyper-drive, taking on huge de-cluttering or re-organising projects. When they are finished, the sense of well-being in itself becomes a trigger - "I am KILLING this sobriety thing - why did I think it was such a problem? Hey, I can have wine as I've achieved so much!" So I am making a conscious decision to only do the normal chores and errands and to actually avoid being too busy, while keeping myself distracted enough. It'll be a fine line to tread!

Please feel free to ignore my posts this weekend - I'm holding myself accountable to you and leaning on you even if you're not actually listening to me 😁😁

@helenahandcart78 i have been unpacking boxes since my May move. It drove me potty so I do one task a day. I box, one drawer. I will be doing knickers later as I now worry about falling over on the bumpy London pavements. As the'fantom Spankz flasher' I need to ensure best Bridgets. @Onewildandpreciouslife I thought you were a fellow legal begel (not that I ever practiced). The family do, that's enough.
I have two friends who are doctors, both boozers.
Good luck all.

@WendyWagon that is such a universal fear isn't it 🤣 not that you'll get run over, but that you'll get run over and be wearing grotty pants!!

Anyway, I'm checking in as it is getting near to trigger time. I've had a nice day. Worked this morning, met my friend for a lunchtime dog walk and chat. She never fails to put me in a good mood! I've cleaned the kitchen and the living room. I won't lie, there have been moments where I have felt sad today. I think someone up thread talked about it as a bereavement - losing an old friend - and that is really resonating with me. But I'm under no illusions, that friend was doing nothing for me and had to go.

Anyway, I'm having a cup of tea and a couple of squares of Lindt hazelnut chocolate. Another tip I am finding very helpful is to have regular drinks and something to eat. It is regulating my mood and energy level more than I would have imagined. I am ashamed to say I was restricting calories to allow myself more wine (and also for the empty stomach drinking feeling) so these snacks are really quite a treat for me.

I'm making chilli burritos for dinner later with loads of melted cheese, jalapeno chillies and guacamole. I'm really looking forward to it! I'm going to have a couple of posh tonics with ice, lemon and a sprig of rosemary while I cook and listen to an audiobook. Small pleasures but oh so important at the minute.

Hope you're all having a great Friday.