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Alcohol support

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The continuing support thread for living alcohol-free. Everyone welcome.

982 replies

Blackberryblossom · 28/06/2023 16:29

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. Many thanks to @wendywagon for holding the reins on the last thread, and to drybird for starting the original thread about 3 years ago.
We’re a broad community who have all chosen to live alcohol free for good. There’s support here whatever your stage on that journey. Whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love all the successes of whatever shape and size, and have all been there too when things get challenging.
Thank you too @rep22 @onewildandpreciouslife for offering to back up host too. I thought there was someone else but I can’t find the post.

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Fortheloveofgodwhy · 15/09/2023 16:30

well i did not know my pub drink of choice had a name... glad the week is shaping up well for everyone.

REP22 · 15/09/2023 18:33

WendyWagon · 15/09/2023 13:54

Henry, orange juice and lemonade by the pint

That's my pub tipple of choice! I never knew it had a name @WendyWagon. Does that make us Henry's 7th and 8th wives...? After you with that axe. 😉

Had a grim week (but stayed AF). Tough work week, plus funtime fiesta aplenty with the DVLA. Be still, my splitting sides.

The raw joy of my Covid booster jab tomorrow. Every cloud, eh...?!

Much love to you all. Strength and keep going. It's most certainly worth it. xx

WendyWagon · 16/09/2023 08:23

Morning lads.
I am not feeling so good. I fell off the wagon last night. I'm in all sorts of trouble.
I have another machiavelllian colleague who tried to oust me last night. He had been over stepping the mark all week. He is supposed to be my peer in the opposite company but he has the advantage of speaking their language. He wants to manage me on behalf of the owners because he gets things done! I have swerved the bullet this time but I am so upset. I don't have anyone to talk to. I am staying in with a sickly dog but I feel like crying. I sell lipstick ffs, why can't these guys butt out?

rothbury · 16/09/2023 08:31

Oh @WendyWagon what a bloody shame!

Re falling off the wagon. How bad was it? Have you upset anyone other than yourself? Deal with that first.

The colleague, well that’s obviously come as a shock. Is there someone you can speak to about it? If it’s not going to work, far better to extract yourself now and say it wasn’t a good fit/the role wasn’t what you expected.

I nearly killed myself trying to survive a work environment that was overflowing with toxic masculinity. I thought I was so clever I could manage it. I was wrong. I got out just in time but it took me 9 months to recover.

We are all here if you want to talk.

WendyWagon · 16/09/2023 08:38

I am sorry I let you down lads. My son was fuming. I was talking crap apparently to his gf.
I didn't hurt myself or consume vast quanties but I knew it was coming. My health has been very poor this week. The heat got me and I think I have a touch of trauma left over from the beauty gig and the stalker. I can't do bully boy men. This one claims to be ex services. Also I am taller than him.

rothbury · 16/09/2023 08:44

You absolutely haven’t let us down.

You can apologise to son and his GF. She probably isn’t that bothered anyway.

The bigger issue is whether you are currently resilient enough to deal with Sergeant Bighead and his bullshit. You have time to make your decision so there’s no rush.

Blackberryblossom · 16/09/2023 11:52

I’m so sorry Wendy, that’s rubbish. Look after yourself.

It sounds to me as if he wants to manage/control you because it’s obvious that you get things done. Rather than just leaving you alone to get things done and allowing you to build your own reputation rather than his. You’re better than him. The thing this weekend is to look after yourself and find your self-confidence again BrewFlowers

It’s feeling much more like autumn today. I might make a hot chocolate later today.

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Onewildandpreciouslife · 16/09/2023 12:53

Sorry to hear this @WendyWagon . It’s been a hard week for you. Rest up and recover.

REP22 · 16/09/2023 13:07

Oh @WendyWagon you have not let us down. Not one bit. You are still fabulous. Just having to deal with some unacceptable sh*t. It would drive anyone to despair, especially after everything else you've been dealing with. We are here, we love you and we hear you.

@rothbury is right. I too suffered at the hands of a toxic workplace - expected to do the work of incompetent men whilst being paid a meagre wage and being told - to my face - that they wouldn't promote me to the job I was doing because I was "basically" female. But they wanted me to write them a manual on how to do the job. Like Rothbury, I got out but suffered for many months afterwards. In a better place now. But get yourself out if you need to - it's not worth the sacrifice of your health and personal wellbeing.

Get yourself sorted first - you can recover physically and take the time to re-boost. Your son and his GF will understand.

If there's a senior manager you can go to, please consider doing that, with the clear, calmly-stated examples of how the weasel has overstepped, the professional consequences to his colleagues' work, why it's unacceptable and that you require their assurance that it will not happen again. If they can't guarantee that they have your back then maybe reconsider your options. You can do it. You don't have to roll over and put up with this nonsense. So many toxic, mediocre people hate particular colleagues because they know that their better performance shines a torch on their own idleness and incompetence. It happens with both genders, but does tend to be a male "speciality". I will bet my meagre pension that he knows you are better than him and he feels "threatened" by it. Git.

I'm a bit of a fan of the US-based "Ask a Manager" website (wait, what?! — Ask a Manager) - some of the examples of toxic colleagues on there are staggering.

Sending you much love. It will be alright. Keep going. xxx 💝

stilldumdedumming · 16/09/2023 20:56

Hello my loves. I'm horribly caught up with ds going to uni. Been a bit intense! Horrible day here. But I won't drink.

@WendyWagon sorry it got a bit much. But bloody well done on your honesty.

WendyWagon · 17/09/2023 07:36

Much better sleep lads.
I am up and feeling better.
Request to call the big boss this morning so if my numbers up, so be it. Toxic Tommy might win but I don't want another job to effect my mental health or cause me to need alcohol to cope.

Blackberryblossom · 17/09/2023 10:19

Good luck @WendyWagon . Try not to assume anything - it's quite possible that the bloke has form for doing this with previous new joiners. Flowers

@stilldumdedumming Hope you're OK. I have no idea how I'll cope when dd inevitably leaves. Is your ds going far away? Is he excited? Meanwhile hope you have a Brew and a quiet day ahead x

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WendyWagon · 17/09/2023 10:22

Well blow me down lads. My marketing director complained to HQ about Toxic Tommy. I am so touched.

stilldumdedumming · 17/09/2023 10:37

@WendyWagon blimey! Now what?

@Blackberryblossom he's my 2nd to go. It's all a bit complicated because he doesn't live with me. He's very confident and his won person but he's weirdly disproportionate about being bullied. He didn't really go to school so he has a bit of a skewed perception I think.

My dd went last year. She's v mainstream. Lashes, nails, shots, all the normal stuff and she dropped out at Christmas!

WendyWagon · 17/09/2023 10:42

@stilldumdedumming my DD had a difficult school life. Four secondary schools. Some home education. She has just finished her first year and it has been great for her. I am proud of her and she is such a different person. More mature with her own opinions. It's been a revelation. Hopefully it will work for your DS. Any SEN make sure student welfare know.

Toxic Tommy has been told to stop his nonsense by the sound of things. I feel relieved.

Blackberryblossom · 17/09/2023 11:20

WendyWagon · 17/09/2023 10:22

Well blow me down lads. My marketing director complained to HQ about Toxic Tommy. I am so touched.

Excellent! Good news. Crack on Wendy!

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Blackberryblossom · 17/09/2023 11:25

I hope it all works out for your ds @stilldumdedumming . I only have dd, she's in her GCSE year now so all of this is on her horizon in the form of A level choices

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Plodder23 · 17/09/2023 12:34

Hi all. Please can I join you? I have had a problem with alcohol all my adult life and never managed to stop except when I was pregnant. I've tried hundreds of times to stop or cut back but always end up going back to it.

Now I'm feeling quite scared. I'm struggling a bit at work and this makes me anxious so of course I drink after work even though I know that will not help with the anxiety in the long run. I have two amazing teenagers and I worry very much about the terrible example I am setting them, but that still hasn't been enough to make me stop. My DH is really fed up with me - barely speaking to me today. The incident that triggered things was fairly minor - I spilled some wine - but he has clearly had enough of me.

I have to get on top of this now. I drink pretty much every day and it has been creeping up recently - often a bottle and a half of wine a night. I know I must be doing terrible things to my health and I'm scared about not being around for my children. I'm scared that my husband won't forgive me and that I won't be able to get our relationship back. He won't talk to me so for now I think I just have to demonstrate that I'm serious about stopping by just doing it.

Hoping to find some inspiration and support from you all on this thread. I'm in awe of all of you who are winning this battle.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 17/09/2023 12:59

Hi @Plodder23 and welcome. I reached this point - I have a very strong and painful memory of my husband crying because of how much I was drinking, and telling me that he dreaded me going out with his friends and dreaded Christmas with his parents because of my behaviour. This week I will pass 18 months sober. It can be done. One day at a time

rothbury · 17/09/2023 13:17

Excellent news about Toxic Tommy. Just watch your back @WendyWagon .

@Plodder23 welcome. Have you tried reading any of the quit lit? I have read them all, as that’s the way I deal with anything, I read and research. Different posters have their own favourites, mine is Alcohol Explained by William Porter. I read it and just didn’t want to drink alcohol any more. Been sober since NYE 2022.

I have got bloody Covid lads! Feeling like absolute 💩. Hardly slept, burning up, coughing, slicing headache, sore throat and snotty nose. My lovely colleague has agreed to cover an event for me tomorrow morning so I can wfh until I am virus free (if I am well enough to wfh tomorrow)

Big changes at work. I will have to apply for my own job, and there’s a chance I might not get it, and will be moved into a slightly different role. I’m trying not to get too wound up about it. Everything happens for a reason/let the chips fall where they may etc. I’m a bit too old for too much change though. I should be able to retire in four or five years so I’m mentally on the wind down.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

REP22 · 17/09/2023 16:31

Brilliant news @WendyWagon (well, as much as it can be in the circumstances). Sounds like they know he's a problem. Keep your powder dry and document things if you need to. The fact that they're taking time on the weekend to be dealing with this tells its own story. And the fact that they bothered to call you about it too - they must value you.

Keep us posted if you want to, it's always acceptable to hear of a Toxic Tommy getting their comeuppance. In my experience they either fall meekly into line straight away, or they double-down on the nonsense and it doesn't end well for them.

Keep going. Glad this is a better day. xx

Plodder23 · 17/09/2023 17:14

Thanks for the welcome. I have tried some quit lit in the past, perhaps I should revisit it.

Today has been awful. DH is avoiding being in the same room as me and seems almost unable to even look at me while I try and carry on as normal to keep things on an even keel for our DC. I can't believe they haven't noticed something is up. I'm even wondering if I should talk to them about the situation but that just feels unbearably difficult right now.

At the moment I'm 'preparing for work' but at some point we're going to have to sit down and eat together and I'm absolutely dreading it.

@rothbury sorry to hear you have the dreaded Covid. Hope you start to feel better and can get plenty of rest over the next few days.

@WendyWagon glad you're getting some support from colleagues.

Have a good evening everyone.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 17/09/2023 17:21

@Plodder23 you sound similar to me over 2 years ago, I also have 2 teenagers x

Plodder23 · 17/09/2023 18:00

@TooOldForThisNonsense Hi. Did you manage to stop? Were your teenagers aware of what was going on? I sort of feel mine must be but I can't bear to discuss it with them. I think I'm trying to protect them but maybe I'm actually trying to protect myself.

Onewildandpreciouslife · 17/09/2023 19:17

I also have 2 teenagers, who were about 14 and 17 when I was really bad, but I don’t think my two ever knew how bad I was. In fact one of my prompts to stop was at a family wedding when my daughter, then about 17, headed up to bed with a glass of wine - I looked shocked and she just laughed and said “like mother, like daughter”. Ouch.