On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Determineddoris , yes, you'll catch up with your sleep. You're still doing brilliantly - focus on that positive and the rest will follow.
Apparently (my sober friend tells me this), life doesn't become super easy when you give up , we still have problems / issues, but everyone has those. At least when we abstain, we don't add fuel to the fire with drinking.
Regarding the pub, I think I walked out because it was really busy and I couldn't see a spare seat. Having said that, if I really wanted a drink, I'd have found somewhere to sit !
I didn't get the job, but in retrospect, I'm glad. I'm going for a school based job interview tomorrow, so I'm hoping I get that. If not, I'll continue looking for something a few hours a week.

@Determineddoris Hi, not really as they have to fly here so can’t travel with liquids. Another AF day today.

But I suppose I can see what they have on Amazon, I did order tanquery AF gin once - it was vile.

@Amdone123 yes, I’ve thought about socialising a lot lately. I used to love to drink alone, lost in my thoughts, without obligation to hold a conversation etc. I find socialising hard work now, most people want to go to the bar, then drinking, talking and over sharing, now I just find it too intimate. I especially find one to one meetings hard work, then I drink too much. Especially since menopause I really can’t be doing with sitting down for hours talking, I just don’t have the emotional energy for chit chat. I really think drinking and talking for hours is not a great idea, stuff gets said, it’s too personal. I end up revealing too much of my personal business and that’s not good.

If I have to meet people now it’s going to be a coffee or an activity like going for a walk or a swim, I’m going to start this from now on.

Hi everyone! @Determineddoris really great chat with my husband thanks! He was super supportive and said he wants to cut back too. He is very much an all or nothing drinker, only on nights out. He’s a little old school and although supportive, I suspect thinks I don’t have a “problem” with alcohol because I’m not opening a bottle of vodka at 8am.. but everyone has their own limits don’t they, and I’m feeling positive about taking these steps. I spoke to my best friend too, and she totally understands, horrible hangovers, mum guilt about not going to soft play etc.
I’ve not had any alcohol since last Friday, and normally by now I’d have had a few glasses of wine in the house. I probably won’t at all this weekend, but I’m also aware that if I do have one glass of wine, I won’t beat myself up or put too much pressure on. Thank you for this group, I honestly think just talking openly, seeing others in the same situation and having an awareness of cutting down or stopping drinking helps.

Good morning all. Well done @Starsinyoureyes12 for staying AF for now. I do not miss the soft play days! I can remember sitting in the floor at a children’s theatre watching a terrible show about the ugly duckling with the worst hangover ever. Why did I do it? Looking back it was nuts. So many days feeling like shit, I remember the hangovers more than the nights before.

@Touty some really interesting insights about socialising. I do worry that I’ll just find everyone boring if they are drunk and I am sober. Alternative plans for meeting sounds like a good idea.

I am aware that more pebbles are gradually coming aboard the boat this week. Going away seems to have given me an excuse. I haven’t been drunk at all but definitely more wine than before. To be fair I did throw away a glass I poured last night because I realised I didn’t need or want it, and went to bed instead. I know I’ve put weight on too from the little break away - old habits seem to die hard.

@Bigbus , I know what you mean about holidays etc but I wonder if we have to accept that sometimes ( that we may go off track ?) and just keep making those small changes ( such as throwing the wine away, which is something you wouldn't have done before?).
Just like the small pebbles analogy, someone on here told me that the small changes I've made are the best. And I think it's true.
So many small changes this week ; walking out of the pub, not buying in the supermarket, not drinking the past 2 days - I'm on day 5 though ( I've done nothing but watch films with the dog - no wine when before it would have happened).
@Starsinyoureyes12 , you're doing really well. Is this day 7 ? You're here, you're thinking about how you can change, you're having a go. You can do it.
@Touty , you're doing great too. Can you access any Gordon's af gin n tonic ( in the cans) ?
Highly recommended.

@Touty , you can get Gordon's af gin n tonic on amazon.

@Bigbus my god that sounds awful haha. When I look around soft play on a weekend morning there are always plenty of parents with sore heads… you’re right, why do we do it?!
@Amdone123 yes this is day 7, I didn’t actually realise that! I was tempted to have wine tonight but realised I didn’t actually want any. Definite Friday habit!
I hope you are all doing ok, weekends are definitely harder to abstain or moderate drinking I think.

21 days today without alcohol. I have to say I feel pretty good; I do miss the booze but every night was too much and I worried about my health.

I feel that I’ve actually been able to find some peace from not thinking about drinking, I.e when, what and how much etc. The greedy booze gremlins in my brain are quiet at the moment, but I know they can wake up at any time.

@Starsinyoureyes12 well done on day 7 that's great! And the fact you didn't even realise or count. My husband had a delivery of his amazing wine and I heard the familiar clink of the wine glass on the island...it didn't trigger me but I said can you not and he said look away hahaha but the triggers are getting less and less so that's great, @Touty well bloody done to you 3 weeks is so so good especially after what you were used to. It's great to hear your words how much better you are feeling !
I had to go and look on my app but I'm 1 month and 8 days and 7 hours apparently lol
I'm out tonight but luckily two of them don't drink and one will have a couple.of beers and go home to her child so I'll leave when she does I think! I don't think I'll attempt to do my 5k this morning hehe it's meant to be raining and gusty winds today , summer fairs cancelled etc awful!
Someone mentioned the soft play yes especially if it's a kids party and you can't leave them oh the racket! I'm pretty sure I used to be hungover at all my kids birthdays but it seems like a lifetime ago now this is my new life!

Ps well done @Bigbus for throwing away that wine ! I wouldn't have fathomed that when I was drinking so well done.

@Determineddoris , over a month ! It's amazing how it's all clicked for you. Keep going - it's a New You !
I had a 5 day break then yesterday had 1 bottle of wine ( and smoked).
Woke up this morning and in my partially drunk state ( thank god it wasn't 2), remembered telling a friend something I shouldn't have done about another friend, so how lovely am I? ( Can I just add, that I lent this other friend £800 in good faith and she's never paid it back. I've since written it off and 'forgotten' about it. Until she says she's going on holiday......).
Obviously, I am still annoyed about it and my true feelings have come out when drinking.
Overall, not good though and I feel bad for what was basically gossiping.
Typical, I do a good thing and I'm the one feeling bad.
Rant over !!
I got a job yesterday, I'm back in a school. It's only part time but I feel I'm back where I belong!
@Touty , over 3 weeks! Fantastic !
I won't drink now for 7 days - I'm out a week today.
Have a great weekend folks.
Sorry to hear @Determineddoris the school fayre is cancelled. Ours is tomorrow but weather here like bloody November !

Just wanted to thank everyone for their lovely supportive comments.
I feeling a little better in myself, physically anyway and working on the guilt and shame although not sure that will ever go away?
I didn't drink last night and have planned a busy weekend to try and keep my mind off things. Trying to stay positive.

@Claireh37345 , I think the guilt and shame does go away, if you forgive yourself and accept that it happened, you can't turn back time and you're being proactive in doing something about it.
I've done and said so many stupid, embarrassing and dangerous things when drinking but I am proud that I've moved on and these incidents are ( surprise, surprise) getting fewer and fewer since I decided to tackle the problem. I still do shameful things ( see post above re gossiping), but that's probably because I'm human.
Well done for not drinking last night. You can do this weekend without a drink and come Monday morning, you are going to feel so proud of yourself.
You can do it ❤️

@Amdone123 well done on getting the job yay! I have been looking at school roles for the term time aspect but there's few and far between, I don't know how parents get like 25 days holidays right and kids get 13 weeks of holidays ! But I want to get out of my current role in health care I'm done and researching new roles! New me as you say and omg I did go and do the 5k just now on my own whoooo I'm broken again but I'm keeping keeping on determined as my name sake! Also dont worry about the messages you sent but at the end of the day 800 is a Hella lot of money so what if you voiced your annoyance to your other friend ...the friend you lent money to should bloody well pay you back!!!! It's not like it's 20-50 quid!! Cheeky fucker friends are extra and that's why I now stay away and don't do favours (I do but not loads anymore)
@Claireh37345 honestly the more you go AF /mod on your journey the more the guilt and shame will be in the past trust me on this. You are a good person trying to better yourself for you and your family you can't do much more than put one foot in front of other and each day at a time. I've started writing in a new diary even one line will do , how you feel etc it helps and distraction too. I'm about to buy an embroidery kit for beginners ! Stock up on AF too my go to is squash at the moment I know the sugar is hi but hey ho. At least I'm not drinking!

@Determineddoris , thanks and yes, you're right. I just know in one of my drunken states, I would have said forget about it....that was an expensive drink. 🤣
Well done on doing the 5k. I need a new exercise. I love zumba but I need something else. Though I love hiking too so maybe I should concentrate on that.
Did you try the ginger beer from tesco ? No sugar and quite spicy, a bit of a kick.

Hi all! How was everyones Saturday evening @Bigbus @Touty @Claireh37345 @Coppergate4 @Manyrivers @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Starlia @Touty @bookworm44 @daffodills1 @indieray @Amdone123 ?

No haven't tried that ginger ale yet @Amdone123 but I will do! I went out last night nearly didn't buy forced myself with work colleagues only two people drank (and they only had one drink one didn't even finish the drink) out of the 8 of us and we had a great time short and sweet, ate food (wasn't great) had a fever tree ginger ale which was delicious and especially in a really gorgeous glass! I can't believe this is my life now. I was stressed as well as my mother got taken into A+E and was there all day (home now but has issues) but normally I would have drank all the discomfort and stress away but I didn't!!! Seriously without support of this group, even though it looks like I'm the only one abstaining completely , I couldn't have got this far. Anything you guys are doing don't ever feel guilty or remorse you are all trying in your own way and we are here for it! Have a great Sunday x

Had a couple of nights away so there was booze but not over the top amounts. Today is my day one this week without DP so we shall see how I go with moderating myself this week.

Sorry to hear about your mum @Determineddoris - I hope her issues respond to well to treatment and she's comfortable now. 💐

It is so nice to read you posting about how well abstaining is going, even with this extra stress and worry.

I nearly posted yesterday but then decided to post today AFTER I had been AF on Sat night. That didn't happen though - the AF bit. It would have been a very tall order as we ended up buying nice steak from the butchers yesterday and then nice wine from a wine merchant (opposed to our usual cheapest chenin on offer at the supermarket). Nice as it was, I would still rather be posting that I have started an AF streak...

I'm off on a city break next weekend (so realistically will have a drink with dinner at least - going with someone who isn't a big drinker so unlikely to be much more than this) but I would like to be AF up until then. I'm starting to get embarrassed by my morning promises though. 'like' to be?! Ok, I am GOING to be AF up until then.

When I get back, I'm embarking on my re-set summer which has stopping the daily wine drinking (even if it is just one glass sometimes) firmly at the front of every change I want to make.

@Coppergate4 , I'm a lot like you. I wonder sometimes if I should stop saying, For the next 7 days....I'm going to....because it doesn't work. Or does it ? It depends on so many factors.
Like I said, a lot like you....intending to be af but then a steak ( or anything really) would put all good intentions in the bin. It's really strange. Sometimes I think I'd be better if I knew what I actually wanted. Yet I'm always thinking, it's all I do.
@Needtokickthehabit , it's good that you didn't go overboard. See how you go this week moderating, I think you're doing well though.
And @Determineddoris , oh my, no words....you are smashing this. It's funny how we can be dreading going out, but once out, it's not so bad. I've done that a few times - gone out and not drank - and the feeling the morning after is brilliant.
You just carry on doing whatever it is - it's obviously working for you.
Hope your mum is OK ❤️

@Amdone123 - we'll have to fight this together! We know we can do it...when we get going and the thinking turns into something more productive!

I've just bought a mid year wall planner (small A3 one so I can just fold it and not actually put it up on the wall) to act as a sticker chart for me on my 'year of change'. Plan is to record my weight most days and put a small sticker on - colour depends on my drinking that day. I know I like that kind of thing so hopefully that will motivate me/give me a reality check!

@Coppergate4 , yep, I'm the same !
I know this sounds like an excuse but Summer - what little we've had - was never going to be easy for me.
Although I'm so rubbish at giving myself credit. June was a great month - 27 af days. July has been tricky but too much going on.
I'm still doing better than previous years !!

Your June was amazing @Amdone123 ! Exactly - definitely better than before. Even though I've slipped back into drinking nearly every day I am definitely drinking less. Ultimate aim is still to very rarely drink at home - I get that I am going to have to baby step it to get there AND stay there, and that won't be a smooth process.

Today is a hard day. I saw several large cans of ice cold Heineken in the fridge at work- free to a good home. I really wanted one.

I just left them there and felt sad.