On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

@Determineddoris you are doing brilliantly, I’m in awe of your determination especially with you being on holiday.
im struggling a bit - but I will not give in. I have seen the benefits eg skin and weight loss etc.

I have another houseguest coming next month, this one will be v difficult.

Hi everyone, well it's day 5 of my holiday I messed up the first night, thought I could just have a few and ended up a lot more as per usual was so disappointed in myself and definitely spoilt a couple of days. Haven't drank since and not sure I'm going to.
Seems like everyone is doing well. Keep going everyone x

@BoredAndNotDomesticated how was AA or have you not been just yet? You might be surprised about how you found it.
@Amdone123 how was the party? Excited for your spa break!
@Touty thanking you means a lot and encourages me to keep going.
@Claireh37345 please do not be too hard on yourself love you are only human! Have a great holiday and put the past in the past xxx

Struggling with boredom and wanting to drink for escapism. I hate the same thing every day.

Have also posted on the other thread, so apologies if you end up reading it twice!

I wasn't entirely sure what to make of AA, can see it's definitely worked for people, but I don't know if I could ever get on board with the 'spirituality' aspect of it. I spoke to them on the phone beforehand, earlier in the week and they said it wasn't religious, but I felt it was. Mighty try a different local AA group and see if it's any different in feel??

Hi @BoredAndNotDomesticated I thought you meant an old.thread of ours but you mean the freedom thread they're very nice there a few of them anyway. One said something like oh I don't know if I can abstain and the OP says there's plenty of other boards for moderating but actually the one that's really only active is this one! I'm so so glad you went to AA in the first place as that takes great courage, I remember my first time I was so nervous I was sweating and I left early too before they gathered in a circle and held hands and stuff !(before COVID!) There's some online meetings where you don't have to speak either. I don't know for me the god thing was too much as one of the steps was to surrender to a higher power, they said I didn't have to think too Deep about it but I couldn't get on board with it. Also my sponsor started turning a bit nasty with me telling me I have to get a babysitter for my 5 month old baby otherwise I'll die of alcoholism. So I left! I tried smart recovery which is good too but again didn't commit. For me counselling helped a lot of the underlying issues as to why I started over drinking in the first place! Try a different group too , I went to a beautiful church one once was amazing, went to a women's only one too. It is quite interesting to say the least. X
@Touty I get the boredom, mundaneness of life and want the escapism too but for me now the reality is I don't want to go back to that crap every day so I'm not. I do feel I will have to get a hobby lol but my kids are my hobby at the moment! I also don't work Full Time so I used to make my H go into the office on my days off just so I could drink at home alone ! Now I want him to be Around.

Morning all. Still here. Pretty amazed that I'm still AF. I'm also worried that it seems a bit too easy for the moment.
Touty, I really understand the boredom drinking. At the moment I'm really busy in the evenings (might not last, but still have the hated ironing to do) so it's not a problem at the moment.
At the end of this month I'm returning to the UK for a short holiday and I'm already worried about this. My sibling, is quite a drinker and I'm not sure that me being AF will be easy to explain/accept for them. Also, they have always seen me drinking (sometimes quite heavily) so might be delicate. Our parents were also heavy drinkers. Learnt habit? Will hang on in here and see what happens.
Found out last night that guests don't care if you drink or not, as long as they can if they want to.
Again slept really well, albeit not a lot.
Back to the swimming pool this morning, the weather here is ideal.
Still avidly reading this thread (plus a few others), still listening to the the book. Wishing you all a lovely day.

Morning, all !
@Nowstrong try not to worry about it feeling too easy. It's probably more that you're in The Zone, hope it continues for you. You're doing really well. Also, try not to think too much about the end of month visit. I know this is hard sometimes because you also need to prepare yourself mentally, but you could set aside a time for that, nearer the time ?
@Determineddoris are you back from your hols? Hope everything went OK.
@BoredAndNotDomesticated I think it's ( AA) quite religious because that's how it was formed, but I know what you mean. I quite liked the prayer at the end !
@Determineddoris has some good ideas for groups. I could do with something like that. I'm going to look into it.

So, I drank yesterday. My dh has been off work for a week and yesterday he was just annoying me ( he's harmless, but just gets in my way. Yesterday he showed me how to mop the floor). We had a lovely day with friends and relatives.
I was 13st 9 yesterday, today after wine, I'm 13st 11 - I'm going to have an af streak now until my holiday in about 5 weeks.
Spa today. I'm going to find a dark, warm space and sleep !

Oh, I was thinking about other forums too.
Funny story. I was on Sober Sisters and the 'leader', on reading my introductory post, informed me, quite bluntly, that I couldn't join if I had any plans to falling off the wagon. This puzzled me as of course I was struggling - you wouldn't need a forum if you weren't !
Anyway, I wanted the help so said OK, I won't drink, I won't even mention it.
I noticed one day that she hadn't posted, so I messaged her privately. Turns out she'd been on a 3 day binge.
God forgive me, but I laughed so hard.
🤣🤣

Good morning all. I am in lovely Devon. Yesterday was ok. It was travelling day and my DD15 suffers from social anxiety so stopping at new places can be stressful and she finds settling in to a new place hard but actually it went better than usual and we managed dinner out at the local pub all 5 of us! Parenting for me has got so much easier as they have got older (early teens for the girls was very very tough - the boy is only 11 so still have that to come). I did have some wine last night but not too much. This holiday will be a challenge to have any AF days - I’d like to have 1 or 2 just for health and not to come back having gained all the weight I lost. It’s just a habit I think and also nice to have 1 or 2 drinks in the evening. If I can manage the holiday without any hangovers then I will count that as a moderating win.

@Amdone123 that is so funny 😆

@Bigbus glad the journey there went OK. Yeah, regarding the drinking, it's hard on holiday isn't it, but you sound like you have a plan. Have a lovely time.

@Nowstrong well done ! Swimming sounds lovely especially in nice weather! We are also in the pool every day but the beach near where we are staying isna bit rocky especially for the kids but I wanted to get into the sea this morning! Just feels calming staring out at the sea etc. Kids have been pretty well behaved touch wood but they're in their element! Me and H are enjoying a conversation once in a while without interruptions and I'm actually getting through a book! (A sober coach who I've befriended on Instagram told.me to get it it's called First Man In by AnT Middleton it's not for everyone but it's mainly about mindset pretty interesting so far!)
@Amdone123 so we are still here thank god on holiday for another week and I'm still AF ! I feel glowing but that's the tan too! How is the spa going ???? Hope you have found your dark corner! Also yes about sober sisters also remember when we were saying about the 'leader' on the other thread who had a 'blip' but was 'allowed' to stay on? As I said most are absolutely lovely and helped me ages ago but I had to leave once they were a bit too much about the you can't drink at all and get some months under your belt first then join our group etc for people who really needed that initial support and getting on the treadmill it wasn't nice to read. Anyway @Bigbus well done for getting out to a nice meal! It must be hard with your DD and the social aspect as it affects everyone in the family and also the moderating sounds brilliant so good luck with that. Also maybe boy early teens won't be as difficult as the girls? I'm really.praying as my eldest boy is 10 and the other boy is 8!

Hello all,

Sorry been a bit absent the last few days and haven't caught up properly!

I ended up having two glasses on Thursday night. I bought two mini bottles and stuck to it. My mum was here and she had a bottle to herself (as I usually would have done!) but I was actually perfectly fine with just the two. I'm really fancying some tonight NGL 🤦‍♀️ my neighbours have invited us over tomorrow night, but I've already got a bottle of AF wine (I don't mind the Eisenberg one!) and have explained that I may have two glasses and then switch to AF. They have agreed to keep an eye and make sure I stick to this.

I've decided that as long as I don't go overboard, and it's not as often, that's ok. I filled in my Drinkaware app with my two glasses and it was blue, which means I had some but I didn't 'binge drink'. Not sure if anyone has the app but anything over 6 units at a time is 'binge' and will show up orange. I know I've had some but I'm actually really pleased with this, as it's been two weeks since my last 'session' and I've just had the two glasses in this time. I'm determined not to go back to my habits before.

@Touty how did you get on last night in the end?

Hope everyone is well, and those on holiday are enjoying the break

@enoughisenough4 i didn’t drink. Felt down again tonight so just went out for a walk. I’ve lots of things going on in my head which I would love to drown out with booze but they really are issues which need to be addressed.

I know I need a hobby but it’s not easy as I live out in the sticks.

@Touty well done for your walk!!! How do you think we can help with the other issues you have? Do you think writing them down might help or talking to someone irl or you can put them all out here if you want we are here to listen!!! You can also find some online communities to while away your time especially on Instagram there's a huge sober community out there it's amazing. You can talk to others, click on pod casts etc after you have done your daily walk? Do you drive out there ?
@enoughisenough4 absolutely love your plans! And the AF wine! Which colour eisenberg is best? I think as red wine was my absolute trigger and poison probably not a good idea! I'm dealing with some friends crisises (sp?) At the moment even on holiday but I'm present and able to help them in ways I wouldn't be able to had I been drinking. I'm remembering a lot of things about my drinking bad behaviour but ok if that makes sense. Not being present. Now my kids are getting older they will need lifts here and there and I will be sober to do it. Hope everyone else is ok.

Morning all! Still here but I had 1 small glass of wine yesterday evening at a BBQ and felt the guilt all night long. I had to drink 2 glasses of water once home to wash it out of my system, so then not only the guilt kept me awake for a while but also I had to get up at least twice during the night. It's comical if you think about it because it was ONLY 1 glass. Didn't turn into 2 or 3 (or more). So really I should be quite proud of myself. But I have a bee in my bonnet about going AF for as long as possible.

Have my week's activities organized, swimming and walking. Trying to drag my daughter on a long walk with me but she is actively resisting saying that it's boring...hey ho, at least she comes to the swimming pool willingly.

enoughisenough4 that is really kind of your neighbours to keep an eye on you. Good idea, when out, to ask friends or family to keep an eye open. But I must admit that it is still my dirty little secret. So I'll keep quiet and just try to be strong.

Perhaps just admitting to myself that I have a problem is a big enough step for me to take at the moment. Don't know yet if I could talk about it to others in real life. Might think about therapy.

My encouragements to all, hope you have a beautiful day.

Good Morning everyone, I am feeling so much support from you all. Just reading that I'm not alone is so uplifting (sorry, starting to sound like Meghan ) I am now 14 days sober, I feel great physically but still very fragile mentally.

My issue today is the we are out with a huge party for sunday lunch, I'm driving there so no temptation, but afterwards we are all going to the pub, I swerved last nights drinking by having a 'headache' and going to bed early. Not sure what excuse I shall make today.

Wishing you all a safe, sober and happy sunday. x

Heart burn is a good one....

@Determineddoris is it OK to join?
I recognise a few names here . I saw the link, thank you for that. I have been on the freedom thread for a long time and there are some rules (some of which I don't agree with!). In all fairness to the thread I believe there are founder posters who have been hospitalised for alcoholism. Talking about booze doesn't trigger me.
I had to laugh re the story of the OP who was on a bender! 😄

Aw Hiya @WendyWagon ! Of course I know of you since you were SavBlanc on the other thread! I do understand some of the moderators might trigger the OPs but for them to always say 'can you please get off this thread and go to the many other moderating threads' (when there's not that many on Mumsnet!) I get a bit annoyed and it doesn't help support the people who genuinely want to give up and may be thinking about moderating etc they just don't know yet! It's happened a few times on that thread hence I'm not on it. Just caught wind of it recently when someone again was told to bugger off but in a nice way of course. Are you completely AF?

Thanks for the join. Yes to AF on a day to day basis but as the name says I have fallen off the wagon on a number of occasions.
If I said to myself I could moderate I would be drunk within 24 hours. I really loved my wine. I actually still think about it, sorry but I do. Honesty is my middle name.
I didn't really accept I had a problem for years. I was hoping for weight loss surgery. My BFF told me it wouldn't work with the amount I was drinking. I had also disgraced myself in a business setting. My 19 month journey has been life changing but I can't tell you it has been easy. I don't see fluffy bunnies or have inner peace. But I am a better me. Every day AF is a bonus for me but I'm not cured. If I can help anyone please ask.

Hi @WendyWagon lovely to have you onboard. Have you been sober for 19 months , with a few hiccups? Even with the hiccups you've done really well.
A friend of mine really struggled and has been sober for 2 years now, she said life is better but not all sweetness and light. But I'd rather have that, really.

I'm fascinated by anyone who gives up. Especially after an embarrassing incident - I've had many an incident - I'm still not sober. I'd like to be.
I drank on Friday - 2 bottles - didn't drink yesterday or today.
I'm putting weight on. To be honest, weight loss is a big incentive for me. I just don't lose when I drink, even 1 bottle a week. It all just comes right back on.
At least, my summer celebrations are now officially over. Apart from holiday in 5 weeks, nothing is happening. I feel sluggish and lacking in energy, so I'm concentrating on being af and eating properly for the foreseeable. I know I can do it. Especially, with the help here. Thanks @WendyWagon for your offer of help. I'll be calling on you.

@thebabessavedme well done on 14 days, that's so good.
Sometimes when I was on a roll but had to socialise, I just faked it. Tonic in a glass or af lager. No one's bothered after a while.