On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

No booze sat or sun so doing ok past few days. Seems easier during the week as I need to work so can’t really afford to drink as I need to get up in the morning. I’ve got a very ‘thinking’ job that lots of concentration for hours a day so really struggle hungover.

Hats off to all you who are able to moderate! I’m a one and I’m off type of person who can’t.

Need to make more positive changes but at the moment it’s just not drinking. The rest can come at a later time, maybe a few weeks down the line. As my username might give a clue to, I’m getting on for 40 and want to be in good shape for myself and family by the time I get there. I’m 39 in a few weeks and want to be healthy for the whole year so I can hit my 40’s the best I’ve ever been. Midlife crisis? Maybe, but getting healthy is the best cliche.

I like the idea that every time you don’t drink you’re paying it forward to yourself. It’s not the next drink that’ll get you….it’s the millionth after that!

Hope you all have a good af day

Well I didn't manage to stay AF on Saturday night as I planned...well vaguely hoped. Not a major session though, yesterday I tried a can of M&S mojito and had one glass of wine so not too bad. It is the knock-on effect though - I ended up just sat watching the TV rather than getting on with what I say I want to. I think I need to go back to banning my evening sofa sitting again (well before a certain time - thinking 8 pm). This is a choice though - I think I do it because I feel overwhelmed by the alternative, even though I know I enjoy it more when I get going.

I hear you about the other positive changes that need to be made too @OhShitImNearly40 . My drinking is definitely caught up in all of that. I actually think I need to focus more on that than my actual drinking - adding things in rather than focusing on what I am taking out? I've got a new productivity app that is looking promising so far.

Things I'm trying to add in/improve at the moment are: Intermittent fasting, lots of vegetables, learning about gut health (starting ZOE in August); upping the housework levels (I'm so unfit at moment this is like a workout for me); relationships; getting out and about & doing more things; consistent and focused piano practice.

Love your AF birthday idea @Amdone123 !

Top of a new page so I can't scroll up to remind myself of the other posts...

@Coppergate4 , I love that....'vaguely hoped' 🤣
That can be me sometimes!
Well, you've got lots to concentrate on there. Maybe break it all down into baby steps as sometimes it all gets overwhelming.
Well, it does for me !
Last week when dh was away, I made a massive list of house stuff, then broke it down into 15 / 30 / 45 minute jobs. So, even if I only got a 15 minute job done, I felt better!
Sorry, went of on a tangent there !

I do intermittent fasting : I'm trying to not eat so many carbs. This morning for brunch, I only had 1 wholemeal pitta instead of 2 - I could now eat the dog like, but I'm trying !!

Yes, I've told my sister that I don't want to get drunk on my birthday.
Step 1 ✅
I hope Step 2 is as easy.

@OhShitImNearly40 , well done for being af Saturday and Sunday, that's really good.
I was thinking a few posts ago how the weekends don't bother me - it's the other days. I'm watching tennis and just thought I'd love a white wine. It's only Monday !
Anyway, thanks @Determineddoris , you're right the cravings are very short. And, you are doing so well when your dh drinks. I don't think I could resist but having said that, I never thought I could do af weekends and now they're quite common for me.

Failed spectacularly last night. Im too embarassed to even say what quantity I drank but suffice to say I have been unimpressed with myself today and I need hair of the dog...

Tomorrow is a new day.

@Needtokickthehabit , you can only keep trying. Put it behind you.
Is there any way you could just have tea or fizzy type drinks this evening ?
Have a nice bath, an early night ?

I COULD do all of those things. Sadly I do not. I need to retrain myself.

Lol @Coppergate4 I was always vaguely hoping too. Your plans sound fantastic ! What is the Zoe thing in a nutshell ? Sounds good and I like all the vegetable eating you have described! I was reading through an entry to a random page in my diary in January where I've written oh it was so and so birthday and I managed to alternate with water but still got smashed! And I wrote I really just don't wanna drink anymore, can't moderate what's the point etc ! Re reading that made me think there's been so many little journal entries of I don't want to drink I don't want to smoke everything gives you all the cancer's like scaring myself but it didn't work then! I have struggled with alcohol all my life to be honest so now I'm finally in control.
@Needtokickthehabit one day at a time, what makes you think you need hair of the dog or is it just habit as you say retraining the brain it's not easy after all the years of drinking ! But my mindset has changed so can yours.
@Amdone123 what did you do instead of the feeling you wanted white wine what is your go to drink? I'm getting a bit bored of ice and water and squash now !!!

@Determineddoris , I just batted the craving away. I find if I don't 'dwell' on it - the craving goes. I know it's easier said than done, but I force myself to think of something else.

I had ginger beer, slices of lime, ice - so nice.
I've also had cloudy lemonade with ice.
I sometimes have a hot chocolate or a latte, even in this weather. Takes longer to drink.

There was a thread on here last year about af drinks. It had some brilliant suggestions. I'll see if I can find it.

Wow you were up in middle of the night @Amdone123 ? Are you ok? I hear you about batting away the craving I do that but there's still tough days and easier days! I sometimes have a decaff too. I have a sore throat but probably coz I'm smoking 🚭 I really need to stop but I was reading some stuff and I shouldn't do both at the same time and for me the booze was more detrimental to my health then anything else so no brainer BUT it's still a shit habit. I was about to give this book how to stop smoking easily by Allen carr to charity but might give it a read (I have about 10 books I need to read !)
@Manyrivers how are you ? How's everyone else doing ?
@Bigbus how are you feeling after yesterday hope you are ok..it's tough with the kids and when you think it'll get easier it doesn't...I also wrote to the my friend the other day I feel like running away! Is this a new thing she's been doing or it's been like that for a while? My DS is so bad in terms of respect and rudeness but now I think he's got some issues we have a family support worker getting involved at some point !
@Needtokickthehabit yes I felt like that and now I'm over 40! But we can change when we want to , noone else can make us! You are doing well!
@Needtokickthehabit how did you do last night ?

Morning All,

Hope you are all well. @Needtokickthehabit how are you today, are you aiming for AF this evening? I am, no matter how stressful work is today, would be great to do it together if you want to. @Amdone123 @Determineddoris you are inspiring me to get back on the AF journey.

I had a good productive afternoon/evening yesterday, but went to the supermarket and picked up 2 single serve bottles of wine?? Obviously led to 2 glasses of wine when I came back. Totally unnecessary but at least I nailed the moderation part (only because I bought the single serve, could never trust myself to open a normal bottle).

@Amdone123 I hear you with the AF drinks. I'm now going to try and phase myself to drinking only water or tea in the evenings. I'm also going to stop putting my water in a wine glass. I feel I need to move away from the alcohol related habits altogether. If I'm thirsty I will have a normal glass of water, not pretend it's wine by mimicking all the associated actions. If I'm feeling stressed it's a cup of tea in a nice mug. I'm gona call this phase 2 of my habit change. Wish me luck!!

Morning all. I feel good this morning. Mainly because I 'only' had one bottle of wine last night but I also was in bed asleep for 10pm. I am planning on 2 beers this evening. I absolutely love the taste of red wine and am a glutton for it so I need to change to something I do not enjoy as much I think.

@Manyrivers , well, you only bought 2 small bottles so it's better than what could have been.
Supermarkets are a nightmare when you're trying to give up. I don't use a wine glass either, but a lovely glass that's not for water either.
You can do phase 2. Try not to think about this evening and being af. It's difficult because you have to think about it a little bit !
Play it forward and envision yourself tomorrow morning, knowing you didn't drink. And post on here and let us know !
@Determineddoris , yes, well spotted.
I went to bed at 9pm, wide awake 2am. I tried to go back but it's pointless. Feel headachy this morning but funnily enough, when I woke, I thought back to the days when I used to 'wake' up feeling rubbish, hungover, pissed off, etc etc
God, I don't miss them.
@Needtokickthehabit , yeah, 2 bottles of beer tonight sounds like a good plan.
@Bigbus , hope you're ok. I know you've had a stressful time recently, I do hope things are improving ❤️

I'm off to zumba then the supermarket.
Weird, but good, that no seed has been planted and I have no intention of buying alcohol.
Just For Today, I Won't Drink.

Have a great day, folks.

Morning, didn’t drink yesterday so still on a roll. Determined to do this. I feel so shit today but at least I’m not hungover and I have a life without booze to look forward to from now on. I’ve got loads of issues but booze won’t be one - it doesn’t help, just makes things 10x worse.

Going for a weekend away with my gf this weekend. She likes a drink, though doesn’t get drunk often. I’m looking forward to being totally me when we’re away rather than drunk/hungover/tired me.

A week and half until my birthday, that’s when I’m going to hit the exercise again! Can’t do serious training when drinking and being fit does sooo much for my well-being. It’s a viscous cycle…feel down, drink, get unfit, feel worse, drink some more…

Have a good day all :)

@OhShitImNearly40 , well done for not drinking yesterday. You're doing really well.
Yes, drinking makes everything so much worse. Ironic, really as at the time we think it helps.

I think like you regarding fitness. I only smoke when I'm drinking but I love exercising, zumba etc. When I'm feeling good in the gym, I can't believe I ruin it by smoking.

@OhShitImNearly40 well done for your roll you are doing fantastic!
@Amdone123 I'm the same why ruin it with smoke but for now it's keeping me going, I also started smoking again when I was drinking bought cigs and kept buying like a nutter! But for now I'm not drinking so all good.

@Determineddoris , definitely, you can't do everything.
How've you been today ?
I was great this morning, went to zumba, watched tennis, no cravings.
I'm now watching old episodes of Dinner Date and fancy a glass of wine.
Off to make tea 😩

@Amdone123 yes make the tea!!! I have hardly any cravings lately which is unusual but don't want to jinx it. Even thinking about the future holidays I'm good with not drinking. I'm nearly 500 hours or 3 weeks as my app tells me. Lol I had a fairly productive day, sorted out blood tests for me , have been in a panic about a health thing so was looking for private second opinions but staying calm wierdly !!!

Good evening everyone. I’m feeling a bit better today. I like my job luckily although it’s the other side for London, 3 different tubes away so it’s not nice travelling in the heat. I had a rewarding day today so that was good. I admit I’m finding home life a bit if a drudge. I’m super lucky to have my home and my family but it’s just so relentless. And literally thankless. I can’t help thinking I thought there would be more to my life at this point.

Anyhow I’m feeling a bit better in myself but more tempted to drink for some reason. I shall not drink tonight though. I have to sort out the washing instead!

I hope you are all feeling ok. Sounds like people are at mixed stages of the process. I wanted to share the stages of change that some of you may know. If you’re at the contemplation stage (knowing you have a problem) or the determination Stage (making a plan) then you’re in the cycle of change even if you’re going forward and backward between different stages it’s all part of the process and better than being in the precontemplation stage which is where you don’t even know you need to change. So those of us who are trying and ‘failing’ repeatedly aren’t failing at all. Don’t be disheartened. It might take lots of time to get to action and you might fall back a few times but you’re in the cycle and you’re on your way.

Hi @Bigbus glad you are feeling better today and I feel the thanklessness and relentlessness. It's constant. But I believe better days are coming !
Brilliant information and diagram thank you for that! We are all at different stages and we definitely are not failures!! I don't know how many day 1s I've had and I can't get too complacent because every day is a day not drinking taking it one at a time. The reason I like this thread so much is that we are all in the same boat. Noone is a robot or perfect. We are just humans trying to be better !

@Bigbus , thanks for that. I've never seen it before but I've always thought at least, I've recognised a problem and yes, I've been back n forth many times, but I'm trying!
As we all are.
Also glad you're feeling better.

@Bigbus thanks for the insight, it's reassuring to see the different stages and recognise my part.

First night I've travelled home and not had "will I won't I thoughts." I just kept repeating in my head, "once you get home you can relax with a cup of tea". It worked for tonight!

Well done @Manyrivers ! Great mindset you have there.! @Bigbus reminded me of a thing I saw too which I'll share x

Interesting diagrams! No booze today but didn’t think I would. Loads of shitty stuff going on but tackling it with a clear head.

Anyone else here use booze to self medicate? Think that’s how I became an alcoholic. I’ve had depression for a long time and was in an abusive relationship for years and the booze ‘helped’ me get through it. Came out of it (two years sober by that point!!) and thought fuck it, let’s go party….big mistake as I ended up using to deal with my issues again. Not that it actually ever helped of course :/ So got to get through that first six months again. Daunting but looking forward to getting there.

@Needtokickthehabit that's brilliant you have done 2 years before ! Really amazing. I also had a huge f it moment and spiralled after nearly a year of AF.
Well done for yesterday too you are on a roll even though you have shit going on !
Yes used it to self medicate numerous times over the years family trauma mainly and then everything escalated from that so just blocked away the thoughts and hurt and pain....now we got to deal with the shit !!! But people keep telling me to meditate but I can't do it...