On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

Morning all! I'm so glad your sister is out of hospital now @Amdone123 , well done for getting through that stressful time and only drinking once! Don't worry about this weekend either just play it hour by hour you will know what you feel best doing and the water bottle idea is fab I do that too these days.
Welcome @MsHybridFanGirl hope you are ok !
@Needtokickthehabit that's great you are starting day 1 from Sunday but as you said yourself you don't need to 'start' again just count the AF days!
@Flishflashfresh I feel you and what you wrote about the society it's madness isn't it esp in British cultures I found.
I'm on day god knows but I am counting but need to check app and I know I cant drink moderatly so it has to be nothing for the foreseeable I am a 100 per cent better for not drinking ! Everything is clearer. It is hard don't get me wrong especially yesterday DH cracked open the white and the red wine but he left the bottle beside him but I noticed his behaviour changes he thinks he funny when he's not and it winds me up. But that's something we need to work on!
@Manyrivers how are you? @texy @Bigbus @Coppergate4 @OhShitImNearly40 @Starlia and anyone else I've missed out! Have a lovely weekend!

@Determineddoris , thanks.
Yes, I'm ready to go home now. I don't think I'll be tempted to drink at all. I'm not in a good mood and I want to go home !
Some relatives are annoying me, saying what if she takes ill and I'm not here ! That's annoying me ( my sister is fine with me going home. Just certain members of the family who like to organise other).
Rant over.
You're still doing really well. Over 2 weeks at least ! I think you're Day 17 - woo !!

@texy - thank you! We do sound very similar! How did you find Zoe?

DH missed the train home from work this week due to staying in the pub slightly too long (and obviously not sticking to the 1820 starting time as the train he just missed was a couple of mins after that). The next train was delayed/the connection cancelled...we had a major miscommunication and I ended up trying to pick him up from the wrong station (his reading comprehension gets very poor when he's had a drink). I was irrationally annoyed rather than sympathetic.

However, he did stick to the 1820 rule last night - we were both watching the clock for the last 30 mins! The idea is that we busy ourselves with other stuff not do that! I realised at some point I was drinking and not really enjoying it but carried on anyway due to being too lazy to occupy myself in another way. Hopefully won't repeat that tonight!

Hello @Amdone123 ! It is lovely to be back - thank you.

Sounds like there are quite a few of us planning and AF Saturday! I'll catch up more this evening when the reality doing that is happening. Have a good day everyone!

Oooooh @Amdone123 I know exactly the type of relatives you are talking about they obviously know best and also how to make you feel bad! Just ignore them if possible and I'm rooting for you to get home asap!

@Coppergate4 I also would have been quite annoyed with all that miscommunication and driving around etc! And don't worry about the clock watching hopefully that'll all come in time as a natural thing for you both ❤️

Weekend check in, this week I've struggled, Wed, Thur and Fri, which has resulted in consumption of 1 bottle of wine, 3 bottles of beer and 2 glasses of wine over these last 3 days. Last night I took myself off for a long walk along the beach and being out in nature really helps clear my head. I've been stressed from work, a bit bored and lonely in the evenings which is my perfect recipe for wanting to drink.

I won't drink tonight as I have sober plans with a friend. My intention is to now abstain again for as long as possible. I was AF for 5 days in a row last time so I'd like to beat that.

Hope everyone is good 💛

@Manyrivers , you can do it. One day at a time. I'm the same. I'd like to abstain now for as long as possible. It's my birthday next week - always something - I'd like to not drink on my birthday.
I might need to put on the family wats app that bottles will not be needed.

I've cheered up a bit now as like @Manyrivers , a walk by nature does me the world of good. A batch of relatives been and gone and I drank Pepsi max with lime wedges and ice.
I've just eaten too.
There is a bottle of prosecco and a bottle of aperol in the fridge - but I'm not opening them.
I can't be hungover through the night. It makes my anxiety and missing the dog unbearable. I'll probably be in bed for 8pm so nearly there !

Hope those of you aiming for an af Saturday are doing OK.
❤️

Loving the walks in nature ...that seriously gives me envy as I absolutely love going near the sea or lakes or rivers etc but alas have none around this concrete jungle I live in (not that bad but still no flowing things) I've been stuck doing deep cleaning and I haven't stopped yet as then life admin has managed to get in the way. And kids. And H. At least I don't have a dog as well but I would love one!!! I helped my neighbour out yesterday and she came by with the most loveliest bunch of bloomers and chocolate, she struggles a lot and hides her empty bottles and I've told her I'm always here should she need me but it's how she seems to cope in life currently as we all do some way or another right ?
@Manyrivers you will beat the 5 days no worries and if you don't that's also ok. Just be really super kind to yourself you are a normal wonderful human being !
@Amdone123 not drinking on your birthday will be amazing I think that's one thing I don't think ever done in the past 20 years....

@Determineddoris , it'd be quite the challenge eh ?
But I think I can do it if I really want to. I quite like a challenge.
I've already told my dh I don't want to go away anywhere, that I just want to have a nice brunch, go to the gym then come home and relax. Maybe have a takeaway in the evening - from our favourite Turkish restaurant.
The more I think about it....

@Amdone123 that sounds fab to be honest that's a birthday you will always remember AF!

One of the things I've found in the joy of being AF is I don't need to worry how hungover or how little sleep I'm going to get before work the next day. That was a thing I would always try and calculate , I'll have two large glasses that should be ok and then it would turn into a bottle etc and then I'd have shit sleep and wake up next day feeling ok but internally hanging and remorse and hated myself really and then I'd go to work! So tomorrow I have work but I have no worries anymore about the above..I feel very free it's quite nice feeling!
Hope everyone is getting on ok x

Morning, folks !
Hope you're all ok ?

I'm really pleased because I didn't drink yesterday and not only that, I didn't find it too difficult. I wasn't miserable or anything, just determined.
Another batch of relatives arriving today. Now, this lot are drinkers, but I'm leaving lunchtime.

And.....I've lost weight - it's so simple for me. Drink = weight gain.
AF = weight loss.

@Determineddoris , yeah, that's a great feeling, getting your sleep back.
I haven't slept brilliantly, but I will when I'm home.

Morning all! How did everyone's Saturday night go?
@Amdone123 well done I know it's such a great feeling and also weight loss for some reason I have only lost literally a lb in the last 18 days or so! But I have been eating a lot of chocolate, crisps etc you have been quite stressed too with the family and sister so maybe that helped you not gorge ! (Some ppl eat when stressed some don't like I don't at all eat when stressed!) I realised yesterday whilst deep cleaning I had a massive headache and it's because it was midday and I hadn't eaten! It was so bad! So I intermittent fasted by accident! Glad you will be leaving before the relatives come who drink and it's going to be a hot sunny day again! I am at work which is good I guess and it's my horrible sis in laws birthday today (very low contact once in a blue moon texts to say happy birthday to her kids she doesn't text me when it's my kids birthday but she messaged my H which is fine low contact the better ) but I did purposely put myself down to work in case they were having a family thing which gives me super anxiety which is when I would have been triggered so all in all its going to be a good day!

@Determineddoris , good move !
Yes, you're better off working 🤣

Good morning everyone! I'm from wales 30s and have been questioning my relationship with alcohol for years. My dp doesn't think I have s problem as I don't drink in the morning or daily. I was doing well with moderation (thought I was) but I've had a lot of heartbreaks over a few miscarriages and I've had enough,
Came back from a really boozy holiday a week ago and just kept drinking every night. Even if I only had 1 or 2 drinks and now I'm just sick of this cycle of waking up feeling disgusting,
Vowing i won't drink that day, fast forward 6pm on it again! 😩
Has anybody had any success with jus drinking one night a week ?
I've downloaded this naked mind & will start listening today x

Hello @indieray I remember your name from either this thread or one ages ago pre COVID/midst of covid? How are you feeling today? Try and be very kind to yourself today and get that remorseful disgust feeling out and put in some quit lit as you are doing anyway with Annie grace (I still haven't read the whole book unfortunately!) She also does the 30 day experiment online with the app and there's a community going through similar things to you. I can't help you with the one night a week unfortunately as I can't do that which initially though was sad and omg why can't I etc but now I know my life is better completely cutting it out. There are others on this thread who are amazing at moderating actually so they will definitely give you some advice and if you read through as much as you can too! Don't worry you got this!

So Friday we were out for dinner and had a bottle of wine each.

Last night I had a night in with my mum and we had a bottle of wine each.

Tonight I will have a bottle of wine to myself I already know this. Tomorrow night I have a different plan but I shall wait till Tuesday to see if I follow through!

Morning all. Managed to not drink yesterday, gonna do the same today. So simple, right?
Ive got shit loads of work to do for tomorrow so going to bury myself in it and hopefully that’ll distract me enough! Then the working week will hopefully be enough.
Going to kick start my exercise again by cycling to and from work - always helps boost my mood and my determination. Hope you all have a nice Sunday!

Welcome @indieray I’ve been where you are alcohol-wise and I’m managing to moderate quite well now - last week a had a drink on Friday and Saturday and was AF all other days and on the drinking days I probably had the equivalent of a bottle of wine over each evening. I still have mishaps when the wine monster wakes up and I end up too drunk and hungover the next day but it’s rare now, not the norm. I’ve had my ups and downs along the way.

@OhShitImNearly40 well done on AF yesterday. Do you feel much better today? Hold that feeling in your head next time you are tempted to drink when you don’t really want to.

@Needtokickthehabit is a bottle a night less than before? That’s what I cut down too and for a while stuck there with a few AF days when I was working the next day. It’s a step on the road.

@Amdone123 i hope your sister is much better and you’ve made it home and can have a rest. Well done on keeping it all together over this really difficult time.

@Manyrivers sorry you’ve been struggling. How are you feeling today?

@Determineddoris thanks for keeping us all in mind and for all the inspiration!

@Bigbus unfortunately yes. Its been that way since covid.

Morning, folks, how are we all doing ?
I'm home - yay !

I'm proud of myself for not drinking over the weekend. Yesterday morning I went for a long walk before The Drinking Relatives arrived.
When they arrived at the cottage, it was bedlam and as soon as I'd checked my sister was ok with me going home, I was out the door !
So, 15 af days out of 17, but today officially Day 4, which is good.
I feel so much better.
I've got a great week planned - housework, dog walks, eating properly, gym sessions.
My other sister told me she's booked my birthday off and did I want to go out. I can see what that day will look like, and I've already planned my af birthday, so I'll tell her no later - she won't mind, but I just don't want to drink just because its my birthday.
It seems stupid now I've changed my mindset regarding alcohol.
I'd rather be good to myself on my birthday - and drinking wine and smoking is not being good to myself.

Morning everyone!
So another AF weekend(3rd) watching my H drink ..it did trigger me ever so slightly but I played it forward and was ok in the end. I try to just get away so I go upstairs and tidy or just lay on my bed. I have downloaded the balance app so should really start doing it but the kids are always in my face or fighting or shouting so it's not exactly peaceful!
@Needtokickthehabit see how you feel today and if you follow through then you have great power within yourself! The thought of the drink only lasts someone mentioned 5 mins or even less? So in that 5 mins it you could do something else with your hands that might work! One coach on here suggested pouring water into a wine glass and see how that goes!
@Bigbus thank you for the kind words really means a lot, all of you are so great!
@Amdone123 well done on the walk and getting the fudge out of there home! Glad you are home and I'm glad your sister is recovering. And not wanting to drink just because it's your birthday is brilliant!
How's everyone else doing ? @Manyrivers and @Starlia @Coppergate4 @MsHybridFanGirl @Flishflashfresh @daffodills1 @indieray and anyone else I've missed!

Good morning all. I’m feeling a bit fed up today. My middle child, DD14, is being just continuously low-grade rude to me and it wears me down. I know she’s anxious about a couple of things - one which will be over with on Wednesday but one which won’t be resolved until 18th July. It’s just casual unpleasantness that never stops but it’s never really a big blow up. It’s hard to rise above it, which of course I must do, but it gets me down. On top of that I’m really exhausted. I feel like running away today! I know I’ll feel better tomorrow and I know I’ll feel worse if I drink, so I’ll just shake it off and get on with the day.

best wishes for the day everyone

Hi everyone,

So proud and motivated hearing your stories @Determineddoris and @Amdone123 such amazing progress!

I recently watched a big sporting event here in Australia and drank a bottle of wine in the process. This is the first time in a while I’ve done that. I woke up feeling DREADFUL. So am happy to relearn that lesson! Ever since I’ve been much more mindful of how much I’m drinking on weekends and this has meant I’ve cut down again. I really hate the hungover feeling and feel very motivated not to feel like that again!

@Needtokickthehabit I understand how difficult it gets - wish I could say I am the poster child for success but the reality is that I make progress and then stuff up again. Please be gentle with yourself. A fresh start is always, always possible.

how are you going @OhShitImNearly40 ? Have you taken some steps in being AF this week?

Welcome @indieray, as you can probably see we are all in various stages of cutting back or eliminating alcohol.

@Manyrivers @Bigbus and others, how are you doing?

Good Morning Everyone,

Some real good progress from you guys! @Determineddoris @Amdone123 I can feel such a shift in mindset from your posts. @Bigbus sorry you've started the morning feeling this way, try and do something for yourself today, even a small thing if you can. @Starlia I love that phrase "relearn my lesson". Abstaining or moderation is like learning your times tables in school, just keep repeating until it becomes familiar!

I'm doing OK. Have not stayed AF but have moderated. Drank a few bottles of fruit cider over the weekend, still have 3 bottles in the house which I haven't touched, now that's progress! Trying to steer clear of the wine!

Iv'e been focusing on excerise, the more I do the better I feel. Celebrating my small wins. I've been hangover free for 3 weekends in a row and I'm adding in healthy habits to my lifestyle. They do say gradual change good!

Have a good day everyone