On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

Hi everyone, busy day on the thread so hope I can keep up!

Thank you for the kind words. I'm realising how much work stress is actually a massive trigger for me, whereas before I didn't quite make the link. I am really trying to address it with new habits but there are definitely still days where I'm so fed up I just don't care about much and that idea of nurturing and nourishing myself just goes out of the window.

@Starlia love the sound of that evening routine. Can definitely recommend the don't sit down method, or for me it's sitting in a different place which is enough to break the habit. @OhShitImNearly40 can you look at your evening routines and see where you normally drink and then where you can put some other habits into action?

@Amdone123 how are you feeling this evening? I hope you enjoyed your hike. I can get the 'something to do' thing massively, particularly when you're away from home and your usual routine and comforts. And AF drinks probably! Well done for your weight loss so far! I've lost precisely nothing so you're doing really well.

@daffodills1 good to hear you felt so much better at work yesterday. I think the more we notice the good effects of not drinking the quicker we can break the magical spell of the alcohol. We go looking to those positive effects.

@Determineddoris how are you this evening? X

@Starlia I've actually done the couch thing but with icy water instead. Literally my every move of drinking the wine and placing it on the side ,on the floor or actually on the sofa lol I've replaced with the icy wierd squash water I've been drinking every day (reminds me need to get some more as an running out never thought I'd say that!) Just had a run in with H he's a pain in the arse sometimes. We do need to work on some things as a family but baby steps godammit otherwise it'll all go tits up!
@texy it's hard when work which you do most our waking hours day in day out is a trigger we are at work more than home! Well even if you wfh it's still hard to switch off and the relaxation is planted that wine will make it all better but it generally doesn't in the long run but you have been doing great ! Everyone here has been more mindful of the drink.
@OhShitImNearly40 how are you tonight ? Must be tough what you are going through. What about a walk when you feel the urge ?
@Amdone123 how are you and how's your sister doing ? X

Just checking in to say I am alive and still wanting to boot the booze however I was invited to a friends place last night with the kids for a bbq and well the intentions were to drive which I did however we cabbed it home....

I have a half bottle of wine just finished here and no more booze in the house so still technically cutting down I guess.

Morning all! I have been up since 5am and I knocked out about 10pm! My sleep is so deep and amazing since going AF ! I think because I'm working a lot and working out (trying to) and walking more everywhere eit makes me more tired in the evenings too which is great for sleep as well. How did your PT go @texy ?
@Needtokickthehabit thanks for checking in there, at least your intentions were there in the first place and you didn't drink and drive! And you say you only had half a bottle yesterday? Would you normally have had a whole one? So yes that's progress right there !
@Amdone123 hope you are ok this morning and your sister. Any news? My besties bro is in hospital at the moment, first it was a blood clot on the lung and now they're saying he has an enlarged heart he's only 36! So she's worrying and so am I but thank god for NHS hey? I know they are struggling but they're still there and hopefully your sister is in the best care xxx
@mj20 I'm still always thinking about you and your dad and family hope everything is ok
How's @Starlia any better now?
@bookworm44 @Bigbus @EnoughEnoughnow @Flishflashfresh @Manyrivers @MsHybridFanGirl @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @daffodills1 how are you all? I'm on I think day 15. I'll check my app later 😃

Good morning @Determineddoris and everyone else. I just wanted to say to those who are struggling at the moment (which may well be me in a few weeks again) that it took me a long time to get to the point where I can go an evening without even thinking about drinking. I used to have to have the ‘will I, won’t I’ conversation in my head everyday, regardless of what I was doing the next day, and would consider anything under 1 bottle of wine to be a success (even if only 1 cm wine left in there - I’d say to myself ‘see, I don’t have a problem otherwise I wouldn’t be able to leave wine in the bottle’.) I would start afresh every week and fail again every week. I would seek out opportunities to drink - and I still do this to some extent. However over several months and with lots of false starts I have got to where I am now which is a much better place. I still have occasions when I don’t have an off switch but even then I drink smaller glasses and all in all cause myself less embarrassment. I don’t take any of this for granted. I’ve been drinking since I was 15 and I’m 46 now and it’s been up and down all my life so the potential to fall back will never go away.

Anyway the point of this long ramble is that there might not be a quick fix, it might take time and it might always need attention but don’t give up. There is hope. Be kind to yourself and take your time.

Morning All,

Wine witch took over last night, bottle of rose. I was in a weird mood after work and just let myself make that choice. I had one glass then switched to water.. an hour and a half later I started on the rest of the bottle.

Its not ideal and of course I regret it today, but its not the end of the world either. If I can make that my only bottle this week then that's one bottle in 10days which is still a massive drop from my intake a while back.

Hope everyone has a good day

You and I are on opposite 'F it' days @Manyrivers 😂 could you identify your weird mood in the end? I've been in a weird mood this week too, and still trying to put my finger on exactly what it is. I think the root cause is tiredness and stress but I'm a bit fed up too.

Thanks for asking @Determineddoris - I'm broken from PT 😂 but think this is going to be a good thing for me and I'm already so proud of myself that I'm doing it which helps. Hopefully it helps me to LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!!! I work from home actually which I think is 80% of my issue with my work (I feel quite lonely a lot of the time) so getting out of the house to PT should also help with the cabin fever. Fingers crossed.

@Bigbus loving your post. You sound really content and peaceful which is so great. It's amazing the perspective and trust in yourself that this exploration brings isn't it. I definitely feel like I understand myself much more now, even on the harder weeks.

@Needtokickthehabit hang on in there. Perhaps look at the rest of your week and make a little plan. You're doing well to be cutting down, that will definitely help you.

@Amdone123 & @Starlia hope all of the patients are doing well and improving

Morning all! @Determineddoris yes just the half last night. I forsee half again tonight and my partner and i have a dinner out organised for Friday but he is very conscious when he drinks of what he drinks and his ful upper limit is a bottle each. He only drinks weekends too and bless his heart he does not think I would ever drink more than a bottle and certainly not during the week.... he is another reason I need to taper and cut down drastically as we holiday together in a few months and he will see in a two week hol what he normally would not see on a weekend if I do not cop myself on.

Morning guys, hope you’re all ok. No booze last night - slept for about 15 hours! My body obviously needed it after boozing for about 6 days in a row. Think that’s my battle plan, hibernate in my house for the next few days. I suffer from depression and most of the boozing is most likely self-medication so getting out of this slump would be a good move. Hide away, small positive steps and don’t visit the shops!

@Bigbus I love your long rambles and I have done longer rambles lol so please continue so nice to see insights into everyone's drinking and what we are all doing to manage/stop. I also used to think about drinking from the morning, when will I, will I, I'll get that bottle from Sainsbury on way home and put it in the front room until kids are occupied and just have it beside me like a pet! Glass after glass so I feel you @Manyrivers the intentions are there but once the first taste starts there's no button to say nope. The 1cm in the wine bottle too same I was like well I haven't had a full bottle etc it's mind games and gymnastics constantly whirring around in our brains it's hard bloody work all that which is why I have just taken it out of the equation completely! I'm not being complacent as I know something may trigger me into thinking I need the wine but in reality we don't need it none of us it's just finding what we can do instead but let's face it in days like this when it's sunny and you feel work and family and life stress it's what we go to. @texy well done for PT though I went to a hard core class on Monday and my abs are still aching plus I ran in the mums race at sports day and was pretty broken after that too I was limping the next day hahaha @Needtokickthehabit our other halves sound excatly the same ! It's good you are conscious of even the holiday in a few months about what you will Do. You got this! @OhShitImNearly40 that's brilliant news no booze wow well done!!!! And yes you probably did need all that sleep well done your body is recuperating! I can't stop thinking about the people in that titan submarine.....

Hello! I left MN for a while (hence Coppergate4 now rather than Coppergate3 and so on...) and now it is time to try again - hopefully without wasting hours thinking and replying to random threads as a procrastination tactic! I miss this thread!

My drinking has been ok - I've definitely decreased the daily quantity but the frequency has crept back up to daily again. DH has got on board a tiny amount and has agreed to delay the start time slightly...started with 6.15 pm (it used to be 6 pm but was forever increasingly becoming nearer to 5 pm so that was an effort). That wasn't perfect but much better so the next week just moved it to 6.20 pm rather than pushing it too much. Baby steps but a weekly baby step will hopefully add up to significant change. We'll see. We've at least started booking gigs/events so we will have other things to do in a few months...

I want to moderate more than that though - get back to not drinking at home, or at least restricting it to the weekend. I am frustrated with myself. These daily choices I make (around food, alcohol and how I spend my time) and forcing me to live a life that just isn't as good as it reasonably could be, I see it so clearly yet...! I've got a productivity APP on my phone now and looking forward to starting ZOE at some point in September - doing some pre-tweaking to my diet habits now though.

Nice to hear from you @Coppergate4 !!!! Great you have found us!
Sounds like you have been doing pretty well in regards to mindful about starting time (mine was literally as soon as I stepped into the door after school !) And I'm glad your DH is on board too all sounds quite promising ! When you go to your events and gigs are you planning on moderating then too? I also want to moderate my diet! What kind of things are you doing ? I was very mindful of low carb for a while but I ended up eating a lot of high fat cheeses etc so I didn't lose any weight however me not drinking a bottle of wine every day for the last 15/16 days has helped my bloated beer belly as such gone down ever so slightly but it's something !

Thank you @Determineddoris !

It is early days with booking the gigs/events...I think it will be a mix. So far we've only booked music concerts. I think the stand up rock type ones we will prob drink but moderate. Classical (with friend(s) not DH) probably not or maybe one drink. Really want to get booking theatre type things with DH - it is proving tricky to find things he will enjoy though. We saw Nye Bevan's 'Happy Birthday NHS?' about 5 years ago and we really enjoyed it (didn't expect to enjoy it as much as we did tbh) so probably stuff like that rather than full on musicals/stage productions.

Whether we manage to get a handle on our drinking or not we definitely need to get out and do things that aren't purely drinking/eating related. We've made our lives far too small.

I don't know what I'm doing really with diet other than trying to get more veg in and stop snacking so much! More live yogurt/berries as an evening snack. Fancy getting into fermented foods but...it seems a bit daunting right now! Thanks to chef AJ and a stint trying to do whole foods plant based I'm not adverse at all to vegetables for breakfast. I had that today (as I've got the day off) - big pile of steamed (from frozen) veg with miso butter and an omelette. I don't eat breakfast until a bit later so that won't work for work days (I tend to eat bran flakes with oat milk at work - not ideal but certainly easy!). I've done intermittent fasting before and just didn't eat until I got him (tend to work 7.30 - 3.30) - that worked well but getting back to that seems like a big ask right now! I need a better plan but feel overwhelmed taking on too much - trying to baby step everything!

Ooo @Coppergate4 classical music gigs sound amazing I'd love to try it one day! And good for you planning all these amazing things life really is too short to be wasting it on drink and sitting around doing sfa! I also have in my mind plans that need doing but I have not been managing really well as I procrastinate a lot when I'm not working ! Although yesterday I did a Pilates class which nearly broke me again but I feel like I haven't been sitting in the house on my days off plus the house is seemingly getting tidier because I'm not wasting my evenings drinking on the sofa!
How are you all now @Starlia ? @Amdone123 how are you and how's your sister doing hope all is looking positive ?
How is everyone else ? I know it's Friday so weekend type triggers funnily enough I don't get the weekend triggers I never have as I've drank all week anyway so by the time Friday came I was like oh I should stop. Lol stupid isn't it. My app tells me I've saved nearly 10000 calories can you believe that? In the just over 2 weeks I've done. My fuck it button seems to have disappeared too which I'm glad about and I hope it stays lost!

@Determineddoris , you're doing so well. Keep going. And it's great you don't get the weekend triggers ! Weekends don't bother me anymore either.
@Coppergate4 , lovely to hear from you. I hear you regarding one's world becoming small when it's around drinking. I'm working on expanding mine.

I still haven't had time to catch up with everyone but I will.
My sister is home now so all good. Thanks everyone for asking about her.
I've had 12 af days out of the last 14. I should be reasonably happy with that but meh.
I'm not drinking these next 3 days when I'm here. It's making me miserable.
I know I've had a stressful time with my sister but I'm still annoyed with myself for drinking when I didn't need to.
Anyway, I'm putting it behind me - I was so happy on that af 11 day stint ( I know I keep saying it but I really was! ).

Drank 2.5 litres of really strong cider yesterday. Sacked of work in the afternoon and today. My heads all over the place and I checked out into booze. Gf came over and we actually ended up having a lovely evening together but I was drunk. Think I needed to get that out of the way.
Got a long weekend now, going to skip the booze, no need for it after the amount I’ve drunk this week!!

@Coppergate4 I'm really pleased you're back. I lurked on the thread for a long while and your story was one that resonated the most particularly around trying to cut down while your partner still drinks which is a significant challenge for me too. I also completely agree with the drinking makes your world much smaller concept. I realised that too when I suddenly had time on my hands and absolutely no way of passing it or hobbies etc. I'm working on that now too. I also did Zoe in the Autumn so maybe we're twins 😂

@OhShitImNearly40 yesterday is done and dusted now so try and focus on how to make the weekend really positive for you. Think forward to how you might feel on Monday morning if you've managed a few days off it this weekend. Or even one day of the weekend. Make some nice plans for what you will do instead.

I'll have a proper catch up with everyone later with a nice cuppa 😊

@OhShitImNearly40 , yeah, definitely put it behind you. Maybe you did need to get it out of the way. I'm like that sometimes.
You could now have an af weekend and like @texy said, make it really positive for yourself. Monday morning if you've managed to stay af for the weekend, you'll feel great. It's worth it.

Hi guys, did amazing all week (I had got to a place for years where I didn't drink during the week), felt so much better. Hosted an event last night where I had to provide wine for guests, and of course they all brought a bottle or in some cases 2 bottles...!

Managed to drink lots of water then about a glass and a half of wine then tons more water.... sleep was still fucked and anxiety high and ability to do any work today just gone.

Now I am left with five bottles of wine I didn't previously have...aargh! I have moved in the last few years to a super sociable region but all the 'make-new-friends and really bond with them' activity is all done through food and wine. It's like, you could almost make all your new friends and THEN you could declare yourself teetotal.

Of course so much of that is insecurity and actually very teenage like 'I need booze to make friends!' when all that means is that you're making boozier friends when there are probably lots of nice soberish people swerving you because they don't want to get sucked into drinking loads themselves or hang out with a drunk person!

All so societally complex.

All I can contribute is that Sunday is to be my day one. Again.

@Needtokickthehabit , it doesn't matter. Keep trying.

Evening all, thanks for the warm welcome. Ended up drinking too much again yesterday and ate junk food like it was going out of fashion! When I've been on a bit of a bender I try to taper down on the following days to lessen hangover symptoms but that invariably ends up leading to another binge. Drank earlier today but I've had about half as much as yesterday so counting that as a win. Aiming for AF completely tomorrow.

@MsHybridFanGirl , that's good if you've only had half of yesterday.
I'm really wanting to be af tomorrow. I was today and it was ok, but tomorrow family members are here and I know I'll struggle but I'm going to be really mindful.
I don't want hangover on Sunday when I'm travelling home ( 2.5 hrs journey minimum).
Every time I feel myself wanting to pour one, I'm going to drink from my water bottle.

@Needtokickthehabit one of the useful things I have learnt on here is not to necessarily count days in a row because as soon as you have one lapse you’re back to square one. So count each AF day even if you’ve had soggy days in between. I was AF for 6 days this week which is a record for me! I’ve had a few drinks tonight and will tomorrow and then I’ll be AF again. So I’m going to frame that as having been AF 6 days out of 8, not back to day one. So if you used to have 0/7 days AF and this week you had 1/7 or 2/7 count it like that instead of always going back to day one. That might be helpful?

This is really helpful advice. I tend to get caught up in "x" days AF and then ruining it with a bender and back to day one etc. I love having a long sober streak but it's not always sustainable. Wish it could be though, I'd love to see how my life could change if I reached 5 years sober