On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat CONTINUED....

[Determineddoris]

Hi all,

Shiny new thread!

Thank you to @Amdone123 for the last few, she's been around longer than me and always so supportive and kind, thank you!

Tagging people I can from the last thread but please tag any others please!

@texy @Manyrivers @Bigbus @JulieHoney @Mj20 @Starlia

Would you guys mind if I joined this thread? Got hopelessly drunk on Sunday afternoon at a party where I knew loads of people and am so mortified. I have been so good at cutting down in general but it always sneaks up on me and then the party monster is just waiting inside.

Hosting an event this week which is very 'wine o'clock' and going to try and provide wine for others but not for me if you see what I mean.

Would love to have an alcohol free future tbh.

Welcome @Flishflashfresh this is a safe space to plan out your future. Some of us are trying to abstain and some of us are trying to reduce.
I currently have the flu so will post again when I feel vaguely human.
hope your sister is ok @Amdone123

'a safe place to plan out your future' is so exactly what I need and couldn't quite articulate - thank you.

Hello all, mind if I join in? Been an alcoholic for years. Went off it for two years, back on and this year I’ve been off and on!

Today is my day one forever. The stuff isn’t ruining my life but it makes stuff so much harder and I can’t do the moderation thing so completely off it. Gf understands and is on board with it and family know I’m sometimes off the booze so won’t question it. Life is good at the moment so I’m in the best place to start (or stop even..)

Hi all, glad to hear you guys are doing really well it's good to read!
@Amdone123 hope your sister is ok?
@Flishflashfresh and @OhShitImNearly40 very warm welcome here and indeed it is a very safe space to talk about what you want to do to reduce or cut it out completely. I am the same as you in terms of its all or nothing and life is better without it although there are some times you wonder why I can't moderate but it all makes sense in a convoluted way in my brain. I am trying hard at upping the fitness levels but again it's time and money ! But better spent on that and health then booze and cigs! @daffodills1 you sound so lovely worrying about your work colleagues and the anxiety that comes with it. Hope you have had an ok start to the week back at work. @Starlia get better soon darling !

Hi all can I join you please? Quick background, nearly 40 and been drinking since I was 14. Family history of alcoholism. Have had a few stints of sobriety over the years (longest 18 months) but suffer terribly with anxiety and depression and eventually something will trigger it and I'll be back on a binge and then regular drinking. Had 3 months sober lately, binged for two weeks, five days sober and I've just caved and bought some wine. I know it makes it worse long term but nothing soothes the anxiety like wine!

Evening, all.
I'll catch up when I can but welcome to newcomers, and thanks to everyone else for their well wishes.
God, I'm so tired.
I feel so awful saying that - my sister is on the stroke ward, they now think it's thrombosis. She's just this minute gone for an mri scan.( My mum died of an aneurysm aged 59, so they're obviously worried).
I'm in a b n b near the hospital - I'll probably be here for the next 3 nights.
❤

Hi @MsHybridFanGirl ! You are very welcome too! I completely relate in terms of the stints of sobriety and then the anxiety and depression but what I've noticed as you have the alcohol even though it seems it's taking it away in the moment, it then makes it that so much worse little by little and then we are back to Square one! 3months sober recently is an amazing achievement you don't realise how strong you actually are! What is your plan of action as such? Would you like to be a moderator or an abstainer? I'm on day 14 only so early days but I know in my heart and brain I have no more day ones left in me...I'm happier, able to do things properly i.e. with family and my work and the sleep is creeping up to better and anxiety is lessened xx

@Amdone123, thinking of you and it must be so hard staying somewhere new with all that worry. I hope the results come back ok
@MsHybridFanGirl, welcome! Gosh I know what you mean about wine. I caved this evening as the girls are coming around and my middle son has been horrendously behaved since I collected him from school.
I think white wine is the worst and my definite weakness

@Amdone123 must have cross posted ! So sorry that you are tired you must be with travelling and worry but you are doing fantastic. Hope the MRI will give you some more information and we are all thinking of you. X

Hi all,

Wow lots of action! Hope I don't miss anyone - welcome @Flishflashfresh @OhShitImNearly40 @MsHybridFanGirl you're in the absolute right place, whatever your intentions. It's great to have you here.

@Amdone123 I'm glad you made it safely and know a bit more about your sister. Fingers crossed them catching this early means they can monitor things going forward. It's lovely you're so close to your sister and I'm sure it means a lot that you've gone to be with her.

@Starlia hope you and your hubby and rest of the family are feeling a bit better?

I've had another stressful day and felt very low today. I'm 100% I'm due on in the next few days as it's a very PMT feeling. I've cried over some weird shit today (the teacher recruitment crisis anyone?!) and just felt generally quite shit and a bit hopeless out of nowhere. I have had some wine tonight which has been an 80% conscious decision Thinking of HALT I think it was a combo of lonely (no work colleague/team to share the shit work day with) and tired but also a bit bored (from the BHALTI acronym created by @Determineddoris!).

I'm finding my moods are swinging fairly wildly up and down at the mo and mostly I'm able to ride them out but the tiredness today meant I didn't have the energy. Despite me knowing I'll pay the price with me sleep quality! I need to go back to my dopamine article and read again as I think it was also partly that.

@Manyrivers hope you've had a better evening. How was yours @Bigbus? @Determineddoris you're still pushing on through. I love your change in mindset!

Welcome @MsHybridFanGirl and @OhShitImNearly40. There are lots of us at different points and at varying stages of our journey. I love that this is a safe place for honesty - I would say most, if not all, of us have slipped up from time to time. Or had bad days and weeks. But each new day is a fresh start, every time. We will be here to support you and cheer you on.
I can only imagine how tired you are @Amdone123. it is hard to be the support person! Hope everything is going ok with your sister and that you get some rest.
we are on the road to recovery, thanks @Determineddoris and @texy amd anyone else who asked. It’s a vicious flu season here in Australia.

I know the wine witch only too well. I simply can’t have it in the house. That’s just something I have to accept about myself lol. I substitute with AF wine which is actually quite a refreshing drink that tastes nice. Also, I understand that alcohol suppresses the immune system so having just been sick, I feel very motivated to take care of my body.

@Determineddoris can I just say how much I admire your progress. Officially a fan girl!

Morning all! Thank you for your kind words @Starlia honestly when I read things like that it is all bloody worth it and I'm guessing you have read what I was before these two weeks it's crazy right? I just hope my mindset will stay like this. It's like a switch clicked and I said to myself no fucking way am I going to do this to myself anymore !!! Really hope recovery for you and the family will be super quick. Are you able to re book your holiday yet ? (Something to look forward to?)
@texy sorry you had a shit work day plus no colleagues to share the load that must be tough but look at you being conscious of your decisions instead of just downing a bottle haphazardly (like I used to!)
@Amdone123 really hope you have had a good night rest in the BnB as much as you could and yes your sister would be super grateful for you to be there , hope it all goes ok today.
@Flishflashfresh @Needtokickthehabit @MsHybridFanGirl @OhShitImNearly40 @daffodills1 how are you all? X

Good Morning,

Quick check in from me. No real urge to drink last night, worked late then went for a walk. Didn't mean I didn't think about alcohol but no "will I won't I moments".

Welcome to the journey @Flishflashfresh @MsHybridFanGirl @OhShitImNearly40 anyone

@texy I feel for you on the work stress front, it's such a trigger but well done for recognising it. @Determineddoris you sound like you are in a place of clarity, which is a nice place to be! @Amdone123 thinking of you at this stressful time, remember to take some time, even a few moments in the day for yourself. @Starlia I've recently used AF free drinks on a night out and really enjoyed the participation without the drawbacks!

What are everyone's intentions for today? @StandingOnThePrecipice @Needtokickthehabit @daffodills1 @Bigbus @bookworm44 and anyone I've missed! Mine is not to drink tonight, it would make 6 AF free days in a row which is as much abstaining as I've done in many years.

Failed. Had mediation with my ex yesterday and it’s all so fucking depressing. Why can’t we all just get along and not try to screw each other so badly? My daughter didn’t want to come over cos my gf was here at the weekend and I said to her my son (who refused to even enter the house with her there) was being a dickhead. Son came over yesterday and we argued about what had happened at the weekend and he left so go stay with his mum.
I then drank 4 litres of cider. Ffs

@OhShitImNearly40 , sounds like an horrendous day.
It's done now so don't beat yourself up. Someone on here said not long ago that you coped the only way you knew and with the only tools you had. Something like that ! But it struck a chord with me. I guess we have to look at different ways of coping.
But I totally understand.

@Manyrivers , 6 days is brilliant. Well done - you are smashing this.
@texy , yes, you're right about catching it early. Unfortunately, it's a blood clot but they're sorting it out. The doctors and nurses are absolutely fantastic.
@Determineddoris , you are doing so well. My inspiration! ❤
Well, yesterday I had about 1.5 bottles. It wasn't really that I needed a drink, I wasn't a wreck or anything. It was just something to do. I suppose I was worried obviously but I didn't need it.
The positive is that for those 11 af days, I was so happy, so I'm definitely af now for the foreseeable future.
More family members arriving today. Only 1 person allowed at bedside so I'll take the opportunity to do some hiking.
I think in situations like this, before I would have said you only live once, so enjoy yourself blah blah, but I think @Starlia said, it's so important to look after our bodies and feeding it poison is not a good move.

Good morning everyone and welcome to all the new people. It’s true about the coping mechanisms and old patterns that we fall back on. I’m on day 4 af I had plans for tonight but they are cancelled and I have a long day tomorrow at work (I don’t usually work on Thursday so Wednesday evening is usually a trigger!) so planning to stay AF until Friday.

@Amdone123 its funny the habits we have. As soon as I read that you were staying in a B&B my first thought was alcohol because whenever I’m away by myself I always drink. I still can’t shake the idea that alcohol is a treat or a reward. Maybe that’s why I feel a bit meh- I’m not treating myself anymore! So I’m determined to sort out the weight loss because I know that I will feel really good if I lose the weight and that will be my reward!

@Bigbus , honestly, I felt great those 11 days ! I weighed myself every other day, lost a pound each time. So happy ! Happier than when I'm drinking!
I won't drink today.

I’ve asked my ex to have the kids tonight and this weekend (1st time I’ve asked her to have them like this in a year or so, it’s not a regular thing just so stressed out) so I’ve got a choice - sit and wallow in get pissed, or sit and wallow without drinking and maybe do something positive. Should be an easy choice, right?

@OhShitImNearly40 what is something positive you can do?
My routine is to take the dog for a long walk, cook something I love for dinner, listen to a podcast or watch something interesting….but the key is not to sit down lol. I stay upright, cleaning the kitchen, folding the laundry, take a bath, do life admin, etc etc until it’s time for bed. And then I’ve succeeded.
if I sit on that damn couch, I’m over. It’s really helpful to try to understand all your different triggers.

I’ll just wait it out. I’ve got plenty in the cupboards and freezer so simply won’t go shop for booze.
Then again, couple of my kids just came to my door and my son wouldn’t even come in. Might just go get something and think fuck it.

@OhShitImNearly40, hope you're ok? Sounds very stressful so be kind to yourself. Is there something nice you can watch on Netflix?
What I am realising is that I am becoming much more aware of my triggers
After a lovely day yesterday not feeling so hungover at work, my son upset me hugely, I had the girls coming around.,
I was 2 glasses in before they even arrived. Slept in and barely made it to work on time.
Got through the day without anyone noticing and came home to pour a drink.

My only consolidation is that at least it isn't wine and I will try to not buy any this evening in the hope for a happier day tomorrow.
I liked how I felt yesterday.
Maybe a nice relaxing bath this evening?

Good evening all, how's everyone doing ?