The support thread (continued) for an alcohol free life. All welcome.

[WendyWagon]

Hello and welcome to the alcohol free support thread. We are a welcoming bunch. These threads were started by @drybird some three years ago.
We are a mixture of sober sisters (and the odd gent) who want to lead a alcohol free life. We chat about everyday things that we use to drink to manage. No question too silly. Someone will have done/thought or been through the same.

Good morning all. Sending love to you all.

The dog is now under at the vets for his de-'nadding. He gave me a look of utter disgust at my betrayal before the injection kicked in; I'm sure he wanted to know where I'd put my thirty pieces of silver... Hopefully he will forgive me.

@TheOtherHotstepper sorry you're having to be a bystander to your XDP's binge; it must be desperately grim for you and your DDs. But they are lucky to have you. xx

Did anyone see the Matt Willis Fighting Addiction documentary on BBC/iPlayer last night? I thought it was very moving and honest.

Morning all.
Sending strong vibes for Friday sobierity.
Always a struggle but it is the last push at the old rental tonight. Check out tomorrow. I am done in my friends.

Oh Sav that must be the longest move in history! Hope the new place is living up to expectations. I have 'drinks' at the new school tonight, sparkling water for me.

Thankfully covid finally on it's way out although the rest of the family are looking peaky now. Which is arguably worse than being ill myself.

Morning all.

Well done @WendyWagon!

XDP is supposed to be driving some distance today to collect a four legged family member from hospital (deliberately vague). Word is he was still drinking yesterday, in which case he won't be road legal today, or well enough, frankly. Luckily, when his friend couldn't contact him, he messaged DD1, so she's left it with the friend to monitor. Makes me realise how much she has grown up. There was a time when she thought I was hard and uncaring and would wear herself to a frazzle trying to 'make him better'.

Curry and Northern Souk for me tonight. Both obligations. I'd rather be watching Gardeners' World

Soul! Northern Soul

This is really positive, I think the hardest part of this for me is allowing myself to experience worry and sadness head on rather than numb it with wine. I've also been working on this recently, I've had a work situation that's been really stressful but I managed to get through it and the more I do that the easier it will be (hopefully). Definitely helps not having a hangover in the morning at work (feel quite embarrassed typing that - it wasn't that often but still...)

Hope your Mum is OK

@BraveMaeve well done on the work hurdle. My alcohol dependancy racked up in 2021 due to a toxic work environment. I wish I could roll the clock back and approach it sober! I would handle it very differently now. However the company was and is, soaked in hard partying (the owner is a huge drinker, I feel for her as she is in her 30s and we all now how that story ends).
@TheOtherHotstepper hopefully gardeners world for me later.

I am bracing myself for the last day of loading and cleaning. (Currently sitting on my bum). Not able to chuck more money at it as the move has been so expensive. When I am back in the corporate saddle I am having a cleaner!

I watched the Matt Willis documentary. It was sad but I found it a bit odd that he'd been to rehab 3 times but never addressed issues with his family or how he'd affected his wife.

Anyway all good here. Had a humongous struggle to resist the temptation for a pre holiday drink last night but managed it. That "just one" voice was very persistent. So am feeling pleased with myself

@Cherrymix I agree. There's a thread running about it on MN and others have made the same point. It was interesting to hear about the link between troubled childhoods and addiction issues. Matt seemed to appreciate how hard it must have been for his own (very small) children and his wife to see him in the throes of addiction/relapse but yet didn't seem to consider that they might need support too (or at least until the part when Emma went to a family support group for the first-ever time).

I worry about his willingness to go back on tour as well. His laughter with one of his bandmates about early drunken antics and the fact that the same bandmate is having considerable amounts of alcohol in his rider (4 bottles of red and 2 of white per night, I believe) doesn't bode too well. I thought it was interesting that the other bandmate (who was Matt's best friend in the group) also went for a strictly non-alcoholic rider and did not participate in the documentary. I know that they're all adults and can do as they like, but stipulating plentiful alcohol in your backstage rider when you know that one of your mates has got massive addiction issues seems quite callous. I hope he will be OK though.

I was with my mum when we watched it (I wasn't sure about doing that myself but she was keen). She claimed to find it "interesting - from both angles" (meaning, I think, from the angle of her own view of the utter disappointment I am and the litany of many, many awful things I have "done to her" (from when I was about 7 years old to the present, so long before I ever had a drink) alongside the angle of perhaps a glimmer of appreciation that there MIGHT have been one or two things that happened in my life as a child and an adult that prompted me to seek escape and oblivion in drink). But I learned long ago that such introspection is unhelpful at best and provoking of parental rage at worst. It's alright. I'm the me that I am and that's just fine with me. 🙂

It was a brave documentary and worth watching. I hope it helps some people who are going through similar issues.

The "just one" voice was powerful with me last night too. The dog went in for a significant operation and getting him in and prepped was distressing. He came through perfectly well, however, and is recovering with no ill-effects or loss of affection. A perfect excuse for a celebratory glass or two... But resistance was managed. Cheery waves to you for resisting too. 👋

Glad you are on the mend @Fortheloveofgodwhy , I really hope your family don't succumb. Maybe it won't be the 'rona - I'm finding hay fever quite grim at the moment. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and yours. x

@TheOtherHotstepper Keeping fingers crossed for you too. I'm so sorry, what a worry. Might you be able to report him to the DVLA? You can do it anonymously online. It's an awful thing to think about though. Your poor DD. I like watching Gardeners World, though I am a worse-than-crap gardener. I can kill plastic cacti at 50 paces.

@WendyWagon all the best for tomorrow. The beginning of a new chapter; hope all goes well and you can sit down and catch your breath for a bit.

The dog and I are off to our first cricket match of the season tomorrow. Although, given his recent op., he may not appreciate the sight of dark crimson balls being thwacked across the boundary for six by a tall man in white... 😳

Strength and love to all. x

Warner's AF G&T in the pub! ££££

Just had a nirvana af lager in an Indian restaurant. Lovely

Morning all!

Your drink looks very pretty @stilldumdedumming . These days I’m torn about af gins etc in the pub - they are so expensive and I really don’t think there’s a big difference in taste between that and just tonic. BUT if you order just a tonic you get a straight tumbler with ice (and a slice if you ask). So I guess I’m paying for the experience as much as anything else.

Well done to everyone resisting! Hope you have a lovely sober Saturday morning as a reward.

I’m 14 months sober today. Unbelievable really

To be fair I had a tonic before that and had the same treatment which was lovely. And yes I agree on the taste. @Onewildandpreciouslife (is that Mary Oliver? If so I have a great interview with her)

I'm 3 weeks in and ordered some 3 spirits nightcap which I love. I wish that was available in pubs. Delicious!

We moved 6 months ago to a big village. There's a bus that takes in other villages and for some reason I suggested a pub crawl on the bus. I'm happy to do it AF but then I might as well drive. It's that nice drinks thing. Would 4 pubs max and no need to go mad - so not a pub crawl where you get hammered. Sounds like a bit of fun.

DP drank 4 pints and a bottle of wine last night. I had a sip of his wine and it tasted vile! It's a lot though - considering he has brain damage too.

And well done to all. Hurdles cleared. Excellent stuff!!!

Morning all.
Huge congrats to @Onewildandpreciouslife

Shifting until 10 last night. Bracing myself for today. I have oven racks that need to go back.
Not a corner of my mind has time for booze. I have had some pretty sad days thinking about my brother. If I could go back in time to when he didn't drink (and nor did I really) I would. He was a lovely man. There was nowt he couldn't do. Dogs and babies loved him (a good test I think). I am worrying too much about damage already done. My friend who passed away at Christmas and my brother had been big smokers and drinkers. I have never smoked but I am fat. They weren't. I am getting a bit morbid lads because I don't want to be next. I have never said I won't drink again but try everyday not too. I do think if they put pictures of liver damage on bottles it would scare the be Jesus at of people. Of course that is not going to happen as there is too much money to be made.
Profit loves an addict.
On that cheery note I wish you all a peaceful weekend with clear heads and bright futures.

Congratulations @Onewildandpreciouslife !

That sounds tough @WendyWagon but by being sober you’re giving yourself the best chance possible. Life can only be lived forwards. Is this new place the one with the pool? When will be your first swim?

Yes, good spot @stilldumdedumming - it’s a quote from Summer’s Day. My old username used to “toofaroutallmylife” from Stevie Smith’s Not Waving but Drowning (because that’s how I felt), but then there was a chat on here about needing new usernames for our new life, so I became onewild.

I was diagnosed with cancer at about the time that Mary Oliver died, so my Twitter timeline when I was waiting for appointments was filled with her poems. I’m in my slightly weird “scanxiety” stage at the moment: I get a brain MRI and CT PET scan every 6 months to check my melanoma hasn’t recurred, and I see the consultant on Monday for the results. So I know that all my carefully made plans could be completely upended in a couple of days. It is soooo much easier coping with this uncertainty sober though! So today I will go for a sunny run, and take my daughter to see a musical, and deal with the rest later.

All these challenges and no booze. You realise it's easier without. I mean drinking is fun but doesn't really help much does it?

@Onewildandpreciouslife
Hopefully this link works. It's an absolute beaut!
onbeing.org/programs/mary-oliver-i-got-saved-by-the-beauty-of-the-world/

On holiday staying in a pub. Quite a test especially as is sunny etc .

Am going to concentrate on stuffing my face as menu looks yummy.

Good evening everyone. Thank you for your good wishes.

Sadly, XDP has got himself into such a mess that he is now in hospital, where he will have an uncomfortable few days while the alcohol leaves his system. The question then will be whether he goes back to sobriety or relapses again.

He has had problems with alcohol since he was a teenager. In fact he was expelled from school for coming back drunk in the afternoons. He has had periods of sobriety over the years and in fact was sober when I met him. I knew nothing about alcohol problems and he hid them from me anyway for as long as he could. After that it was a cycle of daily drinking of a rigorously proscribed amount, followed by a binge, usually ending in a hospital admission, drying out, remaining sober for a period of time and then rinse and repeat. After ten years, I thought he was safe, but if drinking for a week can put him back in hospital, I fear for the final outcome.

I was very angry with him when he got sober in 2013. I had always said that I would not have left him if he had stopped drinking and I took it personally that he had finally done it, even though we had been apart for sixteen years by then and I was married to someone else. I don't know how I feel now, but I restart therapy at the beginning of June, so plenty of time to explore it then.

Thanks for listening. Time for a hot chocolate and bed I think.

Morning all.
The move is over! Hoorah.
I can honestly say it was a bit easier for not being on the drink each night to deal with the stress. Who knew?

@WendyWagon Hooray! Hope your are celebrating?

@TheOtherHotstepper it's very sad. And whatever happens sounds hard on you all.

I am plonking some sadness here. I am very sad that I try so hard and feel like I'm Getting the rough end of it slightly. Im sad that I love walking and I hardly can now. (It's a neuro thing and there's no proper treatment plan - I have a brace but it's not great. If I had more time perhaps I could try more. I'd like to be able to enjoy some wine please.

Congratulations on your 14 months @Onewildandpreciouslife and I hope tomorrow’s appointment goes well. I’ll be thinking of you.

Thank you @BraveMaeve , that gave me a lift. Mum is home now, and seems to be on the path to recovery. I’ve stayed AF. I started practising mindfulness and meditation at New Year and am gradually learning to trust that feelings don’t last forever, no matter how intense they are (like alcohol cravings in fact). It still seems like a leap of faith to “just” let them be, rather than resisting them or saddling up and riding them into a spiral of despair though! I hope you’ve had a good weekend.

Hope you and your convalescing dog enjoyed the cricket @REP22 !

Thinking of you @TheOtherHotstepper . It seems that his lapses bring up an awful lot of stuff for you. It’s good that your therapy starts again soon so you’ll have a safe space to look at it, if you want.

congrats on finally being moved into the new and out of the old, @WendyWagon ! Wishing you every happiness in your new home and thank you for holding the reins here too. I appreciate your posts more than you know.

finally a wave to @BunniesBunniesBunnies @Breathmiller @Drybird2020 @rockingbird I hope you’re all well.

Thanks all. Well, I'm furious tonight. XDP has been in hospital since Friday and thinks they may let him out tomorrow. His DSis, who is in complete denial about his drinking, took him in because he was feeling dizzy when he stood up. No sh*t Sherlock! This is what happens when you drink to passing out every day for a week.

Really angry that he is taking up scarce NHS resources for what is basically a hangover. How does this even happen?

Morning all.
@Blackberryblossom thank you for saying such a nice thing up thread.
I have been a bit tearful the last few days.
Just grief which I know so well!
We do sprinkle in our family (too tight) so I have no plot to go and visit. My late father was famous for saying put me in the' bean trench' and I suspect if his family still had the farm that's where he would have gone. We are just air and memories but I started this AF journey to lose weight and give my brother a kidney. He refused but I wanted to try. I would now be too ashamed to go back to my antics as a boozer. In his memory I try to stay AF.
@stilldumdedumming I get the longing for wine. It was a big part of my life. I bought it, talked about it (bored the arse of people probably) and drunk it until I fell asleep. The next day was always the fear I had upset someone, sworn, flashed my Spankz or embarased my family. For me it will be a life long struggle but I can tell people I have a problem with alcohol and that is my get out card (it took me 7 months to say it). Most people respect that and I think there is a greater understanding of female alcoholics than there use to be. We're not all sherry drinkers who hide bottles (although I did hide my empties!). Good Christian guilt that.
I am not sleeping well at the new house yet. Could be the dust from boxes out of storage or the fact it cost me all my dosh to move. I am waiting for a new work contract and I will be at peace. Happy to live on beans though if I don't have to deal with anymore landlords again in my lifetime.

Have a good day lads. X