Holding myself accountable

[HoldingMyselfAccountable]

Day 5

You are doing Great!! The growing self awareness and listening to your body are really healthy.

I went to Munster v Leinster match at the weekend it was brilliant, and the jovial atmosphere got me into the mood for a binge. I enjoyed it, but it's a cycle, next day I felt I deserved to treat myself again!!! Yikes, slippery slope.

I think I said this before, I m down to 3 glasses on the night I retreat to old habits....... I m feeling pretty OK about my reduction.... I want to reduce more, because even at that amount my sleep is disturbed and I m dehydrated. But 3 glasses, 3ish times a week, is getting back to normal/moderate drinking levels.

My work is getting busier, and in fairness I am more disciplined when I know I need to be, so that's helping me too.

Kids are on the wind down to exams and holidays, they are more animated and busy right now too. I feel like I need to be present and picking up on their moods/potential need for support.

All in all, I m motivated to stay on top of my mental health/low drinking health right now.

BTW :don't worry about dominating the convo, someone has to, we can't spend our lives watching paint dry or talking about shrubs.

OP, when you said "I went to a friends house on Saturday night and drank too much. Before i went I knew that I would drink. One part of me hoped that I wouldn’t but the other part was looking forward to it. " I would get curious about that.

Why do you think you both wanted it and didn't? Are you able to distinguish the reasons? Write it out then read back what you've got there because that's where you'll find the key to your actions.

And if you are willing to share, I'm happy to give you my thoughts too.

Interesting reading your conversation @HoldingMyselfAccountable and @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake . Can I ask if you find moderation more difficult when the weather is good, there are bank holidays etc? I’m ok-ish during the winter months but the summer starts and the lovely evenings seem to make being AF much harder for me.

im also trying to lose weight and can’t if I drink.

I can’t get over the fact that life is less fun if I can’t have 3 drinks… and we have few enough sunny evenings, so to ‘deprive’ myself on the few we do have seems a shame. Ugh!

Hey,

Hope you are super well HMA.

I m just back from hols, and I drank sooooo little on holiday, it was great, about 1.5 glasses of wine every second day. I think I even lost weight on holiday. I feel so good.

We CAN turn this around xxxx

I just start drinking later, and sip as slowly as possible, with food, so I fill up and just can't take any more. I ve been walking a lot more, particularly early morning and it has reset my body clock.

11 stone 2 this am, thrilled, excessive drinking is a mugs game.

Hi,
The upshot of that is that I like the feeling of being drunk. I like the feeling of it helping me to switch off.
I use it to abdicate my responsibilities. I have a lot of children and when I’m drunk I don’t have to consider them. I’m getting drunk for me.
And when I’m out with friends getting drunk I’m switching off completely from home life.
I’m using it as an excuse to not face up to some issues that need attention in my life - “oh I can’t do that tonight because it’s Friday night - maybe I’ll get to it during the week…”.

But I’m realising that this isn’t serving me. It isn’t doing me any good long term. I’m shortening my life in the long run but also impacting my enjoyment of now.

sober up - put your big girl pants on - contact the accountant - talk to your teenager - figure out what’s wrong with the house - make that doctors appointment
Stop making excuses
START ADULTING

That reply was to you @brightspice

I find moderation really difficult. I’m delighted that @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake is managing it.

however there are alcoholics in my family and I think that I’m predisposed to it because of that and because I have a very high tolerance and very few hangover symptoms (especially when younger). Vicious circle for me really.

I want to get down to 1 or none alcohol days per week. And then zero

I felt really well for the last 10-12 days. Didn’t want to drink. Felt a change in the importance of my health. And i welcomed this. I feel great.

Now I’ve said before that when it comes to weekends I just know that I’m going to drink. But i woke up this morning knowing that I wasn’t. I felt so proud of myself. So strong and i felt like i had turned a corner. And it was like that all day.

Then I wobbled for about an hour. “What’s one drink/ah go on havea bottle/enjoy yourself”. Went for a walk with some children and still felt wobbly so went for another walk on my own for some head space. Even as I was coming home I thought “that’s it I’m probably going to drink”. And then all of a sudden it changed to “No I’m definitely not going to drink - let’s play it forward and see what’s going to happen - what will I miss out on if I do drink? My early morning cup of tea in the garden, my time with the children, my early exercise class. No way am I drinking because that’s more important to me “.

phew!

@brightspice90DaysLater I’ve listened to some of your podcasts but not the ones you’ve mentioned above. I’ll put them on my list. Thank you.

Checking in!
my DH is away with a hobby group and I’m at home with a few of the children. Now normally I’d be drinking each night, deserving of wine as I’m off work, envious of his time away, stressed at home with 4-5 children, out for dinner with the older children etc etc etc.

But instead I’m enjoying my meals out without wine, I’m hopeful that my husband is enjoying himself and having a few drinks with his friends.

I’m in my parent’s house this week and tonight, despite me telling them that I wasnt drinking at the moment, they told me that they put a bottle of white wine in the fridge for me. I told them yesterday that I wasn’t drinking. YESTERDAY!

Today the younger children fought all day. And i mean ALL day. And the old me would be straight at that bottle. “Poor me” “I deserve this after the day that I’ve had” “I’m definitely having a drink to try to destress”.

But instead I know that it won’t lead to a good day tomorrow. And I need to have a good day after the day that I’ve had. What I don’t need is a hangover.

Another win that I forgot about but it’s important to record it…

I was away for a night with work and they put me up in a very very very posh hotel the night before a meeting.

Normally I’d have a lovely meal and a bottle of wine and maybe take another glass of wine up to bed for a nightcap for myself. Wake up the next morning a little bit tired (only a little tired though) but telling myself that it’s from the travel and I’d be fine once I have my shower.

But instead I used the gym, went for a swim and then went for dinner. And at dinner I asked for a bottle of water and told them that I didn’t want the wine list!

how are you doing @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake ?

Please can I join? I've read the thread and so much is me. I'm on day 2... I've been drinking a bottle a night sometimes more. I drink if im happy, sad, stressed any excuse really. I've started a new job that's really stressful so that's my new excuse only I'm sabatarging it. I go in paranoid that people will notice I'm not myself or that I look hungover. Stupidely I find the boredom when not drinking at night awful... so I'm so fed up of this cycle and masking things xx

@bellalou1234
I’m sorry but this isn’t a very active thread. I hope you’re doing well now and are still on your sober journey.

I’m still plodding away at it. Went three weeks over the summer without alcohol - hosted dinner parties, went to visit friends etc. And then broke that. I’ve gone some weeks drinking every day and others only at the weekend.

My relationship with alcohol is changing. I really appreciate my sober nights. Especially when I give myself a free in a row. My mood improves, I go to bed earlier (don’t always get to sleep early breviary I don’t ”pass out “ from alcohol but at least I’m resting), I have more energy to get to things that I’ve put off, i get to do more of my hobbies.

I can see more of the lies that i told myself about alcohol and can see the truth behind them. That I looked the taste vs that I wanted to get drunk. That it “loosened” me up socially vs that i looked and acted like an eejit Nevis I drank too much. That a glass of wine a day was supposedly healthy for you vs it definitely wasn’t because i drank the whole bottle. That it was sophisticated to have a glass of wine vs it’s not sophisticated to be drunk and possibly misinterpret what someone says to you and fall out with them.

there’s so much to think about and I’m still on this journey to sobriety. I’m not there yet and am still drinking. But not every day.

You’ve had some today?

Actually i haven’t. Presume that you’re asking that due to typos but I just type too fast and never spell check.

I was doing quite well - not buying wine to drink at all. My friend borrowed something and when she gave it back it came with a bottle of Rose! It was a great temptation and I drank half of it the same night. I’ve looked at the label and apparently Rose is less % than red so that’s ok then (not)
Starting again tonight without a drink and hoping to get to sleep soon and wake up with a clear head. Thanks for renewing the thread -best wishes to you on your journey too.

500 days sober. Am very proud of myself.

birthdays, celebrations, illnesses and worries about loved ones. All navigated through.

It’s been up and down. Some days easier than others. But it’s definitely gotten easier with time. I love my sober life and enjoy the time I have. I’m not wishing it away or washing it away drunk.

I’ve saved a bunch of money. So I treat myself well in the meantime. I go out for meals (which are much cheaper without a €45 bottle of wine!). I get facials. I don’t feel guilty about buying a nice present for myself. But I’m also buying less “things” - becoming more conscious about what I need versus want.

the harder days were hard. At times I had to steel myself to get through 20 minutes. It would have been easy to relapse. But I didn’t! My partner still drinks and sometimes I resented him for it. But that’s his life and he doesn’t drink like I did.

I’m healthier now. Lighter than I have been in a long while. Clothes look better. My skin is better. My hair is still thin though!

the biggest help to me was probably hardest time. My father was in hospital and everyone thought he wouldn’t survive. But he did. I spent every hour of the day there and expected the final call several times over many months. I had to be able to drive at the drop of a hat in the middle of the night to get to the hospital. That definitely kept me sober for over 2 months. Once he started to recover I could easily have had a drink but I decided to capitalise on the “forced” sobriety. And I’m so glad I did.

well done me!

to all those in your journey - keep going.