Holding myself accountable

[HoldingMyselfAccountable]

Day 5

Back holiday tomorrow that should have said

Hi,

I skimmed through an online pamphlet from Tusla/Bernardos aimed at supporting teens with addicted parent(s). It's worth a read, mentions the anticipation /count down to alcohol time. Also discusses withdrawal anxiety etc. Goes through the feelings a child has, the loneliness for the impaired parent, the anger/resentment aimed at the other parent who stands by and allows it to happen.

We are fooling ourselves if we think our kids wont/don't pick up on our unhealthy habits and our unhealthy role modelling.

If you are feeling wobbly, find it and read it and I think it will strengthen your resolve.

St Patrick's day is one of the days in the year when I have no problem avoiding drinking. I HATE the raucous banter/fun??!? /drink fuelled celebration that descends into dirty streets and bewildered, frightening, people. Its the biggest turn off, of a celebration. (Very bah humbug of me). Tonight will be the big night alright, I might go out for dinner to the local hotel with the kids, and drive.

Thanks @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake - how are you doing tonight?

I nearly buckled. I had to steel myself for a couple of hours. But I did it! Yes.

Another hurdle over. I’m crocheting like mad to keep myself busy in the evenings.

I’m liking myself more as a parent these days. This thread is to hold myself accountable but also for my reflections.

Got garlic chips and cheese and stayed in.... Nice! Lols, no urge to drink tonight. Lovely 🙂🙂. I m listening to some good podcasts.

My next life step is to get more exercise, that ll be a good replacement hobby.

Hope you are well 👋🙂

Day 1

💐
Have you checked out William Porter yet?

I don't post much because I'm constantly having day ones! I think keep going and the gap between will get longer and longer until one day it all clicks ⭐️

Another day done.
@BeetlesForever not yet. There’s quite a lot going on right now. Both my husbands mum and my mum are undergoing serious diagnosis. I’m muddling through.

@TigerMog - well done that your gap is getting longer. Mine is also. The arrogance that I had in the beginning (that this was going to be easy for me) is humbling.

Here - it's half an hour...

I m back too..... Such an easy habit to fall into. I often have only 3 glasses, which I know is a lot, but not that shocking. Problem is the following evening there is 1 glass ful left, and if I drink that I ll prob head to the shop and get another bottle with the intention of sipping on 2 more glasses,..... But instead I ll probably have 3 or at least pour a 3rd, fall asleep not drink the 3rd......but the open bottle with remaining glass is there again the following day!!! Just throw it down the flipping sink.

I want to have enough energy to exercise. I m really determined now to have at least x5 AF days a week, and to get back moving.

Anyway, hello all 🙂🙂, let's keep chipping away at this healthier lifestyle choice 🙂.

Thanks Beetles!
Glad to have you back Cake.

I’m still here too

Day 3. Still here. Struggling some days (obviously🙄). But seeing the advantages of being sober more and more.

I understand the desire to have a sober streak, but the thing I would ask is whether protecting the streak and being perfect becomes more important than learning how to change the habit in a more 'messy' way? I say this because whenever my clients have bad weeks (they drink against their plan, don't write their drink plans, decide they don't care, get wound up in stress etc etc etc) they ALWAYS learn valuable lessons and then go on to have a successful few weeks of sticking to their goals and so on.

But by always resetting to day 1 we're giving our brains the message that we need to start all over again. Which is exhausting. Which we resist. Which makes us feel stupid (at least it did me) and deprived. Instead of being willing to take action and being willing to fail but then just keep going instead of resetting any kind of count.

Just wanted to offer that perspective.

All good points.

I want to be a person who doesn’t drink. I want to be a person who values being sober and present in my own life. I want to be a person who is healthy and will live a healthy life. I want to be a person who will live a long life with my children and hopefully my grandchildren.

I enjoy my days more when I wake up with my “non” hangover. (I can’t believe that I thought I didn’t get hangovers, not realising that a little brain fog was a hangover).

I want to be able to value my sober life more than a drunk evening.

What's a drink plan please?

A drink plan is exactly that: a plan that documents what you will drink. I have my clients write these each day, 24 hours in advance. So on Monday you write your plan for Tuesday. Tuesday for Wednesday and so on.

It's not a plan that you think sounds or looks good, it's not a plan you think you would really like to drink. It is what you are willing to drink and that you think you can drink.

So for example if you've been drinking 3-4 glasses of wine four nights a week for six years it's going to be quite a stretch to go AF overnight. So instead you might want to plan 3 drinks for day 1, 3 drinks for day 2, 2.5 drinks for day 3, 3 drinks for day 4. And you have to document why you are making this decision.

The main point in the early days of a drink plan is for you to grow trust in yourself. That you can do what you say you'll do.

It was revolutionary for me exactly because it's so simple. I had YEARS of drinking against myself, trying and failing to "not drink tonight" that I was worn down. Once I began to see that I could trust myself around alcohol to drink as I said I would, then I started to believe I could really do this. And once you start to really, really feel that possibility you become unstoppable.

Make sense?

Love this, I think it would suit me! Thanks for sharing.

@IwasToldThereWouldBeCake You're most welcome!

Thank you. I’ll have a look now.

I’m still here. Some weeks better than others but what I’m definitely seeing is that I’m becoming less tolerant of me drinking. I’m sensing disgust and annoyance at my lack of energy the next day.

While i started this saying that I valued my life and my family, I’m now beginning to really see the benefits of spending my time in sobriety.

Went to bed last night about 10 and watched a show that I like. Woke up this morning at 6.15 and went to an 8.00 pilates class. Going to take a shower now and hit my day running.

This suits my values as a person.

My sleep is slowly improving. It didn’t help that I needed to get up early on Wednesday to drop a child to a very early train so I didn’t sleep well thinking that I’d miss my alarm. But last night was a good sleep.

@IwasToldThereWouldBeCake how are you doing?

I’m finding it easier to not drink during the week. I still think about it too much but that’s ok. These thoughts are waning (slightly). I’m finding myself appreciating my life when I’m not drinking so it’s easier to weigh up my cravings versus the benefits to my life.

It’s gets more difficult at the weekend. On Saturday night i had more than a bottle of wine and on Sunday I had the two glasses that were left. I know that’s too much. I congratulated myself for not drinking on Friday and wasn’t going to drink on Saturday but i used the excuse that the children were getting on my nerves.

It was an excuse though. I know that.

i got up yesterday morning at 5.30 and spent some time by myself. Just watching the news, having a cup of tea and looking after my house plants. It was a very relaxing way to start my day. And i know that i wouldn’t have been able to appreciate it (or even do it) if i had been drinking the night before.

It’s the weekend. This is the time that I find difficult. My plan to manage this-

I’ll go to an exercise class at 8am tomorrow morning. So this means that I need to have a good nights rest tonight.

For Sunday- I’m trying to lose weight and alcohol always blocks my ability to lose weight, even if it’s just one night per week. My body just send to hold onto weight when I’m drinking. So that means that Im not drinking this weekend. I need to see what impact this will have on my weight loss as I’m not losing at present despite having a good diet.

Hi, thanks so much for checking in on me 🙂, I really appreciate it.

I m not going to lie, I m sorta down to 1 bottle of wine every second or third day. Which is actually a dramatic improvement, that s about 3 bottle a week, instead of the previous 6 (!!). I feel bad typing that.

This week, I was on a work call with about 80 people, I was due to simply be a listener, but there was a technical glitch and I was asked to give an update (aka fill some time, while they sorted it out). I hadn't been drinking the night before, I could speak to the (virtual) room. I was coherent, and with a good flow of speech, I was cheery and upbeat. I wasn't anxious. It was eye opening for me.

And then I ve also figured out (to a certain degree) some old family trauma, and it has shocked me, and reframes a lot of my understanding of one half of my family. I m figuring out people dynamics a little more, lots of pretty toxic coping mechanisms, when you haven't unpacked your understanding of them, you can ignore and bury your feelings and use alcohol as your dulling device.

I ve been so shocked at the revelations, it's puts lots and lots of other issues into perspective. It s knocked me sideways, but also I think it's going to/already has coped me on, given me the kick I the arse to remember I control my environment and I m lucky to be able to do that. I decide if I glug poison and ruin my teeth and insides and brain and my kids model of healthy behaviour. I decide if I break patterns or sleepwalk along into them.

It's snapped me out of bumbling along with old habits as a life crutch. The revelations have been awful, but distant, a stark contrast to our current world. I feel shocked and unsettled but with a greater feeling of autonomy.

You are setting a really good example by engaging in self care, exercising and enjoying your home and nurturing your plants. This is the next step for me, to look after myself again. Keep my brain hydrated and safe. I m getting my hair washed and blowdryed every Friday and it's making me feel really good. It's only the price exchange of 1 bottle of wine 🤣🤣🤣, well worth it. Might start doing my nails as well, get addicted to mothering and nurturing me (instead of stinky, rotty, old wine).

I m wishing you the very, very best of health xx

You say that you feel bad typing your previous alcohol consumption but i think you should think of it another way. You have decreased your alcohol consumption overall and have seen the benefits it’s given you (being able to impromptu talk on a busy work call). That’s brilliant insight into what alcohol reduction can do for you.

good luck with the family dynamic and trauma. That sounds tough. Perhaps these things are easier to navigate with a clear head.

my exercise classes are expensive but in line with my alcohol budget so I’m evening things out! I’m delighted to hear that you’ve upped self care also.

i wonder how everyone else on the thread is doing?

I went to a friends house on Saturday night and drank too much. Before i went I knew that I would drink. One part of me hoped that I wouldn’t but the other part was looking forward to it.

i realised that I drank more than anyone else there (small group of 4 friends). I think but I’m not sure that I dominated the conversation like any good boring drink would have. So although I thought that I’d enjoyed myself I’m not convinced that others enjoyed my company. Food for thought there.

On Tuesday I had a fuck it day and drank a bottle of wine. I don’t know if it’s my period coming (think I’m peri menopausal the last two months). But whatever it is I got it out of my system.

I got up Wednesday morning and went to a 7am exercise class. That’s more me. Went to bed last night happy that I had a productive day. Again that’s more me too. and after a good nights sleep last night I was able to get up at 6am this morning for some “me” time before the children got up.