Holding myself accountable

[HoldingMyselfAccountable]

Day 5

I've yet to find an AF wine that is palatable, but there are some really good AF beers around. I never used to drink beer, but I've been converted!

We have Hollow Leg wine in the house. DH says it’s nice. I’ll try it on Friday night.

Long day in with and then want out for a nice long walk for myself today listening to a sobriety talk.

In bed for myself now. The older children are pottering around so they’ll be in and out of the bedroom but I’m not downstairs staring at the fridge! Good call for me.

The BEST night’s sleep! At least 8 hours. No waking up after 4 hours of self induced coma only to spend the next hour or so worrying and giving out to myself. I’m not sure that I woke up at all during the night. I’ll have some more of that please!

GREAT!!! It was so easy to get into the habit of over indulging during the pandemic.

I also slept much better than normal.... A good 7 hours straight, bliss. Feel fresh, my face is not puffed out. No anxiety, fell 100 times better.

I must look up hallow leg wine 🙂🙂, we ve got this. Day 6 no alcohol for me, no cranky headache in days..... Wonderful.

@IwasToldThereWouldBeCake well done! Am in bed for myself. Will watch tv and browse for a little while. One of the older children is coming to watch a comedy show with me shortly. Nothing like w good laugh.

another day AF!

Eeeeks....... I broke the seal and had wine last night (to celebrate a personal achievement 😬😬😬). It tasted like sh2te, bad sleep, don't feel groggy, but I do feel a little disappointed in myself.

Anyway, it wasn't enjoyable, made me tired and dehydrated and unhealthy in body and mind.

No desire to repeat it. Annoying!!! I was enjoying the sense of achievement, well I better just start again.

The good thing is, I genuinely didn't enjoy it and I feel much better on the days when there has been no wine the night(s) before. Like today, I ll be keeping the head down and hoping to coast through the work day, instead of being pro-active,.... I don't want to be that person.

Well I have ruined it and had too much last night. Not even sure why. I am so angry with myself. I have a few days of work which is why it seemed like a good idea. Anyway I need to quit completely I did 1 whole year sober and loved it.
Hope everyone else is doing well.

Just dropping in to give you all a boost? I was you 7 years ago - desperate to stop, really not sure I could. On March 12th I will celebrate 7 years sober. ...

It's not always been easy but my tips (for what they are worth)

plan plan plan. Think always about what you will ask for when someone offers you a drink (and have a back up) Have your reasons for not drinking alcohol ready. Now I just smile and say 'I'm an alcoholic' but I wasn't ready to do that at the beginning

Know you can always leave ... drive, or plan your route home . And leave if anything gets too much

Play the tape forward - if you have that one drink .. it will always be more - remember that anxiety / the poor sleep / the hangover

Don't be afraid to prioritise your sobriety. It is THE most important thing. True friends will understand.

Don't look too far ahead. It's easy enough for me to say 'I'll never drink again' now ... but for a LONG time I just made the choice not to drink NOW ...

Good luck . It's not easy, but it is so worthwhile and a sober life is full of joy, excitement and happiness

@Lilybetsey , that was a really encouraging and inspirational post - thank you.

How is everyone today? Day 2 complete ✅. Definitely won't try to moderate again. I can really appreciate the benefits of sobriety.

Anyone still around? I am day 5 today and feel really positive I know how good I feel being sober, I have testing moderating and it does not work. I feel like a weight has been lifted.
Anyway I am off to work have a lovely day.

Hello! I’m on day 7 @Battlecat98 so we’re very close! Hope you’re ok @HoldingMyselfAccountable ?

I’ve been following this thread for a while but alcohol has had its tight grip on me up until 2 weeks ago when I discovered an alcohol related health issue. Only now do I feel I can stop as this health worry has given me the kick up the bum to finally do it. So let this is a warning to others out there! Here’s my story so far.

I drink Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights, my husband drinks the same. A bottle on those nights sometimes more by Sunday and Monday night and it has been like this for over 15 years except when I was pregnant. One day a few weeks ago, I got up in the morning and started having heart palpitations. They didn’t stop all day and went on all day for a week. (I’m not overweight and I exercise regularly so it’s not due to weight etc) My husband persuaded me to go to the doctors (I tried to ignore it and put it down to stress or peri menopause) The doctor tested my blood pressure which was 160/108! I’ve always been in the normal range. Of course I lied about the amount of alcohol I consume (don’t we all?!) I had an ECG there and then and it was fine but I am being sent to have a more in-depth one at the hospital. I was asked to do a blood pressure reading 3 times a day for a week. I hadn’t googled anything at this point about blood pressure and heavy drinking, and as it was a Friday I cracked open the wine because by now my anxiety was sky high. My blood pressure went down during the evening as it relaxed me - great! However when I woke in the morning it had gone up to 164/103. I stupidly drank on sat and Sun night but Mon I actually started to research online. The first sign of danger if you drink too much is alcohol induced hypertension. I decided immediately to stop drinking! It’s basically the first sign that your heart is starting to struggle and warning you that you’ve gone too far and need to stop. If I carry on I am at risk of a stroke or a heart attack. I have carried on taking readings every day and slowly over the past week my blood pressure is coming down. I have the odd normal reading but mainly it’s elevated. It was hypertension stage 2 over a week ago!

So PLEASE, if anyone is worried about their health then get checked out by your doctor. Listen to your bodies! I wouldn’t have known my blood pressure was so high if I hadn’t had the palpitations and goodness knows what would have happened further along the line.

Also, I had a blood test 4 years ago. My liver results were a bit high so I had to have a liver scan. The results showed I have a fatty liver. No scarring but even this didn’t stop me from carrying on drinking the same amount every week. I always found an excuse and it was usually to try and alleviate stress and anxiety. I went to a Love your Liver event near me last year to get it anonymously checked again and the result was almost the same. I recommend going on the British Liver Trust website and finding one near you if you’re worried about your liver.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on but hoping some of that health info is of some use. I am so determined now to quit for good. Good luck everyone, I’m here to support you all.

The weekends are my downfall. @Battlecat98 you’re right- moderation doesn’t work for me either.

@Lilybetsey thank you for that and well done on 7 years

@NiceViewFromHere welcome to the thread and keep up the good work!

Am going to pick myself back up, dust myself off and start again.

Things that I value when I’m not drinking during the week

• going to sleep. Like actually remembering making a conscious decision to turn over and fall asleep. As opposed to being knocked out.
• Waking up early and not trying to remember what happened the hours before I went to bed
• having energy in the morning. I’m a morning person and enjoy getting up and getting on with my day
• not being short with the children
• having energy to do things
• being clearer in meetings in work
• getting LOTS done. I really love being busy and when I’m clear headed I get more done.

Now I need to translate all of those positive things into my weekend. I value my time. Why do I sabotage my weekend?

I get it, OP, but instead of asking why you sabotage your weekend (which will only reinforce all the bad stuff you think about not enough commitment etc) ask: what do I know about the habit at weekends? How does the pattern unfold? What one thing could I do differently this weekend? What gas worked before that I can build on? Ask yourself questions that put you in the driving seat. I did a podcast episode called Dead End Questions that covers this topic (episode 59 in the ‘90 Days Later’ podcast).

Tonight’s reflection:
It’s easier tonight than it was a couple of weeks ago. Not easy as such but definitely easier.

@brightspice I don’t really know a weekend that I didn’t drink! I certainly didn’t do it while I was pregnant (but I’m definitely not going there again 😂!) I think I need to “do” something on a Friday night, get out of the house to break the habit. Thanks for the reminder about the podcast. If I can get out for a walk tomorrow then I’ll have a listen.

First thought this morning:
My youngest (8) is sick and has come into our bed early. And I’m able to handle it. Yes it’s annoying to be awake this early (he’s coughing so I’ll be kept awake) but, because I didn’t drink last night, I’ll be ok.

Gratitude.

Hey there,

I had a family event over the weekend, so ended up being surrounded by some heavy drinkers and drinking...... 1 bottle of wine knocks me out, literally makes me sleep. I had a bottle of wine Friday, Sat, Sunday and 3 glasses last night.

It's just so easy to fall back into old habits, the amount I drink is a lot less than some other family members, so in comparison I feel like it's not that much, but in fact it is and it makes me tired and sick.

In conjunction with all of the above: I ve also just had a peri menopause period that lasted 2 weeks..... I m tired. I have a sore throat, and I think its all connected.

I m not going to beat myself but instead start again and not buy any more wine (mid week). I need to be focused and energetic in work and to stay in top of my home.

The heavy drinker family member looks horrendous, so unhealthy, this person is not a good comparison. Its sad to see someone so unhealthy, and to witness the excusing behaviour that enables all the bad habits.

Anyway, onwards and upwards, we can all only control ourselves.

Welcome back to the thread @IwasToldThereWouldBeCake - keep up the good work. Watching what might be must be a wake up call.

@NiceViewFromHere I’m also very worried about my health. Quite worried. More on that another time.

My thoughts tonight:
Again I found tonight easier than I would have found a Tuesday evening a few weeks ago. I’m getting into bed with my youngest in the evening and giving him a back rub until he falls asleep. Then I watch a nature show with my next one up (and he’s a lovely hugger!). It’s bonding and grounding and I’m enjoying being in the moment, rather than waiting for when I can get downstairs to have a glass of wine.

Up early with sick child again. And I can see the difference in my ability to parent between when I was drinking every night and this morning.

i was KIDDING myself all these years when I thought I didn’t get a hangover. Ok I didn’t get a headache and feel like vomiting but, being honest now, I did used to feel tired and irritable. Quite tired but because I’ma morning person I was able to get up and go/ deal with things well.

But now I see that I was lying to myself about that.

This thread is to hold myself accountable. So I have to be honest here.

Thanks for the welcome back...... And its true, we can function while drinking, but not at our best, we can tread water, but we can't perform well as a parent, partner, work colleague.

Remove the alcohol and we remove the messy, depressed overcoat.

Well said!

Some good progress here. For me it was trial and error and I know it can do it so why do I think I can have just one glass? Day 6 for me I feel exhausted but definitely better. Alcohol is so bad for your MH but it's hard to see it when you are in the thick of it.
I didn't realise how awful alcohol made me feel until I stopped. I was always operating below par. You cannot beat a good night's sleep and a hangover free morning.

Hey, I'd like to join in please. Some really helpful advice/experiences on this thread!

Day 5 today. I did 33 days in Dec which was monumental for me, haven't done more than 10 days in the last 4-5 years.

I struggle with having a binge drink when my son is at his dad's. I'll do that either 1 or 2 times per week. I already have a mental health condition and this completely exacerbates it, anxiety/irritability is through the roof for about 2 days and still bad all week. I'm fed up of feeling ill and run down. I'm fed up of all the associated costs of drinking heavily (takeaways/ taxis for me). My son deserves better, I feel so much more wonderful and able to cherish moments with my son when I'm not in a cloud of anxiety.

I'm involved with an alcohol recovery charity/organisation but I'd also like to hold myself accountable here too and talk to others in similar situations.
I know I can't do moderation, history has showed me that time and time again. I'm aiming for a life of abstinence, 1 day at a time.
First child free night of the week, but not feeling any cravings thankfully!
Sorry that was so long! Looking forward to checking in with you all.

@Battlecat98 below par, yes. Not doing myself or my family justice with that.

@rockmygypsysoul welcome to the thread! Update us tomorrow morning on how good it feels to you to wake up with a clear head!