On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat.

[Amdone123]

So, January is done and dusted - Praise the Lord. Following on from our last thread ( which was initially designed to help us moderate, but for some has - maybe - led to abstaining, thanks to how great they're feeling ), a new thread has been created.
So, if you're looking to abstain or want to moderate, or just need to chat in general, join us here.
Hallo to previous posters - onwards and upwards.

Hello @graystoon82 how are you doing? Your posts really resonated with me, I hope you are feeling better.

Ouch @EnoughEnoughnow, what a nightmare 😩

Well done everyone else. Great to read about the long spells of AF, and everyone taking it one day at a time 💪

Morning, folks !
Hope you're all ok and enjoying Bank Holiday. Mines been ok - quiet, but nice.
Yesterday, I had 1 bottle of wine - I enjoyed it, was tempted to go and buy more but just didn't want hangover today. I think that's what's stopping me tbh. So I ate crisps and a bar of chocolate, drank juice and today I feel fine.
A further plus is that today I won't eat a load of rubbish, and jeopardise my weight loss.
Regarding my 20 day mission, I feel like I'm still on it as I didn't binge drink. I'll just make a note of it.
Raining here - what else on bank holiday??!!
Another quiet, but semi productive day ahead. I have an urge to clean my oven, but hopefully I can ignore it 🤣

Hi everyone, how's everyone doing ? Yes raining here too @Amdone123 what's new ! Lovely day yesterday though was gorgeous had the best intentions like @Swannyb but I did drink at a pub lunch half a bottle and then I went out for my friends birthday (I realised I can't keep saying no to my genuine friends otherwise I'm not going to have any friends left!) And we between three shared a bottle of prosecco and I ate half a pizza! They were murmuring Bout getting more drink I kind of said I've stopped now but you guys carry on so there's a turn for the books as usually id be the first to go and get some shots of more wine etc! Oh and I did have a glass or two at home before I went so maybe I shouldn't have had that bit! Not feeling too bad so well done to us ! @Amdone123 good one with the food instead of going out for more drink!
Sorry to hear you have been poorly with crappy COVID @YouknoweverythingJonSnow ! When the weekends are packed with things it's hard not to drink! Today we are out for the day so I'm not sure I don't want to drink but also same time it feels like a holiday with the kids being off etc !

Hello everyone!

Sorry I've been AWOL and catching up properly seems like a tall order now.
I've continued to moderate the quantity but I haven't been moderating the frequency. Not drinking at all for the next three days (Thu I'm out and will almost certainly have at least a glass of wine) seems like a challenge that I should set myself...

I've been busy with work this last week and a few social things but not busy this bank holiday weekend (apart from a meal out on Sat) and I have pretty much wasted it. I don't feel like I'm making much progress on my journey to where I want to be so I'm going to attempt to force myself into action now!

Good morning, all !
Hope you all survived the Bank Holiday weekend. I had a lovely time - very quiet, lots of relaxation.
I had 1 bottle of wine which makes that 1 bottle in the past 9 days, so I'm pleased.
I think this Saturday may be different but I'm aiming to stay af til then.
I think this is the way forward for me - I'm sleeping so well, I'm definitely lighter and I'm definitely happier.

Let us know how you're doing when you can @Bigbus @Coppergate3 @Determineddoris @Easterdaffsx @EnoughEnoughnow @Manyrivers @Nomorethanthree73 @Mj20 @ShinyShinyShinyBootsOfLeather @Swannyb @YouknoweverythingJonSnow @bilbodog @colouringindoors @Orlakeepsmiling @indieray @graystoon82 @stoppingnow

And the usual apologies to anyone missed ❤️

Good morning everyone, thanks to everybody for the support, I have checked in on the thread regularly over the weekend.
I have drank over the bank holiday - Saturday and Sunday. So last night was a really big struggle for me. From mid afternoon I was having thoughts like - it's bank holiday Monday, just have a drink if you want one! Etc. i feel proud of myself because I battled the inner voice and won! I was watching master chef with a herbal tea instead! Hoping to stay AF until Friday this week when I'm going to a friends party. Hope everybody else is ok!
As a side note, has anybody ever used the liver function urinalysis tests from Amazon? Or know anything about them? Thank you

Just lost my post - 🤨
Well done on not caving yesterday, that took a lot of willpower. If you can stay af til Friday, I think that's great.
No idea about the liver tests but thanks for the masterchef reminder !

Hi all, well done for battling that inner voice @graystoon82 mine knows that it's easy for my non existent willpower! I was expecting to drink yesterday as we had a day out probably had equivalent of a bottle and actually at early dinner DH was topping himself up but I wasn't keen...and we didn't drink when we got home yay! I'm getting there I think...I need to change my mindset though of not being able to do streaks that's what makes me feel like crap all the time. Well done @Amdone123 for your achievements really well done and sleeping lighter sounds really good. I slept really well yesterday but then did about 20k steps! Little one s teacher on a strike today so at home but had to take in the older one in but am busy today so keeping busy helps my mind off the booze! Let's see come 5pm tho! Have not got any immediate plans so that's good for me. I haven't heard of the liver tests off Amazon would be good to know about it too. Hope everyone is ok x

Hi y’all - well im still doing well abstaining. Since february ive had 3 glasses of wine and not enjoyed a single one! This is very good, i know BUT i miss wine so much! I miss that first glass of chilled white wine in the evening……

i dont enjoy food as much without wine. Depressingly i have only lost about 2lbs as well.

so it seems to be going well but i dont like it! 😬

@Determineddoris , I wouldn't worry about the 'streaks ' - just keep trying. One day at a time and yesterday you didn't carry on, so that's a win.
Well done for that - that's a personal challenge of mine that I struggle with.
@bilbodog , it sounds like you miss the idea of it if you're not really enjoying the wine when you do have it ? Is there anything else you could have? A beer or a gin n tonic? I can't really talk though - I've searched for years for a different drink to no avail.
2lbs is good - better off than on.
Keep going, it will come off.

@Amdone123

thanks for your response. I shall keep carrying on. Good luck to everyone else.

I'm really struggling. Had a hard day in work today, with an employee not accepting being told they have done something wrong and behaving unprofessionally towards me.
I'm quite upset, so the pull of wine is very strong. Wishing I had not drank for so many days in a row over the bank holiday.

Hi all, just checking in. I'm on Day 17 AF, but God the last week has been a struggle. The first week was quite easy and I think that I expected an upward trajectory with amazing sleep and to look 23 again 🤣. Instead I felt completely knackered, until yesterday and really flat in mood. Today seems better though and I'm looking at the positives, which are that I'm much more productive at work (in spite of the crap sleep) and a 2lb weight loss. I've also realised that I need to be much more prepared for the next BH weekend, in terms of AF drinks. I've weirdly found it helpful to say to myself that I can have a drink if I want to, there's loads of wine in the house and I'm an adult with autonomy. But I should think about it and try not to. It seems to be working so far. My goal is AF until my SPA weekend on the 2nd June. I had a real lightbulb moment about my social drinking (which is my issue) - because of the location of my house, myself and my friends tend to meet here before going out to dinner / the pub. We always share a bottle or two of something before we go and it occurred to me that this is no different to the way that we used to pre-load in our 20s!! Except that because we're middle-aged and it's wine and not vodka & red bull, it's fine! It means that I'm generally at least 2 glasses of wine in before the evening begins. I'd never noticed this until now and it explains a lot. I hope that everyone's had a good start to the week and the good news is that we're nearly at the middle of it already 🙂

@YouknoweverythingJonSnow , hope you have a better day today. It's so stressful when you have work problems, takes over everything ( or feels like it). I don't know if you drank or not, but try not to dwell on it. Fresh start today.
I had a work problem a while back and ended up in Wetherspoons - god I regretted it but I did learn from it. Never again will someone's crappy behavior affect my 'journey'.
@Nomorethanthree73 , day 17 is brilliant - keep focusing on the positives. Up until recently, I'd often have a bottle of wine before going out - it explains a lot in my case too ! Thankfully, I don't do that anymore.

All good here. Day 11 and I've only had 1 bottle of wine. I'm feeling really good and my grey mood has lifted.
I've got a new job - 3 mornings a week and it's right next to the gym I used to attend ( which I loved, til covid got in the way), so I've signed back up and the plan is work then gym then home.
I'm really excited to get going which is probably why I'm awake at 4.30am !!

@Nomorethanthree73 I agree with you! I have changed my mindset towards food and alcohol in the past few weeks as well. Instead of trying to abstain from all the 'bad things' I am allowing myself flexibility, but within reason and to be sensible about it. I am allowing myself to drink alcohol, but once a week is more than enough, and it is working. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think they key bit is finally giving myself permission??

I am going good this week. I have dinner with friends on Saturday and they aren't friends I am bothered about drinking with. I don't mean it in a rude way, but we've just never had a friendship which has bonded over getting boozy. The vibe doesn't really change with alcohol so it doesn't feel necessary to me. Does that make sense?

What I am feeling a little funny about is that I know when/if I say I am not drinking I will get an eye roll, the 'oh surely you can have one' etc.

Hiya, jumping onto the thread for some support (hopefully giving and receiving!)

I've posted on & off on the alcohol board for a few years yet still seem to be stuck here in the same old spiral. Did Dry January this year and actually felt great. Moderated ok in February and March (though did have one awful episode of blackout and would definitely say with my drinking capacity I'm a binge drinker). But I felt that I was making progress at least.

April? The wheels came off. I can't tell you whether it was chicken or egg. Life stresses exacerbating the booze or booze exacerbating the life stresses. We have an upsetting family situation which is throwing up all sorts of feelings, as well as having a holiday and I had lots of social events. My number of dry days was poor and when I drank it was generally at least a bottle a time.

I'm really determined to get a handle on things again as I think I'll feel better for it. I just tend to turn to booze for so many things now: sad, numb, celebrate, frustration, feel crap about myself etc. I'm trying to work through a lot of childhood stuff and some days it just all feels a LOT.

But the truth remains that I still want to be "able to drink like a normal person" even though I know in my heart of hearts I can't.

Someone asked about alcohol tests on amazon? Not tried them myself but I have used the home blood testing kits from thriva. I almost wanted my LFTs to be abnormal to give me a kick in the arse but they were okay. I am really healthy in pretty much all other aspects of my life.

Hi all,

Instead of opening another thread I said I would join you all here, never really spotted the group chat before.

Well I had another slip over the weekend - Saturday/Sunday. Then on Monday I went to town and bought a bottle of vodka, with the only remaining money I had in cash. Because in my wisdom I cancelled all my cards on Saturday night. I think I was trying to stop myself. I didn't drink much of it at all, when I got home I walked into the house with it and DH threw it out.

Yesterday was very hard. I was so so so tempted to go into town and buy drink, I planned on going to the bank to withdraw money. But I did not. I WFH, one tiny thing I did was to not fully get out of my PJs. Top was fine for zooms.

Today I am feeling better and so glad I didn't get more drink!!

Thanks @Amdone123 for checking in. I've been drinking a Lot less than I used to (apart from 1 week in April when I was on holiday). So that's a big change. Can't quite believe i was drinking a bottle most nights. I'm not sure I feel massively better for it but hey! Had a bottle last Fri night and then on Sat came down with a d&v thing. Hmm. Am low carbing now so only a couple of units at the weekend... wine gives me munchies so that's a big reduction in calories... Really want to stick to it as very overweight...

@Amdone123 I do the mumsnet bootcamp low carb diet, not quite as brutal as keto, but still effective.

Keep going everyone.

@Swannyb , I'm the same - aiming for once a week. And not necessarily weekends. I can't believe I find af weekends so easy. Just the rest of the week to tackle now !
Regarding your gathering, I definitely have different sets of friends that dictate my intake. I have ones who don't drink, sometimes I drink, sometimes I don't but I have another set with whom I always drink. It's what we've always done. Oh, could you 'pretend' to be drinking? I know it sounds daft and I know you shouldn't have to, but I've done it many times. Stops any pestering and af wine in a wine glass just looks the same.
@Steppered , hi and welcome. Well done on dry Jan and on moderating in Feb and March - you know you can do it so that's a great start.
What do you want your intake to look like ? Do you want to abstain for a bit or moderate? Have a think and we'll help you stick to your plan.
@alco, hi and welcome to you, too. It's great when you've made the decision not to drink and feel good. I was so tempted on the way home from work, sun is shining, I'm in a great mood, etc. Then I remembered the reason I'm in a great mood is because I'm not hungover! Same with you, let us know your plan and we'll help you stick to it.

@Amdone123 for me I think the only reasonable option is complete abstinence. Anytime I have tried to moderate it doesn't end well, if that takes a day/ week or month I usually end up in the same or worse position. I know I cannot drink sensibly but it's just reminding myself of that when I think 'what harm will one do'.

I think I'll have a good read of this thread. Reading other peoples stories helps me.

@colouringindoors , I'll have a look at low carb thanks.
@alco , yes, I'm similar. I'm happier abstaining than moderating. I can moderate, but it takes a lot of willpower. I often think I'll just have one but I read somewhere that one drink will get you drunk...... because it's never just one !

Well done @Nomorethanthree73. 17 days is great! We drink at my house too before going out, and at least one friend will stay here too, so we drink when we get back. It really does add up.

Congrats on the new job @Amdone123 😊

Hi @Steppered and @alco, I've found this thread really helpful so I hope you will too.

I didn't last night, but I'm probably going to tonight. Today was horrible again at work and my willpower is all gone. I'm trying to focus on the fact that I didn't give in last night, which is very good for me - shows I can do it at least.

That's good @YouknoweverythingJonSnow , that you didn't last night. If you drink tonight, then just accept it, enjoy it. Work sounds stressful - hope tomorrow is better.

I resisted. Feel good about the decision, but it was all I have thought about all night, so it's been a rubbish night! Thanks for the support @Amdone123, the 'if' in your message made me want to not give in.