The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

Awwwww bunnies sending you massive hugs.

We are all but human hey? And us humans are prone to random and nonsensical feelings and emotions.

When I first read it on this very thread several versions back I didn't understand it but one of the biggest truths I've discovered here is sometimes we just need to "sit with our feelings" however difficult and uncomfortable that is.

Drinking meant I buried and hid and disguised all my feelings. Now I know if I'm having a sad day or a down day it's a good thing because I'm no longer ignoring my feelings. I'd rather be sad and have a shit day / period than be numbing my mind and my heart with alcohol. "our pain makes us real" - sometimes never a truer word is spoken

WendyW sending you big love.

Thank you @Breathmiller. your message made me cry as I do need mothering but my mother lives very far away and there’s no one else around. It’s just me doing all the mothering which I can cope with most days just not today.
@Crunchymum i know you are right, I must sit with my feelings but some days I still find that hard, I want to escape.
no time to escape as I need to collect my children now, just mustering up the courage to go and do that. They will distract me I’m sure and this feeling will pass.
thanks both for wise words xxx

Ah bunnies Sorry, i made you cry and sorry rry that your mum is far away. Can you phone her? Is that something she would be open to. My 30 yr old daughter phoned me last week in tears. She is one of the most independent, successful, together people but she was having a hard day and just needed to phone her mammy and cry and talk.

Mothering comes in many shapes and sizes, not just your mother (my mother wasn't the type really). I remember when my youngest was about 3 or 4, I had had enough of looking after eveveryone.it had been one of those days! When his dad came home I said I was tired and going to to lie down. I was teary and overwhelmed and I think my son was a little perplexed by this. Then a little while later he came up when I was dozing, almost asleep and put his blanket over me tucking me in. And then brought me his teddy! Gave me a kiss on the forehead and sneaked out again. I felt suitably mothered and looked after. By my 4 year old son! It did neither of us any harm. Wee sweetie.

I often mother myself these days. Bit of tlc to yourself can be just what's needed.

How about a treat tea for you and the kids? Picnic in front of a movie mid week type thing depending on ages. Or a freezer tea. Or...anything else that's a bit of a treat for a Thursday evening. Shake it up in some way a bit.

Hope it eases my friend.

Tis I Wendy. Back from the big cheese meeting. All good and very interesting re a new board member. She is hugely into meditation. Basically she says it takes many forms, I thought it was all humming. Now Bunnies you are the Donna on here, we all appreciate your sage advice. It is a shame we don't have a telephone number thingy as I feel I know you all so well. FortheLove and I live close by so we have become new friends but I do think without people who really understand our situation life has its lonely moments. You can have a happy relationship, lovely kids but still be seeking the missing belonging. Alcohol brinings people together until it doesn't (I was banned from the party set years ago). If you have Netflix watch something comforting, I love 'it's complicated' makes me hungry for a cheese and ham. The new Lady Chatterley is filthy but fab.
I always love PS I love you. A story of hope over sadness.
If no Netflix get yourself into a charity shop tomorrow and buy loads of DVDs. I have to say one of my favourites is First Wives Club. I like a sister story. You can probably pick up a cheap dvd player too if you haven't got one.
I also recommend 🎤. It's liberating. Put on an app with the kids.
Tomorrow you will feel better. Get the bra and control pants off (if you wear them, I do) and get your jimmies on.
And eat something naughty, whatever that means to you x

Bunnies - do you have a comfort read you can return to? Something really gentle and engaging like witty historical fiction or a book you loved in your early twenties or thirties that you haven’t picked up for years? A healthy way to forget yourself for an hour or so. And the ever boring suggestion of a bath or an early night of you can.

Ah bunnies, late to the party but sitting with those feels can be so bloody hard. Especially when you don’t understand why. A tip from my therapy Thursday is to maybe look to the little bunnies inside. Give your younger self a cuddle (a pillow will suffice to stand in). Mine it more to do with lack of mothering as. A child but the principle might still work. I find it gives focus to that sense of emptiness and gives me a role to be the grown up and also acknowledge the child. Or maybe I am blathering. Seems I don’t need booze for that.

Sav, glad the meet went well, not sure i have the capacity for meditation too much monkey mind, but a good dog walk sets my brain to neutral.

Day 4 now. I haven’t went 4 consecutive days without alcohol in at least 5 years. Wow. That’s terrifying to read back. Hope everyone is well.

Fantastic adsy1988. You are doing so well. Congratulations on being on day 4. Thats a fantastic achievement

Well done @Adsy1988

Training course for me this morning in a hotel with a rooftop bar, but I shan't be tempted to linger. It will be back to work for me. This time last year I would have gone AWOL or, as we say, WFH and played catch up on Monday.

Busy weekend ahead. I have to chair an AGM on Sunday (eek!)

Have a safe and sober one everyone.

Morning all.
Tis raining here again. Off out to see the bff. She pulled one of her stunts again recently so I put up some new boundaries. If she won't learn I have to.
@Adsy1988 well done. First week is the hardest. You are nearly there.
@BunniesBunniesBunnies good morning, I hope you are feeling better this morning x

Thank you all for the kind words. My children were a good distraction. My youngest one is very caring and affectionate which is lovely. A cuddle from a child goes a long way.
I’m a terrible singer @WendyWagon but I do it anyway to cheer myself up!
Netflix is my comfort too.
Anyway I sat with my feelings, I didn’t drink or smoke so that’s something. And today I feel a bit better😊
Ps @WendyWagon the bra etc went out of the window at the start of lockdown and hasn’t made a return😂😁😁 So on bad days I may be crying but at least I’m comfy😂😂😂

@Adsy1988 those first days are tough and you’re doing great🤩

Well done @Adsy1988 ! Do you have something nice planned for this evening? Sober weekends are an unexpected treat.

Good luck with the bff @WendyWagon , but it sounds like you’ve got that all under control

glad you’re feeling a bit better @BunniesBunniesBunnies

Thanks for all the messages of support, means a lot.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I’m planning on going for a walk after I finish work this evening and just a quiet one after that. Already planning to get up at 7am tomorrow morning before anyone else and dabble in a bit of Yoga, looking forward to that.

Well done for your new beginning @Adsy1988 👏

Hi everyone. I'm trying to catch up on the thread but it just moves so fast! Hope everyone is ok. Thinking about what @WendyWagon said about phones - would anyone be interested in a WhatsApp group? Totally won't be offended if nobody is.

I'm full of sads this week. Life feels hard. My brother sent me a poem the other day and it nearly broke me. I had to sit in the car and have a 5 minute sob before I could drive home.

And yesterday I found out my dog walker (who I chat to a lot and who's lovely) has cancer and she said the prognosis isn't good. She's looking to rehome all her animals while she still has time. It breaks my heart. So how she's dealing with it I don't know.

Sorry for waffling on. I'm going to break out the disco playlist soon and bust some moves to cheer myself up.

Day 5. I managed a Friday night sober, can scarcely believe it. Think I’m beyond the worst of the headaches and the night sweats. Was so content sitting watching Gogglebox with a fruity tea. Why have I been so afraid to do this before? Hope everyone is OK this Saturday!

And now you get the reward of a clear headed Saturday morning @Adsy1988! They get even better as your sleep improves more after a few weeks sober. Well done on managing Friday night

Well done @Adsy1988!
@MyGhastIsFlabbered I’m sorry things are hard and that’s so sad about your dog walker😢

For what it’s worth I’m a firm believer in the healing properties of a good car cry. I do this semi regularly and find it very cathartic. It’s good to let your feelings out like this in a controlled setting, so don’t feel bad about it. What’s your weekend looking like? I hope you can have a few small moments of peace. My weekend will be intense (I’m in sole charge of the kids right now) but I know those small moments of peace (a bath, a cuppa, a pod cast) will get me through. Sending you a hug.

Morning all.
RA monstrous after the big drive.
However one tea down. Two Aldi shortbread fingers without the dog helping. My London friend rang me last night to see how I was. That was so kind. My weekends are certainly different these days. No big cook ups, no big booze ups. It is great not to have to go out if I don't want to. Still trying to get a courier to bring a huge bookcase home that I bought on fleebay. I didn't realise how heavy it was until I checked with the retailer, 26st!

@Adsy1988 your question of why you’d been afraid to do it before really struck me. There is so much pressure from society telling us that drinking alcohol is the only way to live, that we internalise that message. If you step outside that thinking, you’ll start to notice it.

Day 5 is brilliant- the effects of alcohol have mostly left your body. Cortisol levels (the stress hormone) take 10 days to get back to normal- so hang in there, and enjoy your yoga.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered sending hugs, lovely. Sorry to hear about your friend.

Just found this thread, so thought I’d share my story. I’ve now been sober for 8 months. I had to do it. Over a period of 15 years my drinking got worse and worse. A bottle of wine per evening turned into a bottle of gin. My partner and I would just sit in front of the TV and drink. I never drank during the day, even on holiday. My partner suddenly died in 2020. Found out the same day, when the hospital gave me his phone that he had another woman. Dealing with grief and betrayal at the same time was very hard and I drank. I was already off sick with burnout. I still didn’t drink until the evening.
got myself back to work a few months later, managed to cut down a bit on the drinking but felt so lonely even though my partner had kept me a prisoner and had stupid rules in the house.
I moved house because of memories in late 2021 and met someone new. Someone that likes his beer and to have fun. I hadn’t had that for so long and found my life again. My family weren’t happy - I live abroad, didn’t like that my new man was “foreign” I had to learn a new language to communicate with him.
Christmas 2021 was cancelled with family because of Covid. I was home alone (DD had gone out with her boyfriend) and called my mother and she shouted at me because I had spent Christmas Eve overnight with my BF because he was having his kids for a week and my DD had woken alone on Christmas Day. I hit the alcohol badly. And for some reason unbeknownst to me I got in the car. I hit a parked car and was arrested and taken to the police station for a blood test.
I was banned from driving but I still couldn’t stop drinking. But to get my licence back I must stop drinking and go for random tests. A meeting with my lawyer after the final court case was over kicked me into doing it and I haven’t had a drink since.
It’s very lonely living rurally without a driving licence but I am managing to get to work and do the best I can. BF helps me out with large things for shopping but I am trying to do as much as I can alone.
I was self medicating my anxiety with alcohol but now I know it was just making it worse. Mentally I feel so much better for not drinking and I do miss it sometimes but it’s not worth it. If I fail a random test I am back to square one.
I don’t know if I will stop drinking forever. I’d love to be able to celebrate my big birthday in a couple of years with a glass of champagne but scared I wouldn’t stop. Friends are being super supportive and even buying in alcohol free beers for me when I visit. I can still have fun and be silly without a drink, I feel that the real me is now present in this world.

@Scot75 welcome. And well done. I think you have done amazingly well.
Trauma had made problem drinkers of most of us on this thread. Just keep going. I turn the champagne down on a regular basis and that would have been unheard of 14 months ago. I advocate for a new lipstick or nail polish everytime you need a pick me up. Or a new book, posh tights, gorgeous cheese.
Have a good day.

Welcome @Scot75 and congrats on 8 months that’s amazing!

Day 6. Will stop the daily updates soon, I promise! Saturday was always going to be one of the more difficult days to get through, but managed it with ease. My house and car have never been cleaner 😂

My DS1 had a friend over so I dropped them at the local shopping centre to get some lunch. Came home, got a washing outside to dry, blitzed the bathroom, went to the shops to get dinner things in, and treated myself to a six pack of 0% Pilsners, of which I had four of whilst making dinner and watching Ant and Dec.

This has probably been the best nights sleep since I last had a drink on Monday night, I feel so refreshed this morning. Ready to face the day and make a start on our usual Sunday Roast.

Hope everyone else is doing good and have had a great weekend!