The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

Hi all can I join please? Have been drinking far too much lately and time to knock it on the head once and for all, for the good of my health.

@Piglet89 welcome.

Welcome piglet. We're all the same here. Feel free to post as much as you like, daily or more if need be.

I found it useful when I first came on to go back to the beginning and read all the threads from the start. There is a lot of them these days though so it might feel a little too much. At least go back a bit. So many wise words and support in these threads.

Anyway, good luck. Do you have a plan of action? Some people count days, some not. Some people use alcohol free drinks and others avoid them. We all have triggers though and some days of the week are often more difficult than others, especially at the beginning. But there will be many here who will understand so ask for advice and/or handholds in these hardest days especially. Its a merry (ha!) band of folk.

Welcome @Piglet89!
@TheOtherHotstepper I’m so sorry about your poor friend, what an incredibly sad loss. It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. Just know that are you supported here and feel free to post about anything you like.

Morning all.
Blinking dog pushed my neck out last night (he attempts to become a hat!).
Counselling this morning and boy after yesterday that is a good thing. The bath and body deal broke down with the current owner spewing nonsense in a chain of emails. I was on the phone all evening with the proposed team and luckily didn't need or want the wine crutch. I just felt exhausted. As my old mum use to say 'that one's a sandwich short of a picnic'.
Have a sober day all.

Thank you everyone.

The counselling is via a charity following an NHS referral. I pay a nominal amount. The present guy doesn't leave until the end of the month, so I have three more sessions booked. Then I can either finish, or go back in the pool and wait for another counsellor to become available. I was going to finish and see how I got on, but I don't think I can now.

Thank you all for your support.

Welcome @Piglet89
@TheOtherHotstepper I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, that's awful 😢 be gentle with yourself, sending love and strength your way.

Teachers strike here for 2 days.. we are off on a little adventure! I just need to get motivated and clear a few work emails beforehand. @WendyWagon was looking at those chimney balloons on Amazon! It might be a solution.. I need something as sleeping when it's windy is awful in this new house. That said we are settling in so well. Hard to believe where we were in August last year.!! It really is amazing what you can achieve when you're faced with such challenges.

My journaling has definitely helped me, when I need reminding of how far I've come I go back over some of the original posts made back when things were pretty desperate. It makes me sad but also is the reality check that kicks my butt in gear.!
Sadly my divorce is going to be a long hard bitter one.. that's next on my list 🫣

Have a wonderful AF Wednesday you lovely bunch xx

@Breathmiller thanks for the welcome! I will take some time to read back; I’m sure there are many wise words.

There is a definite time of day trigger for me, which is evenings after I’ve put my son to bed. The kind of time of day that temptation would have struck for Claire Pooley (author or the sober mummy diaries). Think I need some strategies for getting through that consistently and not having the first drink.

@Piglet89 the best advice might be to think if you had an emergency would you be able to drive? I was enabled by having an non drinking adult in the house. If I am honest I never drank if it was just me and the kids. I am a coppers daughter so live with 'the fear'. A glass is really a bottle because we can't leave it. Ditto an extra one of the same for Saturday night friends. I very rarely saw it waiting the next morning.
@rockingbird you have come so far, I, as your online friend are proud of you. You do rock. Let's hope the ex behaves himself during the legalities. Keep the upper hand.

Wondering if I could be entering Peri (nearly 43, seems a bit young?) as I am just in a rotten, rotten mood all the bloody time.

I'm not depressed or sad or anxious. I am just pissed off. That seems to be the default mood? It doesn't make me want to drink, it just makes me feel bad for those who have to put up with me!

I did have to laugh this morning though. I realised as we were walking out the door (I was dropping kids to MIL as there was no school) that I hadn't fed the cats. Big cat managed to knock his bowl of food all over himself and the kitchen. He then went running off round the house with his brown, meaty dinner all over him and in his panic he ran up to my bed. So on top of all the usual day to day stuff and working I have had to mop floors, change bed sheets and shower a fecking cat!!

@Crunchymum I hear you sister. I was not to be triffled (or coffee ice creamed) with on Monday. Had a turn over poor sizes in Clarks, slammed a door in the bookshop (didn't mean to), grumped in Waitrose over Bell peppers (none) and then offered a copper a ticket off my car to be nice. He threatened to report me! 'I'm a copper says he, so was my mum says I plus my brother is Johnny English and my son is a government bod. All true. He snorted and took my numberplate. B**stard

Hi everyone. Day 130 here. Sorry I've not been checking in. I've just had a bit too much to juggle and don't have much headspace spare. But I know it would be a lot worse if I was drunk or hungover. Hope everyone is ok and big hugs all round

@Crunchymum I wouldn't say that's early for peri. Hormones will be changing. I'm 43 and I'd say I have peri symptoms.

Hi @Piglet89 . 2 things helped me - I had an app where I recorded every day sober. I luuurve measurable achievements, so that really helped me (although I’m now trying to work on my need to achieve to feel worthwhile).

The other thing was looking forward to getting into bed sober - it’s still a wonderful feeling.

Im going through an angry phase too @Crunchymum, but I’m 10 years older than you and been on HRT for a year! I’m wondering if it’s to do with deciding I’m tired of being pushed around, for me.

@WendyWagon that copper was messing with the wrong woman😂😂😂

@Crunchymum I get more pissed off the older I get. I don’t think it’s hormonal in my case, I think I’m just becoming more aware of life’s injustices - and I don’t take any shit anymore (especially from men). Sometimes a whole day (especially at work) will feel like one long string of sexist microaggressions. I wouldn’t have even noticed this in my twenties but now it fucks me right off.

I try to use this anger to my advantage. When I feel all ragey I take a long hard look in the mirror and ask myself what I’m going to do with all that rage. Then I go out into the world and smash the patriarchy. (If only - I normally just go for a long run, write some stern work e-mails or do some angry cleaning🤣)

Ps 43 is not young for peri! Have your blood levels checked!

Ps @Piglet89 that was my trigger time too!!! But honestly my children’s bedtimes are sooo much easier without booze now! Takes a little while though.

Pps My 3 year soberversary is coming up next month😃🥳

Glad it’s not just me @BunniesBunniesBunnies ! I like the idea of doing something useful with the anger.

Three years is epic.

Morning all. Up early without a 'dog hat'. He went back to bed!
Bunnies you legend, three years is awesome.
I am trying to do some paperwork for the house today, not my favourite task, I do like a PA. Not that many jobs have them these days. I had one that did my Christmas shopping once (she loved it as she was buying dolls for the DD). I had fresh fruit in my office and my car moved. Those were the days. I'd be lucky to get a cup of tea now.
The current mad owner of the bath and body company has gone gaga. We uncovered some stock issues. She threw everything out of the pram. Normally I would have gone straight for the booze but you know I couldn't go through the remorse, I also didn't fancy it! The longing has never left me. I dream of champagne days but this time I thought 'Sav, stop your nonsense'. Getting pissed won't help and if the Old Bat rings you back you will be in no fit state to answer the phone. I waffled on to 'the girls' instead.
Time for some breakfast and more Yorkshire tea. Have a good one all.

Glad I'm not the only angry lad on the block.

Unfortunately I've not learnt to channel it into anything positive yet. I just have to sit with the anger until is passes. Thankfully I WFH and don't have much of a life so the rage isn't unleashed on the general public. I try, try, try very hard not to let the kids see angry mummy.

I have think mother's day looming is playing a big part as I don't have my mum anymore (lost her very suddenly in 2020) and that loss still hurts very much.

Sorry about the loss of your mum crunchy. Mothers day can be so hard for those that have lost their mums. Mine is a strange one, my mum is still here but not really. End stage Parkinsons and dementia. A kind of weird limbo state. I'll send a card (I live quite far away) but she won't know what its for although she may like the picture on the front. Very sad.

As for menopause anger, it's horrible. I'm not angry much in life (after the anger of youth) but bloody hell at the beginning of peri, i felt so much anger, fury actually. My friend described it as feeling "rage to her fingertips". It was quite overwhelming and intense. I used to kick the kitchen cupboards 😅 because I had yet again dropped something and I would be sooo fucking angry. At the kitchen cupboards!

Thankfully, it has eased as I am moving through it and a lot of the more difficult symptoms have gone but I am left with a much better sense of not being walked over, not putting up with people's shit (in a calm and controlled manner 😇) and having much better boundaries. I still wouldn't mess with me, but I'm much less likely to kick you if you resemble a kitchen cupboard.

And the best thing I ever did for my menopause was give up drinking. Sleepless nights and that dread either in the middle of the night or the morning almost switched off like a light bulb going off. I was getting the beginnings of hot flushes but not had one for 2 and a half years (i had the opposite- really cold so I still wasn't able to regulate temperature) and I do wonder if that was alcohol related.

I'm not saying its a cure all, despite doing all the things they say are good for a natural and easy menopause (not drinking much coffee, no alcohol, no red meat, healthy diet of plants and protein, yoga, meditation etc) I had a really shitty time of it. But at 52 I do feel I'm coming out the other side.

3 years bunnies is awesome! Could you have believed it on that first day? I will be 3 years in the summer and still have to pinch myself to believe it. But when i do then I feel such a sense of achievement, like I am capable of anything!

I think it’s ok for kids to see angry mummy @Crunchymum . If I lost my temper AT them I’d apologise afterwards. Kids are pretty smart - mine once pointed out that if I called someone “darling” when I was talking to them, that person was in big, big trouble. I’d never noticed, but it was true.

sorry about Mother’s Day being hard.

Your mum sounds similar to mine @Breathmiller . I hate buying the Mother’s Day card because the wording sounds so ironic

Sending huge hugs to everyone who finds Mother’s Day hard for whichever reason.
@Breathmiller yes I can hardly believe it. I vividly remember joining this thread 3 years ago with my tail between my legs. What a different woman I am now. Still have my shit days (today being one actually!) but on a good day I am an inspiration to myself.
Wouldn’t have made it over all the hurdles without this thread. It really is the best thread on Mumsnet.

Funnily enough onewildandpreciouslife i find cards easier now in some ways. My mum wasn't a natural carer/nurturer and we have had a difficult relationship. I used to find cards difficult to buy because they seemed so false and she would have hated anything loving or flowery. She's quite a difficult woman. Bizarrely, the weaker she got the more open she has been to ...i don't know...being loved by me. Her hard exterior has been softened (a little - up until recently she could still manage to be harsh). When she took properly ill and was in hospital just before lockdown and just before she went into the home, I spent the day with her, caring for her, showering her and doing her hair. When i left late on, she looked so tiny and frail in the hospital bed that I told her I loved her as she was half asleep. And she said she loved me back. Thats the first time I can ever remember her saying that. She then opened her eyes, took my hand and said "thank you for looking after me so well today - you've always been game for anything haven't you? Thank you".
I bawled all the drive home.

So, now when i visit her, I kiss her goodbye and tell her I love her. Sometimes she even says it back but but it doesn't matter if she doesn't. And i will find a card that is loving. I think she needs it more than ever. I think she has always needed it but as the child in the relationship, even the adult child I was too scared to pierce through her armour.

So, yes, in a similar vein, I also think it's not the worse thing to see angry mummy now and again as long as we apologise after and tell our kids (even our grown up kids) that we are sorry, that we are also human and make mistakes and most of all that we love them.

Sorry you're having a shit day bunnies. 💜💙
I know that I'm not on here as much these days but when I'm having a shit day I'm drawn to this thread. It really is the best of places. A real place of unconditional friendship.

Sorry if I've depressed anyone 😔

Mothers day still shows the chasm in my life without my mum. But as much as I miss my mum and as much as she was taken "too soon" (she was 65) she loved me every moment of my life and I've never had any doubt or uncertainty about her love. I heard this somewhere and it always makes me think of my mum "her love for you was absolute"

It's still shit though. Losing my mum sent me into the alcohol abyss but having had my mum champion me for 40 years gave me the belief and strength to climb back out again.

Hugs and love to everyone who will struggle on mother's day and to everyone having a bad day.

You all keep me honest and strong and positive that being AF is the only path for me ❤️