The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

Now that I've done my face up a bit...it went a bit pouffy when I had a nap!!

@Breathmiller yes, that makes absolute sense to me.
I have massively cut down the past few years. I never planned on stopping. However, when I had a drink, boy did I drink. The old me came back. The need, the greed, the speed.
I've now realised I cannot be a moderator. Even the thought is worrying for me.
I am not drinking today. I intend to live a sober life as long as I am able.
Huge congratulations on maintaining your sobriety thus far. I've realised that all on here are on a similar road, though we all have our unique considerations.
Saturday afternoon is my current weak point, so I'm off to do something active and mind filling.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered you look FabuGhast! That’s such a good cut on you and really draws attention to your eyes and cheekbones. It should be easy to look after too.

@Breathmiller it sounds like you’ve been having a tough time. Well done on having the presence of mind to question the wine witch rather than going along with her seditious whispering. I’m not an expert and I’m really poor at phrasing things delicately, but I think that considering drinking again is perhaps a sign that something needs rebalancing a bit? Sending you a big mug of tea and a couple of biscuits of your choice. You are absolutely right about this place, it keeps us grounded and safe.

@WendyWagon how is your day going? I smiled at your Kylie AF Prosecco, hope it is lovely and bubbly and not too sweet. My new glasses are Kylie frames, they are gorgeous.

@Fortheloveofgodwhy I think the grimness was down to the alcohol. Yes, I’m going with that.

Thank you @BunniesBunniesBunnies it’s good to know I’m not the only person who’s been caught out.

Congratulations on 5 days without refined sugar @Crunchymum . I laughed at your sister’s comment, but seriously what a great thing to do for your health. There’s much similarity in the way that both alcohol and sugar are constantly marketed to us as “treats”, well-deserved rewards etc whilst missing the reality that it’s hard to stop at just one for both and neither are really that good for us.

I pressed post too early - hello @Gymspiration hope you found something pleasantly distracting to fill your Saturday afternoon. Congratulations on getting through the early weeks!

@Breathmiller I forgot to say that maybe be compassionate to younger you? We’re all so quick to blame ourselves (myself included) but the reality is that drinking is well embedded as a societal norm and it’s darn hard even questioning that, let alone stepping back from it and doing the hard work of forging a life that doesn’t include that particular poison. I certainly didn’t have the toolset or the self awareness to do that when I was younger x

@Breathmiller it sounds like you’re having some deep thoughts, but it also sounds like you are able to be truly honest with yourself which is great. Our thoughts are not the problem, it’s whether we are able to face them honestly think.
I too have these urges sometimes, like suddenly I think things would be different now. It’s only happened lately. I have to ask myself - what am I hoping to gain? If the last three years has shown me anything it’s that alcohol adds nothing to my life. Still those thoughts are tough.
Don’t be hard on your younger self. I think being young is incredibly tough. Look back and acknowledge how far you come😊

Ps I don’t really know where my thoughts are coming from. I thought it was just that I “fancied a few” and thought “I could handle it”. But if I’m honest with myself I think I know the reason. There’s lots happening in my life right now (not all bad) that I don’t have much control over, and that’s scary. So I want to escape and just switch off for a bit.
Anyway those are just my thoughts I don’t know if they are “correct”. I try to stay on an even keel - sleep, exercise, vitamins, good food, water. And wait for difficult feelings to pass when they happen.
I feel like I’m just rambling on. I don’t have the answers for you @Breathmiller but I wanted to send solidarity.

Late weekend check in from me - I've been under the weather with a horrible cold all week but, I've just caught sight of myself in the mirror in the car and there is hair growing in all along my parting, so presumably elsewhere as well. After struggling with hair loss for nearly twenty years, I am thrilled. The miracle of sober hair continues.

Stay safe and sober everyone!

Ah @Breathmiller - it’s so tough, but we can only live our lives forwards. Do i regret the choices I made to get myself into the mess I was? Of course. But also, at the time, in that state of mind, none of them seemed particularly stupid at the time. So I think that when we look back, all we can try to do is treat ourselves with compassion.

And I think those thoughts of “ooh maybe I could now” is like when you have a sore tooth - it’s so hard to resist sticking your tongue there to see how much it hurts (or is that just me?!). You just have to force yourself to stop. That’s why I find “never question the decision” such a helpful mantra.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered - gorgeous!

Thanks everyone. Im so glad I spoke up, it's all really helped.

it sounds like you’ve been having a tough time. The thing is blackberryblossom it's quite the opposite. Life is pretty good at the moment. I feel pretty steady and balanced. Relationship great, family all well. Work going well, feeling good. I think that's where it's actually come from. The thought that I couldn't possibly moderate when i was younger as life was chaotic and I was in survival mode a lot. There's that voice within saying that actually I feel so good now and together that maybe I could join the normal world and moderate.

But, of course, you're right! It's the wine witch whisper. It's that whole chicken and egg thing. Whatever chaos that I lived with that drew me to have a disordered attitude to drinking, once it had established, then what was causing what?! Was I drinking because life was chaotic or was my life chaotic because I was drinking? I think I have my answer.

It's exactly because I have stopped drinking that life is good and I'm happier than I've ever been. I needed reminded of that. I stupidly thought for a moment that because I am happy I could drink! But it's because I'm not drinking that I'm happy! Why in earth would I want to throw that away?

Thanks gymspiration and bunnies and onewildandpreciouslife. Lots to think about and as always the wisdom and kindness on here is second to none.

I'm also going to do a meditation on sending some love and compassion to young breathmiller. She was in survival mode a lot. She's come far.

And myghastisflabbered you look amazing! Thank you for sharing your photos.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered your haircut really suits you. You look great.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered Even more gorgeous with your "face on" ❤️

@Breathmiller it's very interesting that you are so settled and calm and serene yet this has led you back the thought of moderation. The way you explain it makes it sound so logical. There is real rationale and sound reasoning there but of course ITS ALL A TRICK and it's all part of the awful entrapment of alcohol.

That damn little devil on our shoulder that we've fought tooth and nail to silence is always going to be there. The longer we are sober the more we are given the false promise that we've made progress and can manage alcohol better now that we manage life better.

As you well know, we manage life better because we don't drink. We've eliminated the preoccupation of drinking from our minds. Moderation is opening a door that will be very difficult to close.

For me I know moderation will never be an option. I found moderating almost as exhausting as when I was at my worst drinking wise. Moderation gave alcohol just as much headspace and power (if not more). When I drank, I drank. It was a choice I made and I'd find I'd naturally have periods albeit short periods when I wouldn't drink. When I was moderating I'd be so cosumed with facilitating the next time I could drink that I wasn't present. I was literally wishing all the lovely things in my life away to get me to the next time I could drink (be that the coming weekend or February after doing DJ etc!)

I too hate the fact I messed up with alcohol so badly I've had to cut it out from my life completely but I also respect, and am incredibly proud that I'm now AF. I had to have some pretty dark times to get to sobriety. I can't and won't risk that for a glass of poison.

Good morning all. Day 14 for me.

Well done @HangingOver, that's such an achievement!

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I bloody love your new do.

@Breathmiller the last time I drank I was in a similar situation. Life was good, DP finally recovering from long term illness, DC both happy, and I'd just landed a new job. I was happy and relaxed, and shared a bottle with a friend to celebrate. Then didn't find the stop button, and felt so awful the next day. At the time I totally felt like, hey, I've gotten my ducks in a row, I'm a fully functional adult, I can totally moderate like a normal person! I was used to being wary of slipping because life was stressful, so I was kicking myself that I slipped because life was good.

This weekend I've gotten up and gotten going quite early, and have had a massive clear out of stuff to take to charity. I've been meaning to for ages, but never seemed to have the time or energy.
This week I went out, to a concert, with DP and some friends. I love live music, but can find all the crowds a bit overwhelming, and having a couple of pints would really "help" with that. I was worried whether or not I'd enjoy it as much sober. Answer is yes, I did. The gig was great. When I started to get a bit overloaded, I moved away from the crowds for a bit. I was much more aware of my mental state too, so was more preventative than reactive in looking after myself. I was also totally present and in the moment, which was great, especially as DP proposed at the end. I said yes, and my memory of it all is crystal clear.

Morning all.
I am bracing myself for another difficult day with the DD. Educational settings were always difficult for her.
Bunnies talks about the times in life when we have no control and that is what is happening to me at the moment. I have had a wagon blip but I can honestly say the only person that was punished was me. I was feeling so much better with life. New house to look forward to, peace and safety and someone has threatened that. I can't go back to the old me because on a day to day level I was just surviving. Drink drowned the fear. Or I thought I was fearless? Drunken Sav was big and bold and arsey.
Some of you may remember I have a stalker. The person who read all my posts on this thread is connected through their profession to that person. I feel violated and unsafe. My answer to threats was always in a bottle. My DH will try to minimise it and say I am worrying too much and the police will step in. I have owned my alcohol issues this year and corrected people who have said I didn't have a problem. I was confident enough in my sobriety. I am struggling now my friends. For the love of God and I are having a breakfast this coming week. It might be good to talk to someone else who really understands.

I haven't opened the Kylie yet!

@MyGhastIsFlabbered brilliant hair.

@HangingOver congratulations. Feathers and all.

Morning everyone. Kept reading yesterday but didn’t find time to put a proper post together. @WendyWagon we will indeed resolve some shit over sausages 🤣

@MyGhastIsFlabbered AMAZING hair. Love the colour too. Similar length to mine.

@HangingOver oh my god! 1000 is fantastic 1001 even better. How amazing. 🙌💕🙌💕💐

@MangoBiscuit congratulations. How lovely to have had a positive experience and then a proposal!! 💍

@Breathmiller ah the moderation fascination. Thank you for sharing the desire to do it. And all the reasons we can’t. Keeps it focused for me hearing others have the same struggles.

nothing to add here other than I am as always in awe of the fabulousness of everyone here. Oh and I think the mcG red is not liking me much. 😫. God I loathe my menopausal gut and it’s ridiculous sensitivity.

Love your hair @MyGhastIsFlabbered .

Good luck with DD today @WendyWagon

@Breathmiller FWIW I am always much more tempted when I feel good. I think it's that mental link of a drink with relaxing and having a good time. Cooking a nice meal on a Friday night is absolutely my most dangerous time

Reading but not posting much.

Hello all, I don’t check in or contribute regularly here but just wanted to say hi.

I am 18 months sober now, I still sometimes have to pinch myself. I couldn’t manage 2 days previously. I have the very, very odd, very brief, whisper from the wine witch but she buggers off quickly when she realises she’s having no luck. I take time every day to try and remember just how fucking shit it had got for me in the end, the random aches and bruises, forensically checking myself for jaundice, sitting in despair as I poured yet more wine down my throat, not wanting to but wanting to at the same time, not knowing how I could go on drinking or sober, a deep shame at what it would do to me and my family if I took ill/died of liver failure. No thanks. Not a fucking chance am I going even one tiny step back there.

all the best to everyone x

@MichaelFabricantWig thanks for popping on the thread to share that. I was exactly as you describe. It was the fear of dying and leaving my kids without a Mum that got me here. I’m almost 4 months in now, and while it seems ridiculous that I let it get that bad, I know I can never have another drink. Life is better in so many ways.
@MyGhastIsFlabbered your hair is fabulous! I took the plunge a few weeks in to get lasik after wearing glasses since the age of 12. Cut my hair shorter with a nice fringe. Makes me feel 10 years younger!!

@HangingOver that’s absolutely fantastic!

hope everyone enjoys their Sunday!!!

Morning all.
Sorry to hear about your tough times @WendyWagon . I’m not sure that Drunken Sav really was fearless, because inside the shiny shell that alcohol gives us, we’re mainly hiding from our issues. Facing these challenges sober? That takes real guts. Hang in there.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you. I managed not to run to the shops yesterday after a major showdown. I knew how I would feel this morning and I need to do something positive today.
Thank you my friends.

Morning all
Survived another night without losing my shit. Three days of 'house arrest'.
Happy Tuesday all. X

Well done @WendyWagon ! Hope you're OK.
Congratulations @MangoBiscuit ! How lovely to have such clear memories of the proposal!