sillylittlemargaret that's great! It is honestly so freeing. In the same way I don't wake up anymore having a conversation/argument with myself about how much I could/should drink that day. ("I wont drink too much tonight, I drank too much last night or last Friday" or "I'm going to have a blow out and feel shit tomorrow" or " I'm not going to have any- will I manage it? Doubt it" on and on the conversations used to go round my head about whether I could have none, one (ha!) or whether I gave up and acceped I'd down far too much.
I couldn't for the life of me work out how you could do that with food because, well you have to eat. But I'm in the same place with it. It's not all encompassing. I don't have to think what I'm going to deny myself today. I don't wake up full of regret at bingeing and thinking I need to starve mysef today. I don't work out whether I can go over my calorie goal or have to go massively under. I don't worry wether I've lost a pound, gained a pound or what I'm going to wear to hide in. All gone.
I eat every day. The default now seems to have landed on breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. And sometimes if I'm not hungry I miss one of these, or they are very small. But never denying myself. I know if I'm hungry later I can have a snack. But to begin with, it's so important you eat at all the sessions. Even if it's a piece of fruit at a snack time, or a date, or a carrot. Or a piece of chocolate. Or a full meal. Your body will start to trust you and you will start to trust yourself around food.
I had notes on my phone. 9.-11.00am breakfast. 11.00am- 1.00pm snack. 1.00pm-3.00pm lunch.
3.00pm-6.00pm snack. 6.00pm- 8.30pm dinner.
8 30pm- supper.
But I also wasn't rogid with times. They were just a guideline. The good thing was if I had a notion to binge I could see it wasn't that long til I could eat again. So, i could wait it out. Go do something else. It wasn't forever. And, if I feel off the wagon and overate (which is different from bingeing) I didn't starve myself later. I just went back to my 3 meals and 3 snacks.
I ticked them off when I had done them. I also logged what I ate (not calories and not judgement- just so I could see where I was likely to want to binge or when I was hungry) I do a daily one but delete it each week as the next week comes. I also logged water and tea too. I drink loads more now that I have ever done.
I even got rid of my smart watch last year too and got given a gorgeous normal watch to tell the time for my birthday. That felt like a real step forward.
But most of all I have done the work on liking and forgiving myself. The Andrea Wachter series is really worth a go. Insight Timer is free but I think you have to pay the yearly subscription to access the courses. But she does have some talks and meditations on the free version too. All about self image, body image and learning to be kind to yourself and your body.
Good luck. Do feel free to message me privately if you want an accountability buddy. I'm always up for more support on this. It's an ongoing issue and ljke booze (and typos 😀) I need to stay ever vigilant.