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Alcohol support

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The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

982 replies

Crunchymum · 11/10/2022 20:06

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

OP posts:
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WendyWagon · 01/12/2022 10:53

Morning Johnny.

In the words of 'Rizzo, what's the worst you could do?'
I have done many shameful things, the Irish call it 'the fear'.
If you got caught riding a friends husband you may need more time to be forgiven!
Sick in a new a girlfriend's Mulberry handbag, pah. Small fry.
You friend was embarrassed, you are in the throws of cleaning up your act. Alcoholism is an illness. She said she loves you.
There is a thread on mumsnet re embarrassing incidents. After reading that flashing my knickers felt like a school outing.

Breathmiller · 01/12/2022 14:17

Oh johnny that is hard for you to hear. But, your friend has been open and honest without being cruel or unkind. Don't take on her shame and embarrassment too though. Each day you don't drink takes you further away from this. Give your friend time to process it, she sounds a good friend to have.

Sending you a hug.

Johnnyfartpants · 01/12/2022 18:41

@Breathmiller and @WendyWagon thank you so much for your kind words. Having a bit of a shaky evening, keep feeling myself sliding into shame and rereading her message. I’m going to try and distract myself with a trashy film and light the fire. And just try and be a bit kinder to myself.

WendyWagon · 01/12/2022 19:32

Sounds good @Johnnyfartpants . I miss a real fire.
Have you read Rachel's holiday? Not quit lit but a tale about a trip to A treatment centre. St Marion Keynes. Very funny but deals with a lot of denial.

Johnnyfartpants · 01/12/2022 19:37

Oh thanks so much for the recommendation will download it!

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 01/12/2022 23:26

I only drank on 2 occasions in November but determined to beat that this month. But Christmas is going to be hard. I can already feel myself 'mourning' the champagne, wine etc I won't have. Though I guess it's encouraging the I'm mourning them rather than finding excuses to drink them.

SillyLittleMargaret · 02/12/2022 02:52

@Breathmiller thanks so much for your earlier post. I've actually read the old eating disorders thread you were posting on (and chucking about how many times you apologised for your typos on there too!) and found it incredibly helpful. I've taken your advice of 3 meals and 3 snacks, deleted my fitness pal from my phone and am trying to eat my 5-a-day as a minimum. It's an incredibly freeing feeling. I hadn't realised how I'd trapped myself in a calorie obsessed existence, but suddenly the binging and disorder around food makes so much sense.
Funny how sorting out alcohol brought all this to the fore, with the realisation that food was a problem way before the alcohol!

WendyWagon · 02/12/2022 05:44

Morning all.
We are an interesting bunch.
@SillyLittleMargaret I have similar experience with food being an issue before the booze. I was an athlete at school and college. The obsessive weight monitoring comes from there. Although with all my training I could eat loads. However I admit I put on the most when my mum died 18 years ago. I ate freely for the first time in years as she had nagged me so much (my mum was a beauty who got fat and used 1970s methods to solve that).
Nature/ nurture is very applicable here.

I am glad it's Friday this week. I have been poorly so this is the first time in a long while I am not craving a Friday release. I couldn't neck the grog if you paid me!
The new house is progressing. Hopefully in for January.
Off to Marks later.

AlloftheTime · 02/12/2022 07:00

@WendyWagon that sounds like a positive post to start the day. I’m glad to hear the house is progressing for you - it takes sooo long doesn’t it?
Happy Friday everyone - I have visitors for the weekend so there will be wine in the house but none in MY glass 👍

Onewildandpreciouslife · 02/12/2022 07:07

Morning all.
Ugh. Tough night last night. Went out for dinner with my elderly uncle who informed me I’m “not as fun without the wine”. I mean, as a man in his 80s he has lots of opinions I disagree with but politely ignore, but that one cut. Not least as I didn’t want to get into an argument with him AND he’s seen me pretty wrecked on alcohol a few times.

I’ve had such a good week including some beautiful mornings on the beach, and two sea swims (yes, it was very cold!) and this is now niggling at me.

Im feeling nervous about Christmas too - my first sober one. Not so much because I worry I’ll want to drink, but it’s going to put my non-drinking under the spotlight. Work Christmas lunch next week and a weekend away with friends that involves a LOT of alcohol. Ah well - I think learning not to care what others think would be a good skill to work on!

@WendyWagon sorry you’re feeling rough- hope you feel better soon

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I sometimes think stopping drinking is like a bad breakup. You’ve had a relationship with alcohol for a long time, and when it ends, it so easy and natural to look back and miss all the good times you had together. But there’s a hundred reasons that relationship had to end, and by the end it wasn’t healthy. Try not to worry too much about Christmas (and yes, I know I need to take my own advice!!) and focus on today.

WendyWagon · 02/12/2022 07:45

Morning @Onewildandpreciouslife

I suspect that you are a nicer person now, I know I am. Drunks can be very funny until they're not! My family use to liken me to Sir Les Patterson (Barry Humpries character) or Father Jack. There is photographic proof!
My bff and I laughed so much this week we both cried. We did the same last night when I suggested a 'classy' outfit for her upcoming interviews. We were OK sober.
I have lost two friends due to my sobriety. Both liked me to pay for their lunches, drinks etc. I no longer miss them. I was hurt at first but now I see them in a different light. I spend that money on my family.
Our lives go through many changes. We need to decide who we are now.

Breathmiller · 02/12/2022 09:06

sillylittlemargaret that's great! It is honestly so freeing. In the same way I don't wake up anymore having a conversation/argument with myself about how much I could/should drink that day. ("I wont drink too much tonight, I drank too much last night or last Friday" or "I'm going to have a blow out and feel shit tomorrow" or " I'm not going to have any- will I manage it? Doubt it" on and on the conversations used to go round my head about whether I could have none, one (ha!) or whether I gave up and acceped I'd down far too much.

I couldn't for the life of me work out how you could do that with food because, well you have to eat. But I'm in the same place with it. It's not all encompassing. I don't have to think what I'm going to deny myself today. I don't wake up full of regret at bingeing and thinking I need to starve mysef today. I don't work out whether I can go over my calorie goal or have to go massively under. I don't worry wether I've lost a pound, gained a pound or what I'm going to wear to hide in. All gone.

I eat every day. The default now seems to have landed on breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. And sometimes if I'm not hungry I miss one of these, or they are very small. But never denying myself. I know if I'm hungry later I can have a snack. But to begin with, it's so important you eat at all the sessions. Even if it's a piece of fruit at a snack time, or a date, or a carrot. Or a piece of chocolate. Or a full meal. Your body will start to trust you and you will start to trust yourself around food.

I had notes on my phone. 9.-11.00am breakfast. 11.00am- 1.00pm snack. 1.00pm-3.00pm lunch.
3.00pm-6.00pm snack. 6.00pm- 8.30pm dinner.
8 30pm- supper.

But I also wasn't rogid with times. They were just a guideline. The good thing was if I had a notion to binge I could see it wasn't that long til I could eat again. So, i could wait it out. Go do something else. It wasn't forever. And, if I feel off the wagon and overate (which is different from bingeing) I didn't starve myself later. I just went back to my 3 meals and 3 snacks.

I ticked them off when I had done them. I also logged what I ate (not calories and not judgement- just so I could see where I was likely to want to binge or when I was hungry) I do a daily one but delete it each week as the next week comes. I also logged water and tea too. I drink loads more now that I have ever done.

I even got rid of my smart watch last year too and got given a gorgeous normal watch to tell the time for my birthday. That felt like a real step forward.

But most of all I have done the work on liking and forgiving myself. The Andrea Wachter series is really worth a go. Insight Timer is free but I think you have to pay the yearly subscription to access the courses. But she does have some talks and meditations on the free version too. All about self image, body image and learning to be kind to yourself and your body.

Good luck. Do feel free to message me privately if you want an accountability buddy. I'm always up for more support on this. It's an ongoing issue and ljke booze (and typos 😀) I need to stay ever vigilant.

Breathmiller · 02/12/2022 09:11

onewildandpreciouslife that was an arsehole thing for that man to say. I have a friend who has stopped drinking, very publicly, he was the public face of alcoholism if you like and had to do something about it or he would not survive. He's also bolshy as fuck which I love about him. He put a post up on FB with something like " when you offer a drink to someone and they say they don't drink, the answer is then 'what would you like?' The reasons are none of your business." Or something like that. I thought it rang true.

Why do people feel the need to comment. None of their fucking business and their opinion on whether I am "more fun" or not is not welcome.

Breathmiller · 02/12/2022 09:16

1.00pmLTMuMDBwbQ== lunch
🤣🤣🤣 I checked! I promise!! I I did! I did! How this one slipped through the net I have no clue. It is truly spectacular and I'm quite proud of it as typos go. 🤣

Onewildandpreciouslife · 02/12/2022 11:06

Thanks @Breathmiller and @WendyWagon - it was an arsehole thing to say, wasn’t it? Anyone else and I’d have told them where to go.

Crunchymum · 02/12/2022 12:30

Breathmiller · 02/12/2022 09:16

1.00pmLTMuMDBwbQ== lunch
🤣🤣🤣 I checked! I promise!! I I did! I did! How this one slipped through the net I have no clue. It is truly spectacular and I'm quite proud of it as typos go. 🤣

I'm incredibly impressed. It's epic 😂
I think you need some kind of award for this one. ❤️

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 02/12/2022 12:33

When you offer a drink to someone and they say they don't drink, the answer is then 'what would you like?' The reasons are none of your business

I think this is amazing. Concise, honest, and curt without being rude. I need this in my life.

Not that I'm asked very often. I've broached for my reasons for stopping with people who would notice I've stopped.

OP posts:
Breathmiller · 02/12/2022 13:21

Crunchymum · 02/12/2022 12:30

I'm incredibly impressed. It's epic 😂
I think you need some kind of award for this one. ❤️

Thanks *takes a bow

Breathmiller · 02/12/2022 13:25

Wait!! Hold on! I copy and pasted my spectacular typo and it came up different. But when you quoted it came up as the same as my original! There is something afoot. Skull duggery I tell ya.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 02/12/2022 18:29

What typo did I miss? My favourite one ever was at work when a report had obviously been transcribed using voice recognition software...instead of saying the patient was injured up a ladder...he was injured up a lady...Grin

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 02/12/2022 18:47

Epic typo @Breathmiller😂

I’m tentatively starting to feel better after a challenging few weeks🤯 I’m really proud of myself for learning to sit with my feelings. It’s not always easy but I’m getting better at it. Just acknowledging the feeling and knowing it will pass goes a long way.

I’m also very excited about my third sober Christmas🤩 I remember how scared I was of my first, and how much I loved it and now I feel nothing but joy at the thought of hangover free holidays😁

Johnnyfartpants · 02/12/2022 20:35

Evening everyone - me AGAIN! Sorry. I’m sitting here letting my thoughts stray as they always do after a period of berating and hating myself, to thinking maybe I CAN drink and moderate. I need to not fall into that trap again.

I know I can’t moderate - I know I can not drink for fairly lengthy periods and then go a billion percent overboard, prompting the self loathing etc - and so the cycle continues.

So to all you lovely people, any advice on how to stop those thoughts creeping back in?

rockingbird · 02/12/2022 21:07

Evening! My one and only tip.. play it forward. IF you drink tonight how will you feel tomorrow? What if one turns into one bottle or even two? What if you make an ass of yourself? Or in my my case black out wake up having had a terrible fall (alone.. I could have died). Think long and hard about how how moderating just isn't something you can do. I absolutely cannot drink, I have no off button. I've had a heck of a week, a little voice spoke to me for a nano second earlier (I call it the fuck it witch) I brushed her away.. you must do the same. Be strong xx

Johnnyfartpants · 02/12/2022 21:46

@rockingbird thank you that’s so helpful and the fuck it witch is SUCH a good name for that rogue voice! I’ve pushed away and also pushed away the lingering shame too from last weekend, gone to bed with a herbal tea, and am listening to an audiobook. Rock and roll me!

rockingbird · 02/12/2022 21:47

Great stuff! I'm in bed with a hot chocolate and Netflix 🤩