The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Welcome @Johnnyfartpants

Real friends - people worth having in your life - will understand and offer you compassion and forgiveness. Offer yourself the same.

Thank you - yes I know I have amazing people in my life who will be so kind and supportive so I know I’m lucky in that respect. Sorry if I am messaging too much btw, I don’t know what the etiquette is really! But I feel so anxious and scared that I need to keep touching base.

welcome @Johnnyfartpants, you can post as much or as little as you like. There is no judgement here and there’s usually someone kicking about to offer a listening ear🙂

@Johnnyfartpants I also wanted to answer your original question: ive been stuck in this cycle for decades and I must break it now. But I’m so scared too. What if I’m not the person people think I am if I’m not drinking and being “fun”?

I was also stuck and scared and thought I would be boring without alcohol. The opposite is true! Most drunk people are very boring😝 I quit 2.5 years or so ago and I feel sooo much more like myself now. Yeah, it’s terrifying to give up that boozy crutch and no, it’s not an easy path as you have to face everything in you life sober. But quitting booze improved my life immeasurably and not a day goes by that I’m not grateful. I have just as much fun as before (without the fear and anxiety hangovers bring) and my friends tell me I’m just the same🙂

Thank you so so so much for this

Hi sillylittlemargaret sorry, I've not been back on this thread but it has been on my mind to answer. I haven't read all the replies or caught up but I see that there are a few here so I thought I'd answer here if it's not too much of a derail for those not affected.

So, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder in my teens but really it was a manifestation of a chaotic life and I knew that at the time. I was nearly put in a home for (mostly) girls who had an eating disorder. But at the time it was all about anorexia not bulimia so I felt I failed at even that.

I then went on to think I had ot sorted but I really hadn't. I have had a skewed body image my whole life and disordered eating in various stages of decline or prevalence.

I have been skinny and I have been big. (Although my disordered self in the past would say that I was never skinny enough).

I have hated my body and not treated it with the respect it deserves. I went into a career about where 16 years ago where body image can be a big thing but it turned it around for me. I was in a job where I had to demonstrate with my body.(my brother finds it amazing that I can do that as I didn't go swimming for decades as I didn't want to be seen in a swimming costume). But, it wasn't about that. It was about how clever my body was, how my body moved and could be strong and flexible. It began to change my thinking.

But I was still caught up in the binge or diet system...feeling good (emotionally) when I was controlling food and losing weight and feeling crap when I was doing the inevitable binge. It was a cycle.

I decided after stopping drinking for about a year that I would start the work on my eating disorder in the same way I made a conscious decision to work on stopping drinking. I have worked through many things to get to this stage. Here are some of them...

Accepting I had a binge eating disorder. In the same way I accepted my drinking. This helped me accept I needed to work on it. Ot wouldn't just go away on it's own.

Listening to Richard Osman talk about his binge eating disorder.

I can make you thin hypnosis a year or so ago (bloody awful title but that's where I was at the time - this helped me switch my understanding that it wasn't about my size, it was about liking myself first. Not waiting to like myself when I was the ideal size - i don't do it now)

Intuitive/mindful eating. (This has finally kicked in but to be honest just gave me an excuse to eat everything a year ago and I ballooned. It has finally worked but not on its own for me).

Stopping dieting! (This was the biggie. No more - ever! counting calories, or logging into My Fitness Pal. No more weighing. No more denying).

3 meals a day and 3 snacks. (Lots of eating. Regular meals, regular snacks. I don't need quite as much as this now as I can eat more intuitively but if I feel myself slipping then I go back. I do log this. Just as notes on my phone. (I have to keep a food diary for a digestive thing). So, breakfast. Snack. Lunch. Snack. Dinner. Snack/supper. My body learned to trust me. No more denying myself. No more starving
Each meal or snack didn't have to be huge because it wasn't that long since I had eaten and wouldn't be that long til I ate again and I could work on adding healthyfoods into each one) .

I had a thread on here about eating out 10 a day. Trying to shift my attention to what healthy food I could eat to nourish my body.

Brain over Binge podcast. I think this was a turning point.

I also was on an eating disorder thread on here too.

Putting every I learned from my going AF journey into it. It's the same thing. I started to focus on the positives.

Insight Timer has a an array of meditations on this. I am doing a course with Andrea Wachter (or Wachner)
Another turning point.

Liking myself. Forgiving myself for how badly I have treated my body. Becoming friends with my body as it is now! .

It's a constant work in play. Am I skinny? No. Am I losing weight? Yes. But that's not the goal or the intention. I am happy in my body. I enjoy good healthy and non healthy foods. I move although I could always move more. But I move for enjoyment not punishment. I don't punish my body by starving it or stuffing it. I have learned to love my body. And it seems to be forgiving me.

I'm happy to chat by PM if you want.

To get back on track...

Welcome johnnyfartypants (love the name btw).

I think most if not everyone will be reading your posts and nodding away and recognising them as ones they have had. I certainly was.

You are at an amazing moment. A real pivotal point Yes, you can drown out these uncomfortable feelings with alcohol but they will surface again. And again and again. Just decide today is the day. Even if it is just today you focus on.

Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you would a friend or a child. Forgive yourself for the behaviours you're not proud of. Even if you don't mean it fully to begin with. Actively practise saying "it's okay, i forgive you". We all make mistakes.

I used to cringe a lot at my past behaviours and to be honest sometimes just sometimes one comes up and i can feel that sense of shame and dread. But, they happen much less often and when they do I have a great answer to them. "Yes, I know I made that mistake. I know it was embarrassing or painful to others. But, I have taken steps so it doesn't happen again. That's all I can do" it seems to help me forgive past me.

And never apologise for posting too much. Post daily, hourly if it helps in these early days. There might not always be someone to answer straight away but it helped me to get it out.

This 👆🏼❤️

@Breathmiller

I have mentioned before that I have disordered eating (although I tend to just label myself a "greedy" as opposed to admitting it is an actual disorder). I find myself having the same mental battles and making the same bargains with food that I did with alcohol. Yet you can't 'give up' food can you?

I feel like I have almost swapped one compulsion for another?

I find what what you say about it all fascinating and will come back to your recommendations soon.

Right now my aim is to get through my first sober Christmas and then really looking at my eating habits. My issue is sugar, I am absolutely addicted and I pre-diabetic so I really need to sort my shit out. Sugar to me has become my reward, my crutch, my treat, my comfort - everything that wine used to be.

It's good to know that other people understand.

Making the choice to be AF has improved my life in every single way but it's opened my eyes to a lot of behaviours around food that I know need to be tackled.

@Breathmiller ❤❤❤

Inspiring as always @Breathmiller ❤️

@Breathmiller wow thank you. I do feel strangely energised. I also called my mum earlier and howled down the phone at her poor woman, but she absolutely and unequivocally understood, accepted and supported, which made me realise how much I’ve been trying to carry all myself.

I can’t expect forgiveness immediately from those I have hurt or upset, but I want to earn it by showing commitment. Considering online AA meetings - has anyone done these and were they helpful? X

Evening VaN’s (veterans & newbies!)
haven’t posted in a while but I dip in most days as this is my safe place.

I’m getting close to 500 days - I love sexy
round numbers! So I’m just over 16 months and have navigated 2 birthdays and now facing a second sober Christmas.
I’m so pleased to be able to say I’ve achieved this and feel confident but not complacent I can continue. I’ve gained so many insights from everyone here and continue to battle the sugar demon along with many of you.

@Newmum738 sorry you lost your dad I do hope it was a peaceful ending. Be kind to yourself.

@WendyWagon well done on your tenacity and hope the cottage works out - hugs to daughter.

@Crunchymum @Kindtomyself and many others so good to hear you are fighting the good fight and still have some humour.
@rockingbird you are an inspiration and I wish you well in your new place if are moving again.

good to see new joiners and so much feedback and support being shared.

take care and stay focused all - I’m so very grateful I found this community which I credit with me being where I am.
😊

this thread is providing a lot of reinforcement for me. Just wanted to say that Kindtomyself’s advice to treat yourself as you would a best friend who is struggling really resonates for me.

Morning all. @Shanster being my own best friend was a revelation to me but it is so important.

Hello @AlloftheTime congratulations on nearly 500 days

Another disordered eater here. I ate loads yesterday as if I was searching for the right food. Will be looking more closely today.

Morning all.
Feeling out of sorts here.
Trying to get things tied up for 2023 work wise and no one is comitting. Headhunters not getting back to you is one of my pet hates. I know that retailers will be sitting on their hands waiting to see how much money will be spent this weekend. My side hussle has supply chain issues too. I am too poorly to go on the drink! I feel like I am washed up. Sadly I can't retire.

Morning everyone - hope you’re all ok. On day 4 now and attended an online AA meeting last night which was interesting. Amazed by the atmosphere, how encouraging everyone was and also how brave people are in general. Think I might continue, see how it goes.

the people I upset still haven’t been in touch but I’ve apologised sincerely and wholeheartedly and that’s all I can do. I hope one day they’ll come round :(

Onwards and upwards and day one of advent calendars to look forward to!

Ooh! Forgot about advent calendar @Johnnyfartpants thanks for reminder.
@WendyWagon get your big girl pants on this morning - you are not washed up until you decide you are. You have too much experience and grit to roll over right now. You’ve had a lot going on and just need to ride this period however you can. Deep breaths and do what you need to do today, I’m sure life is waiting to offer you something.

@Shanster yoh are spot on @Kindtomyself has many wise words and insights.
happy Thursday

Morning everyone! One thing I'm loving is not having to worry about how to get there/home when going out. I'm out for drinks with friends tomorrow night and it's my new work Christmas do next Friday. I'm driving to both and it just makes things less stressful.

One thing I've noticed though is I just said I don't drink at my new job and when asked why I kind of skirt around it and say it's because of my meds so not through choice. I don't want to admit I'm a sloppy embarrassment when drunk and that I have a problem with alcohol.

But because I'm an Olympic medallist in overthinking part of me is worried that I'm still in denial about my alcohol issues and trying to shift the 'blame'. But at the same time, this is only my 5th week on the job so I'm not sure I want to open up to that level. I'm also a world champion at oversharing. I'd be interested in everyone's thoughts.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered well done on your AF journey. Don’t bother overthinking this, it’s your choice what you say to others and how you say it. You don’t have to justify yourself - do what feels okay for you and move the conversation on.

Morning all, well the countdown to the big mans visit begins..! Despite being in temp accommodation and my stbexh still trying to control my every move I'm feeling quite excited this year! No news on the move which is causing my sleeping issues but I'm not giving that too much negative energy right now. Work is bloody busy!! I said I wanted more hours and need more money, fml I've dug my own grave there lol.

Well done to @AlloftheTime : you go girl with that sexy number! Boom 💥

Sincere condolences to @Newmum738 there's no right time but somehow losing someone so close to Christmas really does hit hard. Be gentle to yourself.

Welcome to @Johnnyfartpants flipping great name 😆 hope it's going well. This is a lovely support group, keep checking in and soaking up the tips and tricks. We've all had our fare share of embarrassing moments so your in good company here!

@WendyWagon you sound a little deflated today my love. Sending fluffy hugs your way. Head hunters are the bine of my life so you have my sympathy.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered it took me 7 months to admit I was alcohol dependant. I was evangelical at 100 days. (bloody pain in the arse until I fell off the wagon). I don't volunteer any info but if asked I say I don't drink, if they ask why I make a joke and say I sing, dance on tables and talk politics. All true.
That seems to close down the conversation. 😁

Thanks @rockingbird

Congrats on your 500 days @AlloftheTime!🤩

Sorry for even more messages. I finally heard back from one of the friends who I upset - she is extremely hurt and angry and I know I have to own it and acknowledge it. I just feel like howling that I did this to someone I’ve known and loved for so long. She’s said she was ashamed and embarrassed by me, and that she needs to process it all. But that she still loves me.

i have never had to read anything so difficult. But maybe I can frame this as a good thing, internally I mean, in that it has galvanised me to action finally. But I wish there didn’t have to be collateral damage.

Feeling so sad. Sorry to offload.

Good morning all and happy 1st December ! I don’t get chance to post often and still catching up on the thread but 88 days here and looking forward to first alcohol free Christmas !

I have seen a real difference over the last 3 months - my anxiety has greatly reduced, sleep is better (though still deprived thanks kids!) and my skin is brighter. I’ve developed a sweet tooth out of nowhere though…

Congratulations to all on your fabulous milestones - each day is a gift and it’s mad how quickly they stack up!

And to those having a difficult time - one day at a time, one day at a time and alcohol never made anything better 💐