The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

@Onewildandpreciouslife wow. I will buy that book.

@Onewildandpreciouslife @WendyWagon me too x

Morning all.

@Newmum738 I’m so sorry about your dad. Your one year soberversary is very impressive, amazing milestone, well done.

To those struggling with disordered eating… I hear you. I actually never had food issues until I quit drinking. It’s like one toxic coping mechanism replaced another😖 I don’t binge eat, I just have very restrictive eating when I’m stressed (very limited range of foods I will eat, and if I’m feeling awful I can’t eat at all).

I think it’s very common for food and alcohol issues to coexist. Lately I’ve been much, much better with food though. I don’t have any answers or solutions, I just wanted to offer solidarity…

Morning! I'm catching up with the thread because I've been away this weekend. I just wanted to comment on @Stircrazyschoolmum post about the woman who was talking about not having a hangover etc. I have come across this many times and it drives me mental! If there's no hangover that's because the body is used to large amounts of alcohol! That's so not a good thing and certainly nothing to be pleased about...she's saying yes I can consume loads of poison easily!!
My DH often talks about how he doesn't get drunk which also drives me mad for a number of reasons. I want to say to him 'so you're pleased that you went out drank shitloads and didn't get drunk? Why are you drinking then? And why are you proud of this?' but I don't say it

Morning all, just checking in quickly before the day starts. Still struggling with sleep 😴 be back later to have a catch up properly. Much love xx

Morning all.
Sleeping like hell at the moment.
Husband has changed his shift pattern until the new year. I can't function with so little sleep. No spare room yet or I would be in it!

I've done a lot of reflecting on alcohol in recent years, while struggling anf resisting it in a circular fashion. I certainly don't have a fun relationship with it any more. When I look around at family and even neighbours I see that alcohol has done a lot of damage. Possibly the majority of people who drink regularly have some negative consequences that they may or may not recognise.

I don't want to continue to struggle with it, I want to win. Winning would be not wanting, ever, to drink.

There's so much wisdom in MN in regards to alcohol and its associated problems, for which I've long been thankful as reading said wisdom has, many times, kept me dry.

Morning all.

sorry your sleep is so rubbish @WendyWagon . I’m away on my own at the moment so able to sleep in my own pattern - I seem to have turned into an irritating “early to bed , early to rise” person these days. DH is the complete opposite and he’s sleeping much better without me there too!

Had the first real craving for a long time last night, just because I was bored! Crazy really. Had an early night instead

Hello @SuspiciousHedgehog . Life is so much easier when you decide to stop drinking completely (although it’s not an easy decision to make - it took me a few goes to get there). I can’t say I never think about alcohol (last night being a case in point) but it is much easier to shut those thoughts down quickly now.

Ty for the welcome @Onewildandpreciouslife
At this ridiculously boring hangover free hour

Morning all. Welcome @SuspiciousHedgehog. I too am an early to bed and early to rise person and I bloody love it. I did have a massive sleep last night (sorry to @WendyWagon for the shit sleep- it does make a big difference to functioning). I slept about 10 hours.

Have a good day

I should mention that I have help with the early to bed bit, Mirtazapine.

Insomnia makes avoiding alcohol many, many times harder.

Morning everyone and welcome @SuspiciousHedgehog!

Today I've been sober for one whole month 🎉
I've dealt with a family holiday and various stresses and triggers and definitely feel really positive about the future. I can confidently say I'll never drink alcohol again.

These last few days have been hard but I haven't defaulted to wine and I'm learning to manage the way I eat too. I'm contacted a counsellor yesterday so hopefully that will help too.

I really feel as if this is a new phase in my life - wiser, more aware and present and more balanced. I have so many regrets about my past behaviour and parenting and I'm finding it hard at the moment to reconcile that, but I know I can do better in future. I just hope my children remember much of the good and haven't been too damaged by the bad.

Congratulations @SillyLittleMargaret ! Lovely to hear you sounding so strong and positive

Hello old friends and welcome aboard new friends.

I have been shit recently at keeping up to date with you all. I am usually on everyday with my tuppence worth but haven't had much time recently.

Things really do ramp up this time of year? I work in finance [well I am support staff for a finance and sales team] so year end is our big one. We are also moving over to a new system at work in January so I have had endless training. Plus kids and life and cats (and kittens). I don't have time even think about drinking...... I wish that were actually true. This time of year is quite triggering and I am working hard to remain on an even keel.

Off out for dinner later with a few of the in-laws I do actually like mine for pre-Xmas dinner and drinks. I have earmarked a nice AF beer and a dessert to make up for the lack of wine ha ha!

I will not falter, I will not waver is my mantra at the moment. I am determined and I am feeling strong but God I associate Christmas with booze!!!

Can I join? I’ve spent the past few days hiding and crying as I drank so much at the weekend at an event where I really shouldn’t have. I’ve upset various people. And I’ve had enough, I can’t do this again or feel this way again.

ive been stuck in this cycle for decades and I must break it now. But I’m so scared too. What if I’m not the person people think I am if I’m not drinking and being “fun”?

Hi @Johnnyfartpants. Welcome!
I think everyone on here has had those worries and I'm sure everyone will have their own words of reassurance and advice. Personally (and I'm only a month AF - there are other amazing people on here who have been free from the booze for far longer) I now know I'm a far nicer, funnier, kinder person without the drink. I look back on that person who I was scared to lose and cringe.
For me it's been far more than just not drinking - unexpectedly giving up alcohol has precipitated a deep dive into my thoughts, behaviours and relationships and whilst it hasn't been the easiest month of my life, I can honestly say it's probably been the most rewarding. I've grown as a person exponentially and think I will continue to do so for some time yet. I've also had some amazing, wonderful days where my feelings of contentment and love of my life and the people around me has been incredibly intense.
Don't be afraid.

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer. I’ve been speaking to a friend also who has been AF for 18 months and she has said the same as you. It all sounds so amazing and I want it so much. I just feel like I can’t get past what I did to upset people at the weekend and am in a terrible feedback loop as all I want to really do is have some drinks to block it out.

im generally not someone who has arguments or conflict with the people in my life so this has all really destabilised me but the worst is not knowing exactly what I did to cause it 😔

Welcome @Johnnyfartpants - the only way you’re going to find out what life is like sober is to try it. It may seem impossible now, but you just need to take it one day, one hour or one minute at a time.

This time last year I went to a big family wedding. I think I may have fallen over on the dance floor, but I really don’t remember. The shame next morning of talking to people but having absolutely no recollection of what happened makes me feel sick now just thinking about it. That wasn’t the last time I got drunk, but it was the start of my realisation that something had to change.

I’m 8 months sober, and I never want to go back to how I was a year ago. I really do feel like I’m free of a burden I’ve been carrying a long time.

Reading “quit lit” really helped me “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray made me believe it might be possible, and “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace is really good at questioning some of your beliefs about alcohol.

Thank you so so much. I’ve actually got the Catherine Gray book from a previous attempt. :(

I will start rereading it tonight. I think this has to be a sea change. I can’t spend any more precious days of my life feeling utterly destroyed with fear and anxiety.

Morning all
Welcome @Johnnyfartpants, I feel your pain. I had a similar event about 14 months ago and I hid and cringed for days. I then slowly started to feel better, I drank lots of fluids and read lots of quitlit and went on lots of walks. I became my own best friend and stopped punishing myself- I talked to myself about how everything would be ok and that I was still very worthy of a fabulous life eventually I started to believe it. I became strong enough to see an amazing therapist and to meditate and journal my thoughts. I'm a different person now.

Keep posting if it helps and treat yourself as you would a best friend who was suffering

Wow you sound amazing and such an inspiration thank you. I’m still unpicking everything. The friends I upset aren’t talking to me which is very painful but is absolutely to be expected. I hope in time I can prove a commitment of sorts to them to make this change.

I know I’ve got lots of real life support from family and friends but I’m scared to tell them what I’m doing also as I’m scared of having to face up to 25+ years of me drinking to excess and the damage it’s caused.

@Johnnyfartpants thanks for calling me amazing! We all deserve to have a great life and you will too. This is just a bump in the road, it's tough but you will start to feel better. This thread has helped me so much because there's always people to say some words of wisdom.

Welcome @Johnnyfartpants
Morning all, I was out of action yesterday. House/business things to do.

Now dear Johny we have all been there. I fell over last July at an industry award ceremony. Flashed my Spankz. Pissed as a newt.
I gave up the grog on January the 8th this year. I too owed alot of people apologies. When I attended AA one of the steps was to make amends, sod that thought I.
I was too ashamed, angry and thought people were over egging the custard. I had a shit childhood and had lost family members in the recent past.
Booze was my friend, I liked it, I bought it, collected it (wine snob) and drunk it!
I know my dc hated me drinking but I thought tis my right. My son (23) was particularly vocal. One of my seminal moments this year was when he said he was proud of me.
Your friends love you, alcohol is a particularly nasty drug. I have now apologised to plenty of people. I own my story, you will too. It took me 7 months to admit to my alcohol dependancy.
Send a note, say sorry. If they don't answer you have done your bit. Today is another day.

Thank you for sharing - it means so so much. Yes I think making amends is an important step for me. And I need to accept that even by apologising, they still have the right to hold on to that anger - but that I just have to hope that actions speak louder than words.