The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Thanks for the pat on the back blackberryblossom and the solidarity wendywagon.

myghastisflabbered the early days are most definitely the hardest and it most definitely does get easier. Keep going. And keep posting. We've all been there.

Some of the conversations at the moment from those further down the line might sound like it always remains a struggle but it really doesn't. Life still remains full of ups and downs, it's by no means perfect and pink fluffy clouds all the time. But it is immeasurably better generally and it is immeasurably easier to navigate these difficult times without alcohol.

If I'm being honest, my 'blip' at the moment doesn't make me want to drink, it makes me want to be part of a world that doesn't revolve around drink. Usually I bumble along quite happy to be a non drinker in a drinking world but, and i think this is because I am feeling generally a little out of sorts, I would like the world to be different than it is currently. But i also feel that about vegetarianism and veganism. Is it hard to eat out and find food that suits my chosen diet? Yes, it does, and people look at me like I've got two heads sometimes, don't drink, don't eat meat, don't eat wheat.

Where do I fit in? (That old one again). It's not that I want to eat meat or drink alcohol, it's that I would like the world to adapt to my way of being a bit more so I can fit in easier.

I'd also like a world where there are no wars, no greed and everyone looked after each other in peace, but it seems I'm shooting for the stars on a lot of things. So, I bumble along doing my thing and try to find like minded people as much as I can.

Great post Breathmiller and so very true.

I think people tend to post here more when they are struggling or 'having a moment' (I know I do) so it may feel like we are a bunch of people who are missing the booze. That isn't true at all. We are people who are living and loving AF lives, with the occasional bump in the road 😁

I wouldn't want to go back to the person I was when drinking, not for a second. I feel the benefits of being AF is every part of my life - my health, my emotions, my reactions to difficult situations, my relationships, my work. There isn't a single negative thing I could say about being AF. Which begs the irony of missing the bastard wine sometimes.

@Crunchymum what you've said is so true. I was 'pining' for my drinky-self having felt a bit sidelined at work (I'd been off for a week and it's a very fast-moving/intense environment). Having posted on here and digested everyone's wisdom, I could see that more clearly. I made a cake and took it in (mine is a particularly stressful industry atm) and the appreciation shown made me feel so much better. I rang my oldest friend and had an hour catching up and putting the world to rights and another friend has her birthday today, so I'm going to drop round some brownies later.
So I know now that THAT's where I fit in. Those are the people who like me and they do so for sober me, not pissed me - who is utterly annoying and often quite embarrassing 🙈

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I've had a couple of false starts, but right now haven't drunk for 18 days and can really feel and see the difference. I look quite healthy, caught myself in the mirror last night (night shift) and was suprised how fresh and rosy I looked! Normally at 3 in the morning I look like I've just been dug up!!
So stick with it, please do. The support and encouragement from everyone on here is really amazing, but as @Breathmiller just said, I definitely post more when I'm struggling a bit - then everyone gives me a firm talking to and I work things out 😁

Sorry - got @Crunchymum and @Breathmiller's posts confused! Need my bed 😴

I compiled a list of reasons to stay sober:

Ok so reasons to stay sober:

1. Physical health - undeniable
2. Mental health - again undeniable
3. Money - not only is alcohol expensive but drunk me likes to shop for things sober me knows I can't afford
4. Weight loss - drunk me loves snacking
5. Sex - when I was single and drinking too much I had far too much drunken casual, risky sex. I can’t believe I was such a fool. Now I’m newly married and my husband and I only can’t begin to count the number of times one of us has fallen asleep/passed out due to alcohol and missed the opportunity to have sex. We’re still in the honeymoon phase & want to have sex. Sorry to lower the tone but it's a fact.
6. No more beer fear - we've all been there
7. No more hangovers - they get worse as I get older
8. No more risk of driving over the limit - either the next day or whenever
9. No more worrying about getting home from a night out

10. Setting a good example to my children

I'm sure there are many more, and just reading through this list I can't believe that I'd even consider drinking ever again...but I made this list a couple of years ago and am still struggling to quit. I kept kidding myself I could moderate...but I can't and never will be able to.

Quick question as I'm thinking about Christmas prep - particularly gravy! What's the general consensus on alcohol in cooking? In the past I've always added a decent glug of sherry or port to the gravy, but wondering if now I'd find the taste/action triggering? Similarly when eating out, do most people avoid dishes that contain alcohol?

@MyGhastIsFlabbered it’s a good list! The thing that I hadn’t realised about trying to moderate is how exhausting it is! Watching myself all night, trying to work out how much was “too much” and always, always getting it wrong. By going completely sober life is so much simpler and I find nights out much more relaxing (bizarrely)

@SillyLittleMargaret Im not sure there is a consensus- it’s a very personal thing, and one that may change over time. I have no issue with eating cooked food that contains alcohol but I’d probably avoid a sherry trifle!

I think you need to decide how much of a risk it is for you. I’d probably avoid cooking with alcohol on my first sober Christmas (luckily DH is the cook in our house) because I’ll probably be quite challenged generally and the risk is too high that I’ll weaken

@SillyLittleMargaret* *I agree with @Onewildandpreciouslife . You’ll find what works for you and it can change. I don’t cook with alcohol. Dh uses a bit in risottos but cooks it right down. I did struggle a bit last year finding ready made mince pies/Christmas cake/Christmas pudding that didn’t headline alcohol of some sort. My dd hates boozy mince pies and I really dislike the smell and taste of it now. You’ve reminded me to start looking a bit earlier this year! I did find panettone good though. Re eating out, I’d probably avoid anything that headlined an alcoholic ingredient.
That list is amazing @MyGhastIsFlabbered . Alcohol really does get into every aspect of life. I still found it hard sometimes, the habit of drinking was so powerful even though my head knew all the good reasons for stopping. I couldn’t commit to never ever drinking again, but I can manage it one day at a time. If that makes sense.
Looking back on the thread I was struck by the “twitch”. Such an apt description. For me, the wine twitch has replaced the wine witch, just that moment of uncertainty when I work out how to respond to any situation that I’d previously have triaged with alcohol. I can’t remember who it was that was talking about it, but thank you.

And another mantra we had on the Dry January thread was 'there isn't a single problem that can't be made worse with alcohol'

I've just worked out I've been abusing alcohol for over 2/3 of my life (excluding during pregnancies)...that's a LOT of bad habit time to re-educate myself about.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I love your list❤️
@Breathmiller I hear what you’re saying. Half of the struggle of sobriety is nothing to do with your own desires, but with society being so obsessed with alcohol. This can make one feel quite alone/isolated.

I think I have always been “different” to other people. I don’t mean that in an “I’m so special” way😂, I guess I’ve just never fitted in easily. This can be hard sometimes but equally it has taught me to walk my own path. So I feel more comfortable being different now and I’m less concerned with how other people live/parent etc.

To newly sober people worrying about Christmas: I totally get those worries. But all I can say is that so far my two sober christmasses have been the best christmasses of my life! I’ve felt so present, healthy and happy. Also much more able to enjoy the tastes of all the lovely Christmas foods and drinks. The novelty of not being hungover will never wear off for me!😃

I'm about a week off the 1 year mark! Facing the ultimate test now though. My Dad is very unwell and just been moved to a palliative care hospital. My mum has a history of drinking and has turned to wine. Feels like then ultimate test!

Morning all. Some really interesting thoughts on here. I love the quote about there not being a problem that can't be made worse with alcohol. Absolutely! I always turned to wine in a time of difficulty and it made things a lot lot worse. However I do feel compassion for myself because it was the only tools I had at the time to deal with it. Now I realise that facing things is so much more effective and helpful.

@Newmum738 sorry to hear about your dad. Thinking of you.

@Newmum738 - nearly a year? I’m impressed! Do you have plans to mark the achievement? I’m really sorry about your dad - it’s going to be a tough time for everyone.

Oh @BunniesBunniesBunnies - I remember you and others telling me last year how wonderful sober Christmases were, and I just couldn’t manage it. I’m fairly confident I will this year though!

@Newmum738 sorry about your dad.

Morning to all the other 'Lads'.

Nowt to report just trying not to think about parties so hiding a bit.

@Newmum738 I’m so sorry about your dad, that’s so hard. Look after yourself xxx

@WendyWagon don’t feel you have to hide (unless you want to!), this is a safe space to rant about annoying drunk people at Christmas parties, or anything else for that matter xxx

newmum I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. You've done so well to get to nearly a year. Stay present with it all. We're here if you want to talk.

This will be my 3rd dry Christmas and I agree with bunnies they have been the best.

It comes back a lot to that old thing of celebrating the high days with alcohol and drowning our pain in the difficult times.

I am recognising more and more that the celebration is the thing to enjoy itself, not the alcohol. Christmas is a joy without alcohol. No hangovers is the absolute best way to celebrate.

And for these difficult times? I have had these in the past 2 (and a quarter) years and there have been some painful times that would have felt good at the time to run away from in a bottle. But, I faced and felt these difficult feelings at the time instead of kicking them down the road and dealing with them the next day or the next with the added pain of a hangover, shame, regret etc. It did actually make them easier to handle .

I 100% agree with @Breathmiller 😊

I am so very sorry about your dad @Newmum738

I fully admit losing my mum in 2020 was the start of a real downward spiral for me and my drinking (and I wasn't in an amazing place alcohol wise before her death) but I've somehow managed to quite happily stop drinking despite my insurmountable sadness and grief.

I hope you can draw strength from all you have achieved over the past almost year. What you have done is incredible and will stand you in good stead to handle the tough times ahead. ❤️

To the poster who asked about cooking with alcohol, yes I do. I just don't use "my" brand of wine. I buy the cheap shit for cooking and only small bottles.

I was actually debating ordering a lemoncello cake for Xmas dessert from Waitrose this year. Sorry if that's a bit too triggering. My rule of thumb is if kids can have it (ie spag bol or risotto with wine used during cooking) then I'm okay to have it. I'm not sure how boozy this cake I'm looking at is so ill probably leave it😬

I can (and do) have alcohol in the house. I can be around others drinking but I'm absolutely adamant that I won't have the brand of wine I used to drink in the house. I am 99% sure I'd be fine but I can't chance it.

With regards to Christmas, I am going to trust the lads who have had sober Christmases before and enjoyed them. You longer term sober ladies have reassured me everytime ive had a "first" sober event (birthday / holiday etc) so I trust when you say Christmas will be okay too. I am not going to be swayed by old habits. My new habits are so much better.

Thanks @Crunchymum

Morning all
I'm struggling with a UTI and sinus infection so just want to sleep BUT I'm very grateful for not having a hangover. It could be a lot worse.

Hope you all have a great day

Thanks @Crunchymum I am glad I'm not drinking and had the alcohol chat later night with my mum and she seemed to understand it's a slippery slope that she should avoid!! Let's see if she can manage that. I live 3 hours away and have a 4 y/o so at some point I have to go home which feels impossible right now!!

Just sending you another hug @Newmum738, you have such a lot on your plate. I think it’s great you chatted to your mum about alcohol, but bear in mind that you cannot control her alcohol intake, all you can do is protect your own sobriety.

I think it was @Breathmiller who said something similar but I too have been through 2 awful events in the last 2.5 years and looking back now I am ever so relieved I didn’t turn to booze then. I think the only reason I coped is because I clung on to my sobriety, which at times was the only thing in my life I had any control over. It truly grounded me, or at least grounded me enough to keep going. You must miss your 4y/o a lot, I hope you get a big cuddle from them soon. My kids are the other thing that grounds me, even when they also add to the stress by being a PITA😂

@Kindtomyself that sounds awful, I hope you feel better soon xxx

Thinking of you, @Newmum738 . It must be very difficult. Echoing what bunnies said, make sure you’re looking after your needs first.
I hope you feel better soon @Kindtomyself , do you have any meds for the UTI? I think I’d probably be sitting in the bathroom crying with that combination.
This will be my third sober Christmas. The first one was in my initial few weeks and was helped along by being something of a novelty, and also having pretty much every AF drink I could find stacked up in case of temptation. Last year was a much quieter and calmer affair, I still made sure I had lovely drinks that my dd could have too and it was lovely to drink them with her. Raspberry lemonade in a champagne flute. It did make me realise how dependent on alcohol my Christmasses had become. It was superb to have zero hangovers over the entire festive season and to be able to do stuff on the sunny dry mornings.

Just posting as a way to sit on my hands … there’s a current thread called “what really made a difference to your skin?”.

I have typed and deleted “giving up alcohol” three times. 🤣🤣

I don’t think that’s the answer they’re looking for ….