The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

I meant slip, not skip. Though to be fair I can also picture myself skipping naively back into alcohol dependence😂😂😂😂

long story short - when you think about drinking, IT’S JUST NOT WORTH IT.

and for me at least there is ALWAYS an underlying reason when I wonder whether I could have that drink. I might be feeling nervous or excited or low or angry.

ask yourself what the underlying reason is! I can guarantee it’s almost never “but this Sauvignon Blanc goes so well with my salmon”. It’s your FEELINGS guys, don’t trick yourself, you’ve come this far!

Ps if I appear to be an awesome swan rocking sobriety trying to give motivational speeches to others - I’m not. Those words are aimed at me as much as you as I find myself triggered lately!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies thank you. Especially the bit about identifying what feelings and emotions are triggering the thought of wanting to drink. I will definitely try to remember that.

Bunnies!!! Yes!! Thank you!!

Ach...you guys! I just knew you would get it and have the right words. You lot fucking rock! 😁

I've been cooking lots this morning in my new (half finished) kitchen. Very grounding.

@Breathmiller it's awesome here isn't it ❤️

Evening all.
Interesting thoughts on moderation.
I don't think you can be a bit of an addict, ditto problem drinker. Just my thoughts no clinical background.
I believe I can moderate but and it is a big but, when is it slipping back into alcoholic dependancy? A bottle a night or drinking to embarrassment?
I admire the two glass girlie's but I don't think that would last long with me.
I had a blip in July and tbh I could have just carried on, why not? I was out of work, poor me blah blah. My daughter cried when she saw the state I was in that night. Most of my drinking crew have faded away. It has been sad but I bought most of the drinks! Good old Sav has reviewed those friendships.
We all want the same outcome on this thread. Some are marathon runners, dedicated, strong and stable. Others sprint and get stitch!
Have a good evening my friends.

Morning troopers
Keep going, we've got this!

Been reading about being stuck in your head and how it's not good and can lead to alcohol abuse (I have summarised a lot here!)
I found myself just nodding away to it so... I am working on being my own best friend. I had previously done a lot of work on this but I seem to have forgotten.

Onwards and upwards. Have a great day

Morning all!
Sorry to read that some of us are struggling, but very grateful for all the wisdom in the responses.

I’m another one who drank to ease social anxiety. For me, going into social situations sober is like getting into the sea - the shock of the cold, but it only last a few minutes and then it’s fine, and quite enjoyable (the trick is knowing when to get out!)

I think it helps to realise that when we started to use alcohol as a confidence booster we were (probably) quite young. As we come out of the other side of that, we’re not the same person as when we went in. So it’s not an 18 year old you walking into a room full of strangers - it’s you as you are now, with all your experience and battle scars and hard-earned wisdom.

What I do find hard is that I am, if I’m honest, so much happier on my own. I’ve always been happier living inside my head than being in a group of people, and I still feel that means there’s something wrong with me!

As to moderation, I’ve worked so hard to get here, and (by and large) feel so great, that I don’t want to risk it. And I don’t think it would work anyway. I’ve been listening to Adrian Chiles do a few interviews about his new book on moderating, and it’s really interesting. In one interview, he was talking about why he drank, and then he said “I don’t drink to seek oblivion - I’m not sure how moderating would work if I that was me.” Well that was me, pal, and I don’t want to go back there.

Have a good day all

Morning all.
@Onewildandpreciouslife
Oh I think I will pop out and buy the Adrian Charles book. I could do with some new quit lit.
I agree that I drank to reach oblivion. Life was very difficult for a decade.
Perhaps some of us are struggling due to the time of year? Parties are upon us and shops stocked with offers on the poison?
I am waiting to see whom of my fairweather friends invite me their dos.
I am not getting upset anymore and I think I can take any rejection sober!

onewildandpreciouslife that makes so much sense. You're right, I am not that 14 18 year old self anymore. I don't feel I need alcohol to be social anymore, but I don't actually want to socialise in the same way these days. Maybe that comes with age to a lot of us. I love the sea analogy. Realising the right time to get out is crucial. I left earlier than most on Saturday, which was fine. I enjoyed the 3 hours i was there but had no desire to hang on to the bitter end like I used to. I used to pride myself on being the last man standing!

It's funny that moderation is a topic of conversation (and I see no-one is advocating it or saying they want to give it a go, which wouldn't be appropriate for this particular thread. We support sobriety) as I had been thinking my sobriety recently. I actually got really angry with myself for putting myself in the position that I had to stop drinking completely. I am better without it and I feel empowered as ultimately I made that choice to stop but I still feel a bit sad that it got to that point? Not sure if that even makes sense..... My thought process on it all is still a bit chaotic.

I think Christmas coming up is a huge trigger and whilst I know I wont drink, I am worried its going to be a bit shit without the booze. I think once it's under my belt I will be okay but I do feel some trepidation about my first sober Christmas as an adult.

Thank you everyone for all the lovely messages. I couldn't have done it without you all.

I've just listened to an interview with Adrian Chiles - I think I'd probably have loved his approach when I was trying to kid myself that I could moderate. I don't think it's intended to be quit lit, from what I listened to. I'm sure he'll do very well from it though.

Lots of sensible words on here recently!

Without repeating what others have already said (and I whole heartedly agree with) My tuppence worth would be the cucumbers and pickles analogy... (thank you Clare Pooley) Some people are cucumbers, they can have a glass or two and take it or leave it.. others have (usually by long term habitual drinking) become pickles.. one drink leads to another.. and another.. there is no stop button. Cucumbers can stay cucumbers or become pickles. But a pickle cant become a cucumber.. its just the way it is..

I've tried moderation multiple times over multiple years. I've had dry birthdays, Christmas's, and holidays (so I know its possible!) The two things that have tripped me up in the past are FOMO (although this reduces the more you throw yourself into new situations sober) and people pleasing - i.e. not wanting to appear boring, not wanting DH to not have some one to share a bottle of wine with on his birthday, not wanting to abstain from toasting a friends wedding / 50th etc etc.. each time I've relented / been tempted by moderation it has never been one drink, or one night.. sometimes the lapses have come slowly and then more frequently, but the volume has without fail always crept up again (and the embarrassing nights out / drunk texting / arguments/hangovers/hanxiety) has gotten worst with age. So I'm simply not doing it any more. I'm not even entering into that debate in my mind. I'm definitely no swan but I ain't no cucumber either. I'm proud to be a pickle.

At least we're all in it together @Crunchymum, and I've a feeling I might retreat to a quiet room and have a read/post on here from time to time over Christmas. I'm working over Christmas so that'll help somewhat as I can't drink at all between shifts.

I love @Onewildandpreciouslife's sea analogy too @Breathmiller. I go sea swimming at least once or twice a week and the visual and emotional connection of sober socialising to the idea of getting in the water (especially at this time of year!) is incredibly powerful.

@Stircrazyschoolmum love that! Power to the pickles! 💥💪🏼🥒

I heard Adrian Chiles on the radio the other day and I do like him. The book's not quit lit it is about drinking less. I think the book's called the Good Drinker or something like that.
He was saying that he never got drunk or drank to oblivion or had a hangover - that got me thinking. He drank loads so god knows why he wasn't drunk (what's the definition of drunk anyway) or blacked out. Again why didn't he get hangovers? Is it because people have trained hard (by drinking loads) to get to the point where they don't have any symptoms? That their bodies were/are so used to poison that they don't have any noticeable effects?

My kids always say that they've seen me drunk loads but not DH. This pisses me off (probably irrationally) It's like an effing badge of honour for him. I want to say so just because I make a tit of myself means I need to stop but it's ok for others to keep drinking because they act normally. I'm not saying that I shouldn't stop but.....

crunchymum it makes absolute sense to me. I have similar thoughts about various things at the moment. Why did I let myself get to that stage with drinking that I couldn't do it sensibly? Why have I wrecked my body with an eating disorder and not looking after it properly? Why did I make a lot of the choices that I did and haven't quite made of life what I could? How can I not be like a lot of these people on Saturday night who are pretty balanced and sorted? I could let myself get caught up in all these thoughts and live with regrets. One of the women there was talking about their partner and what a chaotic upbringing they had. She spoke of her very stable upbringing with loving parents, no trauma or drama and said she thinks thats why she's so settled and secure in herself. And that hit me like a tin of bricks. I had/have a chaotic family and background. A lot of the time I was in survival mode. I made the choices I did out of a need for survival. And it's only now, at 52 when I am more settled more balanced that I am see a bit more clearly now. I was a damaged young woman. But I have turned a lot around from that damaged young woman. Made some fantastic choices and am continuing to work on myself. And that, I believe deserves a massive pat on the back.

@Kindtomyself funnily I thought that his approach was a very male centred one. He seemed to gloss over all the health risks of alcohol that appear in between the "recommended" levels and the vodka on morning cornflakes cliché. But obviously it was a short interview that can't be representative of a whole book so I am almost certainly judging here. And if he gets people questioning their relationship with alcohol then that's a good thing. I agree with you, it is different for men. The perception that as long as you're not falling over drunk you're OK.
On a strictly personal level though, even that short interview about moderation left me more committed than ever to living without alcohol. He made some good points - including about how the second, third, fourth drinks are always in search of the buzz of the first. But for some reason it wound me up, and I should probably take this learning opportunity and find out why 😂I'll see if his documentary is still available anywhere.
@Breathmiller plesse accept a massive pat on the back from me! I love that you never stop questioning, learning and growing.

@Crunchymum I do get the sadness too. But to be honest my relationship with alcohol has been rubbish for years, and in some ways I feel quite grateful it reached the point where I had to stop. Otherwise I’d have been limping on in the same way for years - drinking a manageable (but probably harmful) amount most weeks, with the odd really ridiculous session thrown in - avoiding any article on the dangers of drinking - not realising how much it was adding to my anxiety…

I find Adrian Chiles fascinating (in a “specimen on a slide” kind of way). I watched his programme “Drinkers like Me” on YouTube this week. He managed to surround himself with other heavy drinkers, and even Frank Skinner (in recovery) said he’d never got a buzz like he did from alcohol - but that may have been selective editing. I found myself wanting to shake Adrian Chiles and say “has no one told you how much better life could be??!”. This is slightly disturbing as I have seen him in my local area occasionally so let’s hope I don’t do this in real life.

Hi everyone

I'm already starting to make excuses for myself. I don't know...the idea of an alcohol free future just seems so...empty. Which in itself is really sad. I just have to keep reminding myself of something that happened last Monday as the reason I'm doing this.

Those of you celebrating anniversaries...when does it get easier?

My name is Ghast and I have a problem with alcohol...there I said it.

Oh @MyGhastIsFlabbered - it really does get better. You are I think in very early days - is it day 5 for you? These first few days are really, really hard. It’s only about now that your brain chemicals are getting back to normal, and your cortisol levels won’t be back to normal until about day 10, so are probably quite jittery still. You’re probably having rubbish sleep too.

What tools are you using to get sober? Reading and measurable goals always work for me, so I read lots of quit lit and counted my days on app, but different things work for different people.

You’ve referred to yourself a couple of times as “teetotal”. Is that a positive or a negative word to you? In these early days it’s all about being really kind to yourself and building yourself up physically and mentally. And just take it one day, hour or minute at a time.

@Breathmiller sending love and understanding. Sister with a turbulent childhood me.
@MyGhastIsFlabbered I found it took about three weeks to feel better.
@Blackberryblossom I originally found the Alan Carr book too swinging knob for me. I need to hear from women ex drinkers (without the celebrity lifestyle!)
And finally @MyGhastIsFlabbered i think if you can say you have a problem with alcohol you are half way to beating it! My name is Sav and I am a recoving alcoholic x

Hello @MyGhastIsFlabbered , do I remember you from here before? Apologies if I’ve got that wrong. It is so very hard at the beginning. I remember being so worried that my weekends would never be the same without alcohol, starting with Friday evenings. It did feel empty and uncomfortable for a while. I think once I got to 100 days I got the hang of it. But I think it started getting “easier” once I started seeing the rewards at least as often as I was struggling. So little things, like being able to collect the dc early whenever needed, or having my Saturday and Sunday mornings back, or not filling two recycling boxes with wine bottles… and sleeping through the night… I still only do a day at a time but the more days I do the more my confidence builds.

@WendyWagon that made me laugh! You have a brilliant way with words.

I was a mardy, miserable cow for the first 90 days. I think by day 100 I was feeling a lot better.

However to persevere and continue to be AF I must have - on some level - felt "better" quite quickly if that makes sense.

Deep down / subconsciously I knew being AF was the best choice for me, even if it took my conscious mind a while to catch up.

But the early days are difficult.

Morning lads.