The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

@Corilee2806 , it depends who I'm with, but the over-riding narrative is "It's better this way". If I say that, most people, don't ask any more.

The important thing is the unwavering tone in which you say your chosen words. Some will seize on anything they think is a sign of weakness

@Corilee2806 hi and massive well done on 5 years. I vary my answers too depending on the crowd.
'It doesn't agree with me',
'I don't like drinking and how it makes me feel',
'i've stopped while i can control drinking and before drinking controlled me'
or sometimes if i feel obstinate i reverse and ask them why they are drinking... then spout all the reasons that it is a lie...

TBH I met a few mums who didn't drink in my 30's (now mid 40's) and never really gave it more than a passing thought, along the lines of they probably had a problem with alcohol or just don't like feeling drunk. However, the best were the mums that owned it and incorporated it into their persona proudly, being referred to as 'Sober fortheloveof' or 'teatotal myrtle'. So i would say with my limited experience own it, and be proud - you surely won't be alone for long.

5 years is an immense achievement @Corilee2806 you should be very, very proud of this.

I tell people the truth - or a version of it at least. I don't drink as I "can't" drink (to my nearest and dearest they know the reason I can't drink is because I have a problematic relationship with alcohol to my less nearest and dearest I can't drink due to a medication I take). It's all true, but I guess the medication reason is a lot more palatable for most people?

I have no shame and if it comes up I am happy to be honest with anyone about my choice to be AF and the reason/s why.

I am a mixed bag. I have friends and family who range from heavy drinkers (probably a few functioning alcoholics in there) to those who have been AF for many years or who have never been big drinkers. On balance I'd say it's more heavy drinkers though. Thankfully DP is not a drinker at all, and he never has been.

@Corilee2806 welcome and congrats on the 5 years!!! That’s amazing!

I give a range of answers such as

• alcohol didn’t agree with me anymore/messed with my sleep
• I quit temporarily and felt so much better I just kept going
• alcohol was terrible for my mental health
• and the simple answers: “I don’t drink” (no explanation is actually required!)

all of these are true so it’s not like I’m lying but I don’t always feel like sharing my full life history. Those closest to me do know the full extent of the problems I had but it is up to me who I share that with🙂

Thank you everybody for your replies and for the encouraging words - I don’t think I’ve really thought about what an achievement 5 years is as I’ve been a bit distracted! Really helpful to know how others approach it, I’ve done similar really - it very much depends on the audience and how I feel on the day but I tend to give a quite simple answer ranging from health reasons to it doesn’t agree with me anymore, if people ask more I might offer a bit more but they don’t most of the time. I want to be authentic but also not expose too much or make myself feel vulnerable with people I don’t know very well! I think there’s still a lot of closed minded attitudes around alcohol problems (and a lot of people in denial about their drinking who would maybe feel judged, even though I never would) and as much as I would love to try and break the taboo I don’t think I’m ready yet! It’s different with people who know you well. I do agree, now we’re in our mid 30s a lot of people are starting to drink less or even stop, mainly because who can handle hangovers with small children!

Welcome @Corilee2806 and congratulations! I’ve been thinking about your question a lot recently. I’m nearly 8 months sober, but the question hasn’t really come up at work so far - it will be more obvious when we go out for team lunches etc. over Christmas.

My “why” is pretty obvious for a lot of my friends, but I do find myself getting a bit grumpy at the thought of being judged. I imagine them thinking “oh, poor you! Things must have been really bad”, whereas the reality is, I’m so much happier and calmer than I have been in years. I decided this morning to stop caring what other people think!

@Crunchymum just joining this as a newbie, posted on the old thread by mistake!

3 weeks and counting and having some awful side effects

Morning. I've not been on for a while. I'm doing ok but one thing that seems to be popping up is linked to my difficulty with chatting spontaneously with people. I'll go into it more later after my cup of tea but I seem to have a limiting belief that I can't communicate/have social anxiety/boring...etc

Hello @greeandorange nice to 'see' you. Well done on three weeks. Awful side effects are normal tbh - your body's adjusting. However do you want to share more about them? You will find that others will be able to empathise with you/advise

@Kindtomyself I have this fear too!

Welcome @greeandorange.
@Kindtomyself i know what you mean. I am much chattier when I’ve had a few drinks. I find socialising harder these days but I think that’s also because of the pandemic and socialising less then. Do you think that’s true for you too or have you always found it tricky chatting to people sober?
one thing that I remind myself of when I struggle socially, is that yes maybe it feels a little harder sometimes but at least I’m not saying loads of shit I’ll later regret🤣🤣🤣

@BunniesBunniesBunnies oh yes not saying loads of shit is definitely a bonus!!! I just feel really uptight, not relaxed and self conscious. I've always been the same tbh and basically found that drinking could help me be more relaxed (obviously loads of negatives with it too). I'm a real mix and find I don't have a great deal to say but then I really want connection. I find it all really difficult and perhaps I'm overthinking it.

It's not helped by the fact that I have been ill for a few days and not been in contact with anyone apart from DH and kids and I seem to withdraw into myself. I quite like it but then being faced with the outside world totally freaks me out. I had to pick my dd up from her friends house last night and I've never been before. It was as if I had no social skills whatsoever and has meant that I have been really worrying about it.

I know what you mean @Kindtomyself . I’ve always been an introvert and found it hard to talk to people. By and large, I’m much happier with my own company. I’ve had to force myself over the years to be more social, and alcohol of course helped massively because it lowered my inhibitions.

However, I do realise it won’t have made me a more interesting person- quite the opposite in fact! It just made me care less (until the next morning when I used to scour my memory to try to work out (a) how much I’d bored people and (b) if I’d been offensive.)

There’s a phrase I read about running training “you need to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable” and I think it applies to sobriety too!

Yes, I agree. I need to get comfortable with myself and who I am. I just don't quite know who I am.... I'm really trying but not there. I want to be able to chat happily with someone though, it's good for my soul but sometimes I'm like a rabbit in the headlights

Morning lads. Another Friday comes around! Hope everyone is doing ok.

How are you doing @WendyWagon ?

Hello everyone! It's been a while. Sending love to old friends and strength to new members of the crew.

Skimming through posts brings it home to me how remarkably similar our experiences are. Not because we are necessarily similar (although I often laugh while reading Bunnies' posts because we seem to be quite alike!) but because alcohol related experiences are often identical. The guilt and shame, the inner voice, the attempts at moderation - the energy expended on failed attempts to quit, the inching closer to a decision and then the initial struggles... all so predictable. The drug doesn't discriminate between different people, it acts on us all in pretty much the same way. And the other side of that coin is that you can get it out of your life using the same tools and techniques as everyone else, and if you apply them consistently, you will succeed. So if you are just getting started, it's not hard to figure out what to do, and it works!

That's my tuppenceworth for this Friday morning. 😁 Have a great weekend, everyone. My 3 year soberversary is coming up next month - I'm quietly happy with that!

Bungoirono from sunny Frienze.

It is so beautiful. DH and I are having a great time. We have seen some sights.
Off for a big lunch. DH had a rum last night (woop). I am glad I am not rolling in the Isles, very formal here. Might have got arrested!

Have an amazing time @WendyWagon!

so nice to see you @Drybird2020. your 3 year anniversary - wow! That is amazing🤩

im going to say something controversial: I hate Fridays. I know we’re all supposed to love them as it’s nearly the weekend but I often find myself depressed on a Friday. By that point I’m just so wrung out, having spent all week juggling work and kids and getting progressively more exhausted. The house is messy (only for me to tidy all weekend and get messy again) and I just feel meh.

I actually love winter and the darker days so it’s not that, it’s bloody Friday, it’s never getting a moment to myself, it’s having young kids, it’s being exhausted, it’s the endless treadmill of it all.

sorry for the massive brain dump. I’ll be sure to check in on Monday with positive vibes, I always feel great on a Monday😂 I must me a weirdo!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies totally know where you're coming from. I'm the same, I find Fridays and weekends in general just exhausting. I'm chief organiser, cleaner, entertainer....drives me insane

Sorry to hear you feel that too @Kindtomyself. it’s exhausting always being responsible for everyone and everything.

I'm joining you guys. Facing my first AF weekend for a loooong time. But I've actually started using the word 'teetotal' to describe myself and for now at least it feels good

Welcome @MyGhastIsFlabbered - good luck with the weekend!

Hi guys can I join? Have drunk increasingly less and less over recent years. However have now decided that’s it, I’m done. Even one drink makes me depressed! I’ve only kept drinking because I worry people will think I’m a bit boring, but I am so much happier when I don’t drink.

Morning all.

Welcome @MyGhastIsFlabbered and @Confusedandperplexed
For me it was a revelation how much alcohol was making me feel low and how much better I feel without it.
I'm still fun and not boring but in a different way to before (think staggering around, not remembering anything in the morning etc etc)

Morning everyone and welcome @MyGhastIsFlabbered and @Confusedandperplexed.

@WendyWagon glad to hear you are enjoying your holiday and having a break from all things house buying!

I’m celebrating 6 weeks clear now and it feels so good! I had a lovely night out with girlfriends on Thursday - no one even noticed I wasn’t drinking and the AF mojitos were just as nice as the real thing.

I can identify with the whole Friday thing, work has been super busy and DD very hormonal. Rather than a break, the weekend seems a time when I do more cooking, cleaning and laundry, whilst having less ‘me time’ and control over my schedule. (Why I thought feeling hungover and dehydrated would help I’m not sure) I realise it’s on me to put some firmer boundaries in place and to ask for help more often but it’s a work in progress.

@junipermarten How did the house move go?