Hello all, I've not posted in a while but wanted to say Thank you to everyone here. This might be a long post…. Some time in the last week I clocked up two years alcohol free. Life is so very different now, not perfect, but I'm so much better at handling the imperfections without defaulting to a glass or a bottle. I had my last drink in Nov 2020 when it became obvious that Trump was losing the election, and I realised that one of my most regular reasons/excuses/triggers to pour a drink was disappearing. I'd had a couple of wake up calls in the months before, and had been a complete and utter failure at my many attempts to moderate my drinking over lockdown. I decided to stop for 30 days, then I continued to 100 days, then I kept going. My dh said he was of course supportive of my decision but that I shouldn't expect him to quit too. Well he hasn't quit too, but he drinks much, much less now. This board has given me so much support and so many practical techniques for my toolkit, I wanted to list out some of the ones that have been invaluable to me in case they can help anyone else. Thank you all. @Drybird2020 for starting these threads, @BunniesBunniesBunnies And @Breathmiller for being so balanced and kind, there’s also the brilliant “lads” (hanging?), @WendyWagon @Crunchymum name change? …. All of you really and I’m embarrassed not to remember everyone’s names. Anyway…
Take it as slowly as you want. The beginning days felt so long for me, it's ok to aim for a day, an hour, even a minute alcohol free when anything longer feels impossible. The achievements of having a day, a weekend, a week, a month without drinking can feel quite small compared to those that have been going for ages, but honestly those early days were so much harder and have built such strong foundations.
Quit lit really helped me. Audiobooks and podcasts provide a bit more privacy if needed (I needed). If one doesn't work for you then move on to another, there will almost certainly be one that fits. I liked Lotta Dann and Catherine Gray. Not affiliated, but the scribd app was great for me - ebooks and audiobooks, and fairly close to "all you can eat" every month rather than Audible's one book per credit. There's a free trial available and you can search without signing up. Audible is good too and obviously Amazon. Loads of free podcasts too.
Don't be apologetic when you're ordering drinks - a big bright "what alcohol-free beer/spirits/wine do you have please?" works for me, and gives the bar a chance to sell what they have. I'm not going to apologise for not drinking and I still want to have grown-up drinks in nice glasses.
Think about your triggers and how you can respond to them differently. I switched to AF versions of beer and gin, but don't really bother with AF wine other than an occasional AF Prosecco. Sometimes drinking was a habit, a breakthrough was realising that I would reach for a drink in unfamiliar situations/places. Airport? Drink. Member of the Royal Family dies? Drink. DC struggling at school? Drink. When I get those triggers now I still feel them, like when there's an unexpected step down, but I can consider them for what they are now and think about how I choose to respond. That feels very powerful.
I don't owe anyone an explanation for not drinking. I never have to explain. I don't have to justify not smoking, after all. When people are persistent (which is rare) I say that alcohol stopped my hrt working. If they push any further I talk about alcohol being a carcinogen and they normally find someone else to talk to at that point...
I don’t take stopping for granted because I know how easily I could start again. I’m grateful every single day, and especially to the great women on this thread who have shared so much here.