The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

@SillyLittleMargaret that sounds so scary but I too love the satisfaction of saying “oh I don’t drink!”.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful weekend. I’m feeling okay today. I’ve been working hard on having better boundaries with tricky people around me which has really helped. I’ve also requested therapy through my work. This is hard for me as I’ve had some horrible experiences in therapy before but I was brave and took the step.

Things have been tricky lately but today I’m feeling strong. And even lately on my bad days I still feel so much stronger than I was when I was drinking which feels good.

Have a good weekend all!

Morning all. It's lovely to read all your messages. I only really have time to come on at the weekend, and, tbh, Thurs/Fri/Sat nights were the only days I drank so on weekdays it isn't on my mind.

There's lots to comment on all your posts but I should be packing to move house so I'll leave that for another time. I did want to pick up on @SillyLittleMargaret's post this morning about being able to say "no, I don't drink" when asked in a professional setting. This made me laugh as I can't wait for my next nurse's appointment so I can say the same to that question after years of shaving off units😂

Last night was interesting, I could have easily been sitting here with a shameful hangover. I went to an organised fireworks event with DH and the kids. I remember booking the tickets and being SO excited because there was a bar. We had discussed getting a taxi so we could both have a drink as it was inconceivable not to. Going to a family friendly event and being able to drink?! An opportunity not to be missed!

It was mobbed, and when we first arrived I clocked so many people walking around with pints of lager: young Mums with pushchairs, groups of guys, men with their families or friends. I was surrounded and felt a pang of envy. The FOMO was real. It initially consumed my thoughts, until I talked myself out of it. I started to look at them with a tinge of pity as they were a slave to the booze.

We had a great night. Then it was time to go home and I started to think about the bottle of prosecco I still had in the house. My brain had automatically switched to "Right, it's time to head home and relax" (aka open the booze). It was my treat to myself after going to event and not drinking. There was an internal struggle as I debated just going "fuck it", as I so often had in the past when attempting to cut down.

Instead of following those thoughts I put it out my mind. In the car on the way home I blasted music I used to dance to at raves. I love that music. But it is synonymous with heavy partying, much alcohol and other substances. I danced in the car like a maniac (as much as one can sitting down!) and paid attention to how my body felt as I enjoyed the music. It was glorious. I think I could even go to a rave now and enjoy that freedom of letting yourself go to music. Granted I'd be knackered after 1 song and would need a massive disco nap beforehand!

It reminded me of when you dance to music in the kitchen when no one's watching, you've not been drinking, and you've just let yourself go with the music. I throw myself around to music often without booze and my kids look at me like I'm off my rocker, as they did last night when I danced at the fireworks display to the music blasting from the fairground rides 😂My point is that we DO feel those good things without alcohol.

I had blast and no alcohol was consumed. Junipermarten 1, Alcohol Nil.

sillylittlemargaret goodness, that does sound hairy. Well done for not turning to old habits of coping.

Diarise away. I find it so therapeutic to get stuff like that down here. And always like reading other's thoughts on dealing with tricky situations without alcohol. I get a little high five to my own sobriety when I read that you feel good at being able to say "i don't drink" or that you get through a difficult experience without turning to alcohol. It all goes to reaffirm my resolve. And I get quite proud of everyone on the thread when they do it. It really makes me smile on your behalf. Well done! (and sorry you had the experience in the first place of course but high five for how you dealt with it, (or maybe for what you didn't do to deal with it)

wendywagon so pleased to hear you have a house. That's great news. My last house was an idyllic little cottage, long garden, trees at the bottom, steeped in history. But the location made it a nightmare. We couldn't wait to get out. Hated every minute.

We have been in a 1950s terraced house (5 houses in terrace) on a farm for the last 11 years. Would never have been out first choice of style of house. But, in truth, I think for the first time in my life I can say that I don't think I'll ever move.

My neighbours are lovely and everyone seems to stay forever. I have fields and hills out the back, I go to sleep with the moon bouncing along the hill and the stars bright because of the low light pollution. I have a woods out the front door to walk and play in and have wildlife on my doorstep. A huge river 5 minutes away to swim in in the summer. We are set behind a woods so no road noise or passing traffic. In winter we get snowed in and everyone looks after each other, it is silent and magical. We do have a road in a few minutes walk that has a regular bus service so the teens can get independence and my old city less than an hour away when I need a city fix. The town is only a 10 minute drive to get all we need shops wise. So, what I'm trying to say is, yes a beautiful house is one thing in a style that you like, but Kirsty and Phil were right all along...Location, location, location. I wish you all the happiness in it. Keep us updated.

Before I go (procrastinating? Me?), I wanted to touch on the AF drinks. I personally don't want to replace alcohol with drinks that look like alcohol, and drink them from a wine glass or champagne flute etc. For me, it feels like I'm pretending they're alcohol, as if I'm missing out on something iyswim. If that's what helps others then that's great, we all need to do whatever gets us through.

I did however buy some "grown-up" cordial yesterday. Throughout the day I drink water or diluting juice, by the bucket load. But I felt I was missing something at the weekend in the evenings. That official switch to a Friday evening I suppose.

I had a craving for ginger beer and lime which I haven't had in years. I bought ginger and lemongrass Bottle Green cordial instead, and the elderflower one. I had the ginger one with sparkling water over ice in a fancy tumbler and it was lovely. And I only had 1 and it was savoured. Unlike downing the wine, getting to the bottom and wondering how the hell that had happened so quickly.

It's the ceremony of it as well I think, I like a drink ceremony. Whether it's my fancy coffee, or my fancy tea in a teapot. Something a bit different, and special, a treat.

And now I'll have something to go in that goddamned new wine fridge I was so excited about!!

Morning all!

My goodness @SillyLittleMargaret what a humdinger day, very relieved to hear that you are ok - but not what you needed straight after a holiday, and I bet in "e throes of it all you were saying to anyone who would listen, "but I really must get the dog!!"

@WendyWagon congratulations on finding a somewhere you can call home (the health club sounds most enticing). I'm sure they are lovely, but thatched cottages have always seemed a bit of a fire hazard and I'm guessing are money pits in terms of maintenance. This way you can focus on your new project and enjoying life which sounds rather nice - especially if you can be in by Christmas.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies sorry to hear your experiences of therapy have not always been positive - perhaps this is somewhere else you could practise boundaries? Can you reframe them from being 'the expert' or the 'professional' and instead think of them as your supporter or advocate? You are the client and you are the expert in your own life. They should not be offering opinions or advice or forcing you to comply to a modality that you don't find helpful (unfortunately this can happen with work paid for programmes that push for CBT only because its evidence based). Go in with some clear goals and understand how many sessions you have on offer, so you use them the way YOU want to. The more empowered you feel the more likely you are to optimise what you get from them. (Hope this is useful and not patronising!)

Second post, as I've a tendency to write long ones and lose them!!

@junipermarten sounds like you rocked fireworks night (literally!!) I love music too and have found running to Radio ones workout anthems very loud which has all the club tunes of my uni days or doing a dance/jump class at my gym reminds me I can get those happy vibes without being blind drunk. I like AF beer but havent found any wine/spirit that is worth bothering with. I also like Robbinsons crushed lime and mint cordial which feels more grown up than squash. Last night's discovery was Crondino - is an intentionally AF italian apertif that tastes like a bit like an aperol spritz and is very moorish!! Def get some for your new fridge and good luck with the house move!

@Breathmiller your house sounds wonderful; I love the idea of all those things and then remember I hate mud, driving and cold water!! All that said, I have a dream of living by the sea when the children leave home, somewhere with big skies, clean air and long walking trails...

A good start to the weekend here. Went out for dinner with the same friends that I met 5 weeks ago (where the night went completely tits up). Had a great evening chatting and catching up (which I can remember this time round!) and didn't feel judged in the slightest for not drinking. I did feel hyper vigilant about how much wine was being consumed at our table and at others and did have fleeting FOMO moments, but not enough to feel wobbled or to doubt myself. (And of course, today I feel wonderful!) I think it was good practise for the festive season and I'm really pleased I discovered Crondino as its certainly something I want in the house at Christmas!

Off to the hairdressers shortly, knowing I've already covered the (extortionate) cost through my lack of drinking this month and confident I won't reek of stale booze when I get there!

Woops, i missed a page.

bunnies sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. But good to hear that you have the potential of help. I hope this is useful for you. I agree with juniper the therapist is there to walk with you, to listen, to offer tools that may help and to help guide you to finding the right path for you out this tricky patch. A companion if you like to help you find your own agency and power. It is about finding one that works for you, some people gel with one kind of therapy and even with these modals, different people connect better with different therapists. I hope you find the right one. If you want to pm me too you can. 😊

juniper it's interesting to hear differing thoughts on AF drinks and the glass. I found it hard to give up the glass habit to begin with and felt the need to have something other than a soft drink in them so that I wasn't missing out. I don't need that anymore or certainly not as often. I mostly have soft drinks in a special new tumbler on a Friday night (fentimans ginger beer last night).

But at special occasions I do like a couple of glasses of nosecco in a flute so I feel like everyone else. Although to be fair now, those in my immediate family and the designated drivers join me so often no one has the alcohol version. I think some people like the opportunity not to drink. It kind of gives them permission. Which is lovely and unexpected.

I do understand though as when I first began this, I realised that although I could fill my wine glass with sparkling water and be okay, i couldn't dribk fake red wine which was my drink of choice. Apart from the fact its shit, it was far too triggering for me. 2 years on I found a nice AF red wine, and although I enjoyed it I haven't felt the need to drive to the town I bought it and fill up with a million bottles. I may have done that in early days. I was best just going cold turkey if you like and pretending red wine didn't exist. A fake red wine felt worse than none.

I don't know if anyone has had this too, but the AF drinks i have now and at the beginning are not ones I would have drank before. Gin and tonic (i would have sometimes but not crazily so). Fake cider which i never had. And nosecco- wasn't a major fan of it before. But, now even those I have sparingly. In fact I can't remember the last time I had an AF drink.

junipermartin yes!! I loved reading your night of fireworks and dancing! That's how I feel. I love dancing now alcohol free. Usually in my kitchen.

Morning campers!
I am up and planning my redecoration.
Solicitor instructed and hopefully all will be well. I have bought a couple of Christmas presents so I hope to get more this coming week on my hols.
A lot of successful swerves by the Sober Sisters I see.
Have a peaceful weekend all.

Morning all.
Apricot nectar last night in a tumbler with ice. Blinking lovely.

Ooh that sounds delicious wendywagon . Must add apricot nectar to the shopping list.

Morning all!

@SillyLittleMargaret sorry to hear about your accident- hope you’re feeling ok.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies I hope the therapy works out for you - it’s worth giving it a go and see how it turns out

@junipermarten - your firework night sounds awesome

@WendyWagon - hope everything falls into place now you’ve decided on your move

I had a full on, fairly exhausting weekend. I made it to the gym! First time since my operation- aiming for a run tomorrow. I had a lot of commitments yesterday that took quite a bit of prep, and were quite emotionally taxing, so it wasn’t a very relaxing weekend, but I think it’s a “good” tired.

My family went to stay with friends for a fireworks party on Saturday. I stayed at home to look after the dog, and because I had an early start yesterday. I woke up feeling soooo grateful on Sunday morning- old me would have gone, got hideously drunk, and been wiped out for all of Sunday. Not this year!

Have a good week all

@Breathmiller I love the sound of where you live!!! It sounds magical! I’m in a too-small inner (big) city terrace. We love our neighbourhood and the vibe but I dream of a bigger house in the country. Nothing fancy, just a little bit more space and much more nature. My DP and I both have good well-paying careers but we bought our first house not long ago and the market was well, rough for buyers. Still, I’m lucky to own (well, with a huge mortgage😂) a house at all so I hang on to that.

Thanks for the thoughts on therapy. I’m not at all averse it it. It’s just that one therapist was a creep 😭 and the other was good but just not the right kind of therapy for me. I have a big singular traumatic event in my pst and therapists always seem drawn to that like a red herring, when really there’s other stuff I need help with. Anyway, I have a call with my potential new therapist today. I hope it goes well.

Yesterday I had a lovely run trail run and it was so healing. I felt so free and good about myself and dare I say happy. Running is my therapy! In the past I would have been far too hungover to attempt a run like that on a Sunday morning, so every time I manage a long run like that I feel proud and relieved not to be drinking.

Have an amazing time planning and decorating your new home @WendyWagon, it’s an exciting time!

@Onewildandpreciouslife cross post! So nice to see you also enjoy the hangover free Sunday mornings! Well done on making it to the gym and enjoy your run!

Morning all,
Thanks for the good wishes re the house. We may be in for Christmas! Let's see how quickly they can push it through as no chain and empty.
I will be joining the swimming posse when we move.
I am off out to get my euros and look for the Cordina?

@BunniesBunniesBunnies i am not having therapy at the moment as I was spending my time discussing houses! I did find it useful. It put my bullying childhood to bed. In the past I have had a weird therapist myself. She told me I was a gifted medium (I am scared of ghosts, bizarre for a cottage lover). Ridiculous as I hardly wanted to be the new Doris Stokes!
My dd also has had a few naff counsellors. One was fantastic and it turned a corner for her. She has a difficult story and I won't share it here but she is just recovering after 6 years. There are some great clinicians out there.
Give it a try and take no crap if you don't like them.
Happy Monday all.

Morning, lovely to be heading into a new week!
All your running news has me inspired - I was loving my running until I tore my achilles in the summer, haven't run since and really miss it (have also put on a stone 🤦🏻‍♀️). This week is very busy at the beginning but slows down a bit after Wednesday so I'm hoping to pick up my gym membership and start getting fit again. Will build up to the running slowly, but it was absolutely the best therapy - cleared my head and de-stressed me like nothing else ever has!

Keep having these little moments of absolute joy and realisation of how drinking was affecting life. Went to see a friend yesterday afternoon, was her son's birthday (late teens) so had organised a little lunch for family and close friends. She'd opened some wine, but I'd explained I wasn't drinking so she had some alcohol free cider for me. Had a lovely afternoon. Previously that would have been the day written off, I'd have crashed on the sofa when I got home and probably wouldn't move until bedtime. Yesterday I got home, did some admin (car insurance!) read a book in front of the fire whilst my son did some revision, made a roast, cleared up and watched I'm a Celeb with my son before bed. Was so calm getting up for work this morning because everything was done!
This sober life is life-changing in so many ways.

Happy Monday one and all.

I used to loath Monday's (they still aren't my favourite day to be fair) as I'd be wrecked from a weekend of over indulgence wine and crappy food

How can a person start a new week wishing they didn't have to get out of bed? That's how I felt every Monday.

I'm coming up to 9 months and whilst I have not seen the bunny field for a while, I have been there and I know it exists and I know I'll go back one day soon.

I feel more calm and balanced and grounded than I ever did when drinking. That is good enough for me.

It's my eldest DC birthday soon, double figures. How did that happen? I hope by the time he is old enough to drink he doesn't remember what a mess I was. The kids never saw me pissed or anything like that but they saw me hungover... a lot!

Morning all.
Packing my little case for my trip to Florence tomorrow.
Husband doesn't drink so no risk really.
Looking forward to the ice cream!

Have a wonderful trip @WendyWagon !

I managed a 5k this morning, and the body parts that hurt had nothing to do with the op. Soooo happy!

hellooo all, sorry hardly had time to read up, some newbies 'Hello' and some familiar names too. @WendyWagon great news on the house front and enjoy the trip.

I'm still here and i think at 9 months today or yesterday... have had the occasional 'twitch' perfect word whoever coined that above, but not folded yet. Interesting how the brain still tries to weedle an excuse in there even after 9 months, reading some posts above and i was like well,

'i haven't had a drink for so long i can barely remember what a hangover felt like, i should try one JUST to remind myself...'

I mean really!! STFU winewitch. WHY would i do that

Excellent work on the 5k @Onewildandpreciouslife one day i shall run, but it will not be this day 😂

Happy Holidays @WendyWagon

Well done on the 5k @Onewildandpreciouslife I barely walk 5k some days !!!!

Hello @Fortheloveofgodwhy congratulations on 9 months. I think I am a week or so behind you so very close to 9 months. It's been interesting!! But we're still doing it and I think we should be very proud.

Hi all, hoping I can join this thread for some like minded company! I’m almost 5 years sober after a rollercoaster ride of boozing and rock bottoms from my late teens into my early 30s, but in some ways I still feel quite ‘new’ to the sober community in that I have had 2 children in that time so spent much of the last 5 years either pregnant or breastfeeding and generally not socialising much - with lockdowns thrown in too!

I feel like I’m emerging from those early baby years now and while I feel strong in my sobriety, I feel like I don’t have much of a sober network as all my friends and family drink and no one else I know in real life has really been on this journey, so hoping to find some people to chat to elsewhere!

The other thing I’m still a bit uncertain about and would love to hear others’ thoughts on this is how honest they are for the reason they don’t drink. Now I’m starting to make more friends locally with school mums etc, and socialising a bit more at work again, I always feel a bit unsure about what to say. Part of me wants to be honest and open as I’m proud of what I’ve achieved and think it needs to be talked about more but I am also aware of the stigma so often find myself saying I don’t drink for health reasons etc! What do other people do? I also have found that old friends don’t tend to ‘get it’ or think I’m a bit boring now, so generally I feel a bit lonely!

@Corilee2806 welcome.

I tend to tell friends, social groups I drank too much. In business I just say it makes me poorly.
When I first went sober I couldn't admit to being alcohol dependant. There is still alot of stigma. Particularly of women problem drinkers.
Massive well done on 5 years.

yep we should. I remember those early days being filled with complete wonder at the wiser owls/bunnies on here who were 6months+ and here we are.. nailing it!