The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Just saw this on Instagram and thought it was worth sharing.

Have a good sober weekend all!

Hi All,

Sorry you had a tough day yesterday, nice work on the 13 days - that's great going!

Thank you for the quote @Onewildandpreciouslife 😊

Cold and horrible here. Nice to be at the weekend though after a particularly long week at work! It's strange how just small comments can just stick with you and make you feel a bit blurgh. I had a meeting yesterday pm - a meeting I chair - with someone who is just a very difficult character. Probably partly my fault that I went into it ready for a bit of a head clash and this person really was difficult in the meeting. Afterwards my boss called and said 'oh you can tell you don't like xyz' which caught me out a bit as I feel the difficult behaviour from said other person has just fallen at my door and I'm the bad guy. Oh well.

Well done junipermartin. I'm sorry you're going through this with your mum. I had similar just beofore and as lockdown happened, finding a nursing home for my mum who was too young nursing home wise. I do hope you find the right one.

bunnies sorry to hear you are still struggling with things. We're here to talk through things if it would help?

onewildandpreciouslife yes!! That definitely makes sense. I have been finding ways to self soothe my whole life. Alcohol, ( when younger unhealthy relationships), food...etc.

My plan this last few years has been twofold. To find things that self soothe that are more nurturing and good for me, physically, mentally and emotionally. And to make a lifestyle and daily life for myself in which I don't need to be soothed as often. It's a constant work in progress but it is happening.

crayonpenny sorry you had that yesterday. That's part of the issue with this difficult person too. Not just their aggressive behaviour towards me (and others in general) but what other people take from it.

Until it was delved into deeper (with a forced meeting and many discussions) and until these people saw the behaviour for themselves and realised it was nothing to do with me I got a lot of the flack in terms of how I was handling it. I was being asked to look at my own behaviour. Now, that's no bad thing for me to have to look at how I react to people like this one but to have respected peers and mentors think badly of me was the hardest part. I constantly felt I had to justify not wanting to be around this person.

Now they have seen this person's behaviour for themselves over a longer period of time their minds have changed and I have been exonerated for want of a better word. And that makes it easier in many ways. I only have to deal with her bad behaviour, not the judgement (perceived by me or otherwise) of others that I was part of it. And I know now that not only do they have my back but they also find her behaviour unacceptable and difficult.

I had no idea until I went for a meal that some of the others on the course are struggling with her too. I kept quiet but it was good to hear it isn't just.

I do hope it eases for you. Horrible when someone is in your sphere like this.

Morning all.
Sending support to those struggling with life. I hope you can find some peace this weekend.
I lost my mum 18 years ago yesterday after a short illness. Turns out she had been ill for years and hid it.
My mother wasn't easy but she was so funny on a good day. My DD was 1 when she died so she grew up without a granny and the apple pie baking she taught her older grandchildren. I usually wear her jewellery or scarves everyday (very glamorous, think Elizabeth Taylor but 6ft). She didn't really drink due to her siblings having issues. I do think I hear her voice sometimes and it's not the sauce speaking!
I hope you all have a peaceful day x

Morning everyone, popping in to say I'm off on holiday for 5 days tomorrow. Biggest test yet! Feeling very nervous but excited to see if I can get through it. Husband is being incredibly supportive.

I'll catch up on the thread properly later.

Morning everyone and thank you for your kind comments re my Mum.

@Onewildandpreciouslife My Saturday morning has been WONDERFUL thus far! I woke up at 7am with the answer to a tecnical work problem I've been agonising over all week. I wrote it all down right away, and have just sat down at my desk to tackle it. My eldest got up about an hour after me and we cuddled on the couch and chatted for a bit til his little brother got up. I made them a nice breakfast, and then they laughed at me as I danced around the living room to Scissor Sisters at full volume.

@Crayonpenny I'm sorry you had some issues at work. It's not easy when there's a colleague you find difficult, and it seems like you're the only one who feels it. Around the same time I was diagnosed with ADHD I had a sort of epiphany around my inner critic and rumination that has helped me immensely. I think everything I'd been researching around dealing with that, amongst other things, finally clicked. I also (when I remember!) practice mindfulness and I've found that I've really reduced the rumination over previous conversations and the negative selk-talk meaning I don't sucked into the negative emotions that brings as often. One tip I read is to get up/move and do something else when that starts, as sitting listening to the chatter just feeds it and makes it grow.

@Breathmiller I'm sorry you went through something similar with your Mum. It is very difficult and can be quite lonely.

@WendyWagon Gosh, 18 years is a long time. I love that you wear her things. I had a ring of my Mum's that I wore until recently when I lost it. I'm hoping it turns up during our upcoming house move.

I wish everyone a peaceful Saturday, be kind to yourselves.

Morning all

Sounds like there are lots of ups and downs at the moment and I guess it sort of sits with @Onewildandpreciouslife s quote around self soothing that so often we drink to numb things out (which only works in the short term) but the problem is we numb out the good bits too?

@junipermarten I’m glad you are having a lovely morning and I hope your DH has a rotten headache!
@Crunchymum awesome job on the holiday, trains and prams are a right faff but you did it!
@WendyWagon congrats on getting the offer in and your doggie has the cutest big eyes!!
@Breathmiller and @Crayonpenny it sounds like you are both using every ounce of tact and diplomacy to deal with awkward colleagues effectively. Much easier done sober and without a headache!
@SillyLittleMargaret have a lovely holiday..you can DO this!!

warm sunny day in London.. have been to the gym and survived my first meal out last night! Had a really weird dream in which I caved and drank red wine.. then woke up (in dream) so disappointed in myself. Woke up in real life and did a happy dance.. it was just a dream!!

@Stircrazyschoolmum
Thank you.

I think the change of seasons can effect people plus school holidays.

I don't know about others but I am getting peed off with the female magazines not including af wines in their food pages. Surely they can try one a month? Lazy journalism or they like the booze too much?

@junipermarten just wanted to send thoughts and solidarity. Last Christmas, my Mum (also relatively young in terms of residential homes) had to go into a dementia care home die to her rapid decline and my Dad's ill health. It's such a hard time for you all to go through. Stay strong. Being sober does help I promise...you actually have to deal with the emotions as you go along, which whilst hard and very different from having a drink to push them away, in the long term definitely helps ones mental health, sanity and acceptance of the situation. Sending all best wishes x

@SillyLittleMargaret Thank you so much. My situation echoes yours. Dementia and my Dad no longer coping. She has complex needs due to other health issues and has seen a rapid decline in the past year.

wendywagon thank you for sharing a little bit of your mum here. I love that you wear her scarves. You always sound quite glam. Since my mum went into the nursing home and her house was sold i got her jewellery. I found my granny's beautiful engagement ring, i chose not to have an engagement ring when i got married so I now wear hers. Makes me feel really connected to both my Granny and my mum.

sillylittlemargaret thank you for your words about your mum too. My mum has Parkinsons and Parkinsons dementia. Very cruel conditions. You're right, ailing parents can bring up difficult feelings and we can face and cope with them much easier sober. Have a wonderful holiday. You can do this!! We're here if you need a handhold at any point.

junipermartin your Saturday morning sounds so fun. Beats lying in bed with a hangover any day.

I had an amazing day yesterday. 2nd last day of my course. There's definitely a sense of everyone being a bit demob happy. Miserable cowbag was even more miserable yesterday and barely spoke. I contributed and joined in. Then i heard that not only was she not going to the meal last night but (sadly of course 🤣)she won't be able to make the last day today!! Hooray. I'm sure it's not only me who felt the room lighten. So, i have a really fun presentation to do today and don't have to worry. I feel sooo freeeee!

Also, in regards to the meal last night. Out of 9 people only 2 had wine. And I swear the other table who were having a big party must have wondered what we were on as we all laughed and laughed and laughed. No shame today that I was one of the ones drinking. No worries that I can't remember if i was over the top due to drink. Just pure hilarity. The tutor (who also wasn't drinking) was in amazing form and was dancing outside the restaurant. She was hilarious.

I am so relieved that it's done. I will have to be in the same circles unfortunately as the difficult person, it is a national course so there are people from all over, but unfortunately we live in the same area and work in the same field but i don't have this regular contact. And that feels so bloody good.

Happy Sunday all!! Even with a snotty grotty cold. I am full of the joys of spring. In autumn.

Your post made me smile this morning @Breathmiller . I’m finding I laugh much more (and much harder) now I’m not drinking.

Another one with a mum with dementia here. It was dealing with all that pushed my relationship with alcohol from unhealthy to disastrous. We reached a “steady state” in November last year when her house was sold, and she’s now in a care home where family can visit her more easily. So you have my sympathy @junipermarten - it’s a big mental load , as well as all the practical stuff

It's strange that so many of us are in the same position with parents - although I suppose we're all a similar age so shouldn't really be suprising. @Breathmiller it definitely brings with it some very challenging emotions, I'm starting to be less afraid of actually feeling them which is interesting - I do wonder if this is part of the sobering up journey?

On our way to the airport and I've just realised something...
I'm actually feeling really excited about the time away, looking forward to properly relaxing, reading a book, having a bit of a phone detox - and realising that going away in the past I've been really anxious. Anxious about drinking, hangovers and how that will impact the holiday. Because I knew I'd drink too much and drink every day and I hated the headaches and sluggishness that stopped me from enjoying just relaxing and being with my family. Literally just occurred to me!! Incredible that I've never been able to see that before 🤦🏻‍♀️

@Breathmiller Sounds like you had a great day yesterday! The meal and lack of alcohol sounded amazing. Whenever I arrange to go out with friends etc it's always for a meal/drinks, we don't ever do anything anything else so I have been wondering how this will work. I'm so busy just now that I won't need to think about it for a while and hopefully I won't be too apprehensive about it.

My parents came over earlier (Dad and step-mum) and I told them I wasn't drinking. I was showing them our new house online, and it has a wine fridge in the kitchen. They have a wine fridge and it's a running joke how much I love it. I was very excited about this in the new house (before I stopped drinking) so showed them it and told them it's redundant now as I'm not drinking. I'm glad I got it out there as they would have likely brought me something alcoholic when we move in. I just said I'd stopped drinking as it made me feel awful. They were fine and the world didn't cave in. I feel more confident telling people now that I've managed 2 weeks, so 6 drinking days, with no temptation or torment.

@Onewildandpreciouslife Gosh, there are a lot of us. It's not a club I would wish to be part of. My Mum starting declining health-wise around 10 years ago when she was 56. It's been steady decline since then and ramped up during covid, I'm presuming the isolation contributed to this. This past year has been unreal. Not so much the dementia, but her other health issues. She has no mobility, is now doubly incontinent, and now lives downstairs with a hospital bed and commode in the dining room. It's an awful way to live. I almost wish her dementia was further advanced so she wouldn't be as aware. She's miserable, my (step)Dad is also miserable, stressed and struggling. I keep getting more and more care in place, and support for my Dad, but it's not enough anymore.

Afternoon folks.

@junipermarten I am sorry to hear about your mum. My father was the same with a bed and commode. He didn't have dementia so his mobility and illness was awful for him too. Please be aware everyone in this position is entitled to 8 weeks of respite care per year. You arrange it through your doctors surgery. Carer coordinator. My father went to the order of St John. I went to Brighton. I didn't know anything about this and I had nursed him in my home for 3 1/2 years. 18 hours a day. He had to contribute but only £100 a week. It was wonderful to have this facility. They even insisted on doing his washing. Told me Mrs Sav you need a test. (I probably had swirly eyes).Enquire tomorrow.

Lots done the beauty project this weekend so looking forward to a peaceful night. Will be drinking milk which I favour when tired.

Morning everyone. Here goes another week ….

@WendyWagon - good to hear you made progress on the business over the weekend

@SillyLittleMargaret - have a wonderful holiday! One tip I read on sober holidays is to get up at dawn on at least one day. It is a glorious feeling to be alive and not hungover at that time of day.

I feel like I’m getting my groove back - I’m definitely feeling better physically. If I’d drunk through the hard times I’d also have a mountain to climb on my mental well-being. Now I just have to get moving again to sort out all that chocolate!

@Onewildandpreciouslife I will DEFINITELY do that!!

Morning all

Well done at telling your parents junipermartin. It's funny how we can tie ourselves in knots about telling people. Just shows how ingrained drinking is in our culture.

Have a wonderful holiday sillylittlemargaret you sound like you are going in to it with a really positive mindset.

I had a great day yesterday at my course. Little bits of crap from the cowbag (even when not there) but I noticed it annoyed me and then let it go. I have a little bit of a sharing hangover. It was quite intense the day and although i didn't over share or get upset there was a lot of emotion around. Which is fine of course. But I did the thanks for the tutors and it was all a bit on the hop. I am cringing a bit at what I said and how I said it. Why are things like that so difficult? Anyway, I'm not dwelling on it but it did remind me slightly of days of yore when I would look back and cringe at what i said in conversations when my tongue had been loosened by alcohol. Just glad it wasn't made worse by booze. I am choosing to focus on the great things of the day which to be honest were the main stay of it all. Funny how we can have a fantastic time and do well 99.99% of the time but we go over that 0.01% that we wish we had done differently again and again.

I was also told, unprompted, by one of the tutors that I had handled the whole situation with the difficult person so well and she was so proud of me. So, I'm going to hold on to that instead of that 0.01%. (Which wasn't bad, it was just nervy waffling- all done in kindness which i know they would take).

A quiet day for me today.

Hi folks, hope I'm posting on the latest thread! Just checking in. I'm just 1 month away from my first year AF! Some days harder than others but I'm still in the game so for anyone finding it hard right now, you can do this xx

Morning lads.

Lovely to hear from you @Newmum738 ! And 11 months is amazing.

Hope you enjoyed your quiet day yesterday @Breathmiller . It must have been lovely to get that feedback on how you handled a difficult situation. But why do we beat ourselves up about that 0.01%? I do it all the time.

How are you doing @WendyWagon and @BunniesBunniesBunnies ?

Sunrise 😍

Morning all.
Was a little poorly yesterday folks with my RA. Stiff today but hopefully will ease up as off for posh hair appointment.

I was drinking clear co green last week. Not as good as Gordon's AF.
Wild card cottage today situated near our much loved former home. The glam cottage people have not accepted our revised offer and I want to see if I can make something of this cottage before I spend £175k more on the other one! The difference between semi retirement and the beauty project or putting myself up for knobheads and huge stress. I love what I do but the people are like the Devil wears Prada. One of the causes of my drinking.

Congrats to all anniversaries x

Beautiful @SillyLittleMargaret !

Congratulations on your 11 months newmum . A year is just there on the horizon as inviting as sillylittlemargaret's sunrise.

Sorry to hear you are experiencing a flare up wendywagon. Fingers crossed for this cottage being the one that brings balance to all aspects of your life. I've never seen Devil wears Prada but the whole scene would terrify me. I'm more hippy than glam. 😁