The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

@Stupidlydupidly thank you. It was fairly horrendous, not left on particularly good terms but yes drinking would have made it worse. What a bloody nightmare!! I think I'm going to just have some time with limited contact as its a journey we find ourselves on without having to do it for others.

@Crayonpenny well done and sorry your family were not very helpful (to say the least!)
Perhaps they just don’t know how to address the issue?
As has been said a drink would have made any of it better!

@AlloftheTime You're probably right and not having much interaction perhaps isn't going to get this moving forwards in terms of them getting their heads around things. I think I just need to give myself a clear run first with my OH and kids.

Go at your own pace with them - it’s a shame they can’t be supportive (or keep quiet!)
hope you had a good weekend overall 👍

As has been said a drink would have made any of it better!
I meant wouldn’t have obvs!

Morning all.
Another win. Managed to get around the supermarket with dh aka 'the booze police'. In all honesty I asked him to come as I knew I was flagging. I have a show down meeting this morning and he knows I would get bladdered out of fear. Stuck to the Gordon's but had a chocolate mousse (too sweet).
@Crayonpenny really sorry your mum is not helpful. Is she a self centred type? My mother was. I loved her but she was a princess. If you get a chance, tell her you have been really unwell through the booze. You fear for the future blah blah. Surely she wants you happy.

Onwards and upwards.

Morning everyone! Thank you for being nice about my small and then not so small blips.

@DeedIDo My DH said something like 'one won't hurt, don't beat yourself up' in the first few days. I gave him a serious talking to and he is now v supportive.

@Crayonpenny the toast remark was really mean, how bloody unhelpful.

@SavBbunny stressful times are very tempting, well done for staying strong. Good luck with the meeting.

@JesusSufferingFuck22 that rose water loos good, will hunt some down.

Today I will have not drunk for 31 out of 36 days.

Have a fabulous day everyone!

Hi all,

@AlloftheTime Sorry for the late reply re last night. Decided to take myself to bed to try not and dwell too much on things aka wtf at my birthday meal. Anyway, I am not going to let this put a dampener on my birthday as it was such fun being in the lakes, bobbing about on a boat on the lake at 25c made me feel like I was in the French Riviera when I closed my eyes, it was fab!!

@SavBbunny thank you. Not really but she certainly acted like that last night. It wasn't 100% out of character as there have been glimpses of it before - on different things. That's great re supermarket and I really hope your meeting goes well.

@LydiaLurk great to hear from you and 31 days is something I'm really looking forward to achieving!

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I've got the day off work today, quite glad after a busy few days, and I'm just looking forward to not doing much, being in the garden etc.

I hope everyone has a fantastic start to the week

@Crayonpenny loving the lake description and so pleased you had an enjoyable time. No need to apologise we are all busy in our own ways and I think one of the strengths of posting here is you can vent, ask questions, be ranty or just throw out words and hugs!
have a good week all

I wonder how I ever did Monday's after a bottle (or often a bottle + a few glasses from the second bottle 😮) of wine.

I couldn't cope with that now. I couldn't go back there. And I now accept that moderation would always lead me back there. So I am AF. happily and by my own choice.

Had a family gathering yesterday and watched a few people chugging away on Prosecco. Made me so grateful my Monday would be greeted with a clear head and after a decent kip actually it was a shit sleep as it's so hot and I am groggy with heat and tiredness but still so bloody glad I am not hung over

@Crunchymum I'm with you on that! This is probably my first AF Monday for a long while. As I'm off today I've been out and about - getting something for the car, new washing pegs (I know how to live), food for the week etc. It sounds daft but as I was in Asda with my pegs I thought I honestly would have shirked away from this usually as I would have felt self conscious etc so I am taking this as a win!

Evening all.
Too hot for me.
Not even a Gordon's 0%. Been chugging milk today.
Off to London tomorrow. Lunch with a non drinker.
Bloody diet slow. Can now eat a bit of cheese without thinking of the wine!
Been following the MN thread on big earners. Lots of envy and angry people. What they don't realise is 16 hour days usually result in coping mechanisms. Think how many top execs are boozers or have other addictions. Everything costs.

However one day at a time.

Morning all. Hope everyone is well. I was 27 months sober yesterday🤩 I don’t always remember on the 12th of each month (which is a milestone in itself😂) but when I do I like to reflect on how far I’ve come.

27 months - I have come far!

Feeling very happy at the moment🙂

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that is a phenomenal achievement! 🎉🎉🎉

Morning all @BunniesBunniesBunnies congratulations. Just intrigued, what made you stop drinking Bunnies?

That's ace @BunniesBunniesBunnies !!

@SavBbunny Interesting re big earners. I can vividly remember working with big earners who certainly enjoyed a drink, including one very senior exec which was a sad story and ended up with the person missing flights to the HQ abroad and hiding money in all sorts of places so they could buy a drink. That level of working hours really wasn't good for them and I think sometimes people don't realise it's not all roses and that...

Thanks guys. Interesting question @SavBbunny. I used to be a happy energetic person and drink in moderation and then a bunch of stuff happened to me and I became very anxious and depressed and started drinking too much. It was really affecting my marriage and other relationships as well as my parenting and my career. I became really low. I tried quitting/moderating many times and it just didn’t work.

On 12th April 2020 I quit. I didn’t have anything to do with will power (I don’t believe in that, it’s just a stick we beat ourselves with). I had just reached a point where I could no longer deny that alcohol was doing me way more harm than good. I was terrified of quitting but honestly I could not feel any worse at that point anyway, so I gave it a go.

To begin with I told myself it didn’t have to be forever (the thought of forever scared me a lot). I just aimed for a month. Then three. Then six. It took a while for me to start to feel better but I would say around 6 months something clicked and I knew I could never go back to drinking. There was no denying I just felt so much better!

Yes, I guess there is a small chance I could go back to drinking in moderation, but there is a much larger chance things would go back to the way they were before and I never, never want to be so miserable again. So for me drinking just isn’t worth it anymore.

My biggest fear was that I had lost myself forever and that I would never be able to go back to the person I was (not just because of the drinking but also because of some trauma I experienced). But I’m delighted to say I did go back to my old self - I think I’m an even better, happier, calmer and wiser version of my old self!!! Spending those years struggling with alcohol has made me a much more empathetic person too.

As I said reaching this place did take a long time for me. Some benefits of quitting were immediate but most took longer (some weeks, some months - the benefits basically keep coming!). Every day I am so grateful to be sober (thanks to the amazing support on this thread❤️) and every day I am more determined than before to stay sober.

That was longer than I meant it to be😂 but thanks for asking @SavBbunny, it’s important to reflect and also important to remember those awful times and stay vigilant.

@Crayonpenny
My ex boss was a heavy drinker at 35, God help her at 55. Toxic place for me.
I hope I am not pious but I can see a lot of alcohol dependancy around me.

Tanquay have a new orange gin, so why not its sister without the ABV? They can make the white one. Lazy new product development. If it was me I would be making a whole range.

bunnies huge congratulations* *on 27 months. What an achievement. And thank you for sharing your story. You're right it is important to remember and reflect further down the line. Sometimes there is more clarity and headspace to see what was really going on.

I am curious if you feel similar to me on the subjectof looking back...

A lot of the emotions that come up in those in early days or on a day after drinking are shame and guilt. Shame on a short term level of what did I do while drunk last night and shame and guilt that we can't moderate like others seem to manage. I had so much of that going on, on so many levels.

But that has all but gone now as I am further down the line. If I really think about it, of course I can feel shame and maybe regret at some of my behaviours then but I am not ashamed of who I am. In fact I'm quite proud of myself and can look back and see how I waa unhappy and thought alcohol made it better. I suppose I don't blame myself as much. I feel like I have come out of a fog of shame.

For those a little further down the line does that resonate?

I 100% feel the same @Breathmiller. I felt loads of shame and guilt during the early days of sobriety (tbh I also felt it whilst drinking but the booze numbed it). Everything felt very raw. I no longer feel ashamed. I know I said and did bad things whilst I was drinking and I take responsibility for those things 100%. I also had some frank chats with loved ones afterwards and made many apologies, they all forgave me which helped a lot.
But like you I do not feel ashamed of that time anymore. It was a part of my life and my journey and I accept that now, and I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.

In the early days when everything was still very raw I found it helpful to look forward rather than backwards. Now I still prefer that approach but I am also able to look backwards without guilt or shame.

So yes, I totally get what you mean🙂

Morning all.Day 74 here and DH is at it again.

Not content with looking disappointed every time I have an AF drink, he is now intent on arranging a weekend away with our booziest friends!

Deliberate sabotage, or just thoughtless? Who knows?

@BunniesBunniesBunnies many thanks for your very candid post.

I am 5 months today so I am still a relative newbie to sobriety but a lot of what you say really resonates.

The "life events" that tipped me from normal drinking to problematic drinking, the negative impact it had on my relationship and my parenting and my friendships not to mentioned the harm it did to my poor body over the years. The trying and failing to moderate / stop. It was just all so depressing and sad. I was a mess. I denied it for as long as I could until finally that day came and I KNEW it had to stop. My day was 13th February 2022.

I am so happy that I finally took the plunge and embraced being AF.

It hasn't been a quick fix, it hasn't solved the issues that made me drink and I am only just starting to feel truly positive about [and truly committed to] long term sobriety. My life has improved in every way imaginable, it has been very subtle though. No big "Eureka" moments or anything like that. Just like alcohol trickled into my life and began to take over, now sobriety is fighting back.

I feel strong and committed and I no longer hate with who I am.

@SavBbunny No you're not pious. I work in an industry that does have a lot of alcohol dependency (I will keep it fairly generic but it's finance sector related). I think it's waned a bit over recent years but it's still very much a cultural thing of work hard / play hard, go for beers etc, expectation of silly hours and a JFDI way of working. An AF equivalent of that gin would be lovely, seems a bit one dimensional really.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies @Breathmiller Thanks for sharing your stories / journeys. Although I'm not as far along, it is helpful to look at where I am compared at similar points for you both early on.

@DeedIDo Is it disappointment that it's not a drink with alcohol vs having a soft drink and not AF? It feels a bit similar(ish) to my experience at the weekend, I'm still not sure if my family 'get it' and just think it's a phase to pass really. Not helpful though!

Great post @Crunchymum! You’re doing amazingly.
@DeedIDo have you had a frank chat with your h about how his attitude towards your sobriety bothers you? I would have a chat and explain clearly this is important to you and you need him to be supportive. He might not realise what a big deal this is to you. If he continues in this way after that I would be seriously pissed off!

@Crunchymum congratulations! And thank you for a lovely post.

@SavBbunny @Crayonpenny I think it’s a dangerous combination of high stress jobs and the culture. What’s interesting/sad is that the same now seems to be true of motherhood- the whole “wine o’clock” culture normalises heavy drinking. And everyone thinks that everyone apart from themselves is coping with it. I think the longer you go without alcohol the clearer you can see it in your context.

@DeedIDo sorry DH doesn’t get it. Mine asked me the other day if I thought I would ever go back to having a glass of wine. I think he was just curious, but he doesn’t realise what a struggle it’s been. I just said “no” - I really didn’t want to go into the details of why not - the shame is still too strong at the moment (but I’m encouraged by @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Breathmiller saying that may change!)

You may be surprised by the reaction of your heavy drinking friends - when this has happened to me, what usually follows is them telling me a very long story of what a bad effect alcohol is having on their lives (drinking heavily as they do so)

@DeedIDo I think deciding to go AF makes people question their drinking habits and choices? It may not be out and out sabotage but your DH should be supporting you and making this as easy on you as possible.