The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Fortheloveofgodwhy]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

T@Champoopapihank you to for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Congratulations @100PerCentMe - that is an awesome achievement (and a great user name!)

hi @EileenFH -sorry to hear you had a tough weekend. It’s a good idea to take some time to figure out what you want to do. Looking back, I did some of my best “brain work” in the period between Dry January and Sober Spring - tracking units, noticing what triggered drinking, etc - so when I decided I wanted to try again my sobriety was more “secure”. Lurk away!

@Namechanged12344 sorry, we cross posted. Sorry you had another rough night.

What I think is interesting is that if you ask someone why they drink alcohol, they will probably say it’s because it’s fun and enjoyable. What I realised in my drinking patch was that wasn’t why I drank at all. I probably enjoyed the first mouthful. I vividly remember one day I was so furious with my DH the only way I could release that anger was to drink very hard and very fast. That was the opposite of fun.

I don’t know if it’s helpful, but some writers recommend the HALTS technique- ask yourself before you drink are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired or Stressed? If so, is there another way you can deal with it? (To be honest, this assumes we’re capable of calm reflection before we drink, which I usually wasn’t, so it’s much easier to use in retrospect!)

Great to see some long sobriety here. Great to think every day is a day further from the last drink 😁

I am feeling better now on day 3 having had some sleep. Going to listen to more of Alcohol Explained 2 while working.

breathmiller your posts have always been a great support to me and kept me going.

onewild That's a great acronym and technique!

namechanged Lots of things help me not drink. Some of what onewild said re HALTS. And also, asking myself why would drinking be the answer and what do people who don't drink do? Also, there are better and healthier way to enjoy yourself than downing attractively wrapped bottles of poison, as Allan Carr, I think, put it.

Also a good trick mentioned on here a lot is 'play the video forward to the end' - I found this super helpful! And as others say, it's just that first mouthful- but chances are we are often already feeling that 'aah' feeling right before we pour it. Nosecco, pink 0% Frexinet or a cup of tea does that too.

Plus, I am having a few health issues just now, my husband is recovering from being very ill last year etc- I just ask myself why would alcohol help with any of that? To numb or distract from those feelings I go a walk or run (mostly walk!). And, I'm still me, I can enjoy myself without a drink. it's a story we're told, and one we tell ourselves, that we need to drink to relax/have fun/cope etc. But then, it comes back to that question of what do people who don't / can't drink do? I don't think all their lives can be as dull as ditchwater? 😬 In fact the more days I went without drinking, the more I filled the space and time with stuff I didn't know I liked- my life gradually but quite quickly at the same time, opened up, got better, more fun, and I really wouldn't have anticipated that.

Ironically, when my life started to fill with other stuff, this helped me cope with difficulties that cropped up- husband's illness for example- and made me feel gradually more resilient- and drinking to cope instead wouldn't have helped at all, or helped me develop that resilience. Those are the things that continue to help me anyway!

Keep on going x

Wow thank you @Onewildandpreciouslife and @100PerCentMe so much good advice. I think because I was prepping myself to go out for the first time in ages Saturday night I felt so anxious that I just thought sod it. I had been thinking about it for so long that night and how I was going to drive and all sorts but what did it do? Just made me shameful and remorseful. I clearly can't drink normally so why am I putting myself through it? We did dry Jan in lockdown and a lot of people were like why etc but we did it and I felt so much support from H but now he drinks only at weekends he can do it and I'm kidding myself I can. It's such hard work not thinking about drinking it's draining me. Sorry to hear about your husband's illness but you didn't turn to the poison! When I say to H that's poison when he's drinking he's like no it's not blah blah and then I start thinking oh my life will be better if I could moderate. When will I learn I can't ? Thanks for the halt I had forgotten about that one. I am super stressed all the time. I try meditation but my mind wanders. Kids are hard work too ATM phases they're going through etc my parents are demanding there's a lot going on but I'm going to start thinking of what would non drinkers do ? Thanks again everyone.

Rejoining the real world. Thanks for all your love and support and sorry I went dark. I fell down a mental health black hole very suddenly and it was very frightening. But I'm still sober I'm all better now, expect being in bed with Covid. ( @Breathmiller ❤)

Right, finally caught up. SO many people completing their first two weeks it's AMAAAAZING. You get massive kudos because those weeks are the hardest.

This made me laugh a lot. It's like you can see into my brain:
I'm going to get out again today and then lie down for a bit of meditation (aka a nap)

Waving to @Drybird2020 big slobbery kisses to @BunniesBunniesBunnies

Btw not to be the total dick who disappears for a month then tells people how to live their lives but while I was catching up I noticed a couple of people kicking around the idea of "trying moderating". That's fine if that's right for you but please don't discuss it here as some of us are on the "If I Try to Moderate I'll End Up Dead" pathway

Hey @HangingOver Very glad you are out the other side and still sober!

It was me that mentioned the you know what word. I am sorry. Will not mention on here again. Xx

Fankyoooooou

hangingover so good to see you. 💙 * *

Hello x hope it’s OK if I post.

this time last year I was in the depths of despair. My drinking which had been bad enough as it was got out of control during the pandemic. I was drinking on average a bottle of wine a day, often more, sometimes I stuck at 4 gins or 2 cider and that was a good day. I never went more than 1 day without drink as I couldn’t cope with the night racing heart, sweats if I did. I had boils, gout, was covered in unexplainable bruises. Random pains everywhere. Constant acid reflux.

having tried to “cut down” before I knew it had to be different and that I was going to need to stop.

it took me more weeks/months to get myself together but get myself together I did and I am 45 weeks sober today.

quit lit, podcasts etc, identifying as a non drinker from very early on, and immersing myself in sober online communities have been key. I’ve read most of the books before (AE was new) but they are different when reading them with a view to giving up rather than cutting down.

this time last year I thought booze would kill me but I didn’t care. If anyone had told me if not only be looking at my soberversary next month but have found it reasonably easy with very few cravings I wouldn’t have believed them.

I am no expert but hope this is a bit helpful x

As for “functioning” I thought I was. Performing well at work. House not like something out of life of grime. Kids fed clean and clothed.

but I was so disorganised, could barely be arsed cooking and fed my kids convenience foods. My house was a mess really. Not unsanitary but the bare minimum done. Everything done last minute. Piles of washed and tried laundry everywhere.

Clare Pooley also said something like it’s easy to be “functioning” when your life facilitates that. Job, health, family etc. As soon as any of that goes to shit it’s not so easy to keep “functioning”

keep going everyone it’s worth it. It’s a precious gift to yourself and you deserve it x

Welcome LovingLifeAF.
Thank you for sharing your story and well done on getting there to this huge milestone. Your name says it all.

Hey guys I haven’t fully caught up on the thread but just popped on to high five @100PerCentMe!!! WELL DONE! What a milestone!

@HangingOver great to see you as always and I hope you’re super pleased with yourself for emerging from your black hole sober! Well done to you!!!

As for me, I’m still grateful to be sober. I do sometimes take it for granted now though which is lovely on the one hand, but I have to take care not to become too complacent. This thread and reading about all your “whys” and achievements helps with that, so thanks all for keeping the thread going!

Hope everyone is OK. Went out for dinner this evening, first time since I stopped drinking, Didn't drink, even though DH had a glass of wine. Rather chuffed with myself. Day 29.

Well done on restaurant wine avoidance @LydiaLurk!

Really great to hear you are doing so well almost a year in @LovinglifeAF. Inspiring, thank you.

I will have done a month tomorrow. I am so surprised at how much better it got after the first couple of weeks. I think I have more energy, and really feel the freedom of not having to try to moderate (unsuccessfully) because actually I DON'T DRINK.

Well done @LydiaLurk and congrats on your month @Mwnci123 🤩🥳

Well done @LydiaLurk you doing well x

Hi all,

I'm day 5 now and feeling strong in my sobriety today.

Like @LydiaLurk I managed not to cave when DH opened his first beer yesterday. And thank goodness as he is having alcohol withdrawal now after a really scary night.

Today would have felt like the end of the world if I had had a drink yesterday.

Now, it is a hard day, but I can cope!

Well done @LydiaLurk and @Stupidlydupidly on resisting

A month @Mwnci123 ! Fantastic work.

Day 109 here - I think it’s easier to count in weeks now : 15.

Had my blood pressure taken this morning and it was fine! It was high or slightly raised all last year so I was chuffed.

I’ve noticed a few times recently that there seems to be a distance now between me and alcohol. I still get the occasional desire, and I was out for dinner on Monday and nearly poured myself a glass of wine by accident! I was very late and stressed so habit nearly kicked in.

But there is definitely a feeling of there being a “space” which enables me to see alcohol more clearly for what it is.

The hard bit is not being a complete dick about it when out with friends - at dinner on Monday there was a 5 minute section of everyone discussing their favourite wine. I didn’t mind at all, it just seemed a very odd conversation to me!

Been reading through all the posts. They give me strength when mine is waning and inspire and encourage me. Thank you everyone. It confirms to me that we are all doing the right thing.

I’m counting in weeks now. 10 weeks af. My 10 times table is ok so I know that’s 70 days 😂

I had my regular monthly counselling session today. I offload my month worth of worries and feel valid and listened to. He made sense of my rambling about things changing in my brain. I speak with my hands and eyebrows and I think he’s quite fluent in my language now🤔
He suggested I am going through a transformation. Quite a big one given how long alcohol has been a big part of my life.
I have interpreted that, as I am turning into a big beautiful butterfly😁
Hope you are all well and staying strong.
We can do this xxx

@JesusSufferingFuck22 I love the thought of a transformation!!! It’s so apt. I’m sure many of us on this thread have transformed. Sometimes it’s hard to notice as the change is gradual but when I compare myself now to me 27 months ago the differences are immense. I’m probably just a slightly less mangled caterpillar rather than a beautiful butterfly but that’s fine by me😂😂😂

Early morning post ….
Butterflies, bunnies - other reincarnations are available from all good online retailers!!
I am loving reading about changes and challenges here as it’s so inspirational and uplifting to read. I salute all of you who share your stories either in snippets or as longer posts and also a shout out to the lurkers. I know for some it’s a tougher road and uphill one for us all at times but the goal is worthy of the effort. Don’t be overwhelmed by the task, try not to cave in when the wine witch whispers but in all cases keep putting one AF foot in front of the other. If you need to measure the hours or days do that. If reading but not posting works do that. Figure out what works for you and practise that until it becomes easier. Not much I’ve done in life is as satisfying or rewarding as being AF.

Hi All,

Thanks for all the posts over the last few days. People are doing incredible even if there are blips, to coin a phrase it's a bit of a marathon isn't it vs a sprint.

I've had a shocker the last few days, ended up going into the back of someone's car (£1k down now), moving into my parents for a bit and now it's a case of proving myself. Not helped by the fact it's a big birthday tomorrow (4...). My parents have been brilliant although I'm sure they are a bit like WTF!