How do I stop drinking? Or cut down at the very least?

[confusedlots]

I've got myself into awful habits with alcohol and it sounds ridiculous but I just can't stop. I know it's easy to say just don't have it In the house so you have no choice, but I always convince myself there's some reason to buy another few bottles. My skin is awful, i'm feeling really low and irritable and just have a constant brain fog.

I have a professional job and somehow manage to hold it down ok, and young children who are well fed, clean etc.

I've had a really difficult and stressful year and it's all just got so out of control. I'm often on my own in the evenings once the kids are in bed (this is a temporary thing due to DH's work but likely to last a few more months) and I just get so bored. I'm also worn down by the monotony of life, work, young kids, thinking about what to make for dinner etc. A glass of wine gives me a little lift, but once I've had that first one I just take it too far. One or one and a half bottles is my norm.

I'm going to give myself a target of getting to the weekend without a drink, this is something I probably haven't done in about a year. I really need to do this, and any encouragement or tips are very welcome.

I was surprised when I googled Alcohol Lied to Me that it was available for free, no catches. Thought it might be a sample but it was the whole book, over 100 pages so worth downloading for reference.

Jason Vale was the first book I read and it made lots of sense so worth reading.

Love this thread.

However, I note the irony of the placement of ads for very beautiful bottles of gin when I'm scrolling.

Women and alcohol is a feminist issue. How many memes for mums needing wine have you seen??? We need community, support and a fucking day off from time to time. Not to get slaughtered every night and wake up groggy and miserable to do it all over again.

www.theluckiestclub.com/mission

I love this non AA sober support community 💜

Hey, I hear you OP! Nearly two years no alcohol here.

Things which helped:

Listening to all the Home podcasts with Holly and Laura.

The Easy Way to Stop Drinking by Alan Carr.

Quit Like a Woman by Holly Whitaker.

Alcohol free Heineken.

Making lovely tonic water/elderflower drinks with ice and lemon and fresh mint.

Focusing on the fact that that ten minute initial buzz/sense of release is not worth the shit things drink does to body and mind.

Over time I have realised how much gaslighting is involved in the societal convention to drink.

You don’t need it. In fact you need to get it out of your life. That’s the need.

Good luck.

Because of this thread, I didn't drink last night. Instead I ordered "This Naked Mind" on Amazon same day delivery. I'm hopeful I can change.

I've had appointments with an online addiction nurse.

www.addictionprofessionals.org.uk/advanced-practitioner-andrew-harvey

Bloody amazing.

It gave me the space to talk about how I felt about wine and my drinking, where I'd like to be with my drinking and how to get there. No need for abstinence. Although the door was open to that possibility.

I value the sessions a lot. I've shifted from at least 7 bottles of wine to a week to about 2. Maybe it's not the goal for everyone, but it's definitely an improvement on where I was!

Oh and the peace from the mental "push/pull me" that started in the morning with "I won't have a drink tonight" which gradually eroded during the day to opening the bottle at about 6pm was hugely welcome!!

Love reading all this - so positive! Hope you have a lovely serene day today @confusedlots and to everyone else on Day 1 you got this!

Just to mention - I was on 7+ bottles of prosecco a week with a litre bottle of gin on top of that. So really was an alcoholic! Functioning, just about, but still an alcoholic.

My 3 kids deserved better.

Day 1 here! I was drinking a bottle of wine every night over lockdown, I wouldn't even enjoy it tbh- I'd just go into autopilot on the way home from work and buy a bottle. I just felt dead inside. Managed to cut down since January but the nights I have drunk I've had no limits, and end up having black outs and being so ill the next day. It's time to stop this madness and start a new chapter. Going on amazon this eve and ordering those books that have been kindly recommended..

I think you have to find really positive things to do in the evening which will make you feel good about yourself. Are you creative? Would you like to learn how to make something - sewing, crocheting, knitting or writing? Would you like to learn a foreign language?

You could also transfer the money you would have spent on alcohol into a savings account early in the evening - allocate it to something you'd love - clothes, art, experiences. It will soon mount up - are you spending about £10 or so per day? Look for things which are £70, to give you something to look forward to each week, then look for something that's £100 so you have to do ten days on the run. You were spending that money anyway. Or you could open a savings account for your children and put your drinking money into it - that would really work, I think.

Morning everyone. How are you all doing?
2 weeks sober for me today 💪
Sleep and anxiety are getting so much better. I have numerous anxiety disorders and the improvement is already noticeable.

A pp mentioned alcohol ads popping up for them. A few months ago when struggling through a relapse and abstaining I saw alcohol everywhere! I was watching classic corrie, and They all go for drinks at lunch, Mike Baldwin's on the whisky whatever time of day 😂 I was having a stressful time and was very self pitying, woe is me, look it's everywhere! On this advert for a holiday, On this advert for bloody walking frames, they're drinking wine before midday on James bloody Martin! Now I'm going through an even more stressful time, but I feel absolutely more calm. A drink will very temporary relax me but the problems will still be there, and I'm fighting them or accepting them with a clear head. No drink is worth that for me.

Good luck for those abstaining if its your first Friday night, and those who're waiting til the weekend to drink, please update us tomorrow on how you do and feel afterwards. Were all in this together ❤

The struggle is real. 4pm for me, if i get to dinner at 5.30 I'm fine (eat together with young kids). I'm trying an early run club on a sunday and trying to plan more booze free activities. Easter will be hard. My family drink loads.
I recently started binge eating after drinking too and the guilt is doubled.
Mrs G goes without is very relatable, as well as the books mentioned. Claire pooley felt basically me!

I'm also trying to treat this as if I'm allergic to alcohol. We all probably are to be honest, it is literally a poison. If I ever ate anything that made me go loopy then spend two days ill I'd never touch it again! I've been snacking in the evenings way more but I don't care if I gain weight at the minute, once I've got decent time of sobriety under my belt I'll tackle other things, but sobriety has to be my number one priority at the minute. I'm loving those Cadbury nutty bars at the minute and a bar similar called kind that have a tiny bit of sea salt in, they're lovely. I've been having a hot chocolate in the evening aswell as it really fills me up. I just realised when I'm drinking I barely eat and when I do it's shite.

One thing I found really helpful is cutting down slowly, for example, if you can't imagine going to no alcohol, try a couple of days a week without. Then go down to weekends only. Then go down on the amount you have in those sessions. Half a bottle of wine vs full bottle. Then go to those mini bottles of wine instead - just one, or 1-2 beers, at weekends only. Or only with food. It helped me slowly turn a bad habit around. It also helped me to have something to look forwards to, so I wasn't going 100% full turkey - if I knew that I was allowed 1-2 glasses of wine at the weekend it was a treat and less confusing than never being allowed it ever again. You do have to be more careful with socialising etc - until you're in better habits try to stay away from people you might normally drink with, or meet them for a coffee instead. I think once your'e down to very occasional glasses of wine you could then think about pushing it even further, to once a month etc.

Morning everyone! how are you all doing? Anyone have anything nice planned for today?

Morning @haveatakeaway! Woke up tired but immediately thought how much worse I'd feel hungover! Out for a dog walk and smoothie with my mum in a min, then over at my sister's later this afternoon for food! Will probably listen to some podcasts this evening, started listening to Hi, I'm Sober which I'm enjoying. Can't face friends yet, they're drinkers and don't think I'm ready to explain why I'm on the soda water just yet! What are your plans today? 😁

That was meant to be a smile not a grimace

Aww that sounds like such a great day! Have fun with your family 😊 Not much planned today except for a takeaway tonight and making a cake for my sons bday tomorrow.It's nice out so might get out in the garden.

I totally get the not telling people thing. I've told my mum, dad and dh that I have a problem and they've been nothing but supportive. No one else needs to know until I feel ready to go for a meal or to the pub sober, (really not fancying it sober or drunk at the minute to be honest though!) then I'll just say I quit for a while and enjoyed it I guess.

Did you have any cravings last night? Your drinking habits sound like mine. We got this 💪

Can I join? Reading this yesterday inspired me.

@guardsman18 welcome! Its easier fighting a battle with others than alone 😊
Are you trying to abstain or moderate? I think people are doing both on this thread. Im 15 days sober and am abstaining after moderation failed me badly and led to bad relapses.

Thanks for answering @Haveatakeaway. Once I'd posted what I did I thought - why am I asking? I sound like a child in school!

I am on day 2. I'll have to abstain. I don't understand moderation! Moderation works for a while for me and then I quickly get back into old habits. Fifteen day - go you. I'm reading Allen Carr (again) and finding it helpful. You're right about fighting a battle with others.

The last glass of wine I had was Thursday evening. I wasn't even enjoying it. How mad is that?

@haveatakeaway that's lovely you could be so honest and they're supportive, I always feel I can be my true self with family too. My friends will be lovely about it, but I feel I have to be more 'on it' with most of them and want to work through this a bit before I see them.

No cravings actually, but I avoided watching TV as that's when I would usually slob out with wine. How are you feeling 2 weeks in? I think I'm going to need to get some activities on the go in the evenings. Realising now how much my life just revolved around booze.

@guardsman18 same, I was thinking the other day I was just going through the motions of drinking, without even enjoying it! We're at the same point, let's do this

I've definitely felt like that whilst drinking! It's crazy isn't it!

When I've relapsed I have been truthful on the other thread I'm On called 'Day one' and I think it's great if people are truthful about how hard this is for some, and realising that you're not the only person that does this or feels like this. I would normally have left the thread, name changed etc and never returned because of the shame! I'm trying to be kinder to myself

Hi @NobblyBob. I don't seem to be craving as such either. My danger point will be when I feel a lot better than I do and will want to drink then.

I lie your positivity btw!