How do I stop drinking? Or cut down at the very least?

[confusedlots]

I've got myself into awful habits with alcohol and it sounds ridiculous but I just can't stop. I know it's easy to say just don't have it In the house so you have no choice, but I always convince myself there's some reason to buy another few bottles. My skin is awful, i'm feeling really low and irritable and just have a constant brain fog.

I have a professional job and somehow manage to hold it down ok, and young children who are well fed, clean etc.

I've had a really difficult and stressful year and it's all just got so out of control. I'm often on my own in the evenings once the kids are in bed (this is a temporary thing due to DH's work but likely to last a few more months) and I just get so bored. I'm also worn down by the monotony of life, work, young kids, thinking about what to make for dinner etc. A glass of wine gives me a little lift, but once I've had that first one I just take it too far. One or one and a half bottles is my norm.

I'm going to give myself a target of getting to the weekend without a drink, this is something I probably haven't done in about a year. I really need to do this, and any encouragement or tips are very welcome.

I also agree with @BunniesBunniesBunnies, I've tried changing my drinks, the locations i drink, the times I drink, the days I drink. Every single one has failed. Alcohol is the problem and is the constant in all these different attempts at moderation. I'm 12 days sober after my last relapse. I still feel ashamed and vulnerable, and it would be much easier to open a drink to temporarily get rid of those feelings, but they will always resurface, so I'm trying my best to sit with them, accept that I can't change any shit I've done in the past, but I don't have to make more mistakes again.

I can highly recommend the unexpected joy of being sober

Yes, and glorious rock bottom by Bryony Gordon. There's so much good quit lit out there now. I also read drug users quit lit as there's pretty much always alcohol involved aswell. I've heard of people that actually managed to quit heroin, then died from alcohol, it's scary stuff.

Reading the Jason Vale book was enough for me to give up and that was years ago (about 7 I think). There are quite a few similar books and, whilst they don't work for everyone long term, they will almost certainly help you give up initially which is a good starting point.

I had so many day ones - I was where you are @Haveatakeaway, able to stop for a bit then relapsing. The thing that worked for me is a disulfiram implant - lasts for 12 months, in the skin above my buttock. You cannot drink with one, as the side effects begin within 10 minutes (severe headache, nausea, puking) - I've never tried drinking with it, I'm too scared!

It's literally the smartest decision I ever made - no more bloody willpower, no more agonising about whether I'll drink all afternoon/evening, as it's not an option any more. I'm free! I'm so happy, I wish I'd known about it sooner.

This is the first time I've even opened on of these threads, I avoid them because I don't want to admit my drinking has become a problem.
Before covid, I had drinks (binge drinking probably but never felt like a problem), but on the very first Friday of working from home in March 2020 I cracked open the Prosecco at 5pm.

It was a lovely summer, so drinks were poured more often.
It's now April 2022. I've drinking 4 days a week. I'm also starting earlier in the day, sometimes whilst still at my desk.

Last week I had to check a couple of emails which I'd sent whilst drinking. They were ok but a pause for thought.
I'm secretly drinking, I'm trying to covid but my partner does know.
I wake up thinking, I'll have drinks tonight.
This is the only place I feel able to admit this, it is shameful but I do recognise I need to address this today. So I will.

Along with the quit lit I recommend doing some research about neurobiology and dopamine in particular. Huberman lab is an excellent podcast and there is an episode where he interviews Dr Anna Lemke about addiction. It gave me lots of motivation to continue better habits that I was trying to introduce. I don’t want to narrow my life so that the only form of pleasure I ever get is the anticipation and enjoyment of the first glass of wine. That’s where I was headed.

Hi 👋 all. I agree with bunnies quitting is actually easier than the constant battle and bargaining. I have attempted to quit many many times. I am currently 87 days sober ( I don't really count days just occasionally tot them up).

I can honestly say it's the best thing I have done,covid aside I have never felt better. Initially, I used quit lit,( love Craig Beck) and just treated myself to whatever I needed/wanted chocolate/sweets/crisps. My sleep was awful for about 3 weeks but now I sleep amazingly and am not tired when I wake. I have more patience, I am better at my job and my anxiety has improved immensely.

There will be ups and downs and life is still difficult but, so much easier without a hangover. There are loads of supportive threads I pop on a few now and again. You can do this.

This Naked Mind changed my life. I'll not drink again.

Following... I never seem to be able to get a handle on this. I have no off switch once it comes to the weekend. I'm a terrible binge drinker and can't seem to moderate.

I love this thread. It goes to show how damaging alcohol is and how many of us struggle, when at times it feels like you're the only person in the world that can't drink 'properly'.

I have up for months after reading Jason vale and Annie grace. Thought I'd never drink again. Then I went into an anxious meltdown when the war in ukraine kicked off and have drunk every night since! Am following this thread to find ways to get out of my head and stop myself this evening!

I’ve changed my name as feel so ashamed that I can’t seem to moderate. If I open a bottle I will drink it all and that’s probably 5 nights a week. It’s making me bloody hate myself and I’m so disengaged with life. Can’t be bothered, hate my job, feel fat and ugly and all that misery probably caused by my love of an ice cold rose. Have had periods in the past of sobriety but tbh not recently. Am so tired of feeling like this, thanks for the thread.

Sorry there’s so many of us feeling like this but hopefully we can support one another.

Day one again.

@SaltyLemons

I have up for months after reading Jason vale and Annie grace. Thought I'd never drink again. Then I went into an anxious meltdown when the war in ukraine kicked off and have drunk every night since! Am following this thread to find ways to get out of my head and stop myself this evening!

I'm so sorry it knocked you - these things happen. Have you thought about re-reading This Naked Mind? That's part of the process: the ingestion of a different way of thinking and behaving.

I gave up just before the war started, and I found that sobriety helped so much with my ability to manage my thoughts and emotions.

Hi OP @confusedlots well done for your first steps! I have been exactly you! And I understand literally everything you've said 100%. These are my tips for what worked for me in case you find them helpful:

Becks Blue (as recommended by Claire Pooley). I found these are the only drink which helps take away the craving for alcohol. (I don't get cravings any more but used to at the beginning). I keep them chilled and always have a stash of very cold ones in the fridge. Whilst they don't taste of alcoholic lager there is something about them which gives them a little "bite" and as soon as you drink one you are satisfied and not having those awful cravings for wine. No other non alcoholic beers or drinks seem to work. They are also only 38 calories each so I feel very angelic drinking them and enjoy counting up how many calories I've not had! They are also a great option if you are socialising with other people drinking.

The book Alcohol Explained by William Porter which I put on my kindle app and read a little bit on my phone whenever I got a minute, has to be the best and most clear book I've ever read and really clarified why I felt addicted. Its taken away my cravings altogether. It's so clear and easy to read and by the time I'd read the first chapter I was really motivated. I've tried other books and podcasts but this was by far the best and easiest.

Oh I forgot to add OP, getting into pyjamas early, watching a box set and drinking night time tea also really helps. (Pukka Nighttime tea). If you brush your teeth straight after dinner it also helps break the food / wine association.

There are lots of AA meetings online nowadays. Maybe try a newcomers or women’s group and see how you go? You can stay anonymous and even have your camera off and just listen in some meetings.

It’s not very fashionable on MN, I think largely because people don’t like the word ‘alcoholic’ and don’t want to apply it to themselves. Quit lit and podcasts etc seem a softer approach, and do work for lots of people. But if it doesn’t work for you, definitely look into AA. It’s been an absolute game changer for me. I’ve gone from 2 bottles of wine a night to tee total for the past 2 years, zero cravings or interest in alcohol, and those boring evenings where I felt stressed, tired, pissed off and only interested in getting slowly drunk? Gone. My life has totally changed on every level.

@Rupertpenrysmistress

Hi 👋 all. I agree with bunnies quitting is actually easier than the constant battle and bargaining. I have attempted to quit many many times. I am currently 87 days sober ( I don't really count days just occasionally tot them up).

I can honestly say it's the best thing I have done,covid aside I have never felt better. Initially, I used quit lit,( love Craig Beck) and just treated myself to whatever I needed/wanted chocolate/sweets/crisps. My sleep was awful for about 3 weeks but now I sleep amazingly and am not tired when I wake. I have more patience, I am better at my job and my anxiety has improved immensely.

There will be ups and downs and life is still difficult but, so much easier without a hangover. There are loads of supportive threads I pop on a few now and again. You can do this.

@Rupertpenrysmistress

Completely agree that the bargaining and guilt cycle and attempts at moderation are much much harder than just stopping. I've had lots of people congratulate me on my sobriety but the truth is it has been much easier than the alcoholism and I feel like I don't deserve the plaudits as they are the ones that are potentially still stuck in that cycle! They need the congratulations for being a drinker - it's hard work! Of course this is all through the lens of an alcoholic rather than a person who is able to drink moderately.

2 years sober in May. I don't think I'll ever drink again, I have got beyond it now. Have done a night out raving to drum n bass, weddings, holidays, birthdays... All the things I thought I would struggle to enjoy without alcohol. It's BS that alcohol makes those things better. It makes it less likely you will remember those things and much more likely you will wake up feeling physically shit and full of remorse and fear. Who wants that?! The trade off is just not worth it.

Michael Seeley's hypnosis videos work for me. I have to listen every day, but they work for that day. They are free on YouTube.

@ValBiro well done on achieving two years!

Can I ask, since you mentioned all the things you have done sober, such as raving, weddings, etc. How long did it take you to reach that point? I'd love to be able to attend dinner with friends, weddings, festivals and the such without getting drunk in the process. I find I'm fine if others are sober (a sober meal, for example) but how do you continue to socialise sober? I feel like this is key for me. I don't know if it's confidence or FOMO or just a case of learned behaviour. Or addiction.

I'd love to have the occasional drink and enjoy it but to stop and switch to AF after one or two... and, crucially, to not feel like I'm missing out or having less fun because of that.

@LetsGoDoDoDo There was a lot of lockdown to begin with, which probably helped me a bit. I don't know... It's just not even a "thing". All I have to do is think back to all the stupid shit I've said and done at those sort of events and how wretched I'd feel afterwards (3 day hangovers, anyone?!) and that's pretty much enough.

I was worried I'd find it hard to socialise too, but find I am still able to get 'into it' for the most part, but also know when it's time to leave.

Hi AIPS no need for shame at all. I can relate as can alot of us here it seems. It's up to you now. I was very much where you are now. I hated myself, yes fat/ugly/useless. My anxiety and depression was through the roof. The guilt and fear.

However you can turn this around believe me if I can you can. I am middle age, in a professional job with 2 DC and a DH so, why did I drink most nights? Why did I put my need to have a drink before others? I was stuck in the grip of alcohol. That is not to say I am blameless.

Not had a drink since Jan 10th and I feel amazing. I have lost that awful bloat, red eyes and grey skin. My anxiety is gone and I don't hate myself. Every time I catch myself saying something awful to myself I reframe it. I am kind to myself. Work is so much easier and I can trust myself again. You will too.

Loads of quit lit, tiktok is good for empowering quit videos. Highly recommend listening to the audio books rather than reading, I found it sank in better. I didn't get on well with aa or af drinks but everyone is different. Highly recommend ignoring your weight and skin for now as that takes longer, paint your nails/hair or face mask, chocolate/crisps/sweets. Reward yourself.

But be kind. It's really tough.

This has been so helpful. I've ordered a couple of the recommended books. I felt really down earlier but ok now. I'm not going to drink tonight, which I would normally do "because it's Wednesday 🤦‍♀️). It's good to know I'm not alone in this.

How is everyone doing tonight? I must say it makes me feel a bit better to know there are others in the same situation as me, and it's really helping reading all your posts.

I feel calmer because I've been more productive and organised the past couple of days. Nothing exceptional, but having school uniforms, lunches organised and dinner prep done as much as possible the evening before. It's made the mornings go much smoother, combined with not feeling foggy headed has set me up for the day.

I could easily have reached for a glass of wine this evening, but I didn't because of this thread, and because I know I have to show myself I can last until at least the weekend (hopefully longer but that's my aim for now). And probably also because I know I only have half a bottle of wine in the house and I would just get annoyed if I had a glass and couldn't keep going. How bad is that.

Off for a shower now and to get ready for bed and then maybe catch up with some tv for a little while before bed.

Hope you're all doing ok, whether you're on day 3 or more or less, this thread is really spurring me on.

@SaltyLemons

I have up for months after reading Jason vale and Annie grace. Thought I'd never drink again. Then I went into an anxious meltdown when the war in ukraine kicked off and have drunk every night since! Am following this thread to find ways to get out of my head and stop myself this evening!

I recommend Craig Beck Alcohol Lied to Me.. again. Its a follow up to his first book for people who slip. It doesn't matter if you didn't read the first one as his approach is very similar to Jason Vale/Annie Grace. I did get a bit obsessed with quit lit as you might gather! But it was a healthier obsession.