The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[Adm1010]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life

Thankyou to bunnies for hosting the last thread.
And here’s to the next 40 pages

@SavBbunny I have young kids too. I think the reason many women start drinking a lot at that stage of life is because life is so demanding, and you have very very very little time to yourself. So certain coping mechanisms like having your hair done or going to the gym or allotment or running just seem practically impossible (and you’ve got no energy). Having a glass of wine (or more…) at the end of the day seems one of few things you can do for yourself. It’s counterproductive obviously…

Yes, I think that's true @BunniesBunniesBunnies and also there is such a "mummy loves wine" culture these days. Or there was when my eldest was born.

But if I'm honest, my heaviest drinking was when I was even younger - at university. Although I can't drink as much as that now I have children, I still feel the unhealthy tendency to go big or go home is there

So true @GoodMuseNoBooze! I hate the whole “mummy needs wine/gin” narrative🤮🤮🤮 It’s basically one massive advertising strategy, and of course if women are nicely numbed by booze they are probably more “compliant”🤬 and less likely to smash the fucking patriarchy!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

Interesting I didn't go on the booze ubtil my second child however I did go back to work pretty quickly first time round. Second baby 1 year old when my mum died. Pretty horrendous. I made new friends two years later and big drinking was not the done thing. A few pissed nights but not really boozers. I am trying to do a time line fir my counsellor so please ignore my story telling. I have sone memory loss due to thyroid issues, so I think I have been hammering the bottle with gusto since 2014. I attract issues, crap, bullying people, liars, thieves etc. The answer for me was my friend wine. Not sure what replaces it.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

So true *@GoodMuseNoBooze*! I hate the whole “mummy needs wine/gin” narrative🤮🤮🤮 It’s basically one massive advertising strategy, and of course if women are nicely numbed by booze they are probably more “compliant”🤬 and less likely to smash the fucking patriarchy!

Omg such a good point! The fuckers

@SavBbunny replacing the booze with other stuff is essential and it is the key to long term success when it comes to sobriety. We can not power through on “will power” (whatever that is…) alone! You’ve got to have a toolbox!

Mine includes:
Bath
Podcasts
Netflix
Running
Swimming
Dance

I feel really really raw, bare, exposed- not actually sure what exactly I feel but incredibly scared, fearful. I think all the work I've been doing to face my shame, demons, repressed emotions is all coming out and it's a little too much.

I guess I just have to go with it though

@Kindtomyself that sounds really challenging. You are doing so great. It can be extremely painful for you finally have to “face it all” without booze, and this can hit you at different stages of the sober journey. My own feelings still smack me in the face sometimes. I encourage you to sit with your feelings, even though it is hard. Acknowledge that they are your feelings, and that it’s okay to feel that way, and that they will pass. You will emerge on the other side, and you will be stronger. @Drybird2020 coached me gently through this process in 2020😅 and I am still so grateful to her. Hang in there.

@Kindtomyself that sounds tough, but we are here for you.
My sober journey has come through a family disagreement last year, I’ve been putting myself through some counselling and support and as a part of this I’ve realised I need to take better care of myself. I also have children, as they’ve become older I have regressed back to my pre children drinking days if my 20s.. but I can’t do it anymore. And I can’t think about it. It took up so much time…. If I could lose 13 lbs like you @SavBbunny that would be a bonus! But I’m totally replacing with sugar!

Evening all, I haven't posted in a few days as the fatigue is really getting to me. Have been reading though, so thank you all. Just completed Day 18 here. I don't have the cravings anymore which is wonderful, but do totally recognise the moderation voice. I am ignoring it as this was the point I gave up at last year. I quickly ended up drinking more than before. I think it is William Porter's book where he said that when you start drinking again, you start again from that point on the path. That is exactly what happened to me. I didn't go back to the beginning of the path, but started right where I left off and carried on.

My sugar intake seems out of control atm, but trying not to be too restrictive as don't want to abandon all my efforts. Once further along I am hoping I can ease off.

I am sorry to read about those having a hard time. I hope you all have peaceful sleep and tomorrow is a good day.

@Kindtomyself

I feel really really raw, bare, exposed- not actually sure what exactly I feel but incredibly scared, fearful. I think all the work I've been doing to face my shame, demons, repressed emotions is all coming out and it's a little too much. I guess I just have to go with it though

I'm sorry, that is really tough. Please do make sure that you really are being kind to yourself. I certainly drank to blot out painful situations, and it's scary when there's nothing between you and it anymore, whatever the it is.

I am not that long into this journey, but I think it is an up and down thing. Hold on tight and keep posting here so we can all support you

Morning, I managed to miss a whole page yesterday before posting.

Such interesting conversations about the mummy needs wine/gin etc. Seems to be all part of that slummy mummy thing, and even though I have really upped the drinking since children were small, I never identified with those women. My drinking became more problematic when the children were small. I was at home with them and it felt like the only way to differentiate between day and night was to put the kids to bed and open the wine. Also the stress of two small children!

@Kindtomyself I am so sorry I missed your message when I posted yesterday, and so sorry you are having a hard time. Our brains our so powerful, but when they decide to release those emotions it can be overwhelming. I have been through some similar buriel and release of things. The thing I struggled with most was that my brain would release this stuff when I thought I was happy and doing OK. Take care of yourself and hope you have a better day today.

Hope you’re feeling a little brighter today @Kindtomyself

And yes @Borrowbox I very much relate to what you’re saying about wine & small children…

Good morning all,

Perhaps because I am older (56) there didn't seem to be a mummy drink push when my DCs were tiny. I have noticed since Gin became popular the target is women. Perhaps this was 10 years ago?
My grip has been lost over the last eight years. I went from being a wine snob to a boozer. Loneliness, issues with my DDs mental health and a bereavement. I have plenty of friends but only a couple of good ones. People are busy. Looking forward to the AF Gordon's tonight.

My kids are tweens/teens. There's a massive mum drinking culture where I live. Cheap Prosecco at every opportunity.

There is a comedy duo called the Scummy Mummies who are all over my social media and much as I am all for women not having to be perfect their whole shtick is about alcohol - well a lot of it anyway. I think I have also seen sponsored alcohol posts of theirs too.

Hi. Thanks for your kind messages it means a lot. I'm feeling a bit brighter but sick of feeling so engulfed with emotions and feelings- at times I think I'm going quite mad.

Went out for tea last night and my DC both said how they loved me not drinking and I was so much more fun . I felt so awful when they said this because I immediately thought shit I've ruined their precious lives.

There's definitely a weird booze culture going on near me. With one family in particular with boozy parents- the mum doesn't seem to do anything unless booze is involved. In fact when her kids were toddling she used to go to the pub with her friend and drink wine whilst the kids wandered about. I used to think this was pretty cool .

Our ds were friends for a time when they were at primary school and I remember taking the ds swimming one evening and hearing them talking in the back of the car about how busy friend's mum was and how she couldn't possibly take them swimming. When I dropped him back she was slurring and saying she had been cleaning the house with a glass of wine to help.

@SavBbunny

Good morning all,

Perhaps because I am older (56) there didn't seem to be a mummy drink push when my DCs were tiny. I have noticed since Gin became popular the target is women. Perhaps this was 10 years ago?
My grip has been lost over the last eight years. I went from being a wine snob to a boozer. Loneliness, issues with my DDs mental health and a bereavement. I have plenty of friends but only a couple of good ones. People are busy. Looking forward to the AF Gordon's tonight.

I don't know tbh. My mum was a big drinker who loved gin and it was all seen as jolly good, middle class fun and games, until she became a very serious alcoholic at about 50 and she died less than ten years later. I was born in the mid eighties, so drinking culture was definitely a thing among parents then too and all through the nineties.

Possibly it's that we have better awareness now and what my baby boomer generation parents thought of as just good fun wine and dinner parties, we now know is problem drinking.

I haven't got to the point my poor, late mum did in her fifties. But I am nipping it in the bud before I get the chance! There was a trauma which also triggered my mum going from a functioning alcoholic (aka "enjoyed her wine oh what fun"), to unable to get out of bed without a drink. But the problem was there all along and it started before she had children when she was a student in the seventies, according to my dad who knew her when she was a heavy drinking student.

The thing is, I drink less than she did (even during the "jolly good fun" drinking days), but knowing what I do about alcoholism, I'm not taking any chances

Also isn't gin called "mother's ruin". I'm fairly sure that isn't a modern term! Not sure I'm quite understanding the wide eyed "oh but mummies never drank in my day" tbh. I'm pretty sure they did, it just wasn't seen as a big problem as long as the kids were well turned out and never missed school yada yada.

Anyway, I'm on day 24. Feeling pretty determined ATM 💪, but tbh, and maybe this is just me, but I feel as if this thread has taken a slightly weird turn. I don't think I'll post on here again. Absolutely nothing personal, but I'm getting a lot better at letting go of things which aren't helping me ATM. Good luck everyone with your af journeys

@GoodMuseNoBooze

I am sorry about your mum. Mine was anti drink as she had two alcoholic brothers (ex prisoners of war, drank to forget).
My youngest brother is dying of an alcoholic disease and I can't join him. I love my family too much.
@kindtomyself
I don't want my young adult children to be embarrassed by me anymore. Plenty of that when they were children. Once when they had to be rescued from my 'care'. Thank God I have never been as scuttered as that ever again but my son has never let me forget it! Twas 16 years ago!

i think the mums drink at the end of the day has become more and more socially acceptable. I don't recall my parents drinking much when i grew up in the 80s, maybe a bottle of wine with sunday dinner, but not every night. I think drinking was very much part of the ladette culture of my teens and 20s in the 90s and 00s, then as we have all become parents we have clung to the 'having fun' element of clubbing but indulging more often and more openly that previous generations. Drinking is becoming more and more socially expected! No one does anything now without a drink in hand. it has been quite revolutionary not having that concern even in the 2.5 short weeks since i committed to being alcohol free, I can do a dinner thing on a week night without having to think will i be able to function well enough to get everyone out to school the next day... early flight for a holiday - fine. It genuinely feels like the blinkers have come off and all of a sudden i can have my life back. Aside from the odd pang, I don't miss alcohol right now, just the odd thoughts about the future never having a drink trouble me occasionally. Buti think there will be a revolution in the health aspect just as there was for smoking in the next 15-25 years. At least i hope so!

Hangs head in shame....

So after over two months I fell of the wagon on Saturday.

Obviously still feeling crap even though I haven't drank again since.

There was no excuse , I attempted to go to the pub with my partner and drink AF beer ect.

So that lasted about half an hour 🤦

Anyway back on the wagon, day 4...

@ChampooPapi

I think blip. Someone kindly told me this earlier on. Made me feel better.

@ChampooPapi its only a wobble, quitting smoking i had a fair few wobbles, that was 15 years ago and i might yet have another one or two... although less likely if i don't drink!

@ChampooPapi
Use it, and learn from your slip up. What were the triggers? What do you need to do to protect yourself next time you are triggered? I'm not sure I could have coped with a pub trip after 2 months, luckily for me it was lockdown. Do you need to plan different types of outings for now? Avoid boozy contexts all together? What else do you need? More accountability? More support? A wider range of tools in your kit? And interrogate yourself. Were you really planning to stick to AF beer or was there a little part of you that was excited about an opportunity to drink?

It's a setback, but you are not back to square one, because you have learned a lot in the last 2 months. Use it.