Dryer than a Tena Lady - DJ2022 #2

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

New thread for those of us attempting Dry January.

Hi there, I've ducked out if the thread this weekend as I decided to break my dry streak. I got a bottle of rioja on Friday and had half Friday, half yesterday, it tastes delicious, but Friday night I slept badly, I woke up with a headache and felt jittery Saturday morning. Didn't stop me having the rest Saturday night though. Slept OK and felt OK today. I have decided to go back to dry today, had to send dh out to buy the forgotten horseradish whilst I cooked the roast though, as I couldn't trust myself not to get another bottle of wine to have with dinner if I had gone!

Morning everyone.
I hope you don't mind me joining you. Hoho mentioned this thread!

I get awful anxiety after drinking & I can't keep on feeling like that.
I'm currently in the post drinking super anxious phase! The feeling like I don't want to drink again phase.
So I guess I'm posting on here for support & accountability.
I want to break the cycle.
I'm really worrying about the social side & people's reactions to me not drinking. Which I know sounds ridiculous! And is nobodies business but my own.
I've always been a fairly outgoing person who enjoys a drink. But recently I just can't cope with the feelings of anxiety & shame afterwards.
I'm not a regular drinker as such, I'm a binge drinker on a night out kind of person. So I can go weeks without a drink, but then a night out & it's ridiculous.

I don't know you ladies but I feel ashamed of writing down exactly how I feel.

Is anyone else in the same boat?

Does it get easier with time?
The thought of not drinking again is odd. But I want to stop feeling the way I do.

Sorry for the essay! But thanks for reading if you got to the end!

Hallo @ERN79 , and welcome
I’m a drink at home , so not the same habit as you , however mine is also a habit that needs to change
If you’re in the right frame of mind, which it sounds like you are habits can be changed

I think you need a plan ( I like a plan and a list 👍)
When’s the next night out ?

And then think of all the good reasons why you don’t want to binge drink and ways to avoid getting caught up in it

If people ask why you’re not drinking ( and they probably won’t as they wont even notice ) say you’ve found it doesn’t agree with you

Buy your own drinks , don’t get caught up in buying rounds or accepting drinks from other people , then you can just get yourself a coke or tonic water ( or alcohol free koppaberg ) etc

Say you’re driving home / or driving early tomorrow morning and can’t risk alcohol because of drink driving

I’m sure other people will have tips ( the brilliant one upthtead was booking a hotel room , and slinking off early @FrugalFrancine I think it was )

Yes , it does get easier , you will feel so much better about yourself too

@H1Drangea

Hallo *@ERN79* , and welcome I’m a drink at home , so not the same habit as you , however mine is also a habit that needs to change If you’re in the right frame of mind, which it sounds like you are habits can be changed

I think you need a plan ( I like a plan and a list 👍)
When’s the next night out ?

And then think of all the good reasons why you don’t want to binge drink and ways to avoid getting caught up in it

If people ask why you’re not drinking ( and they probably won’t as they wont even notice ) say you’ve found it doesn’t agree with you

Buy your own drinks , don’t get caught up in buying rounds or accepting drinks from other people , then you can just get yourself a coke or tonic water ( or alcohol free koppaberg ) etc

Say you’re driving home / or driving early tomorrow morning and can’t risk alcohol because of drink driving

I’m sure other people will have tips ( the brilliant one upthtead was booking a hotel room , and slinking off early @FrugalFrancine I think it was )

Yes , it does get easier , you will feel so much better about yourself too

Hi! Thank you for replying.

I'd love to be able to just have one or 2 but I'm just rubbish, I'm either on it or I'm not... 🤦‍♀️

I'm meant to be out on Friday but just to the village pub, I can do that without drinking. Because I'm still extremely anxious & it's so fresh that I'm sure I can manage not to drink.
And can just pop for a couple of hours, then go.

The next big night out will be with my best friend in maybe 6 weeks time.
We always drink. I'm worrying what her response will be.
Also about not drinking & how the night would be without it? If that makes sense. It's a big part of our social life together.
We just go out as a 2, so I can't really do the buy my own, it's always a bottle... Or 4.

Writing it down makes it seem ridiculous, and if it was someone else writing this I'd just be saying look after yourself, Nevermind what others think. But it's not that easy is it!

I feel ashamed & guilty. But I've no reason to. I've done nothing wrong.
I hate this feeling.

I'm feeling determined to change, but also scared.
I've been posting about these feelings for a few years now & that's just stupid isn't it.

X

Hi @ERN79 and welcome to our little group. Please don't be ashamed here - there's absolutely no judgement. We're all on our own personal journeys.

Re: worrying what others will think of us not drinking. That's a tough one. Does anyone remember the Friends episode with 'fun Bobby' who became 'ridiculously dull Bobby' when he stopped drinking? That's what I'm scared of. I have deep seated insecurities and need to be liked.

It sounds silly but practice saying 'no' to alcoholic drinks to yourself before you go out - the words will come easier if you've practised them.

And for anyone who'd like a reminder. Here are my reasons for staying sober:

1. Physical health - undeniable
2. Mental health - again undeniable
3. Money - not only is alcohol expensive but drunk me likes to shop for things sober me knows I can't afford
4. Weight loss - drunk me loves snacking
5. Sex - my husband and I only can’t begin to count the number of times one of us has fallen asleep/passed out due to alcohol and missed the opportunity to have sex. We’re still in the honeymoon phase & want to have sex a lot. Sorry to lower the tone but it's a fact.
6. No more beer fear - we've all been there
7. No more hangovers - they get worse as I get older
8. No more risk of driving over the limit - either the next day or whenever
9. No more worrying about getting home from a night out

10. Setting a good example to my children

Hey, thank you.

I know I shouldn't feel ashamed.
It's just part of the hangxiety isn't it 🤦‍♀️

Yep I remember that episode.
I know what you mean, it's such an inbuilt thing isn't it. Drinks & the pub is such a 'norm' thing isn't it.

I want to be full of energy & not crippled with anxiety for a week after a night out. Its just not worth it.
It affects me & my family.

I don't want to feel this way regularly. Determined to make some changes!

Hi everyone. I've just had a browse through this thread (not for the first time) and I find so many of your words so relatable. I know I need to make a change. I don't drink every day, not necessarily even every weekend but when I do drink it's too much and I am left with crippling anxiety. Saturday past I just felt that I had to have a blow out- I barely remember a thing apart from arguing with DH when I got home and saying hurtful things to him. I feel ashamed. I remember staggering and slurring words while out, and although ppl say "it happens to the best of us" why am I always letting it happen to me? Inflicting it on myself? Anyway, I'm always full of motivation never to drink again when this happens then the weekend works round, I'll maybe have a cpl in moderation but the next weekend back to my old ways. I'm hoping checking in here when the urge comes at the weekend will help.

@lifesbetteraftertea

Hi everyone. I've just had a browse through this thread (not for the first time) and I find so many of your words so relatable. I know I need to make a change. I don't drink every day, not necessarily even every weekend but when I do drink it's too much and I am left with crippling anxiety. Saturday past I just felt that I had to have a blow out- I barely remember a thing apart from arguing with DH when I got home and saying hurtful things to him. I feel ashamed. I remember staggering and slurring words while out, and although ppl say "it happens to the best of us" why am I always letting it happen to me? Inflicting it on myself? Anyway, I'm always full of motivation never to drink again when this happens then the weekend works round, I'll maybe have a cpl in moderation but the next weekend back to my old ways. I'm hoping checking in here when the urge comes at the weekend will help.

I could've written this!

Hopefully checking in on here will help us stick to our plans.

Good luck!

Yes, twas I who passed on the genius tip of getting a hotel room for nights out! I think my question now when I get asked to go out is; will I enjoy this sober? If not, why the hell am I going somewhere I will only enjoy if I'm a bit pissed?! Turns out I hate Big Nights Out. Who knew ?

Also, yes, I drink at home but nights out are where I get drunk. I drink like a pig. I am probably the sort of person older generations would have thought awfully rude to be the one guzzling all the wine at a dinner party for example. It isn't pretty, on reflection. This is why I don't moderate. The inner booze pig would be screaming to neck it and get another round in. So zero tolerance is the best policy for me

lifesbetteraftertea it wasn't until Christmas that I realised heavy drinking resulted in really high anxiety the next day. I can't believe it took me so long to connect the two. I had to increase my antidepressants back up the the max dose in November and I am now already reducing them a second time down to the lowest. Its like a month of no hangovers and medicating a bad day with alcohol has reset my way of thinking.

Yes. The thing that CREATES the anxiety - which is alcohol - is the thing that SOLVES that anxiety - which is alcohol. You feel anxious so you drink. And the MORE you solve your anxiety by having a drink, you will have EVEN MORE anxiety. It’s a humdinger.

To achieve permeant change I have found the trick is to break the loop of drinking when you feel anxious and instead to learn to feel the anxiety and not react with a drink. It can be hard to sit with anxiety but the more you practice it the easier it becomes.

Conversely, I have found that stopping drinking makes me slightly more anxious. I'm not a particularly anxious person and I didn't get anxious the day after drinking when I was drinking ... I did get drinker's remorse though. Now I feel slightly weighed down by things I need to get done. I can easily deal with this anxiety by going out and leaving all the things I need to get done at home. Trouble is, they are all there when I get back! I'm pretty good at getting stuff done but even better at going out and shutting the door 😬

Rant to finish that message by saying perhaps it takes a while for the anxiety to go away and that it gets worse before it gets better? How long did it take to see an improvement?

Rant = meant 🤦🏼

I don't know if it is strictly anxiety (which sounds like the shit version of strictly come dancing), but I definitely think this quote is true for me:

"Sobriety clears the air - and then there are all the other things, plain as day, needing to be dealt with".

So booze acts like a bit of a mask / sticking plaster for actual problems, so when you quit drinking or cut down a lot, the problems you've been managing to hide from are more visible. Makes sense to me anyway.

There is a bit here about alcohol and anxiety.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-and-anxiety

Yes, it temporarily makes you feel more relaxed and uninhibited. But those feelings are short lived. The withdrawal from it is longer and that's when you might get anxiety / 'hangxiety' (hangover anxiety)

Yes, I'll read that. I never suffered with hangover anxiety. I would feel physically ill but not anxious. I do know people who get terrible anxiety with hangovers so I'm not disputing it at all

Evening all, really pleased to see you've joined us here ERN. I'm back to dry after my hiatus on Friday and Saturday, already sleeping better. I have my first social occasion of 2022 on Thursday where drinking would be expected, but as I have work early on Friday morning I'm really hoping I will stay strong. I can already hear the wine witch whispering gently to me though, just 1 with dinner, just to be sociable. I hope they have becks blue to keep me steady.

Another day done ✅

@hohofortherobbers thanks for the invite.
Good luck for Thursday.

I'm still fairly anxious, sleeping rubbish & had a nervous tummy all week too.
The one night of excess on Saturday just doesn't feel worth this aftermath.
I'm trying to get over the anxiety. But this week has just been a write off, I've done nothing. Just wallowed at home. I'm out to work today so hopefully that will keep me busy & maybe reset my anxiety.

Morning everyone!

Morning everyone! Have you noticed how we're commenting on the number of days less now? I do still enjoy marking off the calendar on the app though. Day 39 here and apart from 1 day last weekend I've not been tempted at all. And noticing the plummet in DH's mood after he drank at the weekend has really been an eye opener. Though half term is looming and we're off to Butlins with the kids...that will be testing. If I fall off the wagon, so be it but I'm hoping I won't.

Well. I’ve just counted up @MyGhastIsFlabbered , and I think I’m on day 40 👍
So , I’ve had 2 glasses of wine in 40 days , and I could quite easily knock back 2 glasses of wine in 40 minutes in the old days

@ERN79 you said the next big , usually drunk night out is already in the diary .
Is it worth phoning best friend and saying you’re concerned about how drinking is affecting you , and make arrangements for dinner out ( or afternoon tea , a walk , cinema ) something different
You never know , she might be feeling the same , if not will at least be supportive of you

Popping in to say hello. I've realised I've only had two drinks on one day out of 40 also. So pleased!

I've counted and I've done 30 dry out of 37. Massive improvement for me and I'm pleased. Aim is to keep to around a bottle of wine a week split over 2/3 nights.

@H1Drangea nice idea, dinner would mean drinks anyway here! 🤦‍♀️
At the moment I've not confirmed a date for mid March, but will see what the plans look like.
I'm still not right from the past weekend yet. I've felt tired & anxious most of the week. It's rubbish. Zero energy to do anything.

@Dulsesunset @SantaMonicaPier well done guys. Good going!