Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

Morning everyone! I’m feeling more positive today, Day 10 for me which is unheard of! Double digits yay! I’m sleeping so well, I can’t believe how nice it is not you wake up at three in the morning filled with anxiety and regret.

*not to

Afternoon everyone! Day 13 today, nearly two weeks! Everyone's doing so well! I still can't believe how close I came yesterday, I need to use my sober journal more and write down how grateful I was this morning to be hangover/ anxiety free

Day 13 for me also. Had 0% freixenet last night! Weekend looming again! Starting to crave the vino again but do think I’ll manage the full month. Would like to go longer to then weekend and only have drinks at the weekend

I highly recommend pine train 0.5% IPA.

Good morning all! Hope everyone is surviving. Have a very busy day at work today and frankly am dreading the weekend and Friday night again.. I am sure the urge to 'reward' myself with a bottle of wine or two this evening is going to be very strong.

Me too. I’ve found it tricky the last couple of days. I had to be very strong to avoid the wine section in the shop! I’m still sober though which is amazing.

Day 14, how did I get here? No craving last night and slept so well!
I have two dilemmas now though. First the funeral on the 20th. Mil came over last night and she said the wake at the pub is just family (that's great and much better for me anyway) and she's ordered food for 50 people, 'so you HAVE to come.'
I've calculated and only family means there's about 20 people or less and it will be noticed if I keep going back to the car Also, her family are all extremely stiff upper lip and when it comes to funerals or weddings I think the adrenaline gets the better of me and I turn into a wreck. I don't wail but I literally can't stop crying and I don't want his family to think I'm dramatic. Even at my cousins wedding, who I absolutely detest I balled my eyes out

Second one, On the 22nd is a joint meal for fil 's 70th and my husband's birthday. Normally I would get through this with alcohol because of my agoraphobia. She wants us to drive bil and his girlfriend. This would be fine but I wanted to get there 10 minutes early to do my 'checks', basically how many steps it takes to get back to the car, where the toilets are and making sure I know my route out. Bil and his gf will think I'm a fucking nutcase if I do this infront of them!

I have to go, I think mil thinks I hate fil (because I haven't been to their house for five years) and she was pretty stern when she told me about it. I know I don't have to go but it will look awful to her. I really love her and don't want to hurt her feelings. Plus she'll still need support after the funeral two days before. I've feigned illnesses every time she's organised something for five years, including this xmas at her house, so it won't wash. She knows I have anxiety but not the severity. Telling her isn't fair putting something else on her so close to her mum's funeral.
Gaah, help!

They won't really comment on me not drinking and would easily accept dry January or antibiotics etc as long as I'm there. My problem is being there without having a panic attack. I turn into a shaking, dizzy mess and fight or flight kicks in

Day 1 today.

Suffering an awful hangover. Anxiety through the roof. Failed dry jan. But I start today and hope being part of this thread will keep me on the straight and narrow

Welcome @Giviningup! I'm glad you found us. If you read through you'll see a lot of us have felt exactly like you, and still do! I'm 2 weeks sober today, I don't know how. This thread has been really educational too, especially @MissConductUS telling us about the effects of alcohol on brain chemistry etc.

@MinnieJackson
Thank you. Well done on 2 weeks, I already cannot see myself going 14 days. It is so daunting to me even though I really want to do it.

Hi @Giviningup and welcome. You can do it. This is a lovely supportive thread. Be kind to yourself

@MinnieJackson this sounds really hard. Do they know about the agoraphobia? Could you tell them, I know you don’t want to heap worries on them but it may help them understand? Are you worried that if you go you will end up drinking to try and ease the anxiety?

Welcome @Giviningup. This is a great thread - really supportive and we have resident experts in MissConductUS and Brightspice and SoberMornings.

Day 16 for me. I try not to think about forever - that always got me before. I just think about today and about finished January and then maybe finishing 100 days if I can and then who knows what the future holds. When I wake up in the morning now I think for a minute or two about how well I feel. How I don't feel embarrassed or ashamed of anything (even if that thing was just falling asleep at 8pm), that I'm not worried about what dh will say to me, that I read my book and then had a good night's sleep (the good night's sleep took a week to achieve). Then when I feel like pouring a glass, I think forward/back to those morning moments. I also think positively about my poor liver recovering. It must feel like it is on an all expenses paid holiday to the maldives not having to spend its time sorting out bottles of sauvignon blanc 24/7.

MinnieJackson, can you get something from the GP for your anxiety - even something extra to get through the funeral and the party? In the end of the day just remember that your sobriety and health is THE SINGLE most important thing for you and your family. That is your priority and if you offend MIL then someday you can explain but that isn't as important as you staying healthy and safe right now.

Thank you guys. Having a bad craving now aswell. I'm prescribed diazepam, maybe I'll double dose I am worried that I'll use alcohol to get through the anxiety, but I can't if I take my diazepam.

Urgh this is peak wine time for me, Friday logged off from work is usually fizz Friday. Can't decide whether to go and get some Nozeco to help me through. A little voice at the back of my head is telling me that my mental health is SOOO much better and a couple of little glasses of wine won't be a problem. But what if they are?! I started posting thinking I was off alcohol forever and now I'm wavering

@Bizzywater

Urgh this is peak wine time for me, Friday logged off from work is usually fizz Friday. Can't decide whether to go and get some Nozeco to help me through. A little voice at the back of my head is telling me that my mental health is SOOO much better and a couple of little glasses of wine won't be a problem. But what if they are?! I started posting thinking I was off alcohol forever and now I'm wavering

Sorry the Nozeco is on the wine aisle at the supermarket, opposite the real Prosecco

Welcome @Giviningup .. congratulations on day 1. You've got this. I am so exhausted.. 10 hours at work nearly killed me!!. Managed to go to Tesco on way home and not buy any wine. Minor miracle. it was hard. How's it going @moochies? Hope you are doing ok

Welcome @Giviningup so glad you found us. I knew you'd get a lot out of this thread. We're all at different levels and doing it for different reasons but above all the support is amazing! I've been invited round my friend's house tonight and she is on about 'having a glass of something'. This is my first real test as I would be ok having a glass or two but I don't want to have anything now. She isn't pushy or anything but I don't have a real excuse not to have a drink so I worry she will think I'm being boring or miserable . Gosh I'm 40 fgs!

Good luck @teaandtoastwithmarmite at your friend's house tonight. Let us know how you get on. Alcohol free beer for me tonight which I am quite enjoying

@firefly123

Good luck *@teaandtoastwithmarmite* at your friend's house tonight. Let us know how you get on. Alcohol free beer for me tonight which I am quite enjoying

Thank you. I know what to do now- I'll take some AF beer round

Good luck everyone with Friday evening. @Bizzywater I know what you mean about the Friday logging off time. Do you think if you go to buy AF you will be tempted by the real thing? Maybe make sure next week to already have some in the house?

I don’t know who I think I am giving advice when I’m only on Day 11, mind you!

I had a thought after the gym today that it might be nice to have a glass this evening but I know it would turn out to be at least a bottle and I really don’t want that. So I had a cup of tea, did a dog walk and now getting into the bath with some lime soda. Planning a nice meal and some good tv for this evening. Rock and roll

@firefly123

Welcome *@Giviningup .. congratulations on day 1. You've got this. I am so exhausted.. 10 hours at work nearly killed me!!. Managed to go to Tesco on way home and not buy any wine. Minor miracle. it was hard. How's it going @moochies*? Hope you are doing ok

I'm good thanks firefly, how are you doing? It sounds like you're all doing really well!

I must admit I'm really missing wine. I miss the taste of it, and we're having fancy pizza tomorrow so I'm trying to think of what to drink with it.

Not missing the anxiety or feeling suicidal after hangovers though! Are people starting to notice the difference in their skin/sleep?

@afaloren

Good luck everyone with Friday evening. *@Bizzywater* I know what you mean about the Friday logging off time. Do you think if you go to buy AF you will be tempted by the real thing? Maybe make sure next week to already have some in the house?

I don’t know who I think I am giving advice when I’m only on Day 11, mind you!

I had a thought after the gym today that it might be nice to have a glass this evening but I know it would turn out to be at least a bottle and I really don’t want that. So I had a cup of tea, did a dog walk and now getting into the bath with some lime soda. Planning a nice meal and some good tv for this evening. Rock and roll

I'm the same, I was toying with the idea of having a "glass" of wine tomorrow, in a rose tinted glasses way, because it wouldn't be a glass, it'd be a bottle and then probably some gin.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

Welcome *@Giviningup* so glad you found us. I knew you'd get a lot out of this thread. We're all at different levels and doing it for different reasons but above all the support is amazing! I've been invited round my friend's house tonight and she is on about 'having a glass of something'. This is my first real test as I would be ok having a glass or two but I don't want to have anything now. She isn't pushy or anything but I don't have a real excuse not to have a drink so I worry she will think I'm being boring or miserable . Gosh I'm 40 fgs!

You sound like you're still doing great too! I can't believe the difference in our posting after Christmas.

How are you feeling about carrying on after January?