Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

Thank you. How amazing you've done. I think I'm ruminating a bit and i feel guilty that I'm thinking about drinking (past and future), as if thinking about future events that might be hard and I feel that by thinking about drinking is the same a doing it

Thank you @MissConductUS I will consider that.

I’m just back from the gym, something that’s useful for my mental health and general sense of well being. I’ve been twice since kicking the booze after previously being too tired for months. I wonder why????

Day 10! Gosh really starting to think wouldn’t it be nice to have a glass of wine… been eating crap today now back at work! Had my end of year review Which went ok. I’ve been offered another job but if I hand in notice now I’d lose my share and bonus at end March. But the new job would give me an extra 10K! However my father is ill so I’ll need to have employment rights and be able to be flexible when he gets really sick! The new place have said they’d give me time off but also said I could keep in touch and if it’s not right for me now, with the growth they expect there be something later on in year! Sheesh!

Hey all, I've been lurking a while and following all your progress but not had the courage to post. I started AF on 2nd Jan but had a relapse on 5th (pathetic) so I'm on day 5. Prior to this my drinking had got out of control, weekdays and weekends. I'm on medication for mental health and finally realised that the booze was making things worse, not numbing me.

Has anyone else experienced night sweats? I'm wondering if it's the detox or something else.

Has anyone else experienced night sweats? I'm wondering if it's the detox or something else.

It's a very common symptom of alcohol withdrawal. Welcome, and congratulations on your 5 days clean. As I said earlier, a relapse is not a big problem if you don't let it go on for long.

@Bizzywater hi bizzy! Well done on your five days. I haven't had sweats but haven't been sleeping well. I got about five hours last night but I was more refreshed than I've been for a while.
I drank about twice a week but to excess. Were you drinking most days? I'm on meds aswell, seems foolish now, why was I taking an antidepressant/ anti-anxiety med, and then drinking a depressant

@Bizzywater Why re-start the count and be so hard on yourself? Does the work you did on 2nd, 3rd and 4th Jan not count as progress? I would definitely say it did.

[quote MinnieJackson]@Bizzywater hi bizzy! Well done on your five days. I haven't had sweats but haven't been sleeping well. I got about five hours last night but I was more refreshed than I've been for a while.
I drank about twice a week but to excess. Were you drinking most days? I'm on meds aswell, seems foolish now, why was I taking an antidepressant/ anti-anxiety med, and then drinking a depressant [/quote]
Over Christmas it was daily, prior to that probably 4 nights a week. 9/10 times a full bottle of wine and more on a Friday.

@MinnieJackson

aswell, seems foolish now, why was I taking an antidepressant/ anti-anxiety med, and then drinking a depressant

Same here. I realised the drinking makes me more anxious.

Hi @Bizzywater, welcome. Yes I had one day of night sweats early on too.. didn't think it was to do with alcohol withdrawal but guess it must be!! Have just eaten a whole packet of licorice allsorts!!!! Must be craving the sugar from lack of wine.

Good morning all. Hope everyone made it through the night with some sleep and not too much sweating!! I did make myself laugh yesterday re-reading my post talking about how I had night sweats 'early on' - bear in mind I have only done 12 days AF!!!!! Feels like a long time for me . Sending everyone positive vibes for today

Haha @firefly123 it does feel long doesn't it. Heading into day 11. The worst day of the year for me, my son would have been 6 today. Would have absolutely been a reason before to get shit faced, as would having a stressful day, feeling bored, anything! I owe it to my son to be the best mum I can be for his brother's and that means being a sober mum.
Didn't get much sleep, but I don't have a hangover and anxiety is at about 6/10, which is good for me. Happy sober Tuesday guys!

Morning all and well done for another day. @MinnieJackson sending you hugs. I can't imagine how hard it will be. What are you going to do today?

@MinnieJackson sending hugs and strength to you on this difficult day.

Thank you @teaandtoastwithmarmite @firefly123. Im going to the charity bookshop today armed with my eldest sons massive list and I'm going to get myself the biggest piece of cake they have! First time out of the house since the 1st. Let's see how the agoraphobia/ anxiety goes and if it has lessened, I'll report back!

Thinking of you today @MinnieJackson big un-Mumsnetty hugs and wishing you a peaceful day with lots of cake. You can do it.

I’m a week in! Feeling strong at the moment but fully aware the cravings will hit at some point. I devoured Girl Walks Out Of A Bar and now listening to Drinking: A Love Story.

No sweats here! Just itching which has now gone away! Thankfully but bit of a worry!

Sorry to hear Minnie Jackson of your loss. It must be tough losing a child.

Nearly half way for those just doing DJ!

Hi everyone and welcome @allafaloren - you sound very like me falling asleep on the sofa. But every now and then I would have a go at Dh or rant about something and my (young adult) kids were beginning to notice. Not a good look. And dh hated it - has always hated me drinking too much. It is day 13 for me and I am determined to keep going. My sleep is settled pretty well and I have identified my biggest trigger - cooking dinner and wanting to pour a glass. I've started pouring something non-alcoholic into a nice glass instead.

One of the things I've been thinking recently is how perfectly normal it is NOT to drink and how drinking being the norm is such a scam on us. My mother never drank a drop - dealt with every thing in her life, including the death of my dad, perfectly alert and aware and in touch with her feelings, good and bad. My dad had a pint maybe once a week. They had great fun and a lovely life. I was talking to my BIl the other day. He likes a drink and will go a bit all out on special occasions but isn't a drinker really (I can always spot "the thirst"). He was saying that he planned on giving up on Jan 15 until May 15 (he did it last year too and lost 30 pounds) but he is on antibiotics so is starting immediately. I realised it wasn't that big a deal for him - just giving it up so he gets thinner and healthier and no more thinking about it.

afaloren, I love Drinking: A Love Story. Her rock bottom wasn't exactly falling asleep on the sofa but she is so searingly open and honest and such a wonderful writer - utterly relatable.

@justforthis21 I’m really recognising myself in her kind of panic about how much booze there is and how much she will get and where the next drink is coming from. Especially in social situations it’s exhausting thinking about what to drink, how much to drink, trying to ensure nobody else notices you drink more than them, etc. If you don’t drink at all then there’s nothing to think about. It’s very liberating in some ways.

Hi everyone. How was today @MinnieJackson? Hope going out was OK. I am really struggling tonight thinking about not drinking EVER again. It's hard.. all my friends are big drinkers and my social life revolves around alcohol. How will I manage when I go out with them and tell them I'm not drinking.. it's difficult to imagine

Thank you for thinking of me @firefly123 I went in and stayed in, didn't retrace my steps or bolt back to the car. it's been years since I did that and it really motivated me thinking of being able to say on here that I did it, so thank you everyone.

I came out with ten books. Afterwards I could literally have drunk a brewery dry, I felt extremely flat and obviously sad, but I still would have been sad if I'd had a drink, probably cried, felt shit tomorrow, wasted money, so I didnt. I can't wait for bed today. I know tomorrow will be brighter. It's given me some confidence for the funeral on the 20th aswell, although the wake is in a pub, but I know no-one will mind if I need to just sit in the car.

I know what you mean @firefly123, I don't think I know anyone that doesn't drink I don't really have friends that I go out with but definitely pub regulars that we chat to in our local a lot. I never want to go to one of our regulars again. They start pouring our drinks when they see us walk in before we've even ordered. I think I could handle a lunchtime meal with a coke somewhere new though. It feels shameful to admit that I'm not going to be drinking again because I can't handle it or stop at one. Another bridge to cross when I get there I suppose.

I really want to get drinking - a love story but it's so expensive on Amazon. This post was really long, sorry about that 😂

@MinnieJackson well done. You are amazing.❤️

In terms of peoples’ reactions. You don’t need to tell them you’re giving up. At the beginning I just said I was having a break from drinking. Kept it breezy and changed the subject. People were good and no one commented negatively. People might surprise you. All my friends drink but it’s not affected my friendships at all. I’ve had 2 years AF now.

Well done on making it through a difficult day @MinnieJackson

I have already had a convo with my two best friends to say that I'm taking time off alcohol for my mental health and they have both (separately) been really supportive.

Can't remember who said it but yes cooking was/is a big trigger for me so put Nozeco in a nice glass and it felt ok. I didn't actually miss the alcohol bit

My message above is for @firefly123 too. The main thing has been not being judgemental. I just say it got to the point it was taking more than it was giving so I’m having a break. People ask if I’m never going to drink again and I just say “who knows” and change the subject!

Thanks so much for your messages. I think for now I just won't tell anyone. It's ok currently as they know I am doing Dry January... but I need to keep dry after that, hopefully forever. I have one very good friend who I think would understand that I was taking a break from drinking for my mental health too. We both suffer from anxiety so I think she would be supportive...