The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Woohooo!! Crumpets are on the next shopping list

@SparklingLime, was it you that once said "if in doubt, clean the bathroom"? I always remember it as a great way to distract from the 7 minutes of a craving! It's a great top tip for newbies. Gets you through a rocky bit and you get the benefit of a gleaming bathroom.

I can say with total confidence that it was not me, @Drybird2020! I do remember posting about not managing to get a sheet on my bed for a shamefully long time, however. That’s more my brand, I’m afraid.

Thanks, @breathmiller - my dad was a nightmare, but he was also more than that. It’s only now that I’m not having to deal daily with his difficultness that I’m remembering that.

I’ve listed to some Tara Brach in the past, including RAIN. I actually find mindfulness or meditation quite upsetting. The last place I want to be is the present moment! I’ve also read/tried some of Kristin Neff’s self-compassion work, but again find it so challenging. I need a therapist, but can’t find one that I feel OK making a proper start with.

Thank you, @iamyourequal. So hard on you not to have been able to visit. I think you have every right to feel sad and disappointed by your parents’ drinking behaviour. Thank you for the mindfulness link.

@behindhereyes, that is a wonderful to do with your daughter in mind. I hope her recovery is going well and the future healthcare plans go smoothly.

@Kindtomyself

Hello *@coodawoodashooda* welcome. It's a very supportive thread

Thank you!

@StopWineIng

Hi all. I have been a bit quiet. Mainly because I’ve been solo parenting due to DH working away and for some reason wasn’t getting notifications.

I’m ashamed to say I’m back at day 1. I am so annoyed at myself. I managed 27 AF days, many social situations, a party with friends I haven’t seen in 2 years and I let a stressful week and dr’s appt let me give in.

My biggest mistake was not telling DH I wanted to stop forever. I have been finding it so easy as won’t drink when he is away anyway as I worry if the DC’s get ill in the night I won’t be able to drive them somewhere. The youngest has not been sleeping so it has made it easy on weekends to not want to add to how awful the sleep deprivation is making me feel.

DH bought me up flowers and a glass of wine last night and I drank it without a second thought, it was only when I sat there after finishing the bottle I though what the hell have you done 😢

So anyway. I’m an idiot. But I’m grateful that I actually didn’t feel too awful this morning, even after being woken up 6 bloody times.

Day 1. Again.

Positives of being AF… clear head, clear skin, more patience with the kids, less anxiety, more energy and better sleep.

Welcome to all the new people that have joined since I last checked in and well done to all those staying strong. I have read back on all the missed posts and hope those with health concerns and scans are all ok.

I’m drinking Coke Zero, waiting for my DH to cook dinner and have downloaded the Allen Carr audiobook to listen to next week on my dog walks.

Loved your post - such honesty it was exactly the type of thing I'd do. But you're trying again - I'm new to this site and I love these threads. I thought it was only me feeling like this. Such positivity. Week 5 for me. Never thought in a million years I could do 5 days!! Thank you for sharing xxx

Hi everyone, I’ve been quiet this week as have been pretty busy, I’ve had a good catch up read and it makes me so happy to see your postings and that you’re all still doing great!

Tonight I’m going to the pub, but I am driving so to avoid any temptation. I’m feeling ok about it, confident and just genuinely happy to be social rather than thinking about what I’m going to drink!

I’m on day 39. I just feel lighter in a way (not in weight as I’m scoffing my way through the fridge in the evenings) but just abit free. I’m having evenings now when alcohol doesn’t enter my mind. I’m not thinking about it a lot. I was hunting for some nosecco in the booze aisles yesterday and had no temptation. I’m not going to be fooled into thinking this is going to last, but it’s progress to feel this even if next week I’m aching for it, because I know I can feel like that. If you see what I mean!

@wineaway well done for giving up after such a hard time, I’m sorry for your losses it must have been bewildering. I have lost my mum in the last few years and my dad has dementia. The grief and that mortality impact is hard to bear. Looking back I think that when I was trying to deal with it all I started drinking more and more, just to numb it all and it slowly got worse and worse. Well done for giving up.

@behindhereyes sorry to hear about your daughter, I hope she is doing well after her surgery. I think youve made a strong decision to quit in a trying time. Being fully present with her by avoiding alcohol is a brilliant thing to do, for both of you. It will also tap into all that gutsy, maternal, love that we have as mother’s which I think will help! Keep strong.

Thanks all for your kind words. We all go through trauma but numbing ourselves with poison will never help.

My version of cleaning the bathroom (though I like that one). Is drink a pint of water, clean my teeth & do a hundred squats. The moment passes.

Welcome to the thread @behindhereyes, I wish your daughter a full and speedy recovery, that’s great her operation went well.
I’m glad to see you found us too @blondystrying!

Pleased you like the mindfulness link @Adm1010 & @Kindtomyself.

@SparklingLime, I hope you don’t mind I had a little giggle at your post, as I could remember bits of the thread last year and knew it was unlikely the bathroom cleaning one was from you as I can remember you having bother facing the housework at the time. I can relate. I don’t usually mind cooking and ironing but housework is truly a chore, especially when all other lazy bods in the house would rather sit and watch than help. Every single room of my house is full of cobwebs at the moment and I don’t give a flying damn!
Enjoy your night in the pub @Kittenminion. I truly find Sat nights a struggle most weeks. Am on a Becks Blue now, with Nozeco chilling, trying to make the most of it. Have a good evening all and I’m really sorry if I’ve missed replying to anyone I can only post and see 1 page at a time on my phone and have a memory like a sieve.

BTW @Breathmiller. Scottish crumpets are most definitely not vegan, they contain milk and eggs. So be sure and buy the English ones. Sorry if you know that already!

Good on you @WineAway. I think I’d collapse at 100 squats!

I was laughing myself, @iamyourequal 😊 Your memory is actually amazing btw!

Checking in. No cravings now am back from hols but did eat a whole tin of peaches for no obvious reason. Relistening to You Left Early for millionth time. Night sober crew.

@HangingOver I've just finished that book. Very sad (understatement).

I feel terrible today, utterly wretched,I'm ashamed to say hungover. I actually think I might have alcoholic poisoning. I couldn't even keep sips of water down.

I can't go to the bar with people anymore, it's just too much pressure. I did so well about 30 days AF.

I just became overwhelmed by it all and I was not vigilant. Ended up coming home with black mascara running down my face as I had a drunk emotional meltdown with my friend, then poor DH had to put up with me. I then came home and carried on drinking until morning.

DH said one day alcohol will put me in a hole, I fear that he is right, I'm just so frightened.

It is evil stuff alcohol, I just didn't have an off switch last night.

I just felt so uncomfortable in the bar I'm going to have to stay out completely, I just find it hard and embarrassing trying to explain to people about my drinking problem.

And this stuff is supposed to provide pleasure.

@Touty - sorry to hear you’re in a bad place, but we are all human. To get to day 30 is great, that means you had 30 days with the benefit of no alcohol which is fab. Dust yourself off, put last night behind you and resume your AF life today- you can definitely do it.

@behindhereyes Your post really resonated with me, I hadn’t really thought about it before, but yes it’s great to feel free from the guilt that little things that happen could due to alcohol- they can’t be now!

It’s so helpful to read everyone’s posts, thank you. I’m only on day 10 now but off for week’s holiday tomorrow. DH thinks the odd glass of wine won’t hurt me, I am 100% determined to stay alcohol- free but I hope it doesn’t cause any tension between us, and I don’t really understand why he would say that tbh as he thought I was drinking too much too.

@Touty don’t hold onto the shame you feel just let it go . It’s happened and it all goes towards us learning what our triggers are and how to cope with them .

Morning all.
@Touty do not beat yourself up, self compassion is needed. Alcohol is a beast isn't it? Start again with Day 1. Be kind to yourself, alcohol will be causing a lot or all of the anxiety and shame and you're experiencing withdrawal but those feelings will start to reduce. You will start to feel better very soon I promise.

@GoodwoodRevival enjoy your holiday. Good on you for being determined to stay AF. You don't need to do what anyone else suggests so ignore your DH. As we know alcohol doesn't make things more fun.

@Touty can I echo what PPs have said. You did 30 days AF, there still a huge amount of pride you need to have from that. Pick yourself up, start again because you have proved you can do it. Maybe this is a really great learning experience. Whats the phrase "No mistakes, just lessons learned" And if you need to keep away from bars and pubs for now, then do that.

Hi, could I join please? I have been lurking for a while and have known my drinking has been a problem for years. I can go a few days but at the weekend I see it as my reward and go totally over the score as I don’t have an off switch. I suppose I’m a binge drinker. Wake up the next day hating myself and cannot function properly. I’m letting my family down and myself. After drinking 2 bottles of wine last Saturday I decided I’ve had enough, drinking alone. What is the point in that! I don’t know why I do it and yes the first couple of glasses are great but all downhill from there. I am trying to be kind to myself, nap a lot and have baths and some chocolate. I’ve been reading up a lot on the effects of alcohol on the brain as I’ve been feeling so flat and irritable but I know that’s normal. I just want to feel naturally happy again. Sorry for the long post. I hope I can join in and post to keep myself accountable as you all seem so supportive and very knowledgeable. Day 8. Hope you all have a lovely Sunday

@Choosingtochange welcome! And well done on day 8! Thats a great point to hold on to, whats does alcohol add to our lives? I have been thinking that recently when the thought of being AF forever overwhelms me. What did alcohol actually bring to my life? I can never find a positive.

[quote Sunflowersinthewind]@Choosingtochange welcome! And well done on day 8! Thats a great point to hold on to, whats does alcohol add to our lives? I have been thinking that recently when the thought of being AF forever overwhelms me. What did alcohol actually bring to my life? I can never find a positive.[/quote]
Yes I know what you mean, the forever word scares me as well but I'm honestly just taking it day by day. All alcohol brings me is a puffy spotty face, 3 stone overweight and wasted days with a topping of guilt and shame..great eh. Im looking forward to an Autumn walk with my DD then home to get organised for the week ahead. Can't remember last time I went to work on a Monday feeling like death so this is lifting my mood. I feel like I've been obsessively reading all the quit lit, so today im going to try and put it out of my head and just enjoy the day! Does anyone else get exhausted with thinking about drinking/not drinking all day?

Welcome @Choosingtochange. Congratulations on day8. Now you’ve got a weekend under your belt it will make the next one easier.
@Touty. I know you are so disappointed but I think almost everyone has some kind of slip up at some point. You can get back to it now knowing that at this stage in your life bars are not for you and to be avoided. Fresh start today and you can do this.
@SparklingLime, yes i have a funny memory (picked or sober lol). I remember lots of strange little details from past experiences. The other side is that, for example, I often can’t remember if it’s a hair wash day or not, and I wash my hair every 2nd day of life, so that’s disturbing!

@Choosingtochange Does anyone else get exhausted with thinking about drinking/not drinking all day?
Yes! It’s one of my reasons for quitting. It was relentless.

I think it was @Ulysses that described it as mental gymnastics and that's exactly what it feels like. Friday and Saturday night I felt pissed off and annoyed that it was the same mundane day like any other so just had early nights. I don't want to see alcohol as a reward or a treat as I know it's not but that's just the way it's been for years so I'm under no illusion that I need to change this mindset. Thank you for the well done messages. This feels like a great space to open up as we are all on the same journey and I've not told anyone else just yet officially as I always fail. So thank you. Hope to get to know you all better