The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Hi @Choosingtochange nice to meet you and welcome. It's a very supportive thread and I've found it so helpful in my journey. In answer to your question 'Does anyone get sick of thinking about drinking?' (think I have summarised there but hopefully it means the same ). Yes I used to think about when I could have one, when would be an acceptable time to have a beer/wine, could I have another one after the one I'm drinking? Blah blah. Then I stopped drinking and other things happened- I read loads of quit lit, read all the messages on the freedom threads. I found it emotionally difficult at first and was probably thinking about drinking all or most of the time but waking up without hangovers, starting to see a more balanced me. Now, I don't think about alcohol as much (I'm 36 days AF) it's still around in my head but I've been thinking about it for 20 years or more so I don't expect it to disappear just yet.
However, I feel so much better, calmer and proud. I don't worry about what I said or did/or didnt do.

I've got a big bruise on my arm just noticed it in the mirror, I have no idea how I did it but I know I wasn't drunk and that made me smile

I've got a big bruise on my arm just noticed it in the mirror, I have no idea how I did it but I know I wasn't drunk and that made me smile grin

Oh god yes, how nice knowing that you didn't do it because of drink and thats why you don't remember. Also for me shamefully, I bruised terribly because of how much I drank. Thats how bad I was. I used to lie to myself and say I always brushed easily. That wasn't true ofc. How much I used to lie to myself.

I have a cold kicking my bum a bit today. But instead of making it worse and drinking through it, I have done some gentle yoga, hot bath, herbal tea and healthy food and feel like I can cope

I watched Louis Theroux Drinking into Oblivion today. Very good by the way.

Day 10, I can't believe it.
Under no impression that it will be easy to stay on the straight and narrow but it's a start.
Have lost the bloated face and my thoughts are now my own (not the paranoid rubbish I have when drinking).

Sleep patterns improving.

I have wobbled a few times and feel bored.

I don't tend to read quit lit as it makes me think about alcohol which then starts a conversation with the vodka witch.

Strangely, there can be a house full of alcohol but I am never tempted. Only vodka.

Sorry for long post. Hope that I have the willpower to continue. If/when I do fail then I like to think it will be a blip and will start again at day 1.

Support and strength to all of you and thanks for sharing your experiences. It's great to discuss problems with people who understand and with no judgement.

Thanks @Sunflowersinthewind I was having a wobble (surely one glass won't hurt - it's been a lovely weekend and that would just finish it off). I saw your post about the Louis T programme and decided to watch it again. I did see it before and remember thinking that my drinking was moderate and it really validated by sense of me being 'ok'. Today made me realise that it's not a race to the bottom FFS and alcohol is evil! Tea brewing, wobble done ✔️

Checking in 🙌

Checking in .

Which channel is the Louis Theroux programme on?

I watched it on Amazon Prime for 1.99 but @SoberSept21 might have found it for free?

I remember watching it the first time round too and thinking oh I'm not that bad, but now I watched it thinking here by the grace of God tbh

@Adm1010 I found it on Vimeo - definitely worth a watch

Thankyou I’ll give it a watch x

Been watching squid game tonight with my parents . Actually really enjoying it

Thank you so much for all the kind and encouraging messages. So nice to have found such a supportive group who understand just where I'm coming from. I don't talk to anyone in real life about my struggles with alcohol so it's nice to have a place to be honest.
@Kindtomyself I can totally relate to the bruising too! I love being able to be guilt free about that now! Guilt was such a huge part of everything that I love being free from.
My daughter is doing better and better after her surgery every day. Tomorrow is staples out and I'm not sure if they are going to discuss the biopsy results or not then too. I keep having thoughts that when the stress of it all is over I'll allow myself a nice drink for a reward and I have to stop myself and remind myself that that will achieve nothing but set me backwards again. It's hard to retrain your mind that "rewarding" yourself with a drink isn't a reward at all.

How do you manage no longer having the ritual of alcohol in your life?

@coodawoodashooda I try to fill the time when I usually want the first drink with either making myself busy with something, like laundry folding or an email to distract me. And also I let myself have a lovely hot chocolate with whipped cream on when I sit down to watch tv, when I would have always had a glass of wine. I used to never let myself have hot chocolate and cream because of the calories but I decided that I'm saving a lot more calories than that with no alcohol now and so that's my new treat. I know it's not the same but it helps to have something in my hand and something to look forward to. It gets easier as the days go by too.

So as some of you may have guessed I fell (a little spectacularly) off the wagon. I had the last cocktail my girlfriend sent me on Thursday, hubby bought a bottle of gin, polished it off in 3 days.

We then had some sparking as well and I’m trying to build myself up to getting back on the NA bandwagon.

Morning all.
@Sunflowersinthewind yes I've realised how much I lied to myself too, it feels so freeing and far less complicated now. I haven't watched Louis T programme but will do, after your post I googled it and ended up on one of the Twitter pages of a bloke called Joe who was featured in the programme. Sounds like he's having a tough time .

@Nobloodymor I personally don't think going alcohol free is about willpower but more about a change of mindset, realising that it doesn't benefit me just makes me feel crap. Not sure if that's helpful but thought I'd mention it.

@behindhereyes oh yes guilt free is a wonderful thing. So pleased to read your daughter is getting better and better. What an amazing gift you are giving her by just being present and there for her.

@coodawoodashooda I find myself having baths, reading, walking, yoga, reading this thread, cooking, duolingo, cinema, planning trips, days out. Just generally being more present for my children. I was always in such a rush ie stressed out but feel much calmer now. What do you like doing? It's an opportunity to do stuff!

@newmum29 hello, nice to 'see' you again. Is it Day 1 for you? If so you can do this

@coodawoodashooda much the same as kindtomyself, I have substituted alcohol with yoga, bike riding, I have got more into cooking and try to cook healthy meals each day, I did a bit of drawing in the first week as kept my hands busy. I have more energy so do little jobs round the house. I drink A LOT of herbal tea and now have a bizarre herbal tea roster for the day. I also have started eating a bit of sweet food which I never did before but as PP said, all the calories I had through alcohol was far more.

@newmum29 welcome back, wel done for coming back and you can do this.

Also I have been thinking it really helps me to call it alcohol, not wine (or gin, beer etc) as "ooh I fancy a nice glass of alcohol" sounds a little unappealing tbh

@Sunflowersinthewind oh yes that's a very good point to call it alcohol definitely less appealing

@Newmum29 back on the horse . It’s all about learning triggers and getting tools to deal with them . Don’t be hard on yourself

Does your DH understand what you’re trying to do, @Newmum29? Cos I’d find it really hard, especially early on, with gin and bubbly coming into the house.

Morning everyone

For me it's important not to add to my triggers. So, if going to the pub is a massive trigger I would avoid for the time being at least. If having a certain drink in the house is a trigger then don't. Although, I am lucky that dh doesn't drink wine and I know I would have found that really hard. There is alcohol in the house but nothing that is too triggering. Sometimes I do feel I could possibly have something in and not be tempted by it - most of the time. So I just don't have it in for those times where I might think "fuck it". There's no point in making this harder than it needs to be.
You can always readjust as you get stronger. I didn't go visit friends at the beginning where they were my major binge drinking buddies. They were people, who I care deeply about but don't see very often these days, it would be 2 or 3 times a year where we would meet up and it would be a drinking fest like in our youth. I just avoided these situations until I was able to join in again but happily not drink. Lockdown helped of course.

The thing is that sometimes it's a trigger you're not expecting. But just avoid them as much as you can until you can start dropping these situation in, in a small way to see how you go. I still have a particular drink I try to avoid being around (red wine) and just try to pretend it doesn't exist. I wouldn't have any in the house. Not worth the risk, however small.

I love the idea of renaming it alcohol. As soon as I read that word in that context, I instantly thought of my chemistry class at school and smelly chemicals and ethanol and gases and stinking bunsen burners and test tubes. Euuurgh. Not quite so appealing then. It's a good way to reframe this. Thank you.

I am feeling a bit sorry for myself. A much needed break from work for a week and I have covid and I feel like shit. Had a bit of a cry on dh's shoulder this morning. Just literally came out of isolation while the kids had it then dh and I got it. So week 3 being stuck at home.

Poor DS10 , at least DS18 can go to college off his own back now he is out of isolating but DS10 is stuck on his half term at home with two isolating parents. And he is bored.

Although, I am worried about the older one at college as he has a few things going on and had a panic attack when he came home on Friday which I'm worried could trigger a seizure - he has epilepsy.

I just have so much going on at the moment, and have done for a bit and it just feels a bit relentless. House is in chaos, still no heating, work is ridiculously busy for terrible wages, I can't see my mum in a nursing home half the time, or my pregnant daughter as much as I'd like. The studying I'm doing is really challenging and still dealing with a narcissistic arsehole on the course who seems to be hellbent in making my life as unpleasant as possible. One of my best friends has a particularly bleak cancer journey at the moment and my dad just phoned me to say he's most likely got skin cancer. My step dad is crabbit with me because he doesn't feel I'm supporting him enough as he struggles with my mum and a house move. And, I'm trying to juggle all this while going through a terrible menopause. Can't seem to catch a break. I am done in! Which means my own health is taking a battering at the moment, physically and mentally.

Anyway, I didn't mean it to be such a pity party for 1. I kind of thought in amongst all my woes , I can be grateful, proud and pleased that I'm not adding horrible foul tasting alcohol to the mix. So, I thought I'd post here to remind me I'm not completely crap at everything.

Translation for the non-Scots
crabbit - grumpy, miserable bastard!

Oh, @Breathmiller, that is so, so much to be dealing with. And Covid on top of everything else is such shit. You are fabulous for staying AF and fabulous for all the wisdom and support you share on this thread. Sending hugs and hope something shifts soon x x

Breathmiller- what a huge load you are dealing with, I’m so sorry to read all that. Hope it was cathartic getting all down here and may help you to slowly move through it all.
Take care of your health first and foremost- keep hydrated and eat some tasty grub. Leave any crabbits to one side for now - you sound like the strong capable one who people turn to for support. Might be the week to just hunker down and concentrate on self care.
Deep breath and make some tea 💐

@Breathmiller...I'm not sure what to say. You have so much going on. You have the right approach with not drinking and eating healthily, you need to look after yourself. Are you having treatment for the menopause? Are you able to have treats for yourself? You probably just need to have some quiet time as a start - Movie at home with DS? Can older DS take his brother out one evening after college? Or is there someone who could have your DS over for a play?
What's going on with this narcissist? Is it a yoga course? Is the course leader aware of the crap going on?
Sorry to hear about all the other stuff, you sound exhausted . I wish there was something practical I could do to help