The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

[Breathmiller]

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

Thanks everyone
I do feel better for having written it all down actually. I am just feeling sorry for myself. It just all gets a bit much sometimes and you're right I'm the one who is often there sorting it all out. But not always.

To balance out my whinging moan I am very lucky too. A job I love, a lovely supportive dh, great relationship with all my kids and a home (okay, it needs a bit of work but it's a lovely home).

I do think I need a month's retreat where I can just get back to basics. Just some headspace to think what I need. I used to go on a silent retreat once a year for a week and it used to reset me. Due to one thing and another I haven't been for a few years. Maybe it's time to go again.

Kindtomyself these are lots of good ideas to think about and unpick. Yes, it's a course for my professional development and the tutor who has been my mentor for years knows and is supportive.

I am waiting on a small procedure to help with my symptoms of the menopause. I had quite a few investigations this summer (my summer holiday) for uterine or cervical cancer but thankfully everything came back negative. It was a worrying time though I suppose. It all starts to add up doesn't it?

I feel I have held space for many people through the therapy work I do, I have just made the professional gaff of forgetting to make sure I look after myself

You have done something . You've all listened. I do feel a bit better now, thank you

Day 11

After a 30 year alcohol dependence problem I have managed to get to day 11 by sheer, bloody willpower.
I do feel better but it will take a lot longer to change my mindset and not react to my triggers.
Good luck all.

@Breathmiller glad you feel a little better getting it down .

I’m white knuckling at the minute! Had a horrible shouty row with my husband ( both hot headed and lost our tempers ) anyway it seems my trigger is rows!!! I’m white knuckling the seconds at the minute so I don’t go and buy alcohol! It’s bloody hard .

Hello!

Can I join please? Just starting out (again).

@Breathmiller, thank you for taking over the threads. I was on an older one a while ago and they are just great. So thank you. Also, so sorry to hear all the shit you're going through. Very unfair and I hope you do catch a break soon.

@Breathmiller I'm glad you are feeling better having written it down - what a lot to deal with and I so admire your for your supportive words on here while you have a lot going on.

@Adm1010 I hope the row is now a memory and you were able to vent by going for a walk or something

@Sunflowersinthewind I love the idea of re-framing it as 'alcohol'. I work for the NHS and I've seen more alcohol gel than I ever imagined and so I'm going to think of the stinky, gloopy stuff rather than the cold, crisp glass of wine I imagine at the moment. Thank you

Thanks everyone. I was trying to think what I could do to get out of my funk. I have felt pretty rotten today with covid and been in bed all day. Spent far too much time on mumsnet (although whiled away an hour or two on mumsnet classics which was amusing) so I sat up and put my headphones in and listened to Desert Island Discs podcast- Keith Richards. It was fab and I did some more knitting of my soon to be born Grandson blanket. There was something funny about listening to someone like him on such a thing as Desert Island Discs and knitting! Made me laugh. I'm so rock and roll these days.

I then found a Buddhist meditation on my kindle that I had forgotten about and found it so soothing.

It was talking about anger actually adm101 . Has it dissipated? Can you sit with it? I actually felt anger earlier today too. It's a normal feeling. And feelings pass. Just watch it be there, how does it feel? And let it pass when it's ready and watch how that feels. Feel free to ignore my ramblings if they're not for you. I'm talking to myself as much as anyone 😊

Thank you for all your support today, folks. It can be hard to admit when things are difficult and ask for help. But this space feels very safe and kind. I'm very glad to be in it.

Oh yes SoberSept - a nice mouthful of gloopy handgel with your dinner? No, ta.

Checking in. Day 10. Have quite a few pages to catch up on as we’ve had a very busy long weekend and my non sleeping baby is now a poorly baby. DH is away again this week so another busy one ahead for me but it keeps me AF!

Hope you’re all ok. I will catch up on the thread in the next couple of days x

Yes ! @StoppedWineIng day ten! You got straight back on it , an inspiration to anyone who has a slip up. Sorry about the baby, it's the season of runny noses, my twins are 11 months and it has been spectacular the last week, the dribbling, the nose, I will be very please when teething and colds don't happen simultaneously. How old is yours?

And night all sober people 💤 checking in and checking out for the day, already horizontal this end

[congas across thread in the nude waving sparklers and throwing sweets]

Lads guess who is on DAY 500!!!

Oh my god @HangingOver!!!!! [Jumps into conga line, picks up all the sweets and surreptitiously cram them all in my face]. What an achievement!!! Amazing

She has just turned 6m @ChampooPapi

I think that’s our problem too, teething and this nasty virus. She NEVER naps but has slept all day. That’s how I know she’s really not right. She’s such a happy baby too but has been very unsettled today.

My 27m old gives her all the germs from nursery 😩

@HangingOver that’s amazing!! Well done!

Hi, just checking in.

@behindhereyes hope your daughters app went well today

@Breathmiller you have so much on your plate at the moment and I hope you feel better soon. Make sure you make time for you, just to replenish yourself, you can’t help anyone else if you are on your knees. Do you think you can make time to go on a retreat? (I think it was you that mentioned this) Sounds like it would do you a world of good to have that time, peace and contemplation.

I’ve struggled abit the last two nights. Last night the wine witch arrived as I was relaxing and cooking dinner. Today was hellish and stressful my cat is very seriously ill and at the vets now. He may not make it, I have found today very distressing and upsetting and I wanted that wine oblivion. I even said it to my husband, I want wine tonight. He questioned that and I said it was fine that I could moderate, done 41 days, broken my habit yadayada. He said we would have a glass with our dinner, I said I wanted to wait until later after I’d had the vets update. Thankfully that gave me the time to reconsider. I thought about feeling tired and groggy in the morning, about how I would probably keep drinking and not come back to this thread. I reminded myself how good and positive I’ve been thinking. And I realised that if I started drinking again I’d have less money to pay the expensive get bills! Phew, that was a close miss.

I’m getting me some of that squirty cream for hot chocolate tomorrow, that’s a good idea for a substitute reward drink. I also enjoyed the nosecco when i tried it last week. Having it in a proper glass made it feel special too. It’s amazing how our brains need these alternatives to help fool the habitual desires.

@Newmum29 come back and start again

A nude conga with sparklers and sweets is just what I need!! I'm hanging on to the end!! Wooohoooo!!! 🎉🎊💃 Fab news hangingover

kittenminion
I am so sorry to hear your cat is poorly. It's horrible. Crossing everything that he pulls through tonight. They don't half attach themselves (sometimes with their claws) to our hearts don't they? Well done at noticing the draw to alcohol but avoiding. These thoughts do pass. It's riding them out at the time is hard sometimes. Let us know how he is. Here for a handhold.

Yes, I think I might go next year for a retreat. My friend who is going through treatment at the moment is also a yoga teacher and we usually go together. We plan on doing a wee yoga road trip in the spring when she is hopefully through all this to see our other two yogi teacher friends who usually join us on retreat. Now, that's something to look forward to.

Morning all.

@Breathmiller I'm glad that you felt a little better, you do need to remember to look after yourself as well as everyone else. I'm going to listen to Keith Richards on Desert Island Discs soon because that sounds brilliant and you're right listening to it in bed whilst knitting is so rock n roll!
I think I'm very naive but I was surprised that a yoga teacher could be narcissistic and mean to others but then realised that I guess all sorts of personalities must get involved. Interesting that you mentioned about Buddhist meditation because I have been considering going along to a session near me, I've never done it before. Your yoga road trip sounds fabulous.

@Kittenminion sorry to hear about your cat, I hope it's pulled through and yes get yourself some squirty cream.

@Adm1010 I hope you're ok after your argument.

@HangingOver congratulations on Day 500 total inspiration. I've read the threads from the beginning and it's amazing to read where you are on your journey.

Right off to wake my dd up. See you all later, hope you have lovely days

Day 80 checking in 🙌

@SoberSept21 and @Breathmiller it came out of the blue!! We were working together on something to do with his work , he was getting frustrated at something ( not me ) and let a big sigh out and I just snapped!!!

Totally out of the blue and cause he was frustrated he snapped back and we both flared up . Totally fine now and apologies were made but I stayed angry and upset all day!! Like proper crying angry . At about 4 ish I was sobbing and virtually thinking I might have to tie myself up to stop me going to buy booze!!

Anyway it passed . He went and bought me a family sized tiramisu and I pigged out on that after tea. Watched telly and had an early night . Still no idea where all that anger came from!!

@HangingOver what an achievement!!! Well done

@Kindtomyself morning!! Sorry meant to tag above . Have a lovely sober day x

This is such a positive thread. I didn't at all intend to join but can't particularly think of any reasons why i want to keep booze in my life. I love the idea of a clear head and fresh face forever and ever. How long before the glowing complexion kicks in?

How long before the glowing complexion kicks in?

Do you smoke as well? For me I kicked the fags just after the booze... Turns out I don't have adult acne, it's just smoking is really unbelievably bad for you

@coodawoodashooda I’m just over five weeks sober , whilst I don’t have a glowing complexion I am certainly less bloated in the face and definitely look fresher .

@blondystrying only just managing to catch up on some of the recent posts, baby napping on me and I’ve given up on trying to put her down so I’m just sitting here for a bit! Thank you for your message, well done on getting to 5 weeks (almost 6 now) that’s amazing 👏