Mindfulness, Moderating and Not Texting In The Kitchen !

[Amdone123]

Morning all..hope you're all ok. Well I had busy weekend. I didn't quite stick to my plans : I drank Friday evening ( didn't eat), and drank last night, too. I don't feel great today but I am looking forward to having a break. I know I want to get back to being af and all its benefits.
I was thinking that I am able to stay in and not drink. My next step will be going out and not going mad !

@Hohofortherobbers id see half a bottle as a win, if DH has lager and I have wine I will always drink more as it’s nice and I don’t want to stop, whereas if we share a bottle we have half each and stop (although I seriously begrudge him his share, how bad is that?)

Hi@Billybagpuss wow I would love to give all that up? Have you lost weight ? My main motivation is to lose weight but also not lose my mind! I was on the thread earlier about fighting with H and all sorts of problems causing problems and it all stemmed from my getting drunk and hormonal! I hate it. I abstained for so long at times months and fe good but always go back to it but go back to it hard. Funny you mention the wedding as my son is only 8 but I'm already thinking about not being able to toast at his wedding with champagne what is wrong with me he might not even get married! But that is amazing and I get the remorse of heavily drinking before to motivate you. Happened at my cousin's wedding he had 2 parts to the wedding 1st part completely bad verbally abusing everyone and falling over, 2nd part of wedding I drove. This thread is really nice as there's no judgement at all. There was a thread I was on and I've got to say most were so so nice but it was the few who were like don't mention moderating otherwise it will kill us and basically you aren't welcome if you moderate or try to moderate. Anyway sorry ranted on a bit. I only drank Saturday and Sunday. So haven't had any yesterday and not planning on having any until Saturday I think anyway.ha

I need to join you all. I've gone from an infrequent drinker to someone craving a glass of wine as soon as I've finished work. Since January my drinking has increased to the point that a day without it is rare and I often polish off a bottle of wine every evening, sometimes more than a bottle.

Until this year I used to laugh about how often I did dry January without noticing. I'd enjoy a bottle of wine over a couple of days every month or two. I'm not sure what's happened. Nothing traumatic, I'm happy in my relationship, it's just turned into a habit that by the time I'm about to get home I start really craving a glass of wine.

Hi @Soberoct I did lose weight, around 4.5 stone it actually took me by surprise. I’m still borderline obese but I’m active and happy. I can relate to what you say about the champagne at the wedding, I really beat myself up over having wedding cake, as it was I didn’t and didn’t miss it. I have the same worries about giving up alcohol, not having wine at Christmas etc.

I read so many threads on here where moderation doesn’t work and abstention is the only way, then others that I am the definition of a functioning alcoholic, drinking too much at weekends, drinking daily in the holidays. I do want to cut down and I want to be able to stop at parties. Most weeks I have several days AF . I do find that it is just having a glass of something, but water doesn’t always work.

@onemoreforme , hi and welcome. Sounds like it's just crept up gradually, which happens to the best of us, I think. I wonder if you crave a glass or just what it represents - end of day relaxation/ reward type thing. I have never had any physical cravings for wine, but more mental.
What do you want to do ? Do you want to have a break or just have a bottle a week say ? Earlier this year, I got into the habit of 1 bottle a week. I did quite well, I seem to remember. My friend was amazed I was finally adhering to government units recommendation.
@Billybagpuss , my dh doesn't drink much but I love cooking and will ask if he wants wine or water to go with my creation. Sometimes I'm willing him to say water.

Thanks @Amdone123 good questions, none of which I've thought about. I've been lurking on these boards for a while trying to decide what to do. I know that 5/6 bottles of wine (and the occasional beer!) a week just isn't a healthy place to be and I've known for a while but it seemed so unbelievable that I could have a problem with alcohol. I've just had a particularly heavy weekend of drinking with friends who were staying over. I felt a bit fuzzy but nothing too bad, they felt like death and kept repeating how they drank more in two days than they had in the last 3 months. I've always been the light drinker in our group so it's made me more conscious than ever.

I'm a creature of habit so I think a big part of it is the association between getting home and drinking my first glass. The most problematic part is that once I start that glass, I can't seem to stop. I get a taste for it and want more, even when I've told myself I'll just have one. I think I need to start with some alcohol free days and only drinking outside of the house to break the habit. We don't go out out often and I don't drink with food so there are fewer opportunities to get drunk, though of course this weekend is the first night I'll be out in London in 3 years 🙄

Eventually I hope to get in the habit of a bottle of wine being a treat every once in a while, like it used to be.

It's interesting what you say about once you get a taste, you can't stop. I'm certain I've read somewhere there's a reason for this. I can't remember the reason but someone here will know. I don't think it's a case of having no willpower or anything. Apologies if I'm waffling. I've just been babysitting my neices and my head's spinning !
Actually, it might be Annie Grace who said it, which is weird because I was going to suggest you try The Alcohol Experiment, 30 days, Annie Grace. It's free, you get daily chats, e mails, etc and there's a forum to chat with others. It might be the start you need to get out of the habit.

Just catching up, @Billybagpuss that's an amazing weight loss jeez that would be my dream even 2kg! Lol but I know what I have to do but still od it...same goes for wine! So there's me all pumped up oh I won't drink all week and then we bloody went for dinner last night with the children and I wasn't planning on if and the seed hadn't been planted nothing just my husband saying oh I fancy some red (normally he only drinks weekends ) so we shared a bottle with food. I really didn't feel any remorse and stuff just enjoyed it. @onemoreforme what you wrote omg I could have written it! One of the reasons I'm on these threads is because I was doing exactly the same as you bottle a night and then not knowing when to stop! Might try reading AG book again the naked mind....before when I'd fallen off the wagon I'd feel mortified especially on the abstaining threads but feel here is a safe space x

Also @onemoreforme that is me too about the home drinking..I tried only drinking beer and I tried only drinking when I was out which I have done to be fair for the last 2 weeks bar last Sunday so I think things are improving. If I wasn't working I would be thinking about it from waking up and starting earlier and earlier. Awful. Let's hope to a sober day today and my plan is Saturday now..for real! @Hohofortherobbers how are you?

Morning all, I was fancying wine last night but had tea.

@Soberoct there is a page on fb called rebel fit that I find similarities with your post which is like the alcohol version of food and diet. The premise of this page is if you fancy the cake, eat the cake, overeating is a mental state of mind and using it as a stick to beat ourselves with makes it work. So last night, you went out with DH , you enjoyed a bottle of red together, then you stopped. That sounds like a lovely, in control, evening. Drinking in moderation and that can be healthy for stress levels etc. it’s how you moderate the rest of the time that I think is important.

For me I would like to not necessarily drink every Friday, Saturday and Sunday as well as the odd one during the week, sometimes alone which I do think is bad. I have never managed this unless I’ve been driving. I have never had more than 4 AF days a week and those weeks have been rare.

@onemoreforme your post has aroused so many emotions in me, I think has shined a light on my own drinking habits over the years. I have definitely cut back a lot in recent years, but I don’t recall doing it. The level of weekly drinking you describe I think was my norm for many years. I’d blanked it out.

I've downloaded the 30 day alcohol experiment, thank you! Yesterday I decided to make a hot chocolate after work. By the time I finished it, the need for a glass of wine had subsided a bit. I managed an evening without drinking but it was tough to get to sleep. I've never been a good sleeper and rely too much on alcohol to get to sleep so ended up finally drifting off at about 2am.

@Soberoct I have the same feelings if I'm home and not working. A lazy Sunday is the worst for me. Every time I look at the clock I wonder how early is too early to open a bottle of wine.

My next question is how did you broach the subject with your husbands/partners? My DH knows I drink but I don't think he's realised how much of a problem it is for me and I'm embarrassed to admit it. I think part of the reason I've been in denial for so long is that he hasn't seemed concerned. He drinks a beer some days, a few beers on other days but doesn't really get drunk unless he's out whereas I'm drunk every night. We have a very easy relationship so I can't remember the last time we've had a serious talk about anything and just the thought of raising it makes me feel awkward.

Morning all, @Soberoct , well done on half a bottle. I think that's great. I do that sometimes and stop, it does feel good. @Billybagpuss , well done on the tea. I like what you say about having some weekends af. I never thought I could not drink over a weekend but I have lots of af weekends now. They're really productive and I always veiw them as positive. I don't know if I'd feel the same if I still worked full time though. If the most you can ever manage is 4 af days, why not try for 5 in the near future ? Say, next week?
@onemoreforme , regarding partners, my dh is great for just letting me be. If I'm drinking, he'll leave me to it and if I'm abstaining, he's supportive. Just tell him you've been thinking about it all and are doing something about it, then take it from there. Dont be embarrassed, he'll probably surprise you with his reaction.
Day 3 here and no plans to drink as tomorrow I'm flying and I'd never fly hungover.

Hi all, how are you all doing? I had such a busy day at work and cooking and cleaning and kids and work phone calls that just finished my wine witch was nowhere to be seen!
Regarding husband's @onemoreforme he knows I have had a dodgy relationship with it for years (we were together young and he used to witness me being thrown out of places for being too drunk , black outs etc) it progressed to then living together and the daily wine and binge drinking at weekends we both did it though. He always thought I didn't have a problem until it was a problem with us, marriage ,everything so he kind of understands now WHY I want to cut/stop. His brain doesn't think like mine so he will never completely get it and that's ok as long as they're supportive you will be surprised at what your husband thinks. And end of day you are doing this for you and to be better!
So glad you see AF weekends as productive @Amdone123 I too used to get a lot done non drunk lol are you excited about hols hope you have a safe flight and enjoy it all!!!!

Morning, all. I'm up bright n early. I'm on day 4, though obviously fly today on my holiday so I'll probably just take it one day at a time when I'm there. I know I'll be mindful though.
I'll check in with you all in a few days time, but in the meantime, hope you all stay focused and positive in your af 'journeys ' ( hate that word). Just keep trying and if you have a blip, don't beat yerself up - just keep trying. ❤️

( ps, there is a poster on here, @brightspice, who really knows her stuff. If you can, read her posts. I read one of hers yesterday about habit. I've been thinking about it a lot - about how when you think you'll have a drink, the brain releases dopamine, to make you feel good, then you have a drink, because of habit. It made sense to me. And if you're reading @brightspice, I'm still considering using your service. I'm just going away for a month to clear my head ! ).

Hi @Amdone123 how are you did you get there ok etc? I had some bad news yesterday so ended up drinking a whole bottle...I was ok but was up at 2am and couldn't go back to sleep. It seems the sleep thing is getting worse and worse with age and I love my sleep! Nothing happened everything fine but not drinking tonight. On the ginger ale.

@Soberoct , hi and sorry to hear you've had bad news. Awful when you're up, too and can't get back to sleep.
Yes,arrived safely thanks. All good. Was a great day today - walked 10,000 n odd steps. I did drink but I'm ok with that. Just sorting self out !
I'm off out tomorrow for a very long walk, then the beach, etc.

Thanks @Amdone123 appreciate your kindness. We will be ok it's just it's an excuse isn't it, bad news I'll have a drink. I want to get back to the enjoying the drink and the why I drink. The why is pretty certain that I do it to block real feelings and can't sit there in the moment with the wretched feelings but I didn't drink last night and wasn't planning to tonight now but I have someone coming over and h is out for the night ....well done on your steps you must feel good! Off topic but what walking shoes do you recommend? X

Hi, there. I just wear my trainers to walk in. My feet are awkward buggers ! Done 19,000 steps today, was lovely. Its very hot so I've come back to the apartment to cool down. I think I'll have an early night as I'll be up early again tomorrow. Its only an hour walk tomorrow.

@Amdone123 Aw yeah I have had issues with my feet since day dot. Very short but massive wide feet just at the front and all sorts going on! So was wondering if you had found the holy grail of non feet hurting trainers (I just bought another pair of ASICS my favourite are new balance that the podiatrist I finally went to see after 10 years of not but of course drinking instead said I need to get rid of them!) That's amazing 19k steps. Well done you! Sounds great it being hot as we just had a torrential downpour where we are! Enjoy

@Amdone123 Thank you so much for your kind and generous comments. I'm glad what I post helps. I have achieved many goals in my life, but getting fully free from the desire to drink, in fact to never even THINK about it, ranks right up there near the top of things that make me feel most powerful.

And here's a thought for anyone who is worried that not drinking = boring. The other night I went out to dinner with 3 others. As a table 2 people drank 1 gin and tonic each. That was it. But we were the noisiest, giggliest, laughingist table in the place. We stayed longer than every other table bar one. We were laughing with tears rolling down our faces. Our connection was so strong - if anything a couple of bottles of wine would have dulled the evening and made it actually more boring as a result.

@brightspice , hi !
Your evening sounds great ! It made me think actually of a time ( I think it was last year), but the description of it is on this thread somewhere. I was moderating with the help of this thread and was going out to meet ex teaching colleagues. I was determined to not drink ( I'd been doing so well / feeling great, etc). I had only 2 glasses of lager and had a great time. I think I was better company. I felt more invested, more interested in my friends. I wasn't popping outside for a cigarette or wondering where my next drink was or slurring / falling. I made my way home safely ( this was important as I'd had a bad experience when drunk, on a previous occasion).
I can do it when I put my mind to it. Not only that, the benefits are so tangible.

Hi @Amdone123 how is it going? So I drank sat and sunday, I did not even feel to drink Friday (and it was not because I drank Thursday). I am slightly annoyed at myself for going straight for the wine when I got bad news but putting that down to experience. I have come so far though from the daily drinking! I am taking each day as it comes and hopefully will not be drinking this entire week, actually up until we go away I am hoping! I used to be the one to get a 10am flight with a friend and say is it too early to start drinking hell no it isnt but I will try my best on this plane journey, I realised I get hyper on coca cola these days too and once I went out and didnt drink (been a few times and I have been the life asnd soul without drinking amazing really that my anxiety was worsened by drinking)@brightspice is an amazing woman who has real passion to help others and be kind with it, I have spoken to her myself!
I am still reading the 'you have to be completely sober to even look at the thread' thread and someone mentioned something and immediately here was a reply ' this thread is completely tee total and there is a fairly active moderation thread lol but I am pretty sure it is just a few of us that regularly write on here so lets keep it up! I might hide that other thread but as I have said before some of the posters are absolutely amazing with everyone, its just those few that make me feel bad if I should ever post. anyway hope the sun is glorious where you are, it is raining cats and dogs here!

@Amdone123 I love your use of the expressing feeling "more invested" in conversations and with friends - that's exactly it. Feeling invested and connected is so much more fun than just trading increasingly tipsy stories...

Now when you say you can do it when you "put your mind to it", hmm that's such an interesting concept. How would it be if you didn't ever have to put your mind to it because your mind would put itself there automatically instead? How would that change things for your life? How would that change more than just how you approach drinking but everything else about your life??

@Soberoct thank you for your kind comments. I strongly believe that the kinder we can all be to ourselves the better. And when it comes to threads where people say you have to moderate or have to be tee total... one of the most helpful thoughts I had in the early days of changing my relationship with alcohol was to never say 'never' (eg "I'll never have a glass of white wine again" or "I"ll never be able to moderate".) Decide what you want to aim for, see the possibility of it before you have evidence and back yourself with kindness to get there. Because you can and you will. x

Hi ! @Soberoct @brightspice , great to read your posts, thank you both - I've got lots to think about.
I've had a few glasses of wine since arriving but I think it's because of 1) holiday mode and 2) feeling a bit anxious ( of course, the wine made me more anxious....argghhhh ).
Anyway, I wrote in my journal last night and thought I'm not drinking wine after my walk tomorrow, so today, I haven't.
I was up early, walked 15k steps, read my book and I've drank sparkling water. I feel great.
I'm not drinking tomorrow either.