Struggling

[Peachyqueen]

Have posted this on a thread but thought I'd get some good responses if I started my own.

I've had a scare the last few nights. Have gradually increased drinking over the years and always struggled to moderate....when everyone was moving on to coffee I was ordering another drink, they were calling taxis I was ordering another drink etc.

Tried dry January and made it 10 days before I caved and drunk a whole bottle of wine, and have done that most nights since. I feel awful when I drink, out of control, limbs feel buzzy/numb almost, I struggle to sleep and get night sweats and headaches/stomachaches but I just can't stop.

I don't want to go teetotal but I know I need to for a while. I've had a lager tonight and have had to come to bed early as I've got extremely bad gastric pain and heartburn for the 3rd night in a row. I've done the online DrinkAware assessment which said I was drinking over 60 units a week - I'm totally disgusted with myself.

I don't want to admit I have a problem other than on here, because that means I will have to stick to it and not drink. I know some family won't understand either, but tbh they can fuck off. I am so close to telling my best friend that I'm worried I have a problem, but that makes it real and tangible and I can never take that back.

Really struggling with what to do.

@Peachyqueen well done! Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is definitely the first step in you getting your life back.

I've known for years that I've had a problem with alcohol but I never truly admitted it to myself, I always tried to make excuses and justify it in my head. In October last year, I finally admitted I had a problem and I've been trying to quit/cut down since then. I've had a few unsuccessful attempts since then, but I've definitely learned something about my relationship with alcohol with each attempt.

I've given up now for Lent and am over 3 weeks sober. Things that have helped me or that I have learned are:

I am doing couch to 5k at the same time. This has given me a focus and I prefer to run first thing in the morning so definitely want to wake up feeling refreshed.

It gets so much easier the longer you are off the booze. It might seem so difficult now to get to a week or 2 weeks sober, but if you can power on through it definitely gets so much easier.

I listened to a lot of quit lit on audible on my commute to work which helped a lot. Really enjoyed Allen Carr's book and also The Sober Diaries.

I've invested in a good skin care routine (previously I would roll into bed with my make up still on, and feel too rubbish in the mornings to do much with my skin). This is adding to the benefits in my skin I'm getting from giving up the booze, and it's great to be able to see your body heal itself.

Start taking a good multivitamin, your body will probably be depleted in lots of things.

I'm not saying that I'll never drink again. In fact there's part of me that is looking forward to a glass of wine again at some point, although I do worry that I would slip back into my old ways as I could never moderate. But for now, I feel able to keep going until Easter which is my goal, and I hope that I'll see even more benefits over the next few weeks.

You can do this, and your life will be so much better for it.