Stopping drinking for a while - part 2

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Hi all, a new thread as requested. Hope to see you all here shortly x

@Darcysshirt I think I work better with a target. I will carry on to a point then thing right enough now. I have gotten into a massive rut during the past 6 months (!!) of lockdown but I'm hoping a small change of routine with the dc going back to school with be enough to kick start a new way of living.

I'm making Risotto for tea - no wine. The amount of evenings I fancied Risotto to justify buying/opening the wine....

@fluckityfluckfluck if it helps, you can get white wine stock pots! Knorr make them I think?

No way!!! Amazing

Hi @Patbutcherismyhero I think the children being back at school will really help. You will have a window to think about yourself and get some mental space. It's so easy to ignore your own needs altogether with any number of children about.
Most people I know have gained weight over lockdown. It is a natural human response in times of continuous threat to take in extra calories. The only people who haven't done this are the young and childfree with nothing to do but yoga pose, sleep, take pictures of themselves and self improve!! Jokes obvs!
We are all behind you @Patbutcherismyhero good luck

Morning all. What an emotional rollercoaster yesterday was. The first day I would normally have drank as soon as the children were in bed.
I spent most of the day feeling short tempered and quite angry, almost winding myself up that I couldn’t drink. Doing all the usual ‘I don’t have a problem’ and ‘it’s just a bottle’ and ‘I deserve it after a long week’ justifications etc.
Then as it got closer to the kids bedtime I started organising something else to do, found a you tube video and actually got changed into shorts and t-shirt so I couldn’t change my mind.
Found the will power to do the video while my husband watched tv with a bottle of red wine, having reminded me I had a bottle of white in the house.
After the workout I got a big pint of water and went and joined him but it was only 8.15 and the urges came back. ‘It’s only 8.15’. ‘I could just have a couple of glasses’... but somehow I didn’t. My husband didn’t ask why, I assume because I’d just done an exercise video on a Friday night (which is out of character anyway)!
So I am day 6 AF. Today and tonight I imagine I’ll have a similar emotional battle but at least with a win behind me it’ll feel doable.
Hope everyone else had a successful evening.

Morning all. Day 6 here too @ErinBrockovich and can totally relate to the conversation in your head and the feeling of winding yourself up. It's bizarre. As for the first time, I feel like I'm observing these behaviours in myself as an outsider. Possibly because I've finally admitted it was an issue. Prior to this, I wouldn't so much have questioned my odd behaviour which inevitably ended with 'Oh balls to it, I'm off to buy some wine' as I jumped in the car having played the shall I/ shan't i game from about 4pm till 6pm. Mad.

Thanks amazing @ErinBrockovich - well done. I find it astounding how engrained alcohol is in so many of my routines. I'm constantly having to remind myself that just because I would have previously I don't need to have a drink. I think were in not for the af beer and clean gin I would not have got this far, as it satisfies that urge a bit.

I'm finding this week hard. I'm off work and have the three dc home all week and Sid - who can't go out for another two weeks. I'm short tempered tired and cranky. But I keep reminding myself as hard as the days are they'd be a lot worse if I gave in and drank....

@FrolickingLemon yes to the ‘shall I shan’t I’ game!
I don’t know why I did it because I’d already decided I wasn’t going to drink that night. So why did I wind myself up all day?! I think it’s because I only really have 2 nights a week I can comfortably/safely/justifiably drink to get drunk because my husband will get up with the kids the next morning.
So I know that if I don’t drink on a Friday or Saturday, I’ve lost one of those opportunities. Why it feels like a lost opportunity I don’t really understand but it certainly does.

Hi @FrolickingLemon - yes to the observing yourself! I find myself doing this all the time and comparing my thoughts/urges/behaviour/feelings to all the quit lit I've read - in the tone of David Attenborough - 'watch as she approaches the fridge, the impatience and frustration written all over her face...observe the desire on her face as she sees the alcoholic options before her, notice the hesitance as she reaches for a Heineken zero and how she shuts the fridge door in a hurry....'

Thank you @HotelRoomforOne you are so right. Lockdown really has a lot to answer for.

@ErinBrockovich well done on staying strong. That takes real willpower. I also regularly have the 'it's just a few drinks, you deserve it' internal monologue but I cave in a lot more easily to it than you!

Went on my night out and had a fair binge again but managed to get home at a reasonable time with no embarrassing behaviour. I have barely slept though. I don't know why I just couldn't switch off and my anxiety was sky high. I felt really quite awful and I'm not sure if it's booze related or something else. In all my years of drinking I've never experienced that. So now I have a day of dc commitments on roughly 2 hours of very broken sleep. Wish me luck

Oh @Patbutcherismyhero that sucks! Dig deep and do what you have to to get through.

I think the lack of routine and distraction during lockdown has been detrimental for so many people. It's definitely what caused my spiral. I need a structure on the day/week to work around. The endless floating is really confusing and demotivating. I think you are completely right @Patbutcherismyhero that September will allow for healthy changes

@fluckityfluckfluck Haha. that's so funny. And of course I will not be able to get the David Attenborough narrative out of my head all day now.

@Patbutcherismyhero Good Luck. And I'd call that a win if I managed to get home and not recount any embarrassing behaviour. Do you think the feelings of anxiety are related to the increased awareness we seem to have of ourselves now? I think it's part of the (sometimes painful but necessary) journey. And to continue to be kind to ourselves, and give ourselves a break. We aren't seeking perfection either, just a better version of ourselves, to the best of our ability. Which will vary on any given day dependent on circumstances (different to perhaps previous behaviour which I would describe - personally - as mostly denial and excuses)

@FrolickingLemon my mental health has taken a pasting in lockdown anyway like lots of people but I'm experiencing a lot more physical symptoms and issues than ever before. Trouble sleeping, panic attacks, avoidance. Booze clearly doesn't help. AF weekend ahead now.

Gosh yes I said on the last thread lockdown almost finished me off. Losing my business and having the kids at home 24/7 while DH worked all hours to keep his job. Nightmare.
I certainly looked forwards to alcohol at the weekends.
I wonder if my lack of sleep this week was actually anxiety related to whether I would be able to abstain last night, as I slept better last night for the first time this week.

Well done everyone! Don’t torture yourself Pat. Sounds like you kept control and reined yourself in, which in my experience is even more difficult!

Wobbly night this end too! I realise how much I live for the weekend to get wasted, generally counting down all day to a drink. So much headspace!

Also wrestled with myself early evening, but ate earlier which helped as like to drink on an empty stomach for maximum impact

Tried Becks Blue and enjoyed it more than expected, so thank you for the tip!

Got stung by a wasp following and had an allergic reaction, so was suitably distracted following and knocked out by antihistamines

Having a BBQ early evening, so trigger central today. Will get David Attenborough on board to help.

Morning all - just checking in. Hope all are okay this morning

Day 7 AF. I made it through the weekend. First dry weekend in months.
I’m still feeling quite irritable and not sure why given I should be feeling rested and recharged but maybe that’s to come.

Hope everyone else is ok this morning.

@ErinBrockovich I was exactly the same at that stage, well done! After 7 days you are out of the withdrawal period so things will improve

Morning all. Yesterday was a killer but I managed to do everything I needed to and had a very early night, AF night. Just had a solid 11 hour sleep and feel like a new woman!
Dp had a chat with me about my drinking when I go out and how it makes him feel. Granted I no longer come home being dramatic or annoying and insisting he stay up with me or arguing with him. But there's still the inevitable hangover, tiredness and low mood the next day. It really made me think about my 'going out' which isn't an issue in itself but the binging that seems to happen no matter how much I try to control it (which I do now a lot better than I have previously) clearly upsets dp and it totally isn't worth that. So I think next time I will make my excuses. I've been out rather a lot lately due to 5 months stuck at home but I'm done now.
Hope you're all having a happy healthy weekend x

Hi Pat - there's no better feeling that the day after a hangover

How good is it that your DH could talk to you about it without you having a row - and that you can hear what he had to say.

There are so many negatives to drinking that aren't the obvious ones. I've found the catch ups I've had Sober to be really satisfying once the initial weird feeling passes. I listen better and can remember the end of my story

Good luck for the week ahead

@fluckityfluckfluck it's sad really, the amount of times I've seen my wasted hungover days and drunken outbursts as a right of passage. Just something he should accept as the price of me 'having fun' but I'm really starting to see the damage it can do now. My mum and dad are both drinkers and the rows and drama they have after a few drinks should be enough to make me know better. Binges and nights off are well and truly off the table now.

Massive well done @ErinBrockovich I can't remember when I last managed a 7 day stint. Be proud of yourself. Hopefully the withdrawal symptoms will wear off a bit.

Hi all.
Fed up! Drank friday night and last night a bottle and half of red wine. Feel like crap this morning. Why did I do it?! I so wish I could NOT feel the need to drink wine

@LivingMyBestLifeNOT have you been trying to cut down? It sucks doesn't it 

@BooksMusicSnacks @AlCalavicci @BoxAndKnife how are we doing?

@Patbutcherismyhero thanks for the encouragement. Your post about your DP really resonated with me because it’s something me and mine argue about.

The day before I joined the thread I went out to meet a friend and my DH kept saying ‘be careful’ and lots of ‘I can’t come and get you’ type messages because he’d have the kids and it right got on my nerves because I haven’t been so drunk he’s had to come and get me in more then 7 years, yet he still mentions it and almost uses it against me in arguments.
I guess that’s another reason why I haven’t mentioned going AF to him. I don’t want him to think he’s right!

I didn’t get very drunk that Sunday night because the person I met up with isn’t a big drinker and he knows this, which was another reason why I was cross with him. It’s like any opportunity to have a dig at me about my drinking. Doesn’t help that he’s a very moderate and controlled drinker. He enjoys a couple of glasses whereas I'm someone who does drink to get drunk. I understand why that might worry him but to be constantly reminded of the mistakes you made in the past is somewhat frustrating.
Like I said, although I’ve obviously been drunk in the past 7 years, he hasn’t had to physically come and help me get home in all that time.

There was once since then when I got myself in a state of stupid drunkness and the friend I was with had a very difficult time getting me home. I admit that was a stupid thing to do (I’d recently finished breastfeeding and massively overestimated what I could drink). I don’t know if I’m making excuses but that was once in 7 years and it was so obvious what happened. Yet he still frequently reminds me of it. He also says things like ‘you’ve got kids now’ or ‘your a mother’ meaning I shouldn’t be going out drinking. In all honesty I go out drinking with friends maybe 5 or 6 times a year.
I’m rambling now. I guess I’m trying to work through my motivations for going AF for this 30 day period, which is to have a break from lockdown drinking but also to get my head straight and not be doubting my feelings because I want to drink at the weekend or because I’m hungover.