Stopping drinking for a while - part 2

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Hi all, a new thread as requested. Hope to see you all here shortly x

Thank you! 2nd night done!
You are amazing. 👍

Well done @Magicsprinkles that's great news! Are you reading any quit lit or listening to podcasts to help? I signed up to The Alcohol Experiment which is a free 30 day programme and very helpful - esp in the beginning for me.

Morning pythons! And congratulations @Magicsprinkles! I think Tuesday to Thursday are easier to stay dry than weekends and Mondays. Good to see your updates @SnoopyMcLoopy, it's nice knowing that you're a few steps ahead on this new path.

How was your child-free weekend @HotelRoomforOne? I am so looking forward to when organised exercise can start again, and I'll start getting a bit of quiet time while everyone else is out training.

Day 16 for me today. It's going OK, touch wood, much improved sleep. Skin is looking better too. My problem was with "little and often", but even small amounts of alcohol didn't play nicely with my hrt and I would be up in the night or falling asleep on the sofa at 9pm. In a choice between hrt and alcohol there is simply no contest. I have Punk AF beers in the fridge, and Seedlip on the worktop, where the gin(s) used to be. Also some really nice peppermint tea bags. My partner is being really supportive, especially now that he realises why I'm doing this and that there is no judgement implied on his drinking. I don't mind him drinking as long as I have something nice to drink too.

So a day at a time. I occasionally feel slightly disappointed that kind of "this is it" but then again life on a more stable keel is not to be sniffed at. I am loving rolling out of bed at 6:00am full of energy, compared to a more bleary effort at 6:45. Also being able to stay awake until bedtime!

I don't know about Christmas. I'd love to not be fuzzy headed on Boxing Day or NYD, or even the day after putting the tree up. I'll see how I feel closer to the time I think.

@HotelRoomforOne massive congratulations on 100 days. You did it! You are awesome! I’m so impressed and proud! Did you get the haircut? Hope you like it and don’t worry about the chocolates... Rome wasn’t built in a day One thing at a time.
Your separation became formal incredibly quickly. How are you coping with the DC being with your ex for the weekend? Must feel strange, especially with such a little one still.

I’ve been a bit down tbh. Avoiding the thread because I don’t feel like I can’t contribute anything positive at the moment and I can see all the new joiners doing so well and encouraging each other and I didn’t want to drag down everyone. I haven’t even been drinking much. Did my dry weekend and then had my usual one bottle on Friday. That’s it. One bottle of wine in the last 16 days. I’ve definitely cracked moderation. I think it’s just lockdown getting to me. The lack of things to do or look forward to. Gym shut. Pool shut. Running out of places to walk. Not seeing anyone. There’s only so many online classes you can push yourself to do before you admit defeat and sit on the sofa with 6 packets of salt and vinegar walkers... just waiting now to find out which tier I will fall into and hope that I go back into 2 so I can carve out some sort of normal.

Thanks snoopy, I did doi it before, will seek it outa agin. Blackberry you are an inspiration! I love how you describe being woozy free over Xmas. What’s seed lip like? Am a bit wary in case it’s yet another sweet drink ( at a sweet price tag!)
Was doing v well- till Dh brought me a glass of wine. Poo. Luckily I only drank 2, slowly and dint finish the 2nd . Actually didn’t want the feeling. I HOPE this is a start!
Oh I princess.sorry to hear you are feeling down, it’s a horrible place to be. Am quietly impressed and thinking ‘only one bottle in 16 days? That’s AWESOME! And you are doing online excersises classes! Awesome again! And you can eat 6packets of salt and vinegar! Well, TOTAL a respect! I guess people may suggest you being super kind to you. Especially atm. Hope you feel a bit better soon .

And blackberry you made me laugh saying,’ morning pythons!’ Actually it helps- they are part of a mad surreal world where you can only laugh...and...ditto!

@ImPrincessAurora you have done so well so crack moderation! It is fantastic progress to go down to one bottle not even every weekend. Honestly, I would love to be able to have a casual drink, just for the pleasure of it, not as self medication for depression/boredom/anxiety..
Boredom and anxiety is what I often feel, a strange mixture of emotions.

How do you feel on the Saturday mornings? Do you ever have the desire to drink more, or you just know you are done for the week? I think you have done so well.
I understand the blargh feeling when the activities that usually lift you up are restricted. Salt and vingar crisps are a poor but delicious substitute, my favourite also.
Hopefully you'll be able to plan a bit more for some excitement at Christmas with the family bubbles etc.

Child free weekend went ok. Wasn't totally child free as partner dropped children back to see me twice. Because the baby is only 18 months, I missed him and he missed me. But I got to go asleep and wake up alone, which was bloody amazing.

Since the split my partner has calmed right down and is no longer aggressive towards any of us.

My daughter's behaviour has markedly improved. My eldest daughter is transformed. No more screaming outbursts. She seems so much happier and more relaxed.
I just can't believe myself and my partner's relationship is the casualty of having these children. I actually miss him and am very sad, but everone else is doing so much better with the new living arrangement that I feel we have to remain separated.

I am exhausted however, with all the donkey work. I cant drive and walk the children everywhere. But I was exhausted before he left as well. It is all very confusing to me, and pretty messed up. We were together 11 years before these children came along and took over our lives. So I've no clear idea about the future.

Except I just hope I can get us vaccinated before getting on a 20hr plane trip home in July!

Once drinking stops there are plenty of other problems queued to take its place, no doubt.

Take it easy everyone (:

@HotelRoomforOne the desire to drink is still there for me. Pretty much every day. I think until I make that decision to permanently abstain it always will be. I think I’m able to moderate at home because my DH is here and I want to avoid being drunk around him. If I was given the chance to go on a girls night out followed by a hotel stay.... well I’m pretty sure that would result in the falling down drunk me of the past resurfacing.

I’m so pleased to hear about the improvements you have noticed in your children’s behaviour since the split. That alone will hopefully give you some reassurance that it was a beneficial decision for your family. I completely understand what you say about missing your husband and coming to terms with the end of that relationship. You have done so well to stay strong and focused on doing the right thing for your DC and I really admire you.

I’m just waiting to see if our area will go into tier 2, which will mean I can restart my business again or whether we’ll go back to 3 and I’ll have to stay closed. Mentally, I need to reopen. I’ve worked through my list of things to do. I’ve done the walks outside and the Xmas shopping. I’m literally at home waiting to get back to work. It’s so frustrating.

I'll post again later but just wanted to say a couple of things while I remember.

@ImPrincessAurora I think you're doing far better than you give yourself credit for. I don't think we should ever confuse covid restrictions with normal life, it's a whole extra layer of stress. I'm new, but I delurked here because it looked like a supportive place both in good times and bad. If changing drinking was always easy there'd be no need for this place. I know that this won't be easy and I value learning from other people on this path that can share their stories.

@Magicsprinkles - Seedlip isn't sweet but it isn't really very much of anything. I've tried two so far. I think the garden one is more suited to summer - but it's nice with posh tonic, a splash of elderflower cordial and ice and cucumber. The spice one is very spicy, but 25ml with ginger ale and ice is lovely. I'd like to try the citrus one (Grove) too. There are loads of recipes on the Seedlip site. I loved a gin or a whisky (well the ritual of it) so a fake spirit works well for me. I'm going to try the Wilfred's aperitif for Christmas - that's rosemary, bitter orange and rhubarb.

@Blackberryblossom thank you, I appreciate that. I do tend to go hard on myself, a hangover from an overbearing mother (excuse the pun) and that feeling that nothing was ever good enough.

I’ve found that since I’ve stopped drinking alcohol so much it’s forced me to face up to some of the issues I was avoiding. I thought I would be left feeling free but the opposite is true. I can’t hide anymore. I have to confront my feelings and it’s hard. In some ways harder then the drink, shame, sober, drink cycle. There’s no escape anymore so I’m trying to find coping mechanisms through exercise, work, diet but then when that goes to shit I’m left feeling completely defeated again.

It’s tough. Realisation that alcohol wasn’t my biggest problem is difficult to admit.

Day 19, and three Fridays Had a seedlip spice & ginger ale at the witching hour and a Brewdog AF beer with tea. It was harder than I expected pouring a wine for dh but not for me. I think the knack will be to make my drink first. I found myself really wanting a drink when actually I was hungry. Realising that was a bit of a revelation.

How is everyone? What tier did you go into, @ImPrincessAurora? We went from 1 to 2 here.

@Blackberryblossom we are in 2 which is a result for us. I do agree with those saying “it’s lockdown by another name” but I remind myself things could be worse.

I had some wine last night. The one bottle I allow myself and I’ve woken up feeling regretful. I didn’t do anything as a result of the wine but I just feel a bit rough.

I’ve downloaded the try dry app and I’m going to try and go alcohol free until Christmas. I need a break from it and I need to decide whether to try and re-launch my business for December or concede defeat for this year.

How is everyone else feeling about the tiers and Christmas bubbles? We’ll probably have a quiet one at home this year.

We are still tier 3. Bubbles make no difference as I've no family here and although I've lots of good friends they will all have family bubbles. I will be alone when I don't have the kids. Trying hard to keep going.

@Blackberryblossom I'm in tier 2. Having a bubble with friends for a couple of days over Christmas and apart from that will just have friends/family over to our garden over the holidays. Hoping for dry weather!

@ImPrincessAurora at least you are being mindful and aware that you want to go dry for a while.

@fluckityfluckfluck do you have some good books and tv lined up for over Christmas?

I may have to bow out if this thread next Friday when my dry lockdown comes to an end. I aim to be moderate though, let's see how that pans out! I'm pleased I will have done a month though 😀

@fluckityfluckfluck I have no family here either and will be alone at xmas when I don't have the kids. I will be here if you want to chat at anytime over the period!

I have spent most of the weekend in bed feeling guilty about all the things I'm not doing.
Having the 3 children all week leaves me absolutely wiped out by the weekend and I am now like a depressed sloth. I have been eating the sweets I bought for my children's Christmas socks. I am a bad, bad santa/ person.

Still not drinking, but not doing anything else either. Alcohol used to give me a lot of motivation to clean, and also go out exploring.
@fluckityfluckfluck if you don't mind sharing, how did you get through the first weeks/ months of your seperation? I need this time on weekends without my children to recuperate but it feels so wrong when they're not here and I don't know what they are doing.

@ImPrincessAurora good luck with taking a break til xmas, I think it's a good plan and should make an xmas drink more enjoyable.

@Blackberryblossom I am going to flash the cash and try the seedlip spice at xmas, really looking forward to it! Being hungover on Christmas morning with small kids was one of the worst experiences I've had.

@ImPrincessAurora , well done for stopping after the one. I use the stay dry app and find it surprisingly effective. I think it allows you to log days with planned drinks as well as days with no drinks.

I think we are going to have a quiet Christmas. My parents are elderly and in tier 1 and we are quite a risk by comparison with our school-age child and out of school martial arts that is starting up again at the end of next week. So staying at home and planning to get in plenty of long walks with family and friends as well as the inevitable Skypes and Zooms. I am quite sad about Christmas this year - I’m a musician and there’s something very joyous about the December pub gigs. Changing from Tier 1 to tier 2 means that our rehearsals won’t be able to restart either unless we take them online. Anyway.

@SnoopyMcLoopy - the end is in sight! This lockdown seems to be going faster than the first one, even though it’s shorter and we already know the end date. I started a few days in and set my end date as Thursday 3rd. Good luck with the moderating.

@HotelRoomforOne - that sounds very hard. Can you try to use some of the time to look after yourself to be recharged for the week ahead? Guilt is such a poisonous emotion I hope you can find the seedlip somewhere, I think you can get smaller bottles too. It is pricey though. I’m going to try out Wilfred’s which looks interesting and is rather less expensive. Do like the spice with ginger ale or fevertree aromatic tonic though.

Day 21 here. I do feel a little surprised. I think I’m going to carry on. Hoping that if I can continue the habit though December, Christmas and NYE then it will stick.

I have been eating the sweets I bought for my children's Christmas socks. I am a bad, bad santa/ person

Thanks for the laugh! No judgement here

@HotelRoomforOne what are the rules like there? Is there anything you’ve been wanting to do without the kids? Could you put something in the diary to do in a couple of weeks and just psych yourself up in between? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking a couple of weekends to lie in bed but having something to aim for might be a good idea. The gym is reopening here this week and I’ve already booked my first swim in. Feels like a real treat.

@fluckityfluckfluck that does sound lonely. Tier 3 makes it so hard to see people, especially in the poor weather. Can you get out with Sid and explore some new places? One of the things I’ve done differently this time in lockdown is to do everything I’m allowed to do. So before I wouldn’t have met up with someone at the park (for example) because it didn’t feel like ‘doing the right thing’ but this time I have and I’ve been taking my preschooler as it’s allowed. It has made a difference just having that extra conversation and change of scene.

@Blackberryblossom sounds like you’ve got through those first couple of weeks quite easily and are now feeling the benefits. I really want to get a run of a couple of weeks under my belt now, to get back to that place.

@Patbutcherismyhero how is your Dad doing? I’ve been thinking of you and I hope with the lockdown lifting you’ll have a chance to see him soon.

I’m going to blitz the house this morning, like I do every Monday to try and regain some semblance of normality. Then crack on with some jobs. I’ve finally got some motivation back.

Have a good week everyone.

Congrats on all the motivation @ImPrincessAurora!

I think I’ve been quite lucky in a way - starting to diet in September made me start trying to cut down alcohol because I was drinking so many calories. I wasn’t very good at cutting down, because there was always an open bottle or dh offering me a drink. Oddly it’s been easier (most of the time) just not to drink at all than to try drinking less. Sleeping has been so much improved that so far I’ve been able to say no when habit suggests a drink. There have been so many good quit lit suggestions on here too, it would have been much harder without quit lit audiobooks. There’s still a pang of sadness/jealousy when I hear dh popping a cork, and I have to plan my Friday nights carefully. I probably haven’t had any real tests yet either, one of the benefits of trying this in lockdown. But yes, definitely feeling the benefits and keen to continue.

How’s everyone’s Monday going? I had a good walk today and the rain held off. Starting to declutter too as we gradually move stuff back into the house. Sadly, one thing that I am really looking forward to at the end of all this Covid is being able to go to the tip without having to prebook an appointment or work out if we’ve already been three times this month.

Day 25 here, the day that I said I would finish on (I got the lockdown days wrong), and I just intercepted an inner voice saying “brilliant, you deserve a drink to celebrate” 25 days has obviously not entirely killed the urge to celebrate with alcohol.

I’m listening to the Catherine Grey book and it’s really resonating with me. I really like her ocean floor analogy and how drinking alcohol is like putting diesel into a petrol car. I’m going to aim to stay clear of alcohol for good, which will be a challenge over Christmas and New Year, but I’ve never been successful at moderating. And I’m getting used to better sleep every night and more energy every morning.

How’s everyone doing?

Was just checking in too.
I’ve been dry all week and haven’t ordered any wine for this weekend so should be ok.
Good work @Blackberryblossom, you’ve done so well. I must admit the impact on my sleep is amazing after even only a week off. Well worth abstaining for.
It’s been quiet on here this week, hope everyone is ok.

That sounds like a good week @ImPrincessAurora. It’s easy to underestimate how much effort goes into not drinking during the week (unless that is just me). It’s a challenge dealing with the emotions rather than parking them and then drowning them in a g&t or glass of wine later on. Well done on not ordering wine. I’m just buying a bottle a week for my dh, though he does mix cocktails for himself too. I’ve set up a separate bit on the counter for my AF drinks. As long as I have something there that I can drink then I don’t miss the alcohol too much.

Hope everyone is ok, it has been quiet on here this week. I can’t quite believe we’re on another Friday already.

Hi all, I’ve just read the whole two threads!
I hope you’re all ok, I’m in awe of you.
I’m on day 19 - I’ve managed a stint of 5 months earlier this year and another 5 months early last year.
I’ve read all the quit lit and find some things really resonate and change my thinking for a while and take away desire to drink. Then after a length of time off it I start to tell myself I’m being dramatic, that I’m now a person who can take it or leave it - start having a drink here and there, no more than 2 or 3 which further proves my take it or leave it theory then a day or night comes when I press that fuck it button and the muscle memory and subconscious reasoning of 20 years of drinking is back in charge and I’m back to previous habits.
Thank you all for starting and keeping up this thread x

Hi guys. Hope everyone is doing well. @HotelRoomforOne well done on your 100 days that's amazing. You must be so proud.

Dads had his surgery and is recovering. It's been tough not being able to see him but the risk is too high. We are still waiting to see what the next steps will be. It's been a horrible worrying time made so much worse by the covid restrictions. 2020 can officially do one!

Drink wise I've cut down a lot and I feel the effects a lot more now. I had some wine last night and today I'm feeling really tired and sluggish. No motivation to do anything and I think I'm gradually starting to see that it's just not worth it. I tend now to only drink at the weekend and I keep thinking how nice it would be to have the motivation I have on my sober days over the weekend too. I've started doing a lot of online fitness classes and when I'm hungover and tired I just can't be bothered with it. And there's the issue with booze - it stops you doing the things that are good and healthy. Taken me long enough to realise that!

Hi everyone. I feel on the brink of madness. I had to have Sid put down on Friday. A neurological disorder causing extreme fits of aggression. Had no choice but am beyond devastated. Haven't had a drink but am struggling very very badly.

I'm so sorry @fluckityfluckfluck.