Stopping drinking for a while - part 2

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Hi all, a new thread as requested. Hope to see you all here shortly x

Hi everyone. Sorry that I've been off this thread for a while. Life has been chaotic. I lost the thread for a while and have just seen it crop up again on my timeline so I did a quick NC back to Pat and here I am.

@HotelRoomforOne I'm so sorry to read about what's been going on with you and your partner. I feel like lockdown has made a lot of people reevaluate their lives and relationships. I hope you are managing to stay strong for yourself and your kids. Things will get better.
@fluckityfluckfluck your resolve sounds so strong. 2 blips in that length of time is nothing when we have been going through such a crazy time. But discovering you actually don't like alcohol anymore is probably the biggest breakthrough you could hope for. Why would you crave something you don't like ever again?

Things have been really tough here. Lockdown has taken its toll and my anxiety has been rising terribly. My dad has been diagnosed with cancer and the whole family are beside themselves. I have been back to drinking every night of the week. Last week I probably got through the best part of a litre of gin over the week. I've started taking anti anxiety medication which is something I've never done before so while I'm in the early days of that I plan to stay AF as much as possible so it doesn't interfere with them. I know everything is shit for everyone at the moment but I just don't know how much more I can take this year.

Oh @HotelRoomforOne
Why did he go? I know things haven’t been right for a while. I really feel for you. Especially with 3 little ones, that must be incredibly hard.
Is there anything any of us can do? I know there’s a physical distance but if there is anything.... @fluckityfluckfluck is our quit lit expert, she may be able to recommend something to keep those cravings at bay. Or a good app?

So sorry, I’ve got to go right now but I will pop back later to see how you are.

Are you okay @HotelRoomforOne ? Thinking of you.

Hi @Patbutcherismyhero glad you found us again, sorry you've had such a hard time. It's impossibly hard at the moment. Keep posting xx

Thanks @fluckityfluckfluck I have missed the chat, was pleased to see it pop up again yesterday. Life really does feel impossible at the minute and my default setting is to reach for the booze to help me cope.

@Patbutcherismyhero I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis. Such scary news at any time but even more impossible in the current situation. I hope your medication takes some of the edge off the stress and awful feelings.
I was prescribed Sertaline once and found I couldn't drink on it at all, the alcohol made me sick and I stayed dry for 8 months while on the meds. You might experience similar. It is certainly a good and effective way of staying off the booze.

Thank you all you saved me from going down to aldi and buying a bottle of wine the other night. I was so close and if it wasn't for this thread I would certainly have drunk, and that would have set me off towards alcoholism once again. So you really saved me there, and my kids!

My "partner" is still gone and the children are taking up 100% of my time, of course.
By the time the last one is asleep at night I am asleep. I don't really feel human at the moment, just like a machine, here to work for the children, collapse, repeat.

I asked him to leave @ImMoana. I have been unhappy for so long but the last straw was when he started acting aggressively/ violently towards my 7 year old daughter. Throwing her around, yelling in her face etc, in response to very normal 7 year old "behaviour. She is the most like me and it is very obvious he is taking all his frustration and anger with me and directing it onto her. I had a violent father and I can't and won't let it happen again.

Now because of his inability to control himself and be an adult I am child-caring round the clock while he relaxes in an air b and b, once his teaching day is over at 3.30pm!!
Still, the alternative is not possible. I cant have him here. For my sake, for my daughter's.
There really is no such thing as heterosexual"partnership", so many men can only think of themselves, they are worse than useless, they are damaging. Obviously there are rare exceptions!

Worried about money and the future though and hoping he can find somewhere inexpensive to stay longer term. We have no money, one income, 70% of it goes on rent. Australia is so expensive.

@fluckityfluckfluck thank you for your support. I am really right at the beginning of all this and in survival mode and feeling grief and anger and wondering what will happen next, and how I will even fare. Alcohol will only make it impossible to function, you are so right. I will go into a rage at the whole situation if I drink.Im taking it an hour at a time as you suggest. Food is helping! And about 1kg of coffee a week

Thing is, I knew he wasn't going to be cut out for all this parenting, and he isn't. We've been together since I was 20! Arrgh what a stupid mess! All my good years..

Pardon the essay here, I.may not get a chance to come back on for a while. Eventually I guess I'll win back a weekend here and There, but that's way down the track.

Very best wishes to you all, take it one day at a time @Patbutcherismyhero, @@fluckityfluckfluck @ImMoana, @BooksMusicSnacks @NeedAUserNameAllTaken and everyone here !

As far as I'm concerned we should all be valuing ourselves way more and putting ourselves way above the reach of alcohol, untouchable like the Queens of our own lives.
Insist on what you need from those around you to enable the mental space to process everything going on, without the need to resort to drinking. You don't deserve to feel like crap from drinking.

Going by this thread we have all spent a massive amount of time caring for others. It is also right we expect care and respect for ourselves! You are all too important and interesting and skillful to be sabotaged by poxy addictive ethanol.

Saying all that...I'm almost at 100 days and every time I picture myself celebrating it's with a bottle of prosecco! Mental patterns are so hard to break.

Can I join in? Am up at 3, after more wine tonight. Didn’t want to, but things v stressful here. Thanks!

Sending a hug @HotelRoomforOne, I'm sorry that you're going through this, please shout if ever you need us. Hugest hug xxx and yes, booze would make this so much worse! You've got this. You sound so strong and brave. xxx

Oh @Patbutcherismyhero, I'm sorry to hear this, last year my brother was diagnosed and I remember the awful free fall feeling; the world just bottomed out, I remember it well. But, I also remember this is the worst bit; the unknown and the waiting, once treatment starts and you all adjust it becomes okay.. ?? Sounds daft but resolve kicks in, hope inner strength etc, time hrops to cope and plans give meaning... it does get easier but it's bloody awful right now, I'm sorry. Please do shout if we can help. Sending a huge hug xxx

@fluckityfluckfluck, that's amazing. Well done! I've made this decision too. Alcohol and I are through. Really pleased for you. Also just to note, I always read your posts and think you sound like one of the kindest, most lovely people, so thank you for being on here with us xx

Love to all, sorry life is proving tough atm xxx

@HotelRoomforOne sorry to hear what you're going through. It does sound like you've made the right choice and acted in the best interests of your kids. You should be proud of your strength. Break ups are always horrible but try to focus on the fact that there will be no more bad atmosphere or walking on egg shells. In a way you're free. You've done so well not to drink. My first instinct in a crisis is to pick up a bottle and it rarely helps.

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken thanks for your kind words. I do feel exactly how you described at the moment. I'm trying to stay hopeful but it feels like bad news after bad news. While they are planning and carrying out treatment there is always hope but it's so scary and I worry for my mum and my dc who loves his grandad so much. It's a really really horrible time.

I echo what you said about @fluckityfluckfluck btw. Such a wise and kind poster.

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken and @Patbutcherismyhero you've made me cry - thank you so much. I'm at home as I had a positive coronavirus test and although I don't feel too bad physically I am lonely and missing my kids. I won't see them until next Monday when isolation ends. I also found one lump in one boob and three smaller lumps in the other over half term and had an appointment yesterday at the breast clinic that had to be postponed until next Monday as a result of the fucking corona. The hits keep on coming.

@HotelRoomforOne everything you say resonates so clearly with me. I remember feeling so raw in the early days of my split that I felt like my skin had been removed - that's the only way I can describe it. You are amazing. You are doing an amazing job in showing your children what is not ok, and that is the most amazing thing a mother can do. I celebrated 100 days with a whole fudge cake and a pint of whipped cream

Bloody hell ladies, it's little wonder we're all on an alcohol support thread with everything we have got going on in our lives!

@HotelRoomforOne
The end of a relationship is always painful. I'm really sorry for what you are going through. You are such a hero to your kids and whilst it will be the most painful and difficult time, you will be able to look back in 3 months time; in 6 months time; in a years time with such a feeling of pride and grace. You've got this. For sure, you have done the right thing and YOUR BEST YEARS ARE NOT BEHIND YOU, I PROMISE!
I doubt you even fancy a drink, if you had one it would probably make you feel sick and queasy. I like fluckity's fuge cake idea, now that's a celebration!

@Patbutcherismyhero
So sorry to hear about your Dad, really hope he will be okay. I hope the medication they've given you helps a bit. Just do what you need to do to get through. We're always here if you need a shoulder to cry on.

@fluckityfluckfluck
I didn't want to say it last week, but it felt like you were building up to a drink. I'm kind of glad you did it really because now you know for sure you are well and truly done with it! Congratulations! I know you've got a lot going on in your mind but this is a huge achievement for you so please acknowledge it and pat yourself on the back.
You still have a lot on your plate... I'm sure you must be missing the kids and feeling really fed up. Can you use the time to indulge and do some things for yourself - read some good books, watch crap TV, listen to music loudly, do some online shopping, etc? Or some jobs that need doing like having a clearout? (This is what I've been doing the last few weeks). Really hope you get to see the breast clinic soon as I'm sure it's really weighing on your mind.

How are you @ImMoana, @NeedAUserNameAllTaken & @AlCalavicci?

Welcome @Magicsprinkles :-)

I'm on Day 18 - yeayness. Furthest I've ever got aside from being pregnant. I'm not sure what happens when I get to 30 days. I'm planning on moderating (yes, yes, I know, I probably can't moderate but I have to learn the hard way don't I!)
I'm not really missing alcohol though which is great. It feels like a good reset. I've been doing loads of jobs to keep me busy. I'm having more "repressed" thoughts coming to the surface and I'm just kind of riding them out. I feel like I probably need to write stuff down but honestly it's just too busy with work, kids, etc. Doing good though and if anyone is having any doubts about giving the booze a rest for a few days, it's worth it, so worth it x

I’ve missed a lot on here in a couple of days. My DD was almost hospitalised again on Monday pm. I’m not sure if it’s a hangover of having the virus or whether her immune system was just not up to the return to school but thankfully she’s on the mend again now. And thankfully it happened at the beginning of the week because I only allow myself to drink at the weekends.

I really appreciate reading through the posts that I missed and realising I’m not alone in feeling so anxious, stressed, down.

@fluckityfluckfluck so sorry to hear you tested positive and are now separated from your DC. It’s so hard doing those weeks of isolation. This bloody virus. I hope you are able to go in for that appointment soon. Fingers crossed for you that all is ok.

@Patbutcherismyhero good to hear from you. I’m also crossing my fingers for your Ddad. Such difficult news for your family, I hope he has the strength to fight this. Love to you all.

@HotelRoomforOne it very much sounds like you’ve done the right thing asking him to leave. It sounds like escalating behaviour. Unfortunately I grew up in a household with violence, from both parents. I vividly remember the feeling of hatred every time I was hit. The hatred turned to anger and that feeling has never really left me.
You’ve put your DC first. You’ve protected them. I really hope with in time you can breathe a bit easier and the fear and doubt gets replaced by feelings of relief and peace. Not easy with 3 little ones, I know but the fact you’ve remained sober shows how strong you are.
Maybe planning a day out on your 100 days or getting something for yourself will be a silent celebration for your achievement.

I’ve planned a weekend to a national park next year by myself. It’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to go and I’ve booked the hotel with a coronavirus guarantee. It’s in the diary. Having it there is something to look forward to. Something to focus on.

@BooksMusicSnacks well done on day 18. Eyes focussed on day 30! You can do it!

Welcome @Magicsprinkles! You’ve found an awesome group for this journey.

Welcome @Magicsprinkles x
Oh @fluckityfluckfluck, I'm sorry life is being a fucker for you atm. Its going to get better hun. It has to right? Sorry you are ill, hope it passes fast for you, blooming covid. And good luck at the clinic, hope all okay. Sending a huge hug xxx
@Patbutcherismyhero,sorry my lovely, its really tough, sending hugs and strength. You all will her through this xxx
@ImMoana, you sound so strong, you've clearly been through so much and are still fighting through, you're getting there for sure. Sorry to hear re your DD, how is she doing now? Xx
Hope you are okay @HotelRoomforOne, it will get easier xx
Well done @booksmusicsnacks! It gets easier and easier as it becomes habitual too!
Am okay thanks all, bit run down but life is pretty chill here atm, work good and DD good, day 120, I think. Sending love to all x

Thanks @NeedAUserNameAllTaken, she’s better now. At one point her temp was 39.7 and I had was poised to call 999. This has happened before but you never get used to it.

I didn’t order wine for this weekend. Although I’ve managed to keep myself to the one bottle one night a week, I feel rough after. It ruins the whole weekend. If I can do this weekend that’ll help me feel a bit more in control.

How are you @cherrybakewelllll? Haven’t heard from you for a while.

Hello, it's Cherrybakewellll here with a new username because I can't be arsed to keep changing it.

Going to catch up on the thread later today. I've been back to work the past 2 weeks so the time seems to fly.

Not going to lie, wine consumption is still way higher than it should be.

I'll come back to reply to various posts in a bit but have come here to say how much I've noticed alcohol is everywhere! Like everywhere! I'm watching a series on Netflix and every single scene has someone with a wine glass. Doing the washing, having dinner, having lunch, in a bar, in a park etc etc etc it's everywhere and incessant.

Same here @fluckityfluckfluck
It's everywhere!

Hi @hashbrownsandwich, your usernames are making me hungry! How are you doing?

Hello everyone, you probably don't remember me but I was on this thread in the early days as Darcysshirt. I stopped posting because I left MN for a while and also because I haven't stopped drinking and I felt this thread was veering more to abstinence and I didn't want to encroach on that.

Anyway I have delurked again to say how sorry I am to read about everyone's various life issues, all on top of this effing pandemic. I send to you all.

I haven't been doing too badly with the drinking, I have reduced a little apart from last week when I got a bit over excited about the US election (probably drank 4 or 5 bottles of wine). I am taking it very easy this week. I did have a drink yesterday as it was my birthday, but only one (and no, it wasn't in a 750ml glass!)!

I had a strange dream last week, that a doctor told me that if I didn’t do something about the drinking my liver was going to suffer. I do wonder if my body is trying to warn my brain something is going on?

4 or 5 bottles of wine over the course of the week, btw not all on election night!

Thanks all for the well wishes.
Nice to see you @darcysshirt1 and @hashbrownsandwich - now I want a hash brown sandwich.
Dad's treatment and operation are booked in but I feel very worried about him going into hospital with the current covid rates going crazy again.
Medication is mostly making me feel lethargic and a bit foggy headed. But I was warned that it could be like this to start with.
I was AF Sunday and Monday but drank Tuesday and Wednesday. Trying to stay AF tonight but good lord it's hard at the moment. However much I deny it the booze does give me a temporary hiatus from all the doom. But it's making me tired and fat as well.

@fluckityfluckfluck how are yiubfaring with the coronavirus? What does it feel like to have it? I hope it's a mild dose, are you home alone, how are you finding that? I hope all the news about the vaccine is right and that next year life may return to normalish.
The election was driving.me towards a drink too @darcysshirt1, first out of stress and then out of celebration and relief! I'm glad we are all not abstainers on here, I like hearing stories of moderation, that would be my ideal state if I was better at self control, or if I had a really interesting job I loved, I imagine them I would drink just a moderate amount. Alas I am stuck here in the house watching frozen with a baby pinned to me. Not drinking and not having a good time !

@Patbutcherismyhero the first week or two on anxiety meds are the hardest , if you can push through the fog will lift and you should feel much better all round. Did you find the meds made the alcohol hit you any harder?

I have made it through one week as a single mother. It has felt like 10 years. I feel calmer but also sadder.

We here seem to be at the age that shit gets serious. Illness, bereavement , separation, divorce, stress . I cant believe I found my 20s stressful, HA! It was a skip through a fkn meadow compared to this. Here's to the weekend, whatever that entails x

Well done @HotelRoomforOne - it's okay to be sad, it is sad. Take comfort in the calm.

@Darcysshirt welcome back - that's the great thing about this thread, support whatever your aim is or wherever you are at the moment

I feel much better today, I've not felt too poorly but felt very disconnected in my head and absolutely exhausted. I've just taken all the alcohol out of my fridge - only took me until day 149

Nice to see you @darcysshirt1! Please do hang out, moderation so welcome too, all on different journeys here.
Hugs @HotelRoomforOne
Sending a hand hold @Patbutcherismyhero, glad they are moving fast.
Glad you're not doing too badly @fluckityfluckfluck
Hope the weekend brings some good stuff for all xx

I placed an order with dry drinker last night, got some different things to try and some Kombucha so I have something nice to drink over Xmas. They have 10% code for subscribing and 6.4% cash back through Quidco. If anyone hasn't got Quidco let me know because if you sign up with my referral code I get £20. Anyway, once I got past the fact that I was spending money on non alcoholic stuff I am quite looking forward to it arriving.

I have also replaced alcohol with sugar. I am mainlining chocolate and cakes etc. It's out of control. Apparently it's very common but I need to get a handle on it.

I am not looking forward to the weekend being housebound without the kids but am going to have a brew and make a list in a bit. Hope everyone has a nice weekend x

Hi everyone! I haven’t been on here in a while but I saw a notification on my mumsnet account whilst reading the daily AIBU emails and it was for this thread. I’d had a look a few weeks ago but thought it had become inactive. I don’t really get much time to just browse on my phone at the moment as I’m working nearly 10 hours days right now as Wave 2 has made work just so mad and stressful (I work in the NHS in the Covid response team). But I have a rare Saturday morning where everything is calm so I’m just lying in bed for a bit. Won’t last long as I need a wee and so I’ll have to get up then normal life will kick in! Plus I have a Tesco delivery and James Martin starts soon...!

I haven’t read the back thread but it’s good to see you’re all still here @Patbutcherismyhero @cherrybakewelllll @fluckityfluckfluck @HotelRoomforOne - I feel like I abandoned you all now, sorry! It definitely sounds like life has thrown us all some challenges since I was absent - you’re all strong ladies, I know that from the amazing support you give everyone (including myself). This is a great group, well done for keeping it going.

I’m not drinking this weekend, I lost a stone and a half through abstinence and exercise but started having the odd bottle of wine or two over a weekend (which results in poor eating habits and no exercise for me) and so I’ve just plateaued for a few weeks. It’s a good motivation for me this weekend. My husband had a drink last night but had said he wouldn’t as he didn’t want to make me feel bad. I told him to go ahead as it didn’t worry me, I said that I wasn’t drinking because it was something that I didn’t want to do and that I wouldn’t be sitting there feeling jealous nor would it spark me into having a drink myself. And I meant it. Him drinking would always be a trigger for me and I would have always joined him. And then it occurred to me how much I’d changed. I didn’t drink as I had no desire to drink and that it was no longer something I was battling with. I was quite proud of myself.

Bloody hammering it down outside, love the sound of it as I lie here all cosy. With a bursting bladder...