Stopping drinking for a while - part 2

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Hi all, a new thread as requested. Hope to see you all here shortly x

Hello, I’m going to join in too. Drinking to manage stress at home and it’s making me feel like shit..

I’ll start today. A clean break.

@fluckityfluckfluck I'm glad you've turned a corner with Sid. I remember when I was 4 we got our first Labrador, he was a chocolate one and he lived until I was 17. He did some proper naughty stuff. In the late 90's my mum was catering for a wedding and the bride put £3k in cash through the door, by the time we got home the dog had eaten most of it

Today is the start of the new drinking regime aka no drinking. I'm working a random shift pattern including weekends, which means I'll be doing 6 days in a row some weeks so I can't risk even a sip of wine or I'll be useless.

Welcome @Cantdoitallperfectly good luck on this journey. I think from the previous posts you'll see no one has had it easy and it's ok, we just admit it and try our best.

Welcome @Cantdoitallperfectly.

@fluckityfluckfluck Sid looks like a different dog! Really glad seeing the behaviouralist helped. Fingers crossed it lasts and you get to enjoy him again.

Totally agree about half term being a much better time to have started this. Instead thousands of people were mixing with other households on holidays etc.

I’ll be shutting up shop again. I can be honest with you and say I am actually a bit relieved because it’s taken the uncertainty away. I know for sure what is happening in the next four weeks and there is nothing I can do about it.

I’m not fully up to speed on how tight the new restrictions are going to be in relation to seeing family and travel but I’m going to try and use this four week period as an opportunity. I know I can’t work - I’m putting that on the shelf. Instead I’m just going to spend the next four weeks focusing on myself. I am going to try and have an alcohol free month. Eat better. Get out exercising. I need to do everything I can to stop myself falling back into the pit of despair that the previous lockdown drag me into.

Of course this is completely reliant on them keeping the schools and nurseries open.... without that I’m doomed!

How is everyone else feeling about it?

@cherrybakewelllll why are you the only one cooking?!
I do mon-fri and then DH takes over at the weekend.
Admittedly I meal plan and buy the food in advance but the weekend is my time off!

Honestly @ImMoana they will not shut primary schools and nurseries no matter what. I think they will power through until Xmas now come hell or high water. If they had given us an extra week off now it would have meant anyone incubating would have started showing symptoms while off and would have given us a fighting chance. Work is incredibly difficult.

Welcome @Cantdoitallperfectly - try and read the original thread as well if you can. Lots of support and no judgement here. Let us know you are okay @Patbutcherismyhero

@ImMoana because I am a control freak we've agreed I need to suck it up the weekends I'm working and he will cook. He does do a few things well, mainly lasagne and kebab so that works for me.

I'm apprehensive of lockdown from a childcare point of view. Selfishly, I am classes as a keyworker so I have no option to go in. They won't furlough me. The older kids will go to school and my mum, although in her 60s, is happy to have my 1 year old at the moment. If the schools close due to any cases, it'll be stressful. I think it's just a case of wait and see.

We are in an area which has very low cases but I still agree a lockdown is the best option at the moment. There's genuine fact behind the projections of the daily death rate and I'm not prepared to just let that happen personally. I just keep thinking if that was my parents in that daily figure, how would I feel?

That said I am highly stressed about finances because if I can't commit to my job, there's people waiting in the wings to take it and financially I would be screwed.

I think I'm ranting now.

@fluckityfluckfluck yes, as much as I don’t want my kids at home, I could easily have done another week over half term and as you say that break would have been long enough to have sent the kids back with some confidence that they weren’t incubating the virus.

@cherrybakewelllll ah ok, it’s somewhat self inflicted is it
Sounds like your shift changes will force you to let go of the reigns a bit. Maybe not such a bad thing. Given your shift changes you may not find it so difficult to have an AF month.

I know what you mean about the financial hit. I had hoped by this point in time, trading for a year, I would have broken even but alas. Plus no income for the next month and I don’t qualify for furlough.

As much as I dislike the lockdown and the constraints it brings it does feel like we have no other option. I’m certain it won’t be only 4 weeks.

I agree @ImMoana lockdown will last longer than they're saying at the moment.

I'm getting myself in trouble on another thread under my other name because they reckon we shouldn't be locking down. I get it, financially a lot of us are going to be absolutely screwed. I would rather that than see 2000+ bodies stacked up a day.

From the point of view of controlling alcohol, it's great that they are keeping the schools open. In a few weeks it'll become apparent whether schools are causing exessive spread or not.

@ImMoana has the right idea, if at all possible use this opportunity ( if not going in to work) to spend time on your OWN health and mental wellbeing, without kids around!! My advice from the far side of lockdown: keep the alcohol out of the house altogether, you will be far less likely to find yourself in any drinking situation during lockdown, greatly upping your chances of staying AF. Use lockdown as "circuit breaker" on drinking lol. But if you let it in the house know it will be drunk! Just don't buy it.

Summer is here in Melbourne and I feel like shit. Fat, lumpen, middle aged and exhausted. I seem to have aged 10 years since my son was born a year ago. I have no relationship with my "partner" as I just can't regard the middle aged version of myself as sexually attractive in any way. I cant bring myself to do it. I'm 38. How do I accept the new, depressing reality of what I've become? I know my partner no longer finds me attractive, so what is our future? I'm so depressed about it but lacking the will to DO anything.

My body has aged faster than my brain can accept. Alcohol must have blurred what was happening, now it's starkly obvious what a mess I am.
I honestly feel worse in myself since giving up drinking. But i am definitely a better parent with a better liver. So that's something.

Thinking of you all and hoping this lockdown works. It worked here, down to zero, but schools were closed for 100 days.
2020, what a shit show.

How's you @Patbutcherismyhero?

Sorry, if anyone here is a teacher please ignore my post above. I live with a school teacher and am in grateful awe of what you do. I don't condone the schools closing or staying open, I genuinely don't know what is the right move there. Thank You!

Thanks ladies for the welcome. I have stopped drinking alcohol as of Saturday. I woke up with a killer headache, crippled with anxiety and wanted to crawl under a duvet.. but I have kids who had activities on and I had to spend the day ferrying them around just wishing the day would end. All self inflicted. My drinking is patchy, can go a few days without then I binge. My DP has a problem too. Worse than me. I’m doing this alone though so there will still be alcohol in the house.

No worries @HotelRoomforOne x
Welcomd @Cantdoitallperfectly, we are here to help!

Hiya,

Pretty pleased to be saying this - I'm on Day 11. I feel so much better for it. I'm sleeping like the dead at night and I feel like I have more clarity and awareness. I was frustrated at the weekend and fleetingly fancied a drink but pushed through it and just shouted instead! Oops.

I don't really miss it weirdly. I think I've probably drunk enough in my life already! I've not been bored in the evenings, I've actually been quite productive. If I'm tempted, I have written myself an email that should stop me in my tracks and I've also got some more "work" to do if temptation strikes. (EG, make a list of how many glasses of wine I have a year; write down every drunk occasion, work through some childhood stuff etc. Could keep me busy).

I have read some quit lit and found that How to Quit Like a Woman is resonating massively, so much so that I am having to pace myself reading it!

I'm also getting random thoughts and memories through, maybe stuff I've been trying not to think about. It dawned on me the other day that I was 12 when I tried my first cigarette and 13 when I tried my first alcoholic drink and got drunk. Ever since then I've been chasing that buzz, that naughtiness, that stuff that I thought made me cool and helped me talk and be fun: oh what a lie that was! It's sad really, that is so very young, my stepdaughter is that age and I'd be gutted if she was out trying to get drunk. But it's quite eye opening about perhaps the depth of the problem I have/had/have.

I told my DH that I was going 30 days clear and I think I will do it. I'm not sure what will happen then; I'd like to moderate and I think I might try it - though I suspect it'll lead back to bad habits and I'll have to go AF again, a well trod path for many I'm sure. But for now I'm fine without it, even going into lockdown, sure I'd just use it as another excuse to drink far to excess.

@fluckityfluckfluck how are you doing? Really pleased the dog training is helping Sid. OMG a dog eating £3000, that is AWFUL!

@Patbutcherismyhero PAAAAATTTTTT (in the voice of Frank) where are you?!

@HotelRoomforOne I get how you feel. I'm 38 too. I just don't fancy sex at all, it's awful, if someone said I never had to have sex again I'd be fine with it! I'm hoping the lack of alcohol will boost the libido...we'll see. There was a book I was reading where it was describing how you feel.... after quitting some people feel "pink cloud", Sarah Hepola was describing "grey cloud" and just feeling flat and pissed off. Comparison is the thief of joy type thing. You're not a mess, it's hard having a 1 year old.

@Cantdoitallperfectly I've found hitting a rock bottom of sorts helped inspire me to knock it on the head. I feel better for it. Having no booze in the house really helps, is there drink that he likes and you don't - so no temptations? I'm not tempted by DH's beer and JD, at all!

@AlCalavicci how are you doing? x

Hello @BooksMusicSnacks - I’m day 5!! Not feeling so great - yet - but I’m hoping it’ll happen soon. I basically realised how much of life I’m missing out on because I feel ratty and tired because of habitual over drinking. On sat I had a terrible hangover but felt better by 5pm, usually I would crack open a bottle of wine at that point but kept myself busy with Halloween activities and went to bed early :)
Unfortunately I love what DP drinks beer/wine/spirits! But I’ve figured that I’ll just have to do this with the temptation there, I would love to speak DP about his drinking but I don’t know where to start. He’s had a litre of gin, 3 bottles of wine and beers in about 8 days, nothing for the last 2 nights though. I think it’s about 60 units and I’m concerned. I’m hoping that with me off it he’ll cut back.

Hi everyone - I've started the Mrs D is going without on audible. Need something to strengthen the ever weakening resolve. The dark dreary weather doesn't help - oh and the pandemic/lockdown of course

First day of lockdown and I queued in Costa for a takeaway in a small act of defiance! I’m having a mental wobble. Just dark thoughts creeping in. I ordered a bottle of white with the weekly shop. Going to put it under the stairs and try not to have it this weekend.

Here’s the thing. I’ve worked really hard this year. I’ve got on top of my weight gain. I’m exercising more and drinking less. I’m in control of my business and although I’ve not made any money, I’m at peace with the situation. My DC are well at the moment and able to attend childcare.

And yet I still feel like shit. I’m constantly fighting the feelings of depression. I’m constantly working through my past in my mind. It never goes away and I never get a break from it. I’m constantly fighting the negativity and forcing myself to stay upbeat. I’m tired. Even when I sleep well it never feels like enough. And I’m left wondering when will I ever feel happy? When will life ever feel like enough? Will I ever feel content?

I feel like my whole life I was being pushed to achieve more. To work harder. To succeed. But when I stop and look at where I am, I can’t help but feel a bit.... disappointed?

Sorry for the doom and gloom. I’m actually in a better place mentally then I was earlier in the year. I don’t feel that anger anymore. I guess I’m in the tired phase?! I am going to do an exercise class today. Drink plenty of water. And give the house a quick tidy. Will pop some music on and hope the mood lifts.

I hope everyone else survives this lockdown in one piece. Well done to all still abstaining.

Totally hear you there @ImMoana. I just think there is so much pressure (either societal or whether we put it on ourselves). So much pressure to be slim, do 10000 steps a day, exercise, eat fruit & veg, have the perfect appearance and never age, keep a showhome, immaculate perfectly behaved clever kids, have a great job and work hard (but also be a SAHM because either is wrong!), have a posse of best girlfriends, have sex with your DH everyday, drink enough BUT NOT TOO MUCH!

Fucking hell it's exhausting just typing it. It's just too much! Even without COVID and lockdown.

There's no getting away from it that adult life can be a right grind. Up early, responsibilities, kids, work, cook, clean, same old chores over and over again, sit on arse watch TV (with no wine or chocolate), go to bed knackered, rinse and repeat. No wonder you feel low, and a bit disappointed.

Please just try and inject a few things into your day for yourself - whatever it is that helps you, makes you feel alive, makes you feel passionate.

@Cantdoitallperfectly well done on 5 days! Feels a good achievement doesn't it! Feel free to speak to your OH if you think it would help but don't expect to change him. He has to have his own lightbulb moment. If that comes from chatting with you; watching your progress; or a year down the line; the change is on him to make I think.

@fluckityfluckfluck sounds like you're having a tough time. Is there anything in particular or any way we can help?

I’m day 6 and feeling good today. Tomorrow eve will be a challenge as I love to open a bottle of wine on a Friday eve. Something ritualistic about hearing the cork pop. I’m keeping my eye on the prize though and I want to wake up on Saturday and enjoy the weekend without feeling anxious and bad about myself.
@BooksMusicSnacks absolutely agree - the pressure we (or perceived pressure from others?) put on ourselves is insane. Social media has so much to answer for with regards to this issue. No wonder we want to drink to escape the pressure for a few hours.

@ImMoana I feel the same. On paper I have a great life, love my job, great kids, nice house blah blah but it just doesn’t feel great, I feel worn down and constantly tired. I wonder if it’s a low grade depression. That’s great that you are exercising, that’s my next goal!

Well done on Day 6 @Cantdoitallperfectly
Good luck on getting through the witching hour. I managed this by clearing out one of my cupboards instead! Very boring but it distracted me well!

I hear a lot about mindfulness and gratitude helping acknowledge this semi-burnout feeling? I think a lot of it can be low level anxiety and also exhaustion because it's a lot to juggle isn't it. (And when I've been filling my face with too much booze for the last 15 odd years no wonder I'm a bit "meh"). Some of the reasons I drink have been floating to the surface as I've stopped and it's an interesting sort of self-therapy and weird awareness time.

How’s everyone’s weekend?

It’s very quiet on here at the moment. I’m finding the weekend tough not been able to do indoor activities with small children. There’s only so many muddy walks you can “enjoy”.

Went out today and even the takeout coffee van was shut. Typical.
Really hoping they limit this lockdown to 3 weeks and then throw us back into tiers. At least there was a sense of normality before.

Looking at my week ahead. Clubs cancelled. Unable to swim. Business is shut and I did all the admin I needed to do last week. I’m at a bit of a loose end. Lacking motivation to be productive. Sigh.

I drank on Thursday. Wine. Most of a bottle. It tasted vile despite being my old favourite. I then opened an alcoholic beer by mistake last night and only realised as it tasted horrible. I threw it down the sink. I officially decided I am never drinking alcohol again. After 144 days abs 2 blips I realise I don't like it, I don't like me on it and I don't want that life. Sending love and strength. It's a giant con guys. It's poison.

You sound really resolved @fluckityfluckfluck. We are right here beside you. The fact that you have lost the taste for it altogether is your body agreeing with your mind.
Thanks for the encouraging words @BooksMusicSnacks, it really helps. Turns out all pressure, real or imagined, to have sex is gone, my partner has left and moved into an air b and b. It is over for now but the future is incredibly complicated as I am due to take my three children to live in Ireland in June. He has to go to of course. Australia is too far away. Oh what an absolute mess. I am 90 days dry but experiencing incredibly strong urges to drink, due to the stress. Strongest urges yet. God help me! I know it won't solve anything but I'm so sick of my head, my circling thoughts and this reality!
I have no friends or family nearby so am fully alone now with the children.
Does anyone have words to get through this without drinking. My will is slipping away!
@ImMoana hoping you all can get back to some semblance of normal life soon. Keep up the exercise, it's all that really helps, the endorphins . I should take my own advice on that. Have a reasonable week everyone x

@HotelRoomforOne You poor poor poor thing. I can feel the pain in your message. I know things are truly awful, I remember that pain so well. If you drink all of that pain will still be there. No of it will go away, or feel better. In fact, you can be sure that alcohol will make it worse. If you are anything like me upset plus alcohol equals rage and stupid messages and social media fuck ups.

Take the day in 30 minute chucks. Be super super kind to yourself. Anything you can do to make things easier - do then. Ask for an and all help you can get. And then imagine having to get through with a hangover. You can do this. You have three children and you will be happy again. You can pm me any time and am happy to send you my number if you'd like to talk on the phone. Be strong. You can do this