Stopping drinking for a while - part 2

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Hi all, a new thread as requested. Hope to see you all here shortly x

Sending you the hugest hug @AlCalavicci, I'm so sorry. I hope it gets easier xxx

@NeedAUserNameAllTaken
Thankyou , its been hard and will continue to be for a long while, Somedays are ok , others are crushing.

Morning all. It's gone very quiet on here. I've been struggling a lot. Life seems impossibly hard at the moment. One of my close friends died a couple of weeks ago after a short cancer battle. It was a big shock as she had only told us she was ill and I had no idea it was so progressed. I missed her funeral this week as the kids are self isolating at mine while ex awaits test results.

Add to that a stressful work load, three days in hospital with one of the dc and no prospect of seeing any family for the foreseeable and I'm pretty fucking miserable.

Sid is super cute and clever but very nippy still and a bit aggressive when not getting his way so that's playing on my mind and very difficult to manage policing with the dc etc. I'm worn to a thread.

The night my friend died I met a mutual friend in the local and we polished three bottles of wine between us. I felt like shit the next day but haven't had a drop since. Day 129 with one blip - refuse to go back to start.

Let's try and keep this thread alive. I need all the support I can get - even if it's not all about the alcohol.

I'm so sorry for your loss and grief @AlCalavicci. It's so difficult. Well done for staying sober.

Shout out ladies how are you all? @Patbutcherismyhero @ErinBrockovich @BoxAndKnife @BooksMusicSnacks @HotelRoomforOne @NeedAUserNameAllTaken @cherrybakewellll @Railingsohno

Sending hugs to you both @AlCalavicci and @fluckityfluckfluck, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it's so hard @Alcalavicci, I'm glad there are okay days, I hope they become more and more as time goes by. Xx
Sorry about your friend @fluckity, that must have been and still be devastating, I remember the shock when my brother was diagnosed and the horrible blur, so to lose her too so fast must just be awful. I'm sorry you couldn't attend the funeral, I had to miss my grandads due to covid, perhaps you could do your own version? I went to the woods to say goodbye as he loved nature and then we lit and candle and ate hot crumble and come custard- this was his favourite. Sorry re Sid, maybe a training session so you know how to nip the aggression in the bud early. My dogs both loved simple trick training too, which is meant to help overall. I wish I'd got a trainer in for my girl who is awful with other dogs, if I had a time machine! And usually just one session can give you what you need. And yes! Keep counting, one blip is nor worth counting. I think you'd like the other thread I'm on on here too btw, it's a teetotal one. I can try tag you? It's called something like yes it's worth and yes it gets easier xx
How is everyone else? Hope we are all okay xx

Hi everyone, it’s Erin Brockovich with another name change

It’s been so quiet on here. I’ve been checking back every now and again. After I hit my 30 days I allowed myself a bottle of wine on the Friday evening. And I’ve had one every Friday evening since. Only one. And only on a Friday. Tbh I preferred not drinking at all but I just don’t have the will power right now.

My DC caught coronavirus and has been v unwell. They have a pre existing medical condition so I’ve been a bundle of anxiety. I feel really cross about it which is irrational but I guess it’s just because we’ve been so careful. DH and I both believe we’ve had it but not had one of the symptoms that qualify for a test. I wish I’d lied and just got tested so I knew but I know they are in short supply and I didn’t want to add to the massive wait already for tests.

@fluckityfluckfluck how do you feel about the blip? Sounds like you’ve made your peace with it. Sorry to hear about your friend.

@AlCalavicci well done for getting through that difficult time without drinking, I’m so sorry for you’re loss. Anniversaries must be so hard.

We’ve cancelled all holiday plans while DC recover from the virus so will be at home over half term. I will think about doing another period of abstinence, maybe in the new year. I was really pleased to hit 30 days and did feel great physically.

@HotelRoomforOne how are things going for you? Are you coming up for 100 days?

Hi all!

@fluckityfluckfluck how are you doing now? You are in the middle of grief and I'm so sorry to hear it. Did your ex have a negative covid result? Are the kids still with you? Hang in there and forgive yourself the blip. If there is anything that would send me straight to drink now it is bereavement. Well done for stopping after the blip. Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.

You too @AlCalavicci, how are things now? Sorry to hear it's been a tough time. Your strength is so admirable.

I'm reading in dismay the covid news from Europe, this side of the world seems to improve just as it deteriorates again over there. How are you will coping with the tier system and all that?

How are your kids @ImMoana, hope things are getting better and well done for moderating just to Friday's. Moderating like that takes serious strength and discipline. Things are infinitely harder than usual at the moment, we need to go easier on ourselves just to get from day to day.

I have made it to day 74. Looking back now, it was actually hell for the first 2 months and now I am feeling pretty well.

God it was dark depression there for a while around 4-5 weeks in. I was so low. I couldn't understand how I could remove the alcohol yet feel even worse.

There is a real mental process to be worked through. Not imbibing is only the very beginning and I definitely had to grit me teeth and go through the blackness to get out the other side. But I am so happy and releived to have done it. I can now cope with my own life!!

The desire to drink has evaporated over 74 days.

I'm now trying to improve my diet and I have 5 months to learn how to drive and get a licence, something I could never have done before stopping drinking. Thanks in big part to all the wonderful women on this thread, hope you stick around!
Take care all.

@ImMoana did your kids get the virus at school? Are you still all having to isolate? It must be hard going. Hoping all the best for you.
Welcome @MrsHookey feel free to share your story here

Lovely to see some of you come back! He tested positive @HotelRoomforOne. Gutted doesn't begin to cover it. I've been clinging to the idea of half term to rest and recharge and now I've the kids non stop for 2.5 weeks and they can't even go for a walk. I had a very low day Saturday but have pulled myself together and we enjoyed yesterday. It's hard though, especially when he's joking on the phone to the kids how lazy he's being and how he doesn't even feel too bad. The bitterness swells sometimes, and I don't like that feeling.

Well done on 74 days @HotelRoomforOne and I know exactly what you mean about that push through period. Well done.

@ImMoana I'm so sorry re your dc - that's awful to hear. You are being so strong. Keep going x

@fluckityfluckfluck & @HotelRoomforOne the first 7-10 days were tough in that my DC were ill but since day 10 they have been improving. Yes, I’m certain it was from school as there was a confirmed case in the same yr group. The result of that was shared with parents on the day my DC started symptoms.

I don’t blame the school for a second but sometimes I have a bit of a pity party. Like if anyone in the class was going to get it, it would be my DC.

Back to being in isolation just brings all the negative thoughts back. And I don’t have enough to keep my mind busy. Obviously my business is back on hold and I feel like any customers I did have probably think I’m pretty flakey by now. It’s hard to stay positive.

We are in a ‘high’ area with the tiers so can’t mix inside with other households. That means our parents are also quite isolated. Plus the rule of 6 still applies so even meeting up outside can never involve all of us together. It just means fractured relationships with family stay that way.

God it’s depressing. 2 steps forwards and 1 step back. Rinse and repeat.

Hello can I pop in?

My drinking is out of control here. I will come back later on and explain if you’ll have me

Welcome @MadameBlobby come on in...

@ImMoana I understand the pity party. It is shit. Hang in there

Welcome @MadameBlobby!

Hi gang (waves sheepishly).

I've been drinking fairly heavily, a bottle of wine plus a G&T 5 nights out of 7. Saturday night got really out of hand and I'm ashamed to say I think I hit rock bottom. I blacked out but apparently shouted at my OH and called him loads of dreadful names. He was googling "how to speak to someone about their drinking".

Physically I felt terrible, I thought my heart was going to fall out of my chest, and mentally I'm just all over the place. But I'm on Day 4 now and I don't want to touch the stuff. I acknowledge that there is a lot of work I need to do on myself, a lot of reasons behind how I have got here, and this time I really am prepared to do it. I really want to do it. So, wish me luck.

@fluckityfluckfluck hey I would take 1 drinking day out of 129 as a roaring success especially under the circumstances. You are doing amazingly well under difficult times. I love the idea from @NeedAUserNameAllTaken to remember your friend in a special meaningful way.

@AlCalavicci, thinking of you in this period, it must be very difficult and lonely.

@ImMoana, I hope everyone is better soon and you are doing really well to limit your drinking to once a week, that's a good achievement when you have enough on your plate.

@HotelRoomforOne 74 days is awesome and you've summed it up so well for me. I feel like it will be a real "process" for me because I didn't get here for no reason, I can't just stop without working through it all?

Welcome @MadameBlobby
We're here and there's no judgement.

I hope everyone on the thread is going okay, it has gone quiet hasn't it, which is worrying but perhaps a sign of the times with further lockdowns, shit weather, dark evenings, COVID restrictions and extra childcare. Sending strength to everyone.

Thanks for coming back @BooksMusicSnacks and well done for facing where you had gotten too. It's the worst feeling. I've been there a fair few times. Day 4 is great, have a reread of Claire Pooley and the obstacle course/field analogy - I clung to that at the start x

Sending put loads of hugs to all, I'm sorry life is so tough, hang on in guys, it's got to get easier right??!!
@ImMoana, sorry re your DC, I hope they are on the mend now and sorry re restrictions. And serious respect to holding moderation so well, I absolutely suck at moderation, never did it, serious strength of will there.
Sorry @fluckityfluckfluck to hear, hope you find some downtime and respite somehow and hope you aren't being floored by grief
@HotelRoomforOne - nice one! Really pleased you're finding some light at the end of the tunnel for yourself now in this process.
It's okay @BooksMusicSnacks, this isn't my first rodeo either, every practise run gets us a little closer; holly Whittaker said it took her 4 years to do it, so hang on in and lean on us when you need to.
Of course we will have you @MadameBlobby and no judgement here.
Love to all xx

Ohno @fluckityfluckfluck he was positive! Is it going ok being isolated with the kids and Sid? Bad timing considering what you be just been through. Hopefully you can get a break to process everything once he's out of quarantine.

Just ended 13 weeks lockdown with my kids, I broke the day up into 2 hour blocks- garden/cooking/ art/reading/ TV!-and just rewarded myself for getting through every 2 hours.Sometimes the reward was sitting still staring into space despairing, sometimes buying a xmas present online. All xmas shopping was done by mid October. This has never occurred before!! I'm usually one to do it on xmas eve, in a drunken panic, ha!

@BooksMusicSnacks and @NeedAUserNameAllTaken great to hear from you. I think it's great we use this thread for all our ups and downs. It's just unreal how life can swing and shift about so much atm, but this thread is always here, as long as we keep it going. @BooksMusicSnacks you are so honest with yourself and also this thread regarding drinking, and that is so refreshing and will steer you in the direction you want to go. All the very best, I too have seen day 4 many many times x

@ImMoana how is everything going? Sick kids is my worst nightmare. Good to hear they are getting better. Hopefully things will be a lot better in your area by the run up to Christmas. Hope you get some time back to yourself soon to take a look at your business. Is there any possibility for Xmas trade in what you do?

Thanks for the well wishes. Still in isolation here. Still quietly going crazy. I’m thinking I won’t drink this Friday. As much as I’ve done well to just do that one evening each week, I don’t want to get comfortable with that because that’s when I start thinking, I’ll just do one more evening and then one more.

@BooksMusicSnacks sorry to hear about the weekend. How are things with your partner now? I just remember my DH used to be really disappointed in me, made me feel like a child again. A child that uses alcohol to rebel. It became a cycle. Wishing you the best of luck going forward.

@HotelRoomforOne you’ve done your Xmas shopping?! I’m so jealous! I’m definitely going to get myself more organised this year. I’m a last minute rush usually too. Really pleased to hear your lockdown is easing, I really hope you manage to carve out some time for yourself and your spirits start to lift.

My industry shuts at xmas. I’ve made my peace with the fact that this business venture it isn’t going to be a smooth journey. I haven’t broken even yet and I’ve marked a line in the sand about how long I’m prepared to give it. Strangely I feel a bit more relaxed about it now.

What app is everyone using? I want one that will allow me to log it if I do have a drink, rather then forcing me to essentially end that phrase and start a new one.

Phase!

@fluckityfluckfluck I haven't read back to the last time I was on thread but I've got the jilt of what's been happening to you. Man, you deserve a break! The timing of the Covid is just pure and utter shitty.

I am back to work next week and I've been told part of my role with involve weekly testing of staff for Covid as in I have to administer the test. Not sure how I feel about it but at the moment the alternative is no job and I can't even begin to face that. Plus side is it'll mean I can drink more than twice a week as I'm on a shift pattern which isn't ideal in general but does mean a shake to my usual habits.

@ImMoana I can't keep up with your name changes

@cherrybakewelllll I don’t know how to go back to the original for this thread... when I log in it goes to my most recent and although I can see the old names, there’s no option to revert back?

I change every month or so to avoid being spotted by an old colleague I know is on here 24/7

I think the problem might be that I’ve kept the same password, so it doesn’t differentiate between the accounts?

Anyho, I was Erin brockovich and then I’m a variety of princesses... today I’m Moana

Who are you today @ImMoana?

I went out last night and I am not only hungover but I've had an almighty row with DH because I'm fed up of being the only one capable of cooking in this house. It sounds pathetic but it really gets my goat and I think a late night and hangover have sent me over the edge. 

Morning all - hope things have settled @cherrybakewelllll and good to hear from you....yes it's been a tough few weeks. I'm feeling ok though I think.

More bad news from Boris - can't understand why they didn't do the two week half term, we would have a much better chance of getting to Xmas without shutting loads of bubbles.

Sid is doing amazing! After a really bad Thursday evening where I was basically afraid of him I had a few hours with a behaviourist and it's totally changed everything! So so so happy and relieved, had been terrified of what might have had to happen.

@BooksMusicSnacks how's it going? @ImMoana and @HotelRoomforOne are we hanging in there.

Sid photo to show how much he's grown!

@Patbutcherismyhero are you ok?