Stopping drinking for a while - part 2

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Hi all, a new thread as requested. Hope to see you all here shortly x

Place marking as I keep losing this thread somehow

Day 23 AF.
My DD woke up this morning with a temperature. 38.8 so can’t ignore it, have had to keep her off school. Which means my youngest can’t go to nursery.
Had the most stressful time ever trying to get a test for her (I’m 99% sure it’s not Covid). No cough. Perfect appetite/sense of taste. Just a bit of a runny nose and sneezy.
There are no appointments online. I’ve had such a struggle even getting a postal test. DC will be at home probably for the rest of the week, if not longer and we have to isolate until we get the negative test result.

I was desperate to get some sort of normal back this week. I mean desperate. No swimming. No time to work on my business. No time to do any of the jobs I needed to get done. So they just sit on the list, playing on my mind. Back to being the full time carer. I’m just done. It’s ridiculous. I’m honestly at breaking point. I feel like no one understands. I just can’t keep doing this. Trapped at home for another week because of a slightly raised temperature. I wished I’d just dosed her up with calpol and sent her in, but I can’t do that. It’s just not the right thing to do. So instead I’m back in lockdown.

It’s just becoming unbearable. Everyday right now is unbearable.

@ErinBrockovich I wish there was something my I could do to help. I don’t pretend to understand how you feel but I can imagine you are more than fucked off.

@ErinBrockovich oh that's so frustrating for you. Unfortunately I think this is a sign of things to come over winter. I'm still wfh but I have no idea how others who are back in work are supposed to manage when their kids have to be off school for a week each time they get a tiny sniffle. I can totally see why you're so pissed off and upset to have that 'you time' pulled from underneath your feet

It’s that feeling that you have to fight for everything.
I can’t go online and order a postal test because none are available.
The closest drive through centres is 90minutes away so a 3hr round trip and they don’t have any appointments for 5 days.
The school have 10 tests but haven’t been trained on how to use them. 119 just cuts you off.
So I’m sat at a screen refreshing for most of the morning trying to get a postal test which at best means another 2/3 days at home. At worst a couple of weeks. For all of us. When I’m 99% sure it’s not Covid.

I just don’t have any fight left.

@ErinBrockovich try speaking to school. We were able to get someone to a child's house to administer a test due to complex needs of the family

I'm sorry @ErinBrockovich, that's so frustrating. I hope you can get a test soon. Sorry you're feeling so done. Sending a huge hug x

@ErinBrockovich That's just crazy. I hadn't realised it was so difficult to get a postal test. How on earth will this work over winter?! I hope you can get some answers one way or another.

@ErinBrockovich I didn't mean to sound sympathetic - was at work Si sneaking a speedy reply. Sending lots of virtual hugs. It is shit. I am sorry x

Sound unsympathetic that is

Thanks for the replies. I’ve calmed down. Confirmation came that they’ve posted a test out and I feel a bit better after the shit show of trying to get my hands on one this morning.
As it is, the temperature has persisted all day, despite having given paracetamol regularly, it was still over 38 at bedtime so I know I’ve done the right thing getting a test and she obviously has some sort of bug.
It was just shit timing.

Loads of coffee for me, no exercise and comfort eating for the rest of the week

Waves a flipper @Cherrymix it so good to hear from you, I have thought a lot about some of the friends I made on the penguin threads , esp @Ihatebreakfast I hope she is ok.
We are just as friendly on this thread , I hope you have had a chance to read it all and this ones predecessor ( that will keep you occupied for a while ) . You have done this whole quitting thing before and was a inspiration to me and others so I know you can knock this clean out of the park.

@ErinBrockovich , it sounds like you are really going through the mill , I hope the testing kit turns up soon and your Dc and family are all ok.
You def did the right thing by keeping her off school , I know it has screwed up your plans but it is just a few more days and then when she is better you can get things back on track again .
I know it must be tough but hang on in there and keep posting we will all keep chatting to you .

Another AF free day for me today but I am going to have to ween myself of the beer I am drinking , it is so high in calories , I have never been that fussed about my weight ( def over weight but I dont know how much I weigh ) .
I like Lime and soda but it does not hit the spot , I still like the idea of having a beer after work .

Thanks @AlCalavicci and welcome @Cherrymix!
I’ll try and moan less tomorrow

Moan all you want @ErinBrockovich , it is much better to vent on here than bottle it up and turn to the bottle for the answer [and other goodies] sulking cos there is no emoji for other goodies

Evening all. Sorry you are having such a rubbish day @ErinBrockovich & waving my flippers @AlCalavicci. Covid has made everything so complicated. It's exhausting.

All going well here. I have recently started going open air swimming at a local swimming lake which is a great distraction and makes feel all wholesome and virtuous. Which helps with resisting the temptation of picking up a mini bottle treat on the way home.

Hi @ErinBrockovich I know how you feel. Hope things get better and the week goes by fast and the kids can get back to school and nursery. Go easy on yourself, eat what you like when you like and just generally treat yourself like a baby if you Can, food and lie downs!!

26 days AF here but that actually feels like the least of my worries.

Melbourne lockdown increased from 6 to 12 weeks, so still 5 more weeks until childcare and school resume.

Since giving up drinking I know my insides must be healthier but strangely my mental health feels worse, I'm still fat and I just look terrible. I'm not that worried about how gross I look, more about the emptiness and anger I feel. I mean I have three beautiful children who are healthy but I just want to crawl into a cave for a few months and cry.

But I can't go anywhere, of course, not for more than an hour or further than 5km!!

Stupidly started watching eps of Ozark on Netflix and am paying the price for daring to stay up until midnight. I miss my adult life that has been decimated by children.

Take care everyone. One day at a time @ErinBrockovich, thinking of you

Sober benefit of the day - remembering what happened in episode of The Bridge that fell asleep in middle of last night

Have a lovely day all

Welcome @Cherrymix swimming in a lake sounds fkin amazing. Glad to have you here

@ErinBrockovich and @HotelRoomforOne
My heart goes out to you both. So so hard dealing with this with young children. Mine are teenagers and I was upset about the new restrictions as my eldest is off to uni and it’s going to be so shit for him . Nothing like what you two are having to put up with.

@HotelRoom - how old are your kids? I think they’re quite little aren’t they? No wonder you feel shit. No real advice except to not have too high expectations of yourself (in terms of weight). You’ve done amazingly well with the AF- fucking awesome (as my Australian relative would say ) I wonder if you feel worse before you feel better with AF? I feel a bit like that sometimes too- maybe it’s everything that was suppressed with alcohol bubbling to the surface and now needing dealt with?

Thanks @Railingsohno for your lovely reply. I really feel for the uni aged kids too, to have such an altered version of the experience that we all had, going out into the world, usually so thrilling.
Mine are One, Five and Seven. It is full on, not un-enjoyable, just absolutely exhausting. Alcohol was making it seem more like a never-ending party, but with major daily come downs.
With no alcohol it feels like I'm wearing out and aging rapidly. Then I feel guilty for not appreciating the children and their playfulness and enthusiasm.

You are right, there are so many underlying mental issues to be addressed. No time to address them, as no time to think, but down the line for sure.

Off for my evening walk. Have a wonderful day!

@HotelRoomforOne - I love your name and at the stage when I had little ones it would have been my idea of heaven. I remember the excitement of having a "day off" for the first time after DC2 was born and just going to a cafe and drinking a coffee on my own, going to the toilet on my own etc etc. Its ok to feel tired and fed up - I don't think I could have done lockdown when mine were little. The thing about drinking is it covers up those feelings and makes you sleep badly so then you just feel worse the next day.

Parenting young children is intense but it does get better eventually. Hang on in there

Swimming in the lake is a great luxury. @AlCalavicci - showing off my penguin credentials by launching myself into that cold water.

Right - need to get on with The Bridge. Day 9 here and still going surprisingly well

@AlCalavicci - just wanted to say I have been wondering about @ihatebreakfast too. I did a search for her name but nothing posted this year - maybe she has changed names.

@HotelRoomforOne
It sounds really tough , I wish there was some good / useful advice I could give but I have got nothing to help you

@Cherrymix I wondered who that was zooming about out there , I too searched for @ihate when this thread got going but with no luck . all we can do is wish her the best and hope that things are going well , though in realty I guess they are not .

Another AF day for me , I tried the drink Bottle Green , the two I tried were a apple one and a elder flower one , they are both nice but I prefer the apple one , it is a bit like apple Tango but lighter and fresher . I still want my AF beer though but did not have one today .

Hugs @HotelRoomforOne, I'm sorry it's so blooming hard. I hope the lockdown doesn't extend again for you all. If it helps I really hit a tricky emotional patch at about the same stage as you- I guess stuff I used to numb kicking in - but I'm finding I'm levelling out again now so hopefully that will come soon for you. Pretty sure all parents have days they dont love parenting so dont be hard on yourself! And lock down with 3 wee ones must be so tough. Hope tomorrow is a brighter day.

@ErinBrockovich glad a test is sorted, hope she feels better asap.

Sorry to hear that @Railingsohno, that is a shame, I was thinking the same re uni experiences when I heard the radio today, I hope things are more normal soon for him. Such a strange world atm.

Lol @Cherrybakewellll! I kind of cringe when I realise just how much tv I've been too pissed to remember, definitely a plus!

cherrymix!!! I'm here!!! I kept looking for the Penguins a while ago and couldn't find you!! Who's still around??!! I expect most people have changed usernames.. Big flipper wave!!