Forever Free - a life without booze, 2020 onwards.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a supportive place for anyone who no longer wants alcohol to be part of their life.
This is the 4th thread in a series. I started the first 30th December last year and have been sober ever since. I couldn't have done it without the tremendous support other posters have given me.
Previous threads are linked below and are useful reading for anyone starting out, as they are full of useful advice, suggestions for reading, and strategies for managing the tricky times. Plus you will see how similarly alcohol affects so many of us, and track the journeys of people who are successfully making the change and embraced a new and rewarding life.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020

Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3810419-Still-stopped-in-2020-a-thread-for-anyone-abstaining-from-alcohol

Thread 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3910349-Staying-Stopped-Alcohol-Free-permanently

The only rules are that you are committing to an alcohol free life, and that you have stopped drinking before you begin to post.

If anyone would like to use the new thread to (re)introduce themselves and give a wee summary of where they are at, please do!

Hi everyone, sorry I haven’t been keeping up with the thread. I used to be Trees.

Now 8 months without a drink. I had a total moment or revelation yesterday evening about how much better my life is without the booze.

It’s like it had me anaesthetised. I read all the QuitLit at the start and took the leap of faith, but didn’t completely believe it.

Now 8 months in I can totally see it. I have more fun now. I do more now. All my close relationships are better now. I am healthier now. My life is SO much better now.

Best of luck to all of you. Alcohol is a bastard. It sucks away your life but everyone tells you your life is better because of it! It’s like the worst, most pervasive type of gaslighting.

X post Bunnies 😊

@BunniesBunniesBunnies it's great to read that from you! Well done on your 20 weeks, I totally get the relief. For me it's the main feeling at the moment; relief that I don't have to feel like that any more and I have stopped sabotaging myself, and can look after myself without feeling the need for relentless self punishment.

@GalOopNorth HELLO!! And its so lovely to see you, and thank you for reminding me that you used to be Trees, this is very helpful. 😊 We are at the same stage, it's 8 months tomoorw for me.

@Hangingover the secret is time. That's all. Just keep going, it will be OK. Xx

Morning all! Our house has also been infected with post return to school germs but DD and I are both covid free thankfully.

DH and I went to celebrate his birthday last night to a fancy restaurant and it was great. I had no qualms about not drinking and rather than feeling the need to have it as a social lubricant, was convivial and chatty with a couple sat next to us too, without cringing at something I might have said if I had been drinking.

I'm nearly 8 months too @ColdOopNorth and still can't believe how I've gotten to this point.

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies - you've every right to be proud and I'm sure you'll smash your 6 months. It's really is a gift to yourself (and the people around you). It's nice to catchup with everyone else's news.

My world goes up and down all the time @Hangingover and I still am trying to build up resilience to dealing to the lows but I do appreciate the highs when they happen too. I'm forcing myself out for a run for the first time in over a week. But hey at least I'm not hungover as that would have killed any notions.

@Hangingover sorry to hear you're having a rubbish day.
I didn't know what the pink cloud was so i googled and it seems its common to feel a bit of a drop aftwr feeling it. I don't know if that makes you feel better but I always do when something can be rationalised like that. Its not YOU, its a natural reaction that happens after the feeling if euphoria. And it will pass.
Hope your day improves.

I am painting my everlasting saga of a bathroom DIY. What started as checking some damp under the bath has meant a total overhaul with joists needing foxed, no floor, just earth for weeks. Pipes needing fixed which meant the garden being dug up and the crumbling walls rebuilt and plastered. And all new bath, loo and sink. All done by my dh and ds. Its been a mammoth job and I cannot wait to have a working bathroom again.

So impressed with your 8 months @GalOopNorth, @Ulysses and @Drybird2020 - and your 20 weeks @BunniesBunniesBunnies - wonderful stuff :-)

@Breathmiller no bathroom sounds a right pain in the bum and disproportionately unsettling - hope you get sorted soon. Thanks for the yoga insights earlier as well - I'd love you as a yoga teacher :-)

@Hangingover, its the old thing isn't it? The pink clouds pass by, but then again so do the grey ones - hope you are feeling better soon and DP is back to worshipfully shadowing you round the house with cups of tea...

Awesome job on the 8 months @GalOopNorth!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies huge congrats on 20 weeks! I totally feel the same about everything you say.
Everyone else on their 8 months - amazing !

• I'm chasing you😂

@Hangingover the pink cloud, I've had it a couple of times I think, quite a dip after feeling euphoric, I questioned quite a lot at those points but ploughed on through and it definitely does pass. X

@Breathmiller I love your quotes re samskaras (sp?) and building up new habits to replace the unwinding of old ones. Coming home on a Friday from work and popping a bottle of fizz was something I just did whether I actually wanted to or not. So I take that habit and replace it with a bottle of Nosecco because it's a nice way to draw the end of the week to a close.

It's my wedding anniversary coming up in September. I'm hoping I will have the willpower to get through it without a glass of wine for old times' sake. See there is the habit once again. Alcohol runs like a thread through my life!

I think I may be waving my pink clouds off to the horizon.

@SlantyBaws it’s all about breaking the habits!!! One of the reasons I (mostly...) find it easier than expected not to drink, is because now after several months the habits are gone. I no longer think about it or reach for it at certain times. And I no longer have the association with “relaxing” or “rewarding myself”, I do that in other ways now🙂

@bunniebunniesbunnies yeah I'm looking forward to that time where the habit is gone. It feels so far away.

@SlantyBaws, have a read of William Porter's Alcohol Explained if you have not already - he is great on breaking down the habits associated with drinking and highlights that its actually not "the glass of wine" which is the source of relaxation and fun as the unwinding, relaxing with friends, having the weekend/holiday away from work, sitting with a glass of something nice in the garden or on a terrace - its the elements of this which are enjoyable, but the wine gets the credit for the whole package... :-)

Congrats @BunniesBunniesBunnies!
Heading to day 50 tomorrow :)
Hope the grey clouds pass @Hangingover

So many inspiring stories on here, thanks all! Its really reassuring when I have a wobble to read all of the posts from further ahead and see its doable!

ravenswick
That makes perfect sense to me.
I agree that a lot of the pleasure of these things are attributed to the wine when its not the whole picture.

I have some really lovely wine glasses. I would be sad to not use them. But during the day i drink tap water out of long tumblers like i did before and now I still get my wine glass out for dinner but fill it with sparkling water. A lot of the pleasure I get is out of that glass.

slantbaws (great name )
I did my anniversary on week 1 and I thought it would be hard. But it wasn't. The same idea as above, the pleasure was a lovely meal and us sitting down and giving each other time. Even my beer swilling dh didn't have a beer and said he didn't miss it. I've had dry periods periodically so have done it before but i don't think in 19 years of marriage that he hasn't had alcohol on our anniversary.

I also have a big celebration in September, my 50th. We can do this!!
I'm going away for a week with my family who are still at home and my two adult children and partners . That will be my celebration. Good food, a wee break from home and good company.
What date is your anniversary?

@Ravenswick @Breathmiller
Thanks both. I will definitely check that out - quit lit is definitely getting me through this. Love the idea of using posh wine glass for sparkling water! Will steal that one

Anniversary is 24th then birthday is a couple of days later. I will definitely need a hand hold through it.

Posted too soon! Your birthday celebrations sound lovely @Breathmiller. We are having a wee night away in Edinburgh. I'm a little apprehensive being in a big bad city for a night (first time since before lockdown) but I love auld reekie and cant wait to see it again.

@SlantyBaws I love Edinburgh!

Happy 50 days @NeedAUserNameAllTaken🤩

I LOVE Edinburgh. It was my home town for 12 years and my daughters were brought up there and still live there as adults

I'm only an hour away and whenever i visit (which is quite a lot) I still get a sense of going home .

My birthday is the 19th. We can support each other

I love that sense of coming home. There is a real comfort in familiarity. We are a couple of hours from Edinburgh. Close enough to get there easy enough, but far enough away for it to be a bit exotic!

I lived in Edinburgh too for 10 years before I had the kids! We went to the Waldorf Astoria for dinner the other night (at Grazing). I'll forever know it as the Caledonian though. I'm the other side of the Forth now and if I walk further uphill I can see that gorgeous skyscape.

Skyscape - meant skyline! Have a lovely time @SlantyBaws.

Exotic
I get excited because the people outnumber the cows

Another ex-Edinburgh dweller here! My heart sings every time I get off the train and get my first whiff of the marmitey smell of the brewery. I had a happy weekend there in the Summer, ransacking the charity shops. Have an amazing time, @SlantyBaws! I was a bit apprehensive before visiting as it was the scene of many intense moments of my drinking career, but once I arrived I was fine, there's so much to do.

Morning all, just wondering it anyone has heard from @Hangingover? Hope the grey clouds have passed and you are feeling better? Didn’t you have 90 days coming up too? Hope all is well❤️

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies. How did you guess I'd have a new goal? Signed up for a 10k in April . Congratulations on your 20 weeks. Amazing stuff!

Well done to the 8 monthers, @GalOopNorth and @Ulysses. It's so helpful to read about the positive effects you've experienced.

Well done on 50 days @NeedAUserNameAllTaken.

Are you coming up to 90 days @Ravenswick? Congrats if you are. For me 90 days is when I really started to notice the positive effects. Hope you're ok @Hangingover. The pink clouds are great but falling off them can be painful. Hope you're back on an even keel.